⚫ numbered among the children of God, and his lot is among the faints! If the reader would fee the defcription of a life that is paffed away in vanity, and among the fhadows of pomp and greatnefs, he may fee it very finely drawn in the fame place. In the mean time, fince it is neceffary in the prefent conftitution of things, that order and diftinction fhould be kept in the world, we should be happy, if thofe who enjoy the upper ftations in it, would endeavour to furpats others in virtue, as much as in rank, and by their humanity and condefcenfion make their fuperiority eafy and acceptable to thofe who are beneath them; and if, on the contrary, those who are in meaner pofts of life, would confider how they may better their condition hereafter, and by a juft deference and fubmiffion to their fuperiors, make them happy in thofe bleffings with which Providence has thought fit to diftinguifh them. NO 20 MONDAY, NOVEMBER 12. Rumorefque ferit varios C VIRG. En, xii. ver. 228. A thousand rumours spreads. SIR, WHY will you apply to my father for my love? I cannot help it if he will give you my perfon: But I affure you it is not in his power, nor even in my own, to give you my heart. Dear Sir, do but confider the ill confequence of fuch a match; you are fifty-five, I twenty one. You are a man of bufinefs, and mightily conver*fant in arithmetick and making calculations; be pleafed therefore to confider what proportion your fpirits bear to mine, and when you have • made • made a just eftimate of the neceffary decay on one • fide, and the redundance on the other, you will act accordingly. This perhaps is fuch a language as you may not expect from a young Lady; but my happiness is at stake, and I must talk plainly. 'I mortally hate you; and fo, as you and my fa'ther agree, you may take me or leave me : But if you will be fo good as never to fee me more, you will for ever oblige, SIR, Your most humble fervant, Mr. SPECTATOR, THERE HERE are fo many artifices and modes of falfe wit, and fuch a variety of humour discovers itself among its votaries, that it would be impof'fible to exhauft fo fertile a fubject, if you would think fit to refume it. The following inftances may, if you think fit, be added by way of appen. dix to your difcourfes on that fubject. That feat of poetical activity mentioned by Ho· race, of an author who could compofe two hundred verfes while he ftood upon one leg, has been • imitated (as I have heard) by a modern writer; who priding himself on the hurry of his inventi < on, thought it no fmall addition to his fame to have each piece minuted with the exact number ' of hours or days it coft him in the compofition. He could tafte no praise until he had acquainted you in how fhort space of time he had defered it; and was not fo much led to an oftentation of his art, as of his dispatch. •Accipe fi vis, Accipiam tabulas; detur nobis, locus, hora, HOR. Sat. iv. lib. 1. ver. 14. Here's pen and ink, and time, and place; let's try' CREECH. MY MS 6 This was the whole of his ambition; and there-. 'fore I cannot but think the flights of this rapid author very proper to be oppofed to those laborious nothings which you have obferved were the delight of the German wits, and in which they fo happily got rid of fuch a tedious quantity of their ⚫ time. < I have known a gentleman of another turn of hmmour, who, defpifing the name of an author, never printed his works, but contracted his talent, and, by the help of a very fine diamond which he wore on liis little finger, was a confiderable poet upon glafs. He had a very good epigrammatick wit; and there was not a parlour or tavern-window where he vifited dined for fome years, which did not receive fome fketches or memorial of it. It was his misfortune at last to lose his genius and his ring to a fharper at play, and he has not attempted to 'make a verse fince. & or But of all contractions or expedients for wit, I admire that of an ingenious projector whofe • book I have feen. This virtuofo being a mathematician, has, according to his tafte, thrown the art of poetry into a fhort problem, and contrived tables by which any one without knowing a word of grammar or fenfe, may to his great comfort, be able to compofe, or rather to erect Latin verfes. His tables are a kind of poetical logarithms, which being divided into feveral fquares, and all infcribed with fo many incoherent words, appear to the eye fomewhat like a fortune-telling fcreen. What a joy it must be to the unlearned operator to find that these words being carefully collected and writ down in order according to the problem, • ftart of themfelves into exameter and pentameter verfes? A friend of mine, who is a student in aftrology, meeting with this book, performed the operation, by the rules there fet down; he fhewed fhewed his verfes to the next of his acquaintance, who happened to understand Latin; and being • informed they defcribed a tempeft of wind, very luckily prefixed them, together with a tranflation, to an almanack he was just then printing, and was fuppofed to have foretold the laft great • ftorm. I think the only improvement beyond this, would be that which the late Duke of Buckingham mentioned to a stupid pretender to poetry, as the project of a Dutch mechanick, viz. a mill to make verfes. This being the moft compendious method of all which have yet been propofed, may 'deferve the thoughts of our modern virtuofi who are employed in new discoveries for the publick good: And it may be worth the while to confider, whether in an island where few are content without being thought wits, it will not be a common benefit, that wit as well as labour fhould be made • cheap. I am, Mr. SPECTATOR, SIR, Your humble fervant, &c.' OFTEN dine at a Gentleman's houfe, where there are two young Ladies in themselves very agreeable, but very cold in their behaviour, be'cause they understand me for a perfon that is to break my mind, as the phrafe is, very fuddenly to one of them. But I take this way to acquaint 'them, that I am not in love with either of them, in hopes they will ufe me with that agreeable freedom and indifference which they do all the reft of the world, and not to drink to one another only, but fometimes caft a kind look, with ⚫ their fervice to, SIR, Your humble fervant.' ! Mr. • Mr. SPECTATOR, I AM a young gentleman, and take it for a piece of good-breeding to pull off my hat when I fee any thing peculiarly charming in any woman, whether I know her or not. I take care that there is nothing ludicrous or arch in my manner, as if I were to betray a woman into a falutation by way of jeft or humour; and, yet except I am acquainted with her, I find the ever takes it for a rule, that he is to look upon this civility and homage I pay to her fuppofed merit, as an impertinence or forwardness, which he is to obferve and neglect. I wish, Sir, you would fettle the business of falutation; and please to inform me how I fhall refift the fudden impulfe I have to be civil.to what gives me. an idea of merit; or tell thefe creatures how to be' have themselves in return to the esteem I have for 'them. My affairs are fuch, that your decifion ⚫ will be a favour to me, if it be only to fave the unneceffary expence of wearing out my that fo faft as I do at prefent. I am, SIR, Yours, T. D. 3 P. S. There are fome that do know me, and will not bow to me.' No 221. TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 13. Ab ovo Ufque ad mala HOR. Sat. iii. lib. 1. ver. 6, From eggs, which firft are fet upon the board, To apples ripe, with which it laft is ftor'd, WHEN I have finished. WHEN I have finifhed any of my fpeculations, it is my method to confider which of the ancient authors have touched upon the fubject that I treat |