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Fal. Come, let me pour in some sack to the Ford's wife's distraction, they conveyed me into a Thames water ; for my belly's as cold as if I had buck-basket. swallowed snow-balls for pills to cool the reins. Ford. A buck-basket! Call her in.
Fal. By the Lord, a buck-basket: rammed me in Bard. Come in, woman.
with foul shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings,
and greasy napkins; that, master Brook, there was Enter Mrs. QUICKLY.
the rankest compound of villainous smell, that ever Quick. By your leave; I cry you mercy : Give offended nostril. your worship good-morrow.
Ford. And how long lay you there? Fal. Take away these chalices: Go, brew me a Fal. Nay, you shall hear, master Brook, what I pottle of sack finely.
have suffered to bring this woman to evil for your Bard. With eggs, sir?
good. Being thus crammed in the basket, a couple Fal. Simple of itself; I'll no pullet-sperm in my of Ford's knaves, bis hinds, were called forth by brewage. — [Exit BARDOLPH.] — How now? their mistress, to carry me in the name of foul
Quick. Marry, sir, I come to your worship from clothes to Datchet-lane: they took me on their mistress Ford.
shoulders; met the jealous knave their master in the Fal. Mistress Ford ! I have had ford enough: I door; who asked them once or twice what they had was thrown into the ford: I have my belly full of in their basket: I quaked for fear, lest the lunatic ford.
knave would have searched it; but fate, ordaining Quick. Alas the day! good heart, that was not
he should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well : on her fault : she does so take on with her men ; they went he for a search, and away went I for foul mistook their erection.
clothes. But mark the sequel, master Brook : I sufFal. So did I mine, to build upon a foolish wo- fered the pangs of three several deaths : first, an inman's promise.
tolerable fright, to be detected with a jealous rotten Quick. Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it bell-wether : next, to be compassed, like a good bilwould yearn your heart to see it. Her husband bo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, goes this morning a birding ; she desires you once heel to head : and then, to be stopped in, like a more to come to her between eight and nine; I strong distillation, with stinking clothes that fretted must carry her word quickly: she'll make you in their own grease : think of that, – a man of my amends, I warrant you.
kidney, — think of that : that am as subject to heat, Fal. Well, I will visit her: Tell her so; and bid as butter ; a man of continual dissolution and thaw; her think what a man is : let her consider his frailty, it was a miracle, to 'scape suffocation. And in the and then judge of my merit.
height of this bath, when I was more than half Quick. I will tell her.
stewed in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be thrown Fal. Do so. Between nine ten, say st thou ? | into the Thames, and cooled, glowing hot, in that Quick. Eight and nine, sir.
surge, like a horse-shoe; think of that, — hissing Fal. Well, be gone : I will not miss her. hot, - think of that, master Brook. Quick. Peace be with you, sir.
[Erit. Ford. In good sadness, sir, I am sorry that for Fal. I marvel, I hear not of master Brook; he my sake you have suffered all this. My suit then is sent me word to stay within : I like his money well. desperate; you'll undertake her no more. O here he comes.
Fal. Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna,
as I have been into Thames, ere I will leave her Enter FORD.
thus. Her husband is this morning gone a birding : Ford. Bless you, sir!
I have received from her another embassy of meetFal. Now, master Brook ? you come to know ing; 'twixt eight and nine is the hour, Master what hath passed between me and Ford's wife. Brook.
Ford. That, indeed, sir John, is my business. Ford. 'Tis past eight already, sir.
Fal. Master Brook, I will not lie to you; I was Fal. Is it?' I will then address me to my apat her house the hour she appointed me.
pointment. Come to me at your convenient leisure, Ford. And how sped you, sir?
and you shall know how I speed; and the concluFal. Very ill-favouredly, master Brook.
sion shall be crowned with your enjoying her : Ford. How so, sir ? Did she change her deter- Adieu. You shall have her, master Brook; master mination ?
Brook, you shall cuckold Ford.
(Erit. Fal. No, master Brook ; but the peaking cor- Ford. Hum! ha! is this a vision ? is this a nuto her husband, master Brook, dwelling in a con- dream? do I sleep? Master Ford, awake; awake, tinual 'larum of jealousy, comes me in the instant master Ford; there's a hole made in your best coat, of our encounter, after we had embraced, kissed, master Ford. This 'tis to be married ! this 'tis to protested, and, as it were, spoke the prologue of have linen, and buck-baskets! - Well, I will pro our comedy; and at his heels a rabble of his com- claim myself what I am: I will now take the panions, thither provoked and instigated by his dis-lecher; he is at my house: he cannot 'scape me; temper, and forsooth, to search his house for his 'tis impossible he should; he cannot creep into a wife's love.
halfpenny purse, nor into a pepper-box; but, lest Ford. What, while you were there?
the devil that guides him should aid him, I will Fal. While I was there.
search impossible places. Though what I am I Ford. And did he search for you and could not cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not, shall not find you?
make me tame : if I have horns to make one mad, Fal. You shall hear. As good luck would bave let the proverb go with me, I'll be horn mad. it, comes in one mistress Page; gives intelligence
(Erit. of Ford's approach ; and, by her invention and
SCENE I. - The Street.
Will. Genitive, - horum, harum, horum.
Quick. 'Vengeance of Jenny's case! fie on her! Ente Hrs. Page, Mrs. QUICKLY, and WILLIAM.
— never name her, child, if she be a whore. Mert Page. Is he at master Ford's already, Eva. For shame, 'oman. think'st thou?
Quick. You do ill to teach the child such words : Quick. Sure he is by this; or will be presently: he teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'll but truly be is very courageous mad, about his do fast enough of themselves, and to call horum : throwing into the water. Mistress Ford desires you fie upon you! a come suddenly.
Eva. 'Oman, art thou lunatics? hast thou no Mrs. Pege. I'll be with her by and by; I'll but understandings for thy cases, and the numbers of bring my young man here to school; Look, where the genders ? Thou art as foolish christian creabis master comes ; 'tis a playing-day, I see.
tures as I would desires.
Mrs. Page. Pr’ythee, hold thy peace.
Eva. Shew me now, William, some declensions How now, sir Hugb? no school to-day?
of your pronouns.
Will. Forsooth, I have forgot. Era. No; master Slender is let the boys leave to play.
Eva. It is ki, kæ, cod ; if you forget your kies, Quick . Blessing of his heart !
your kæs, and your cods, you must be preeches. Urs . Page. Sir Hugh, my husband says, my son
Go your ways, and play, go. profits nothing in the world at his book ; I pray you,
Mrs. Page. He is a better scholar than I thought
he was. sk him some questions in his accidence. Era. Come irither, William; hold up your head ;
Eva. He is a good sprag memory. Farewell,
mistress Page. Mr. Page. Come on, sirrah: hold up your Hou; Get you home, boy. — Come, we stay
Mrs. Page. Adieu, good sir Hugh. (Erit Sir bead; answer your master, be not afraid. Enz, William, how many numbers is in nouns? too long.
(Ereunt. TE. Two Qruck. Truly, I thought there had been one
SCENE II. - A Room in Ford's House. tumber more; because they say, od's nouns.
Enter Falstaff and Mrs. Ford. Eve Peace your tattlings. What is fair, Wiliam?
Fal. Mistress Ford, your sorrow ...th eaten up TEL. Pilcher.
my sufferance : I see, you are obsequious in your Quick. Poulcats ! there are fairer things than love, and I profess requital to a hair's breadth ; not poulats, sure.
only, mistress Ford, in the simple office of love, Eve. You are a very simplicity 'oman; I pray but in all the accoutrement, complement, and cerefon, peace. What is lapis, William ?
But are you sure of your husband Ed. And what is a stone, William?
Mrs. Ford. He's a birding, sweet sir John.
Mrs. Page. [Within.] What hoa, gossip Ford Een. No, it is lapis; I pray you remember in what hoa ! Jour prain.
Mrs. Ford. Step into the chamber, sir John.
[Erit FalstaFT. Era. That is good, William. What is he, Wilzam, that does lend articles ?
Enter Mrs. PACE. WL Articles are borrowed of the pronoun; and Mrs. Page. How now, sweetheart ? who's at be tus declined, Singulariter, nominativo, hic, hæc, home beside yourself?
Mrs. Ford. Why, none but mine own people. Ert. Nominativo, hig, hag, kog: - pray you, Mrs. Page. Indeed? mark: genetin, hujus : Well, wbat is your accusa- Mrs. Ford. No, certainly; - Speak louder.
(Aside. FL Accuatico, hinc.
Mrs. Page. Truly, I am so glad you have no Era
. I pray you, have your remembrance, child; body here. lastice, king, hang, kog.
Mrs. Ford. Why? Quick . Hang hog is Latin for bacon, I warrant Mrs. Page. Why, woman, your husband is in
his old lunes again : he so takes on yonder with Ex. Leave your prabbles, 'oman. What is the my husband ; so rails against all married mankind; focative ease, William ?
so curses all Eve's daughters, of what complexion RL 0-rocativo, 0.
soever ; and so buffets himself on the forehead, Era. Remember, William, focative is, caret. crying Peer-out, peer-out! that any madness, I ever Quick. And that's a good root.
yet beheld, seemed but tameness, civility, and Era. 'Oman, forbear.
patience, to this his distemper he is in now : I am Mr. Paze. Peace.
glad the fat knight is not here. Ex. What is your genitive case plural, William ? Mrs. Ford. Why, does he talk of him?
Mrs. Page. Of none but him ; and swears, he was carried out, the last time he searched for him
12 A stone.
mony of it.
TU. A pebble.
52. Genitive case ?
in a basket : protests to my husband, he is now here; shall do with the basket. Go up, I'll bring linen and hath drawn him and the rest of their company for him straight.
[Erit. from their sport, to make another experiment of his Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest varlet! we cansuspicion ; but I am glad the knight is not here; not misuse him enough. now he shall see his own foolery.
We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do, Mrs. Ford. How near is he, mistress Page ? Wives may be merry, and yet honest too :
Mrs. Page. Hard by; at street end; he will be We do not act, that often jest and laugh; here anon.
'Tis old but true, Still swine eat all the draff. (Exit. Mrs. Ford. I am undone ! - the knight is here. Mrs. Page. Why then you are utterly ashamed,
Re-enter Mrs. FORD, with two Servants. and he's but a dead man. What a woman are you? Mrs. Ford. Go, sirs, take the basket again on
Away with him, away with him ; better shame your shoulders ; your master is hard at door ; if be than murder.
bid you set it down, obey him; quickly, despatch. Mrs. Ford. Which way should he go? how
[Erit. should I bestow him? Shall I put him into the 1 Serv. Come, come, take it up. basket again?
2 Sery. Pray heaven, it be not full of the knight Re-enter FALSTAFF.
1 Serv. I hope not; I had as lief bear so much Fal. No, I'll come no more i' the basket : May lead. I not go out ere he come?
Mrs. Page. Alas, three of master Ford's bro- | Enter FORD, PAGE, SHALLOW, Caius, and Sir thers watch the door with pistols, that none shall
Hugh Evans. issue out; otherwise you might slip away ere he
Ford. Ay, but if it prove true, master Page, But what make you here? Fal. What shall I do? — I'll creep up into the down the basket, villain :
have you any way then to unfool me again ? - Set
- Somebody call my wife; chimney. Mrs. Ford. There they always used to discharge you panderly rascals! there's a knot, a ging, a
You, youth in a basket, come out here ! -0, their birding pieces : Creep into the kiln-hole.
pack, a conspiracy against me: Now shall the devil Fal. Where is it?
be shamed. What! wife, I say! come, coine Mrs. Ford. He will seek there, on my word.
forth; behold what honest clothes you send forth to Neither press, coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, but
bleaching he hath an abstract for the remembrance of such
Page. Why, this passes ! Master Ford, you are places, and goes to them by his note : There is no
not to go loose any longer; you must be pinioned, hiding you in the house.
Eva. Why, this is lunatics ! this is mad as a mad Fal. I'll go out then.
dog! Mrs. Page. If you go out in your own semblance,
Shal. Indeed, master Ford, this is not well ; inyou die, sir John. Unless you go out disguised,
deed. Mrs. F'ord. How might we disguise him? Mrs. Page. Alas the day, I know not. There is
Enter Mrs. Ford. no woman's gown big enough for him; otherwise, he Ford. So say I too, sir. Come hither, mistress might put on a bat, a muffler, and a kerchief, and Ford; mistress Ford, the honest woman, the modest so escape.
wife, the virtuous creature, that hath the jealous Fal. Good hearts, devise something: any extre- fool to her husband !- I suspect without cause, mity, rather than a mischief.
mistress, do I? Mrs. Ford. My maid's aunt, the fat woman of Mrs. Ford. Heaven be my witness, you do, if you Brentford, has a gown above.
suspect me in any dishonesty. Mrs. Page. On my word, it will serve him; she's Ford. Well said, brazen-face; hold it out. as big as he is : and there's her thrum'd hat, and Come forth, sirrah. her muffler too : Run up, sir John.
[Pulls the clothes out of the basket. Mrs. Ford. Go, go, sweet sir John: mistress Page. This passes ! Page and I, will look some linen for your head. Mrs. Ford. Are you not ashamed ? let the clothes
Mrs. Page. Quick, quick ; we'll come dress you alone. straight : put on the gown the while.
Ford. I shall find you anon.
(Erit Falstaff. Eva. 'Tis unreasonable! Will you take up your Mrs. Ford. I would, my husband would meet wife's clothes ? Come away. him in this shape: he cannot abide the old woman Ford. Empty the basket, I say. of Brentford; he swears, she's a witch; forbade her Afrs. Ford. Why, man, why, my house, and hath threatened to beat her.
Ford. Master Page, as I ain a man, there was one Mrs. Page. Heaven guide him to thy husband's conveyed out of my house yesterday in this basket : cudgel ; and the devil guide his cudgel afterwards ! Why may not he be there again? In my house I
Mrs. Ford. But is my husband coming ? am sure he is : my intelligence is true; my jealousy
Mrs. Page. Ay, in good sadness, is he ; and he reasonable: Pluck me out all the linen. talks of the basket too, howsoever he hath had in- Mrs. Ford. If you find a man there, he shall die telligence.
a flea's death. Mrs. Ford. We'll try that ; for I'll appoint my Paye. Here's no man. men to carry the basket again, to meet him at the Shal. By my fidelity, this is not well, master door with it, as they did last time.
Ford ; this wrongs you. Mrs. Page. Nay, but he'll be here presently : Eva. Master Ford, you must pray, and not follet's go dress him like the witch of Brentford. low the imaginations of your own heart : this is
Mrs. Ford. I'll first direct my men, what they jealousies.
Fad. Well, he's not here I seek for.
Mrs. Page. Come, to the forge with it then, Page. No, nor no where else, but in your brain. shape it: I would not have things cool. [Exeunt. Ford. Help to search my house this one time: if I had not what I seek, show no colour for my ex- SCENE III. - A Room in the Garter Inn. temiry, let me for ever be your table-sport ; let tem say of me, As jealous as Ford, that searched a
Enter Host and BARDOLPH. below walnut for his wife's leman. Satisfy me Bard. Sir, the Germans desire to have three of eate more ; once more search with me.
your horses: the duke himself will be to-morrow at Vn. Ford What hoa, mistress Page! come you, court, and they are going to meet him. and the old woman, down; my husband will come Host. What duke should that be, comes so se into the charnber.
cretly? I hear not of him in the court : Let me Ft Old woman! What old woman's that? speak with the gentlemen; they speak English ? Mrs. Ford. Why, it is my maid's aunt of Brent- Bard. Ay, sir ; I'll call them to you.
Host. They shall have my horses ; but I'll make Ferd. A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean! them pay, I'll sauce them : they have had my houses Hare I not forbid her my house? She comes of a week at command ; I have turned away my other mady does she? We are simple men; we do guests: they must come off ; I'll sauce them: 'Come. zt know what's brought to pass under the profes
(E.reunt. son of fortune-telling. She works by charms, by pells, by the figure, and such daubery as this is ;
SCENE IV. - A Room in Ford's House. beyond our element: we know nothing. - Come down, you witch, you hag you ; come down I say.
Enter Page, FORD, Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and
Sir Hugh Evans. Hrs. Ford. Nay, good, sweet husband ; -good gentlenen, let him not strike the old woman.
Eva. "Tis one of the pest discretions of a 'oman
did look upon. Este FALSIAST in women's clothes, led by Mrs. Page.
Page. And did he send you both these letters at 2. Page. Come, mother Prat, come, give me an instant? your hand
Mrs. Puge. Within a quarter of an hour. Ford. I'll prat her: Out of my door, you Ford. Pardon me, wife: Henceforth do what vitet, beats kim.) you rag, you baggage, you pole
thou wilt ; *t, you ronyon ! out! out! I'll conjure you, I'll I rather will suspect the sun with cold, ute tell you.
[Erit Falstaff. Than thee with wantonness : now doth thy honour Mes Page. Are you not ashamed? I think, you
stand, Laure Lilled the poor woman.
In him that was of late an heretick, Mrs. Ford. Nay, he will do it :- 'Tis a goodly As firm as faith.
Page. "Tis well, 'tis well ; no more. Fa Hang her, witch!
Be not as extreme in submission, Ez. Bs yea and no, I think, the 'oman is a As in offence; vid indeed: I like not when a 'oman has a great But let our plot go forward : let our wives read; I spy a great peard under her muffler. Yet once again, to make us publick sport,
Will you follow, gentlemen? I beseech you, Appoint a meeting with this old fat fellow, ko; see but the issue of my jealousy: if I cry Where we may take him, and disgrace him for it. mutthus upon po trail, never trust me when I open Ford. There is no better way than that they
spoke of. Page. Let's obey his humour a little further : Page. How! to send him word they'll meet him Cae, gentlemen.
in the park at midnight; fie, tic; he'll never come. Errent Page, Ford, SHALLOW, and Evans. Era. You say, he has been thrown into the rivers ; Mrs Page. Trust me, he beat him most pitifully. and has been grievously peaten, as an old 'oman;
Ms. Ford. Nay, by the mass, that he did not; methinks, there should be terrors in him, that he a beat him post unpitifully, methought.
should not come; methinks, his flesh is punished, W Pege. I'll have the cudgel hallowed, and he shall have no desires. beng e'a the altar ; it hath done meritorious ser- Page. So think I too. Fict
Mrs. Ford. Devise but how you'll use him when Vrt Færd. What think you ? May we, with the
he comes, anant of waanhood, and the witness of a good And let us two devise to bring him thither. Senscience, pursue him with any further revenge? Mrs. Page. There is an old tale goes, that Herne Vrs. Page. The spirit of wantonness is, sure,
the hunter, e art of him; if the devil have him not in fee- Sometime a keeper here in Windsor forest, enke, with ine and recovery, he will never, I Doth all the winter time, at still midnight, bok, in de way of waste, attempt us again. Walk round about an oak, with great ragg'd horns;
Kssr Ford. Small we tell our husbands how we And there he blasts the tree, and takes the cattle ; tan sried him?
And makes milch-kine yield blood, and shakes a V. Paz. Yes, by all means; if it be but to
chain TEÇE ÉSe Sgures out of your husband's brains. If In a most hideous and dreadful manner : le can end in their hearts, the poor unvirtuous fat You have heard of such a spirit ; and well you know, Luigit shall be any further afflicted, we two will still The superstitious idle-headed eld te the ministers.
Received, and did deliver to our age, Hos Ford. I'll warrant, they'll have him pub- This tale of Herne the hunter for a truth. kaly stared and, methinks, there would be no pe- Page. Why, yet there want not many, that do sold to the jest, should be not be publickly shamed.
Gedis for you.
In deep of night to walk by this Herne's oak: Sim. Marry, sir, I come to speak with sir John But what of this?
Falstaff from master Slender. Mrs. Ford. Marry, this is our device;
Host. There's his chamber, his house, his castle, That Falstaff at that oak shall meet with us,
his standing-bed, and truckle-bed ; 'tis painted about Disguised like Herne, with huge horns on his head. with the story of the prodigal, fresh and new: Go,
Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come, knock and call; he'll speak like an AnthropophaAnd in this shape : When you have brought him ginian unto thee: Knock, I say. thither,
Sim. There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone What shall be done with him ? what is your plot? up into his chamber; I'll be so bold as stay, sir, Mrs. Page. That likewise have we thought upon, till she come down; I come to speak with her, and thus :
indeed. Nan Page my daughter, and my little son,
Host. Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be And three or four more of their growth, we'll dress robbed : I'll call. — Bully knight! Bully sir John ! Like urchins, ouphes, and fairies, green and white, speak from thy lungs military: Art thou there? it With rounds of waxen tapers on their heads, is thine host, thine Ephesian, calls. And rattles in their hands; upon a sudden,
Fal. (above.] How now, mine host ? As Falstaff, she, and I, are newly met,
Host. Here's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the comLet them from forth a saw-pit rush at once
ing down of thy fat woman ; Let her descend, bully, With some diffused song ; upon their sight, let her descend; my chambers are honourable : We two in great amazedness will fly:
Fye! privacy? fye!
Fal. There was, mine host, an old fat woman, In their so sacred paths he dares to tread,
even now with me; but she's gone. In shape profane.
Sim. Pray you, sir, was't not the wise woman of Mrs. Ford. And till he tell the truth,
Fal. Ay, marry, was it, muscle-shell; What
would you with her ? We'll all present ourselves; dis-horn the spirit,
Sim. My master, sir, my master Slender, sent to And mock him home to Windsor.
her, seeing her go thorough the streets, to know,
sir, whether one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of a Ford.
The children must
chain, had the chain, or no. Be practised well to this, or they'll ne'er do't. Eva. I will teach the children their behaviours;
Fal. I spake with the old woman about it.
Sim. And what says she, I pray, sir ? and I will be like a jack-an-apes also, to burn the knight with my taber.
Fal. Marry, she says, that the very same man, Ford. That will be excellent. I'll go buy them
that beguiled master Slender of his chain, cozened
him of it. vizards. Mrs. Page. My Nan shall be the queen of all
Sim. I would, I could have spoken with the the fairies,
woman herself; I had other things to have spoken
with her too, from him. Finely attired in a robe of white.
Fal. What are they ? let us know.
Host. Ay, come ; quick.
away, (Aside. And marry her at Eton. Go, send to Falstaff
Sim. I may not conceal them, sir.
Fal. Conceal them, or thou diest. straight. Ford. Nay, I'll to him again, in name of Brook;
Sim. Why, sir, they were nothing but about He'll tell me all his purpose : Sure, he'll come.
mistress Anne Page ; to know if it were my mas
ter's fortune to have her, or no. Mrs. Page. Fear not you that : Go, get us properties,
Fal. "Tis, 'tis his fortune. And tricking for our fairies.
Sim. What, sir? Eva. Let us about it. It is admirable pleasures, told me so.
Fal. To have her, - or no: Go; say, the woman and fery honest knaveries. [Ereunt Page, FORD, and Evans.
Sim. May I be so bold to say so, sir ? Mrs. Page. Go, mistress Ford,
Fal. Ay, sir Tike; who more bold ? Send quickly to Sir John, to know his mind.
Sim. I thank your worship : I shall make my mas[Erit Mrs. FORD.
ter glad with these tidings. (Exit SIMPLE. I'll to the doctor ; he hath my good will,
Hust. Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, sir John : And none but he, to marry with Nan Page.
Was there a wise woman with thee? That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot ;
Fal. Ay, that there was, mine host; one that And he my husband best of all affects :
hath taught me more wit than ever I learned before The doctor is well money'd, and his friends
in my life: and I paid nothing for it neither, but .Potent at court; he, none but he, shall have her,
was paid for my learning. Though twenty thousand worthier come to crave her.
[Erit. SCENE V. - A Room in the Garter Inn.
Bard. Out, alas, sir! cozenage! meer cozenage
Host. Where be my horses ? speak well of them, Enter Host and SIMPLE.
varletto. Host. What would'st thou have, boor? what, Bard. Run away with the cozeners : for so soon thick-skin ? speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, as I came beyond Eton, they threw me off, from quick, snap.
behind one of them, in a slough of mi e; and set