The Book of Humorous Verse

Front Cover
The Floating Press, Feb 1, 2014 - Poetry - 1471 pages
Think all poetry is depressing, somber, and difficult to comprehend? If so, The Book of Humorous Verse is here to set you straight. This collection of witty sonnets, odes, and limericks is the perfect way to decompress with a belly laugh or two, even when you have just a few minutes to spare. Whether you're a long-time poetry fan or a newcomer to the genre, you'll come away with a newfound appreciation for sublimely silly verse.
 

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Contents

The Translated Way
742
Commonplaces
743
Angelo Orders His Dinner
744
The Promissory Note
746
Camerados
748
The Last Ride Together
749
Imitation of Walt Whitman
753
Salad
756

From a Full Heart
44
The Ultimate Joy
46
Old Fashioned Fun
48
When Moonlike Ore the Hazure Seas
49
When the Frost is on the Punkin
51
Two Men
53
A Familiar Letter to Several Correspondents
54
The Height of the Ridiculous
58
Shake Mulleary and Goethe
60
A Rondelay
62
Winter Dusk
63
Comic Miseries
64
Early Rising
67
To the Pliocene Skull
69
Ode to Work in Springtime
72
Old Stuff
74
To Minerva
76
The Legend of Heinz Von Stein
77
The Truth About Horace
79
Propinquity Needed
81
In the Catacombs
82
Our Native Birds
84
The Prayer of Cyrus Brown
86
Erring in Company
88
Cupid
90
If We Didnt Have to Eat
91
To My Empty Purse
93
The Birth of Saint Patrick
94
Her Little Feet
96
School
97
The Millennium
98
Exactly so
100
Companions
102
The Schoolmaster
104
A Appeal for Are to the Sextant of the Old Brick Meetinouse
106
Cupids Darts
109
A Plea for Trigamy
111
The Pope
113
All at Sea
115
Ballad of the Primitive Jest
117
Villanelle of Things Amusing
119
How to Eat Watermelons
120
A Vague Story
121
His MotherInLaw
123
On a Deaf Housekeeper
125
Homœopathic Soup
126
Some Little Bug
128
On the Downtown Side of an Uptown Street
131
Written After Swimming from Sestos to Abydos
133
The Fishermans Chant
135
Report of an Adjudged Case
137
Prehistoric Smith
139
Song
141
Lying
144
Strictly GermProof
146
The Lay of the Lovers Friend
147
Mans Place in Nature
150
The New Version
152
Amazing Facts About Food
153
Transcendentalism
154
A Caudal Lecture
155
Salad
157
Nemesis
158
Mona Lisa
160
The Siege of Djklxprwbz
162
Rural Bliss
163
An Old Bachelor
165
Song
166
The Quest of the Purple Cow
168
St Patrick of Ireland My Dear
170
The Irish Schoolmaster
173
Reflections on Cleopatheras Needle
176
The Origin of Ireland
178
As to the Weather
180
The Twins
181
II THE ETERNAL FEMININE
183
He and She
184
The Kiss
185
The Courtin
186
Hiram Hover
190
Blow Me Eyes
193
First Love
195
What is a Woman Like?
197
Mis Smith
199
Triolet
200
Bessie Brown MD
201
A Sketch from the Life
203
Minguillos Kiss
205
A Kiss in the Rain
206
The LoveKnot
208
Over the Way
210
Chorus of Women
212
The Widow Malone
213
The Smack in School
215
späcially Jim
217
Kitty of Coleraine
218
Why Dont the Men Propose?
219
A Pin
221
The Whistler
223
The Cloud
225
Constancy
230
Aint it Awful Mabel?
231
Wing Tee Wee
233
Phyllis Lee
235
The Sorrows of Werther
236
The Unattainable
237
Rory OMore or Good Omens
238
A Dialogue from Plato
240
Dora Versus Rose
242
Tu Quoque
245
Nothing to Wear
248
My Mistresss Boots
255
Mrs Smith
257
A Terrible Infant
259
Susan
260
I Didnt Like Him
261
My Angeline
263
Noras Vow
265
Husband and Heathen
267
The Lost Pleiad
269
The New Church Organ
271
Larrie ODee
275
No Fault in Women
277
A Cosmopolitan Woman
278
Courting in Kentucky
280
Any One Will Do
282
A Bird in the Hand
284
The Belle of the Ball
286
The Retort
290
Behave Yoursel Before Folk
291
A Ballad
294
Buxom Joan
298
Oh My Geraldine
300
The Parterre
301
How to Ask and Have
303
Sally in Our Alley
305
False Love and True Logic
308
Pets Punishment
309
Ad Chloen MA
310
Chloe MA
312
The Fair Millinger
314
Two Fishers
316
Maud
318
Are Women Fair?
320
The Plaidie
321
Feminine Arithmetic
322
Lord Guy
323
Sary Fixes Up Things
325
The Constant Cannibal Maiden
327
Widow Bedott to Elder Sniffles
329
Under the Mistletoe
331
The Broken Pitcher
332
Gifts Returned
334
III LOVE AND COURTSHIP
335
Noureddin the Son of the Shah
336
The Usual Way
338
The Way to Arcady
340
My Love and My Heart
344
Quite by Chance
346
The Nun
348
The Chemist to His Love
350
Categorical Courtship
352
Lanty Leary
354
The Secret Combination
356
Forty Years After
358
Cupid
360
ParingTime Anticipated
362
Why
365
The Sabine Farmers Serenade
366
I Hae Laid a Herring in Saut
369
The Clowns Courtship
371
Out Upon It
372
Love is Like a Dizziness
373
The Kitchen Clock
375
Lady Mine
378
Ballade of the Golfer in Love
379
Ballade of Forgotten Loves
381
IV SATIRE
383
A Ballade of Suicide
384
Finnigin to Flannigan
386
Study of an Elevation in Indian Ink
388
The VASE
390
Miniver Cheevy
392
The Recruit
394
Officer Brady
397
PostImpressionism
401
To the Portrait of a Gentleman
403
Cacoëthes Scribendi
406
Contentment
407
A Boston Lullaby
410
A Grain of Salt
411
Song
412
A Philosopher
413
The Meeting of the Clabberhuses
416
The Ideal Husband to His Wife
419
Distichs
421
The HenRoost Man
422
If They Meant All They Said
423
The Man
424
A Thought
425
The Musical Ass
426
The KnifeGrinder
427
St Anthonys Sermon to the Fishes
429
The Battle of Blenheim
432
The Three Black Crows
435
To the Terrestrial Globe
437
Etiquette
438
A Modest Wit
442
The Latest Decalogue
444
A Simile
445
By Parcels Post
446
Alls Well that Ends Well
448
The Contrast
450
The Devonshire Lane
452
A Splendid Fellow
454
If
455
Accepted and Will Appear
456
The Little Vagabond
458
Sympathy
459
The Religion of Hudibras
461
Holy Willies Prayer
463
The Learned Negro
467
True to Poll
469
Trust in Women
471
The Literary Lady
473
Twelve Articles
474
AllSaints
477
How to Make a Man of Consequence
478
On a Magazine Sonnet
479
Paradise
480
The Friar of Orders Gray
481
Of a Certain Man
482
Clean Clara
483
Christmas Chimes
486
The Ruling Passion
488
The Pope and the Net
489
An Actor
491
The Lost Spectacles
492
That Texan Cattle Man
493
Fable
496
Hoch Der Kaiser
497
What Mr Robinson Thinks
499
The Candidates Creed
502
The Razor Seller
506
The Devils Walk on Earth
508
Father Molloy
519
The OwlCritic
521
What Will We Do?
524
Life in Laconics
525
On Knowing When to Stop
527
Rev Gabe Tuckers Remarks
528
Thursday
529
SkyMaking
531
The Positivists
533
Martial in London
535
The Splendid Shilling
536
After Horace
541
Of a Precise Tailor
543
Money
545
Boston Nursery Rhymes
547
Kentucky Philosophy
549
John Grumlie
551
A Song of Impossibilities
553
Song
556
The Oubit
558
Double Ballade of Primitive Man
559
Philliss Age
562
V CYNICISM
563
Good and Bad Luck
564
Bangkolidye
565
Pensées de Noël
568
A Ballade of an AntiPuritan
570
Pessimism
572
Cynical Ode to an UltraCynical Public
573
Youth and Art
575
Bachelors Dream
578
All Things Except Myself I Know
580
The Joys of Marriage
582
The Third Proposition
583
The Ballad of Cassandra Brown
584
Whats in a Name?
586
Too Late
588
The Annuity
590
K KCant Calculate
595
Northern Farmer
597
Fin de Siécle
600
Then Agin
602
The Pessimist
604
Without and Within
606
Same Old Story
608
VI EPIGRAMS
610
Womans Will
611
Cynicus to W Shakespeare
612
Senex to Matt Prior
613
To a Blockhead
614
The Fool and the Poet
615
A Rhymester
616
Giless Hope
617
Cologne
618
An Eternal Poem
619
On a Bad Singer
620
Job
621
Reasons for Drinking
622
Smatterers
623
Hypocrisy
624
To Doctor Empiric
625
A Remedy Worse than the Disease
626
A Wife
627
The HoneyMoon
628
Dido
629
An Epitaph
630
On Taking a Wife
631
Upon Being Obliged to Leave a Pleasant Party from the Want of a Pair of Breeches to Dress for Dinner In
632
Some Ladies
633
On a Sense of Humour
634
On Hearing a Lady Praise a Certain Rev Doctors Eyes
635
Epitaph Intended for His Wife
636
To a Capricious Friend
637
Which is Which
638
On a FullLength Portrait of Beau Marsh Placed Between the Busts of Newton and Pope
639
On Scotland
640
Mendax
641
To a Slow Walker and Quick Eater
642
Whats My Thought Like?
643
Of All the Men
644
On Butlers Monument
645
A Conjugal Conundrum
646
VII BURLESQUE
647
Lovers and a Reflection
648
Our Hymn
651
Soldier Rest
652
Imitation
654
The Mighty Must
656
Midsummer Madness
657
Mavrone
659
Lilies
660
For I Am Sad
661
A Little Swirl of Vers Libre
663
Young Lochinvar
665
Imagiste Love Lines
668
Bygones
669
Justice to Scotland
671
Lament of the ScotchIrish Exile
673
A Song of Sorrow
675
The Rejected National Hymns
676
The Editors Wooing
680
The Babys Début
682
The Cantelope
686
Never Forget Your Parents
687
How a Girl was Too Reckless of Grammar
690
Behold the Deeds
693
Villons Straight Tip to All Cross Coves
696
Culture in the Slums
698
The Lawyers Invocation to Spring
701
North East South and West
702
Martin Luther at Potsdam
704
An Idyll of Phatte and Leene
706
The House that Jack Built
708
Palabras Grandiosas
709
A Love Playnt1370
711
Darwinity
712
Select Passages from a Coming Port
714
The Romaunt of Humpty Dumpty
716
The Wedding
718
In Memoriam Technicam
720
Songs Without Words
721
At the Sign of the Cock
723
Presto Furioso
727
To Julia in Shooting Togs and a Herrickose Vein
729
Farewell
731
Here is the Tale
733
The Willows
737
A Ballad
740
If
757
The Jabberwocky of Authors
759
The Town of Nice
761
The WillowTree
763
A Ballade of BalladeMongers
766
VIII BATHOS
768
The Confession
769
If You Have Seen
771
Circumstance
772
Elegy
773
Our Traveller
774
Optimism
775
The Declaration
777
He Came to Pay
778
The Forlorn One
780
Rural Raptures
782
A Fragment
783
The Biter Bit
784
Comfort in Affliction
786
The Husbands Petition
788
Lines Written After a Battle
791
Lines
792
The Imaginative Crisis
794
IX PARODY
795
The Higher Pantheism in a Nutshell
796
Nephelidia
797
Up the Spout
799
In Immemoriam
803
Lucy Lake
805
The Cock and the Bull
806
Ballad
811
Disaster
813
Wordsworthian Reminiscence
815
Inspect Us
816
The Messed Damozel
817
A Melton Mowbray PorkPie
819
Israfiddlestrings
820
After Dilettante Concetti
822
Whenceness of the Which
825
The Little Star
826
The Original Lamb
827
Sainte Margérie
828
Robert Frost
830
Owen Seaman
833
The Modern Hiawatha
835
SomewhereInEuropeWocky
836
Rigid Body Sings
838
A Ballad of High Endeavor
839
Father William
841
The Poets at Tea
843
How Often
848
If I Should Die toNight
849
The Day is Done
850
Jacob
852
Ballad of the Canal
853
Theres a Bower of BeanVines
855
Reuben
856
The Wife
857
When Lovely Woman
858
John Thompsons Daughter
859
A Portrait
862
Annabel Lee
864
Home Sweet Home with Variations
866
An Old Song by New Singers
877
More Impressions
881
Nursery Rhymes à la Mode
882
A MaudleIn Ballad
884
Gillian
886
Extracts Fkom the Rubaiyat of Omar Cayenne
888
Diversions of the ReEcho Club
891
Styx River Anthology
900
Answer to Master Withers Song Shall I Wasting in Despair?
906
Song of the Springtide
908
The Village Choir
910
My Foe
912
Nursery Song in Pidgin English
914
Father William
915
A PoeEm of Passion
917
How the Daughters Come Down at Dunoon
919
To an Importunate Host
921
Cremation
922
An Imitation of Wordsworth
924
The Lay of the LoveLorn
926
Only Seven
932
Twas Ever Thus
934
Foam and Fangs
935
X NARRATIVE
937
Little Billee
938
The Crystal Palace
940
The Wofle New Ballad of Jane Roney and Mary Brown
946
King John and the Abbot
949
On the Death of a Favorite Cat
954
Misadventures at Margate
956
The Gouty Merchant and the Stranger
961
The Diverting History of John Gilpin
963
Paddy ORafther
970
Here She Goes and there She Goes
972
The Quakers Meeting
978
The Jester Condemned to Death
981
The Deacons Masterpiece
983
The Ballad of the Oysterman
988
The Well of St Keyne
990
The Jackdaw of Rheims
993
The Knight and the Lady
999
An Eastern Question
1009
My Aunts Spectre
1012
Casey at the Bat
1014
The Pied Piper of Hamelin
1016
The Goose
1026
The Ballad of Charity
1029
The Post Captain
1032
Robinson Crusoes Story
1035
Ben Bluff
1038
The Pilgrims and the Peas
1042
Tam OShanter
1045
That Gentle Man from Boston Town
1053
The Yarn of the Nancy Bell
1058
Ferdinando and Elvira
1062
Gentle Alice Brown
1066
The Story of Prince Agib
1069
Sir Guy the Crusader
1073
Kitty Wants to Write
1076
Dighton is Engaged
1078
Plain Language from Truthful James
1080
The Society Upon the Stanislaus
1083
Jim
1085
William Brown of Oregon
1088
Little Breeches
1092
The Enchanted Shirt
1095
Jim Bludso
1098
Wreck of the Julie Plante
1101
The Alarmed Skipper
1103
The Elderly Gentleman
1105
Saying Not Meaning
1106
Hans Breitmanns Party
1109
Ballad by Hans Breitmann
1111
Grampy Sings a Song
1113
The First Banjo
1115
The Romance of the Carpet
1117
The Hunting of the Snark
1120
The Old Man and Jim
1123
A Sailors Yarn
1126
The Converted Cannibals
1129
The Retired PorkButcher and the Spook
1132
Skipper Iresons Ride
1136
Darius Green and His FlyingMachine
1140
A Great Fight
1149
The Donnybrook Jig
1153
Unfortunate Miss Bailey
1156
The Laird O Cockpen
1157
A Wedding
1159
XI TRIBUTE
1163
The Ahkond of Swat
1164
The Ahkoond of Swat
1167
Dirge of the Moolla of Kotal
1169
The Ballad of Bouillabaisse
1172
Ould Doctor Mack
1176
Father OFlynn
1179
The BaldHeaded Tyrant
1181
Barney McGee
1183
Address to the Toothache
1187
A Farewell to Tobacco
1189
John Barleycorn
1194
Stanzas to Pale Ale
1197
Ode to Tobacco
1199
Sonnet to a Clam
1201
To a Fly
1202
Ode to a Bobtailed Cat
1205
A Dirge
1208
XII WHIMSEY
1211
An Elegy
1212
Parson Gray
1214
The Irishman and the Lady
1216
The Cataract of Lodore
1218
Lay of the Deserted Influenzaed
1222
Belagcholly Days
1224
Rhyme of the Rail
1225
Echo
1228
Song
1230
A Gentle Echo on Woman
1231
Lay of Ancient Rome
1233
A New Song
1235
The American Traveller
1239
The Zealless Xylographer
1243
The Old Line Fence
1244
OUGH
1247
Enigma on the Letter H
1249
Travesty of Miss Fanshawes Enigma
1250
An Elegy on the Death of a Mad Dog
1251
An Epitaph
1253
Old Grimes
1255
The Endless Song
1257
The Hundred Best Books
1259
The Cosmic Egg
1263
Five Wines
1264
A Rhyme for Musicians
1265
My Madeline
1266
Susan Simpson
1268
The March to Moscow
1270
Half Hours with the Classics
1275
On the Oxford Carrier
1277
NinetyNine in the Shade
1279
The Triolet
1281
The Rondeau
1282
Life
1283
Ode to the Human Heart
1285
A Strike Among the Poets
1286
Whatever is is Right
1288
Nothing
1289
Dirge
1290
O D V
1292
A Man of Words
1295
Similes
1296
No
1298
Faithless Sally Brown
1299
Tim Turpin
1302
Faithless Nelly Gray
1306
Sally Simpkins Lament
1309
Deaths Ramble
1311
Panegyric on the Ladies
1314
Ambiguous Lines
1316
Surnames
1317
A Ternary of Littles Upon a Pipkin of Jelly Sent to a Lady
1319
A Carmans Account of a LawSuit
1320
Out of Sight Out of Mind
1321
Nongtongpaw
1322
Logical English
1324
Logic
1325
The Careful Penman
1326
Questions with Answers
1327
Conjugal Conjugations
1328
Loves Moods and Senses
1330
The Siege of Belgrade
1332
The Happy Man
1334
The Bells
1337
Takings
1338
A Bachelors MonoRhyme
1339
The Art of BookKeeping
1341
An Invitation to the Zoological Gardens
1346
A Nocturnal Sketch
1348
Lovelilts
1350
Jocosa Lyra
1351
To a Thesaurus
1353
The Future of the Classics
1355
Cautionary Verses
1357
AZ
1359
Lines to Miss Florence Huntingdon
1361
To My Nose
1363
A Polka Lyric
1364
A Catalectic Monody
1365
Ode for a Social Meeting
1366
The Jovial Priests Confession
1367
Limericks
1369
Recited by a Chinese Infant
1371
XIII NONSENSE
1377
Lunar Stanzas
1378
The Whango Tree
1380
Three Children
1382
Tis Midnight
1383
Cossimbazar
1384
An Unsuspected Fact
1385
The Cumberbunce
1386
Mr Finneys Turnip
1390
Nonsense Verses
1391
Like to the Thundering Tone
1392
Æstivation
1393
Uncle Simon and Uncle Jim
1394
A Tragic Story
1395
Sonnet Found in a Deserted Mad House
1397
The JimJam King of the JouJous
1398
To Marie
1400
My Dream
1402
The Rollicking Mastodon
1403
Nonsense Verses
1405
Spirk TrollDerisive
1406
The Man in the Moon
1408
The Lugubrious WhingWhang
1411
The YonghyBonghyBo
1412
The Jumblies
1417
The Pobble Who Has No Toes
1421
The New Vestments
1423
The Two Old Bachelors
1425
Jabberwocky
1427
Ways and Means
1429
Humpty Dumptys Recitation
1432
Some Hallucinations
1434
Sing for the Garish Eye
1436
The Shipwreck
1438
Uffia
1440
Tis Sweet to Roam
1441
Three Jovial Huntsmen
1442
King Arthur
1443
Hyder Iddle
1444
The Ocean Wanderer
1445
Scientific Proof
1447
The Thingumbob
1449
Wonders of Nature
1450
Lines by an Old Fogy
1451
A Country Summer Pastoral
1452
Turvey Top
1454
A Ballad of Bedlam
1457
XIV NATURAL HISTORY
1458
The Fastidious Serpent
1459
The Legend of the First Camuel
1461
Unsatisfied Yearning
1463
Kindly Advice
1464
Kindness to Animals
1466
To Be or Not to Be
1468
The Hen
1469
Of Baiting the Lion
1470
The Flamingo
1472
Why Doth a Pussy Cat?
1474
The Walrus and the Carpenter
1476
Nirvana
1480
The Catfish
1481
War Relief
1482
The Owl and the PussyCat
1483
Mexican Serenade
1485
Orphan Born
1487
Divided Destinies
1489
The Viper
1491
The Llama
1492
The Yak
1493
The Frog
1494
The Microbe
1495
The Great Black Crow
1496
The Colubriad
1498
The Retired Cat
1500
A Darwinian Ballad
1504
The Pig
1506
A Fish Story
1509
The Cameronian Cat
1511
The Young Gazelle
1513
The Ballad of the Emeu
1517
The Turtle and Flamingo
1519
XV JUNIORS
1521
Prior to Miss Belles Appearance
1522
There was a Little Girl
1524
The Naughty Darkey Boy
1525
Dutch Lullaby
1526
The DinkeyBird
1528
The Little Peach
1530
Counsel to Those that Eat
1532
Home and Mother
1533
Little Orphant Annie
1535
A Visit from St Nicholas
1537
A Nursery Legend
1539
A Little Goose
1541
Leedle Yawcob Strauss
1544
A Parental Ode to My Son Aged Three Years and Five Months
1546
Little Mamma
1549
The Comical Girl
1553
Bunches of Grapes
1555
XVI IMMORTAL STANZAS
1556
The Purple Cow
1557
The Young Lady of Niger
1558
The Laughing Willow
1559
Said Opie Read
1560
Manila
1561
On the Aristocracy of Harvard
1562
On the Democracy of Yale
1563
The Herring
1564
If the Man
1565
The Kilkenny Cats
1566
Poor Dear Grandpapa
1567
More Walks
1568
Indifference
1569
Madame Sans Souci
1570
A Riddle
1571
If
1572
Endnotes
1573
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