279 his foppery by any ferious contempt. I knew a Gentleman that made it a maxim to open his doors, and ever run into the way of Bullies, to avoid their infolence. This rule will hold as well with Coxcombs: They are never mortified, but when they fee you receive and defpife them; otherwife they reft affured, that it is your ignorance makes them out of your good graces; or, that it is only want of admittance prevents their being amiable where they are fhunned and avoided. But Sir Taffety is a Fop of fo fanguine a complexion, that I fear it will be very hard for the Fair-one he at prefent purfues to get rid of the chace, without being fo tired, as, for her own eafe, to fall into the mouth of the mongrel fhe runs from. But the hiftory of Sir Taffety is as pleasant as his character. It happened, that when he firft fet up for a Fortunehunter, he chofe Tunbridge for the fcene of action, where were at that time two fifters upon the fame defign. The Knight believed of courfe the elder must be the better prize; and confequently makes all his fail that way. People that want fenfe do always in an egregious manner want modefty, which made our Hero triumph in making his amour as public as was poffible. The adored Lady was no lefs vain of his public addreffes. An Attorney with one caufe is not half fo reftlefs as a woman with one Lover. Wherever they met, they talked to each other aloud, chofe each other partner at Balls, faluted at the moft confpicuons parts of the fervice of the Church, and practifed, in honour of each other, all the remarkable particularities which are ufual for perfons who admire one another, and are contemptible to the reft of the world. Thefe two Lovers feemed as much made for each other as Adam and Eve, and all pronounced it a match of Nature's own making; but the night before the nuptials, fo univerfally approved, the younger fifter, envious of the good fortune, even of her fifter, who had been prefent at most of their interviews, and had an equal tafte for the charms of a Fop, as there are a fet of women made for that order of men; the younger, I fay, unable to fee fo rich a prize pafs by her, difcovered to Sir Taffety, that a coquet air, much tongue, and three fuits, was all the portion of his Miftrefs. His Love va mifhed 1 nished that moment, himself and equipage the next morning. It is uncertain where the Lover has been ever fince engaged; but certain it is, he has not appeared in his character as a follower of Love and Fortune until he arrived at Epfom, where there is at prefent a young Lady of youth, beauty, and fortune, who has alarmed all the vain and the impertinent to infeft that quarter. At the head of this affembly, Sir Taffety fhines in the brightest manner, with all the accomplishments which ufually enfnare the heart of a woman; with this particular merit, which often is of great fervice, that he is laughed at for her fake. The friends of the Fair-one are in much pain for the fufferings fhe goes through from the perfeverance of this hero; but they may be much more fo from the danger of his fucceeding, toward which they gave a helping hand, if they diffuade her with bitternefs; for there is a fantaftical generofity in the Sex to approve creatures of the leaft merit imaginable, when they fee the imperfections of their admirers are become marks of derifion for their fakes; and there is nothing fo frequent, as that he, who was contemptible to a woman in her own judgment, has won her by being too violently opposed by others. Grecian Coffee-houfe, July 27. In the feveral capacities I bear, of Aftrologer, Civilian, and Phyfician, I have with great application studied the public emolument: To this end ferve all my Lucubrations, Speculations, and whatever other labours I undertake, whether nocturnal or diurnal. On this motive am I induced to publifh a never-failing medicine for the Spleen My experience in this diftemper came from a very remarkable cure on my ever worthy friend Tom Spindle, who through exceffive gaiety had exhaufted that natural ftock of wit and fpirits he had long been bleffed with He was funk and flattened to the lowest degree imaginable, fitting whole hours over the "Book of "Martyrs" and "Pilgrim's Progrefs;" his other contemplations never rifing higher than the colour of his urine, or the regularity of his pulfe. In this condition I found him, accompanied by the learned Dr. Drachm, and 281 and a good old nurfe. Drachm had prescribed magazines of herbs, and mines of fteel. I foon difcovered the malady, and defcanted on the nature of it, until I convinced both the Patient and his nurse, that the Spleen is not to be cured by medicine, but by Poetry. Apollo, the Author of phyfic, fhone with diffufive rays, the best of Poets as well as of Phyficians; and it is in this double capacity that I have made my way; and have found fweet, eafy, flowing numbers are oft fuperior to our nobleft medicines. When the fpirits are low, and Nature funk, the Mufe, with sprightly and harmonious notes, gives an unexpected turn with a grain of poetry; which I prepare without the ufe of mercury. I have done wonders in this kind; for the Spleen is like the Tarantula, the effects of whofe malignant poifon are to be prevented by no other remedy but the charms of mufic: For you are to understand, that as fome noxious animals carry antidotes for their own poifons; fo there is fomething equally unaccountable in poetry: For though it is fometimes a difeafe, it is to be cured only. by itself. Now I, knowing Tom Spindle's conftitution, and that he is not only a pretty Gentleman, but also a pretty Poet, found the true caufe of his diftemper was a violent grief, that moved his affections too ftrongly For during the late treaty of peace, he had writ a most excellent poem on that fubject; and when he wanted but two lines in the laft ftanza for finishing the whole piece, there comes News that the French tyrant would not fign. Spindle in a few days took his bed, and had lain there ftill, had not I been fent for. I immediately told him, there was great probability the French would now fue to us for peace. I faw immediately a new life in his eyes; and I knew that nothing could help him forward fo well, as hearing verfes which he would believe worfe than his own: I read him therefore the Bruffels Poftfcript. After which I recited fome heroic lines of my own, which operated fo ftrongly on the tympanum of his ear, that I doubt not but I have kept out all other founds for a fortnight; and have reafon to hope, we shall fee him abroad the day before his poem. This, you fee, is a particular fecret I have found out, viz. That you are not to chufe your phyfician for his knowledge knowledge in your distemper, but for having it him felf. Therefore I am at hand for all maladies arifing from poetical vapours, beyond which I never pretend. For being called the other day to one in Love, I took indeed their three guineas, and gave them my advice, which was to fend for Efculapius. Efculapius, as foon as he faw the Patient, cries out, It is Love! it is Love! Oh! the unequal pulfe! these are the symptoms a Lover feels; fuch fighs, fuch pangs, attend the uneafy mind; nor can our art, or all our boasted skill, avail-Yet, O Fair! for thee-Thus the fage ran on, and owned the paffion which he pitied, as well as that he felt a greater pain than ever he cured: After which he concluded, All I can advife, is marriage: Charms and beauty will give new life and vigour, and turn the course of Nature to its better profpect. This is the new way; and thus fculapius has left his beloved powders, and writes a Recipe for a wife at fixty. In fhort, my friend followed the prefcription, and married youth and beauty in its perfect bloom. Supine in Silvia's fnowy arms he lies, And all the bufy cares of life defies: Each happy hour is fill'd with fresh delight, From my own Apartment, July 27. Tragical paffion was the fubject of the difcourfe where I laft vifited this evening: And a Gentleman who knows that I am at prefent writing a very deep Tragedy, directed his difcourfe in a particular manner to me. It is the common fault, faid he, of you Gentlemen who write in the bufkin ftile, that you give us rather the fentiments of fuch who behold tragical events, than of fuch who bear a part in them themselves. I would advise all who pretend this way, to read Shakespear with care; and they will foon be deterred from putting forth what is ufually called Tragedy. The way of common writers in this kind is rather the Defcription than the Expreffion of forrow. There is no medium in thefe attempts, and you must go to the very bottom of the heart, or it is all mere language; and the writer of fuch lines is no more a Poet, than than a man is a phyfician for knowing the names of diftempers, without the caufes of them. Men of fenfe are profeffed enemies to all fuch empty labours: For he who pretends to be forrowful, and is not, is a wretch yet more contemptible than he who pretends to be merry, and is not. Such a tragedian is only maudlin drunk. The Gentleman went on with much warmth; but all he could fay had little effect upon me; but when I came hither, I fo far obferved his counfel, that I looked into Shakespear. The Tragedy I dipped into was Henry the Fourth. In the fcene where Morton is preparing to tell Northumberland of his fon's death, the old man does not give him time to fpeak, but fays, The whiteness of thy cheeks The image in this place is wonderfully noble and great; yet this man in all this is but rifing towards his great affliction, and is ftill enough himfelf, as you fee, to make a fimilè. But when he is certain of his fon's death, he is lost to all patience, and gives up all the regards of this life; and fince the laft of evils is fallen upon him, he calls for it upon all the world. Now let not Nature's hand Keep the wild flood confin'd; let order die, Reading but this one fcene has convinced me, that he, who defcribes the concern of great men, must have a Soul |