Page images
PDF
EPUB

figure of his dead parent drawn by a true filial piety; his difdain of fo unworthy a fucceffor to his bed: But above all, the fhortnefs of the time between his father's death and his mother's fecond marriage, brought together with fo much disorder, make up as noble a part as any in that celebrated tragedy. The circumftance of time I never could enough admire. The widowhood had lafted two months. This is his firft reflection: But as his indignation rifes he finks to fcarce two months: Afterwards into a month; and at laft, into a little month : But all this fo naturally, that the reader accompanies him in the violence of his paffion, and finds the time leffen infenfibly, according to the different workings of his difdain. I have not mentioned the inceft of her marriage, which is fo obvious a provocation; but cannot forbear taking notice, that when his fury is at its height, he cries, "Frailty, thy name is Woman!" as railing at the Sex in general, rather than giving himself leave to think his mother worfe than others,Defiderantur multa.

"Whereas Mr. Jeffery Groggram has furrendered himfelf by his Letter bearing date December 7, and has "fent an acknowledgment that he is dead, praying an "order to the company of Upholders for interment at "fuch a reasonable rate as may not impoverish his heirs : "The faid Groggram having been dead ever fince he

[ocr errors]

was born, and added nothing to his fmall patrimony, "Mr. Bickerstaff has taken the premifes into confidera"tion; and being fenfible of the ingenuous and fingular

behaviour of this petitioner, pronounces the faid "Jeffery Groggram a live man, and will not fuffer that he fhould bury himself out of modefty; but requires him to remain among the living, as an example to "thofe obftinate dead men, who will neither labour for "life, nor go to their grave.

N. B. Mr. Groggram is the first person that has "come in upon Mr. Bickerstaff's dead warrant.

"Florinda demands by her Letter of this day to be "allowed to pafs for a living woman, having danced "the Derbyshire Hornpipe in the prefence of feveral "friends on Saturday lait.

"Granted;

[ocr errors]

"Granted; Provided the can bring proof, that the can make a pudding on the twenty-fourth inftant."

N° 107. Thursday, December 15, 1709.

[blocks in formation]

BOUT four this afternoon, which is the hour I ufually put myself in a readiness to receive com-pany, there entered a Gentleman who I believed at first came upon fome ordinary question; but as he approached nearer to me, I faw in his countenance a deep forrow, mixed with a certain ingenuous complacency that gave me fudden good-will towards him. He staredi and betrayed an abfence of thought as he was going to› communicate his business to me, But at laft, recovering: himself, he faid with an air of. great refpect, Sir, it would be an injury to your knowledge in the occult fèiences, to tell you what is my diftrefs; I dare fay, you: read it in my countenance: I therefore beg your advice to the most unhappy of all men. Much experience hass made me particularly fagacious in the difcovery of dif tempers, and I foon faw that his was Love. I then turned to my common-place-book, and found his cafe under the word Coquette; and reading over the catalogue which I have collected out of this great city of all Q.6. under

under that character, I faw at the name of Cynthia his fit came upon him. I repeated the name thrice after a muling manner, and immediately perceived his pulfe quicken two thirds; when his eyes, instead of the wildnefs with which they appeared at his entrance, looked with all the gentleness imaginable upon me, not without tears. Oh, Sir, faid he, you know not the unworthy ufage I have met with from the woman my Soul doats on. I could gaze at her to the end of my Being; yet when I have done fo, for fome time paft, I have found her eyes fixed on another. She is now two-and-twenty, in the full tyranny of her charms, which the once acknowledged the rejoiced in, only as they made her choice of me, out of a croud of admirers, the more obliging. But in the midst of this happiness, fo it is Mr. Bickerstaff, that young Quickfett, who is just come to town, without any other recommendation than that of being tolerably handfome, and exceffively rich, has won her heart in fo fhameless a manner, that he dies for him. In a word, I would confult you, how to cure myfelf of this paffion for an ungrateful woman, who triumphs in her falfhood, and can make no man happy, because her own fatisfaction confiits chiefly in being capable of giving diftrefs. I know Quickfett is at prefent confiderable with her, for no other reafon but that he can be without her, and feel no pain in the lofs. Let me therefore defire you, Sir, to fortify my reason against the levity of an Inconftant, who ought only to be treated with neglect.

All this time I was looking over my receipts, and afked him, if he had any good winter boots boots, Sir, faid my patient--I went on; You may easily reach Harwich in a day, fo as to be there when the packet goes off. Sir, faid the Lover, I find you defign me for travelling; but alas! I have no language, it will be the fame thing to me as folitude, to be in a strange country. I have, continued he, fighing, been many years in love with this creature, and have almoft loft even my English, at least to speak fuch as any body else does. I asked a tenant of ours, who came up to town the other day with rent, whether the flowery mead near my father's houfe in the country, had any fhepherd in it? I have called a cave a grotto these three years, and

muft

301 must keep ordinary company, and frequent bafy people for fome time, before I can recover my common words.. I smiled at his raillery upon himself, though I well faw it came from a heavy heart. You are, said I, acquainted to be fure with fome of the general officers: Suppose you made a campaign? if I did, said he, I fhould venture more than any man there, for I fhould be in danger of ftarving; my father is fuch an untoward old Gentleman, that he would tell me he found it hard enough to pay his taxes towards the war without making it more expenfive by an allowance to me. With all this, he is as fond as he is rugged, and I am his only fon.

I looked upon the young Gentleman with much tendernefs, and not like a phyfician, but a friend; for I talked to him fo largely, that if I had parcelled my difcourse into distinct prescriptions, I am confident I gave him two hundred pounds worth of advice. He heard me with great attention, bowing, fmiling, and fhewing all other inftances of that natural good breeding which ingenuous tempers pay to those who are elder and wifer than themselves. I entertained him to the following purpose. I am forry, Sir, that your paffion is of fo long a date, for evils are much more curable in their beginnings; but at the fame time muft allow, that you are not to be blamed, fince your youth and merit has. been abused by one of the most charming, but the most unworthy fort of women, the Coquettes. A Coquette is a chafte jilt, and differs only from a common one, as a foldier, who is perfect in exercise, does from one that is actually in fervice. This grief, like all others, is to be cured only by time; and although you are convinced this moment, as much as you will be ten years hence, that he ought to be fcorned and neglected, you fee you must not expect your remedy from the force of reafon. The cure then is only in time, and the haftening of the cure only in the manner of employing that time. You have answered me as to travel and a campaign, fo that we have only Great-Britain to avoid her in. Be then yourself, and liften to the following rules, which only can be of use to you in this unaccountable diftemper, wherein the patient is often averfe even to his recovery. It has been of benefit to some to apply themselves to bufinefs,

bufinefs, but as that may not lie in your way, go down to your estate, mind your fox-hounds, and venture the life you are weary of, over every hedge and ditch in the country. Thefe are wholfome remedies; but if you can have refolution enough rather stay in town, and recover yourself even in the town where the inhabits. Take particular care to avoid all places where you may poffibly meet her, and fhun the fight of every thing which may bring her to your remembrance; there is an infection in all that relates to her: You will find, her house, her chariot, her domestics, and her very lap-dog, are fo many instruments of torment. Tell me feriously, do you think you could bear the fight of her fan? he shook his head at the question, and faid, ah! Mr. Bickerftaffs you must have been a patient, or you could not have been fo good a phyfician. To tell you truly, faid I, about the thirtieth year of my age, I received a wound that has ftill left a fcar in my mind, never to be quite worn out by time or philofophy.

The means which I found the most effectual for my cure, were reflections upon the ill-ufage I had received from the woman I loved, and the pleasure I faw her take in my fufferings.

I confidered the diftrefs fhe brought upon me, the greatest that could befal an human creature, at the fame time that he did not inflict this upon one who was her enemy, one that had done her an injury, one that had wifhed her ill; but on the man who loved her more than any elfe loved her, and more than it was poffible for him to love any other perfon.

In the next place, I took pains to confider her in all her imperfections; and that I might be fure to hear of them conftantly, kept company with thofe, her Female friends, who were her dearest and most intimate acquaintance.

Among her higheft imperfections, I ftill dwelt upon. her bafenefs of mind and ingratitude, that made her triumph in the pain and anguish of the man who loved. her, and of one who in those days, without vanity be it fpoken, was thought to deferve her love.

To fhorten my ftory, fhe was married to another, which would have diftracted me, had he proved a good

hufband;

« PreviousContinue »