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N° 34.

Tuesday, June 28, 1709.

By Ifaac Bickerstaff, Esquire..

White's Chocolate-house, June 25.

HAVING taken upon me to cure all the diffem

which proceed from affections of the mind, I have laboured, fince I firft kept this public flage, to do all the good I could, and have perfected many cures at my own lodgings; carefully avoiding the common method of mountebanks, to do their molt eminent operations in fight of the people; but must be fo juft to my Patients as to declare, they have teftified under their hands their fense of my poor abilities, and the good I have done them, which I publish for the benefit of the world, and not out of any thoughts of private advantage..

I have cured fine Mrs. Spry of a great imperfection in her eyes, which made her eternally rolling them from one coxcomb to another in public places, info langu hing a manner, that it at once leffened her own power, and her beholders vanity. Twenty drops of my ink, placed in certain letters on which the attentively looked for half an hour, have restored her to the true ufe of her fight; which is, to guide,. and not mislead us. Ever fince fhe took the liquor, which i call Bickerstaff's Circumfpection-water, the looks right forward, and can bear being looked at for half a day without returning: one glance. This water has a peculiar virtue in it, which makes it the only true cofmetic or beauty-wash in the world: The nature of it is fuch, that if you go to a glafs with a defign to admire your face, it immediately changes it into downright deformity. If you confult it: only to look with a better countenance upon your friends, it immediately gives an alacrity to the vifage, and new grace to the whole perfon. There is indeed a gread deal owing;

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owing to the conftitution of the perfon to whom it is applied: It is in vain to give it when the Patient is in the rage of the distemper; a Bride in her first month, a Lady foon after her husband's being knighted, or any person of either Sex, who has lately obtained any new fortune or preferment, must be prepared fome time before they ufe it. It has an effect upon others, as well as the patient, when it is taken in due form. Lady Petulant has by the use of it cured her husband of jealeufy, and Lady Gad her whole neighbourhood of detraction.

The fame of these things, added to my being an old fellow, makes me extremely acceptable to the fair Sex. You would hardly believe me, when I tell you, there is not a man in town fo much their delight as myself. They make no more of vifiting me, than going to Madam D'Epingle's; there were two of them, namely, Damia and Clidamira, (I affure you women of distinction) who came to fee me this morning in their way to prayers; and being in a very diverting humour, (as innocence always makes people chearful) they would needs have me, according to the diftinction of pretty and very pretty Fellows, inform them, if I thought either of them had a title to the very pretty among thofe of their own Sex ; and if I did, which was the more deferving of the two?

To put them to the trial, look ye, faid I, I must not. rafhly give my judgment in matters of this importance; pray let me fee you dance, I play upon the kit. They immediately fell back to the lower end of the room (you may be fure they curtfed low enough to me) and began. Never were two in the world fo equally matched, and both scholars to my name-fake Ifaac. Never was man in fo dangerous a condition as myself, when they began ` to expand their charms. Oh! Ladies, Ladies, cried I, mot half that air, you will fire the house. Both fmiled; for by the by, there is no carrying a metaphor too far, when a Lady's charms are fpoke of. Somebody, I think, has called a fine woman dancing, a brandished torch of beauty. Thefe rivals moved with fuch an agreeable freedom, that you would believe their gefture was the neceffary effect of the mufic, and not the product of skill and practice. Now Clidamira came on with a croud of races, and demanded my judgment with fo fweet an

air And he had no fooner carried it, "but Damia made her utterly forget by a gentle finking, and a righdoon step. The conteft held a full half-hour; and I proteft, I faw no manner of difference in their perfections, until they came up together, and expected fehtence. Look ye, Ladies, faid I, I fee no difference in the leaft in your performance; but you Clidamira feem to be fo well fatisfied that I fhall determine for you, that I muft give it to Damia, who stands with so much diffidence and fear, after fhewing an equal merit to what the pretends to. Therefore Clidamira you are a pretty'; but, Damia, you are a very pretty Lady. For, faid I, beauty lofes its force, if not accompanied with modefty. She that has an humble opinion of herfelf, will have every body's applaufe, because she does not expect it; while the vain creature lofes approbation through too great a fenfe of deferving it..

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From my own Apartment, June 27.

Being of a very fpare and hective conftitution, I am forced to make frequent journies of a mile or two for fresh air; and indeed by this last, which was no farther than the village of Chelsea, I am farther convinced of the neceffity of travelling to know the world. For as it is ufual with young voyagers, as foon as they land upon a fhore, to begin their accounts of the nature of the people, their foil, their government, their inclinations, and their paffions; fo really I fancied I could give you an immediate defcription of this village, from the five fields where the robbers lie in wait, to the coffee-houfe where the Literati fit in council. A great ancestor of ours by the mother's fide, Mr. Juftice Overdo, (whofe history is written by Ben Johnson) met with more enormities by walking incognito than he was capable of correcting; and found great mortifications in obferving alfo perfons of eminence, whom he before knew nothing of. Thus it fared with me, even in a place fo near the town as this. When I came into the coffee-house, I had not time to falute the company, before my eye was diverted by ten thousand gimcracks round the room, and on the cieling. When my first aftonishment was over, comes to me a

Sage

Sage of a thin and meagre countenance; which afpe&t made me doubt, whether reading or fretting had made it fo philofophic: But I very foon perceived him to be of that feet which the Antients call Gingivifte; in our language, tooth drawers. I immediately had a refpect for the man; for these practical philofophers go upon a very rational hypothefis, pot to cure, but take away the part affected. My love of mankind made me very be nevolent to Mr. Salter; for fuch is the name of this minent Barber and Antiquary. Men are ufually, but unjuly, diftinguished rather by their fortunes than their talents, otherwife this perfonage would make a great figure in that clafs of men which I diftinguish under the title of Odd Fellows. But it is the misfortune of perfons of great genius to have their faculties diffipated by attention to too many things at once. Mr. Salter is an inftance of this: If he would wholly give himfelf upto the string, instead of playing twenty beginnings to tunes, he might, before he dies, play. Roger de Caubly quite out. I heard him go through his whole round, and indeed I think he does play the Merry Chrift Church bells pretty justly; but he confeffed to me, he did that rather to fhew he was orthodox, than that he valued himself upon the mufic itfelf. Or if he did proceed in his anatomy, why might he not hope in time to cut off legs, as well as draw teeth? The particularity of this. man put me into a deep thought, whence it fhould proceed, that of all the lower order, Barbers should go further in hitting the ridiculous, than any other set of men.. Watermen brawl, coblers fing: But why muft a Barberbe for ever a politician, a. musician, an anatomift, a poet, and a phyfician? The learned Voffius fays, his barber used to comb his head in Iambics. And indeed. in all ages, one of this ufeful profefiion, this order of cofmetic philofophers,, has been celebrated by the mosteminent hands.. You fee the Barber in Don Quixote is · one of the principal characters the hiftory, which gave me fatisfaction in the doubt, why. Don. Saltero writ his name with a Spanish termination. For he is defcended in a right line, not from John Tradefcant, as he himfelf afferts, but from that memorable companion of the Knight of Mancha. And I hereby certify all the worthy.

citizens

eitizens who travel to fee his rarities, that his doublebarrelled piftols, targets, coats of mail, his Sclopeta and fword of Toledo, were left to his ancestor by the faid Don Quixote, and by the faid anceffor to all his progeny down to Don Salero. Though I go thus far in favour of Don Saltero's great merit, I cannot allow a liberty he takes of impofing feveral names (without my licence) on the collections he has made, to the abufe of the good people of England; one of which is particularly calculated to deceive religious perfons, to the great fcandal of the well-difpofed, and may introduce heterodox opinions. He fhews you a ftraw-hat, which I know to be made by Madge Pefkad, within three miles of Bedford; and tells you, "It is Pontius Pilate's wife's chambermaid's fifler's

hat." To my knowledge of this very hat it may be added, that the covering with ftraw was never ufed among the Jews, fince it was demanded of them to make bricks without it. Therefore this is really nothing but,. under the fpecious pretence of learning and antiquity, to impofe upon the world. There are other things which I cannot tolerate among his rarities; as, the China figure of a Lady in the glass-cafe; the Italian engine for theimprisonment of thofe who go abroad with it: Both which I hereby order to be taken down, or elfe he may expect to have his Letters-patent for making punch fuperfeded, be debarred wearing his muff next winter, or ever coming to London without his wife. It may per haps be thought, I have dwelt too long upon the affairs. of this operator; but I defire the reader to remember, that it is my way to confider men as they ftand in merit, and not according to their fortune or figure; and if he is in a coffee-house at the reading hereof, let him look round, and he will find, there may be more characters. drawn in this account, than that of Don Saltero; for half the politicians about him, he may obferve, are by their place in nature, of the clafs of tooth-drawers..

Thursday,

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