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box, or picking your teeth: Or choofeft thou rather to be speaking; to be fpeaking for thy only purpose in fpeaking, to fhew your teeth? rub them no longer dear Shoeftring: Do not premeditate murder: Do not for ever whiten! Oh that for my quiet and his own they

were rotten.

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But I will forget him, and give my hand to the courteous Umbra: He is a fine man indeed, but the foft creature bows below my apronftring, before he takes it; yet after the first ceremonies, he is as familiar as my Phyfician, and his infignificancy makes me half ready to complain to him of all I would to my Doctor. He is for courteous, that he carries half the meffages of Ladies Ails in town to their midwives and nurfes. He under fands too the art of medicine as far as to the cure of a pimple or a rafh. On occafions of the like importance, he is the most affiduous of all men living, in confulting and fearching precedents from family to family; then he fpeaks of his obfequioufnefs and diligence in the ftyle of real fervices. If you fneer at him, and thank him for his great friendship, he bows, and fays, "Madam, all "the good offices in my power, while I have any knowledge or credit, fhall be at your fervice." The confideration of fo fhallow a Being, and the intent application with which he purfues trities, has made me carefully reflect upon that fort of men we ufually call an Impertinent: And I am, upon mature deliberation, so far from being offended with him, that I am really obliged to him; for though he will take you afide, and talk halfTM an hour to you upon matters wholly infignificant. with the most folemn air, yet I confider, that thefe things are of weight in his imagination, and he thinks he is communicating what is for my fervice. If therefore it be a just rule, to judge of a man by his intention, according to the equity of good breeding, he that is impertinently kind or wife, to do you fervice, ought in return to have a proportionable place both in your affection and efteem; fo that the courteous Umbra deferves the favour of all his acquaintance; for though he never ferved them, he is ever willing to do it, and believes he does it.

But as impotent kindness is to be returned with al r abilities to oblige; fo impotant malice is to be treated

with all our force to deprefs it. For this reason, FlyBlow (who is received in all the families in town, through the degeneracy and iniquity of their manness) is to be treated like a knave, though he is one of the weakest of fools: He has by rote, and at second-hand, all that can be faid of any man of figure, wit, and virtue, in town. Name a man of worth, and this creature tells you the worst paffage of his life. Speak of a beautiful woman, and this puppy will whifper the next man to him, though he has nothing to fay of her. He is a Fly that feeds on the fore part, and would have nothing to live on, if the whole body were in health. You may know him by the frequency of pronouncing the particle But; for which reafon I never heard him spoke of with common charity, without ufing my But against him: For a friend of mine faying the other day, Mrs. Difaff has wit, good-humour, virtue and friendship; this oaf added, But the is not handfome. Coxcomb! the Gentleman was faying what I was, not what I was not.

St. James's Coffee-house, July 6.

The approaches before Tournay have been carried on with great fuccefs; and our advices from the camp be-fore that place of the eleventh inftant fay, that they had already made a lodgment on the glacis. Two hundred boats were come up the Scheld with the heavy artillery and ammunition, which would be employed in difmounting the enemy's defences, and raifed on the batteries the fifteenth. A great body of miners are fummoned to the camp to countermine the works of the enemy. We are convinced of the weakness of the garrifon by a certain account, that they called a council of war, to confult whether it was not advise able to march into the citadel, and leave the town defenceless. We are affured, that when the confederate army was advancing towards the camp of Marfhal Villars, that General difpatched a courier to his master with a Letter, giving an account of their approach, which concluded with the following words: "The day begins to break, "and your Majefty's army is already in order of battle. * Before noon, I hope to have the honour of congratu

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lating your Majefty on the fuccefs of a great action "and you fhall be very well fatisfied with the Marfhal "Villars.

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It is to be noted, that when any part of this Paper appears dull, there is a defign in it."

N° 39.

Saturday, July 9, 1709.

By Ifaac Bickerstaff, Efquire.

Grecian Coffee-houfe, July 7.

S I am called forth by the immenfe love I bear to

A my fellow creatures, and the warm inclination L

feel within me, to ftem, as far as I can, the prevailing torrent of vice and ignorance; fo I cannot more properly purfue that noble impulfe, than by fetting forth the excellency of virtue and knowledge in their native and beautiful colours. For this reafon, I made my late excurfion to Oxford, where thofe qualities appear in their higheft luftre, and are the only pretences to honour and diftinction. Superiority is there given in proportion to men's advancement in wifdom and learning; and that juft rule of life is fo univerfally received among thofe happy people, that you shall see an Earl walk bare-headed to the fon of the meaneft artificer, in refpect to feven years more worth and knowledge than the Nobleman is poffeffed of. In other places they bow to men's fortunes, but here to their understandings. It is not to be expreffed, how pleafing the order, the difcipline, the regularity of their lives, is to a philofopher, who has, by many years experience in the world, learned to contemn every thing but what is revered in this manfion of felect and well-taught fpirits. The magnificence of their palaces, the greatnefs of their revenues, the sweetness of their groves and retirements, feem equally adapted for

the

238 the refidence of Princes and Philofophers; and a familiarity with objects of fplendour, as well as places of recefs, prepares the inhabitants with an equanimity for their future fortunes, whether humble or illuftrious. How was I pleased when I looked round at St. Mary's, ard could, in the faces of the ingenious youth, fee Minifters of ftate, Chancellors, Bishops, and Judges. Here only is human life! here only the life of man is a rational Being! here men understand and are employed in works worthy their noble nature, This tranfitory Being paffes away in an employment not unworthy a future ftate, the contemplation of the great decrees of Providence. Each man lives as if he were to answer the questions made to Job, "Where waft thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? Who fhut up the fea with doors, and said, hitherto thou fhalt come, and no further ?" Such fpeculations make life agreeable, make death welcome.

But alas! I was torn from this noble fociety by the bufinefs of this dirty mean world, and the cares of fortune: For I was obliged to be in London against the feventh day of the Term, and accordingly governed myfelf by my Oxford Almanac, and came laft night; but find, to my great aftonishment, that this ignorant town began the Term on the twenty-fourth of the last month, in oppofition to all the learning and aftronomy of the famous Univerfity of which I have been fpeaking; according to which, the Term certainly was to commence on the first inftant. You may be fure a man, who has turned his ftudies as I have, could not be mistaken in point of time; for knowing I was to come to town in Term, I examined the paffing moments very narrowly, and called an eminent aftronomer to my affiftance. Upon very ftrict obfervation we found, that the cold has been fo fevere this laft winter, (which is allowed to have a benumbing quality) that it retarded the earth in moving round from Christmas to this feafon full feven days and two feconds. My learned friend affured me further, that the earth had lately received a fhogg from a comet that croffed its vortex, which, if it had come ten degrees nearer to us, had made us lofe this whole Term. I was indeed once of opinion that the Gregorian computation was the most regular, as being eleven days before the

Julian s

Julian; but am now fully convinced, that we ought to be feven days after the Chancellor and Judges, and eighteen before the Pope of Rome; and that the Oxonian computation is the best of the three.

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Thefe are the reafons which I have gathered from Philofophy and Nature; to which I can add other circumftances in vindication of the account of this learned body who publish this Almanac.

It is notorious to philofophers, that joy and grief can haften and delay time. Mr. Locke is of opinion, that a man in great mifery may fo far lofe his meafure, as to think a minute an hour; or in joy make an hour a minute. Let us examine the prefent cafe by this rule, and we shall find, that the cause of this general mistake in the British nation, has been the great fuccefs of the laft campaign, and the following hopes of peace. Stocks ran fo high at the Exchange, that the citizens had gained three days of the courtiers; and we have indeed been fo happy all this reign, that if the Univerfity did not rectify our mistakes, we should think ourselves but in the second year of her prefent Majefty. It would be endless to enumerate the many damages that have happened by this ignorance of the vulgar. All the recognizances within the diocefe of Oxford have been forfeited, for not appearing on the firft day of this fictitious Term. The Univerfity has been nonfuited in their action against the bookfellers for printing Clarendon in Quarto. Indeed, what gives me the moft quick concern, is the case of a poor Gentleman my friend, who was the other day taken in execution by a fet of ignorant bailiffs. He fhould, it feems, have pleaded in the firft week of term; but being a Master of Arts of Oxford, he would not recede from the Oxonian computation. He fhewed Mr. Broad the Almanac, and the very day when the term began; but the merciless ignorant fellow, against all fenfe and learning would hurry him away. He went indeed quietly enough, but he has taken exact notes of the time of arreft, and fufficient witneffes of his being carried into goal; and has by advice of the Recorder of Oxford, brought his action; and we doubt not but we shall pay them off with damages, and blemish the reputation of Mr. Broad. We have one convincing proof, which all

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