"in Harry the Fourth's time, one Sir John Falstaff. "As for Tipftaff, the youngeft fon, he was an honest "fellow; but his fons, and his fons fons, have all of "them been the verieft rogues living: It is this unlucky "branch that has stocked the nation with that fwarm "of Lawyers, Attornies, Serjeants, and Bailiffs, with "which the nation is over-run. Tipftaff, being a fe"venth fon, ufed to cure the King's-evil; but his raf"cally defcendants are fo far from having that healing

quality, that by a touch upon the fhoulder, they give a man fuch an ill habit of body, that he can neas ver come abroad afterwards. This is all I know of "the line of Jacobftaff: His younger brother Ifaacftaff, "as I told you before, had five fons, and was married "twice; his first wife was a Staff, (for they did not stand upon falfe heraldry in those days) by whom he had one "fon, who in procefs of time, being a Schoolmaster " and well read in the Greek, called himself Distaff, or "Twiceftaff. He was not very rich, fo he put his chil"dren out to trades; and the Distaffs have ever fince "been employed in the woollen and linen manufactures, "except myself, who am a genealogift. Pikeftaff, the "eldeft fon, by the fecond venter, was a man of bufi"nefs, a downright plodding fellow, and withal for "plain, that he became a proverb. Moft of this fa"mily are at prefent in the army. Raggedftaff was an "unlucky boy, and ufed to tear his clothes in getting "birds nefts, and was always playing with a tame bear

66

his father kept. Mopftaff fell in love with one of "his father's maids, and used to help her to clean "the house. Broomftaff was a chimney-fweeper. The "Mopftaffs and Broomftaffs are naturally as civil people as ever went out of doors; but alas! if they once get into ill hands, they knock down all before them. Pilgrimstaff ran away from his friends, and went 66 ftrolling about the country and Pipeftaff was a wine63 cooper. These two were the unlawful iffue of Longstaff.

"N. B. The Canes, the Clubs, the Cudgels, the "Wands, the Devil upon two Sticks, and one Bread,

<that

"that goes by the name of Staff of Life, are none of "6 our relations. I am,

"Dear Coufin,

From the Herald's

"Your humble fervant,

Office, May 1.

"D. Distaff."

St. James's Coffee-house, May 4.

As political News is not the principal subject on which we treat, we are fo happy as to have no occafion for that art of cookery which our brother Newfmongers fo much excel in; as appears by their excellent and inimitable manner of dreffing up a fecond time for your tafte the fame dish, which they gave you the day before, in cafe there come over no new pickles from Holland. Therefore when we have nothing to fay to you from Courts and Camps, we hope ftill to give you fomewhat new and curious from ourselves: The women of our houfe, upon occafion, being capable of carrying on the bufinefs, according to the laudable cuftom of the wives in Holland; but, without farther preface, take what we have not mentioned in our former relations.

Letters from Hanover of the thirtieth of the last month fay, that the Prince Royal of Prussia arrived there on the fifteenth, and left that Court on the fecond of this month, in pursuit of his journey to Flanders, where he makes the enfuing campaign. Thofe advices add, that the young Prince Naffau, hereditary Governor of Friefland, confummated on the twenty-fixth of the last month his marriage with the beauteous Princefs of Hefe Caffel, with a pomp and magnificence fuitable to their age and Quality.

Letters from Paris fay, his moft Chriftian Majefty retired to Marly on the first inftant, N. S. and our last advices from Spain inform us, that the Prince of Afturias had made his public entry into Madrid in great fplendor. The Duke of Anjou has given Don Jofeph Hartado de Amaraga the government of Terra firma de Veragua, and the prefidency of Panama in America. They add, that

the forces commanded by the Marquis de Bay have been reinforced by fix battalions of Spanish and Walloon guards. Letters from Lisbon advife, that the army of the King of Portugal was at Elvas on the twenty-fecond of the last month, and would decamp on the twenty-fourth, in order to march upon the enemy who lay at Badajos.

Yesterday, at four in the morning, his Grace the Duke of Marlborough fet out for Margate, and embarked for Holland at eight this morning.

Yesterday alfo Sir George Thorold was declared Alderman of Cordwainers ward, in the room of his brother Sir Charles Thorold deceased.

N° 12. Saturday, May 7, 1709.

May 5.

HEN a man has engaged to keep a ftage-coach,

W he is obliged, whether he has paffengers or not,

to fet out: Thus it fares with us weekly hiftorians; but indeed for my particular, I hope, I fhall foon have little more to do in this work, than to publish what is fent me from fuch as have leifure and capacity for giving delight, and being pleafed in an elegant manner. The prefent grandeur of the British nation might make us expect, that we should rife in our public diverfions, and manner of enjoying life, in proportion to our advancement in glory and power. Instead of that, furvey this town, and you will find rakes and debauchees are your Men of Pleafure; thoughtlefs atheists and illiterate drunkards call themfelves Free-thinkers; and gamefters, banterers, biters, fwearers, and twenty new-born infects more, are, in their several fpecies, the modern Men of Wit. Hence it is, that a man, who has been out of town but one half year, has loft the language, and must have some friend to ftand by him, and keep him in countenance for talking common fenfe. To day I faw a fhort

å short interlude at White's, of this nature, which I took notes of, and put together as well as I could in a public place. The perfons of the Drama are Pip, the laft Gentleman that has been made fo at cards; Trimmer, a perfon half undone at them, and who is now between a Cheat and a Gentleman; Acorn, an honeft Englishman of good plain fenfe and meaning; and Mr. Friendly, a reasonable Man of the Town.

White's Chocolate-house, May 5.

Enter Pip, Trimmer, and Acorn.

Ac. What is the matter, Gentlemen? what! take no notice of an old friend?

Pip. Pox on it! do not talk to me, I am Voweled by the Count, and curfedly out of humour.

Ac. Voweled! pry'thee, Trimmer, what does he mean by that?

Trim. Have a care, Harry, fpeak foftly; do not fhow your ignorance:If you do, they will Bite you where ever they meet you, they are fuch curfed curs, -the prefent Wits.

Ac. Bite me! what do you mean?

Pip. Why do not you know what biting is? nay, you are in the right on it. However, one would learn it only to defend one's felf against men of wit, as one would know the tricks of play, to be fecure against the Cheats. But do not you hear, Acorn, that report, that fome potentates of the Alliance have taken care of themfelves exclufive of us?

Ac. How Heaven forbid! after all our glorious victories; all the expence of blood and treasure! Pip. Bite!

Ac. Bite! how?

Trim. Nay, he has bit you fairly enough; that is certain.

Ac. Pox! I do not feel it- -How? where ?

[Exeunt Pip and Trimmer laughing. Ac. Ho! Mr. Friendly, your moft humble fervant; you heard what paffed between thofe fine Gentlemen and me. Pip complained to me, that he has been Vow

eled; and they tell me I am Bit.

Friend.

Friend. You are to understand, Sir, that fimplicity of behaviour, which is the perfection of good breeding and good fenfe, is utterly loft in the world; and in the room of it there are started a thousand little inventions, which men, barren of better things, take up in the place of it. Thus for every character in conversation that used to please, there is an impoftor put upon you. He whom we allowed, and formerly, for a certain pleafant fubtilty, and natural way of giving you an unexpected hit, called a Droll, is now mimicked by a Biter, who is a dull fellow, that tells you a lye with a grave face, and laughs at you for knowing him no better than to believe him. Inftead of that fort of companion who could rally you, and keep his countenance, until he made you fall into fome little inconfiftency of behaviour, at which you yourself could laugh with him, you have the fneerer, who will keep you company from morning to night, to gather your follies of the day, (which perhaps you commit out of confidence in him) and expofe you in the evening to all the fcorners in town. For your man of fenfe and free fpirit, whofe fet of thoughts were built upon learning, reafon, and experience, you have now an impudent creature made up of vice only, who fupports his ignorance by his courage, and want of learning by contempt of it.

Ac. Dear Sir, hold: What you have told me already of this change in converfation is too miferable to be heard with any delight; but methinks, as these new creatures appear in the world, it might give an excellent field to writers for the Stage, to divert us with the representation of them there.

Friend. No, no; as you fay, there might be fome hopes of redrefs of thefe grievances, if there were proper care taken of the theatre; but the hiftory of that is yet more lamentable, than that of the decay of converfation I gave you.

Ac. Pray, Sir, a little: I have not been in town thefe fix years, until within this fortnight.

Friend. It is now fome years fince feveral revolutions in the gay world had made the empire of the Stage fubject to very fatal convulfions, which were too dangerous to be cured by the skill of little King Oberon, who then

fat