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I must not however omit a ploughman, who lived in the farther part of the country, and being very lucky in a pair of long lanthorn-jaws, wrung his face into fuch an hideous grimace, that every feature of it appeared under a different diftortion. 'The whole company ftood aftonished at fuch a complicated grin, and were ready to affign the prize to him, had it not been proved by one of his antagonifts, that he had practifed with verjuice for fome days before, and had a crab found upon him at the very time of grinning; upon which the beft judges of grinning declared it as their opinion, that he was not to be looked upon as a fair grinner, and therefore ordered him to be fet afide as a cheat.

The prize it feems fell at length upon a cobler, Giles Gorgon by name, who produced feveral new grins of his own invention, having been used to cut faces for many years together over his laft. At the very first grin he caft every human feature out of his countenance, at the fecond he became the face of a fpout, at the third a baboon, at the fourth the head of a bafs-viol, and at the fifth a pair of nut-crackers. The whole affembly wondered at his accomplishments, and bestowed the ring on him unanimoufly; but, what he efteemed more than all the reft, a country wench, whom he had wooed in vain for above five years before, was fo charmed with his grins, and the applaufes which he received on all fides, that the married him the week following, and to this day wears the prize upon her finger, the cobler having made ufe of it as his wedding-ring.

This paper might perhaps feem very impertinent, if it grew ferious in the conclufion. I would neverthelefs leave it to the confideration of those who are the patrons of this monftrous trial of fkill, whether or no they are not guilty, in fome meafure, of an affront to their fpecies, in treating after this manner the Human Face Divine, and turn

ing that part of us, which has fo great an image impreffed upon it, into the image of a monkey; whether the raifing fuch filly competitions among the ignorant, propofing prizes for fuch ufclefs ac complishments, filling the common peoples heads with fuch fenfelefs ambitions, and infpiring them with fuch abfurd ideas of fuperiority and pre-eminence, has not in it fomething immoral as well as ridiculous.

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********************** NO 174. WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBRER 19.

Hac nemini et victum fruftra contendere Thyrfin. VIRG. Ecl. vii. ver. 69.

Thefe rhyms I did to memory commend, When vanquifh'd Thyrfis did in vain contend.

DRYDEN.

THERE is fcarce any thing more common than animofities between parties that cannot subsist but by their agreement: This was well reprefented in the fedition of the members of the human body in the old Roman fable. It is often the cafe of leffer confederate states against a fuperior power, which are hardly held together, though their unanimity is neceffary for their common fafety: And this is always the cafe of the landed and trading interest of Great Britain: The trader is fed by the Iroduct of the land, and the landed man cannot be clothed but by the fkill of the trader; and yet those interefts are ever jarring.

We had laft winter an inftance of this. at our club, in Sir ROGER DE COVERLEY and Sir ANDREW FREEPORT, between whom there is generally a conftant, though friendly oppofition of opinions. It happened that one of the company, in an historical discourse, was obferving, that Cartha

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ginian faith was a proverbial phrafe to intimate breach of leagues. Sir ROGER faid it could hardly be otherwife; that the Carthaginians were the greatest traders in the world; and as gain is the chief end of fuch a people, they never purfue any other; the means to it are never regarded; they will, if it comes eafily, get money honeftly; but if not, they will not fcruple to attain it by fraud or cozenage: And indeed, what is the whole business of the trader's account, but to over-reach him who trufts to his memory? But were that not fo, what can there great and noble be expected from him whofe attention is for ever fixed upon balancing his books, and watching over his expences? And at beft, let frugality and parfimony be the virtues of the merchant, how much is his punctual dealing below a gentleman's charity to the poor, or hofpitality among his neighbours?

CAPTAIN SENTRY observed Sir ANDREW very diligent in hearing Sir ROGER, and had a mind to turn the difcourfe, by taking notice in general, from the highest to the lowest parts of human fociety, there was a fecret, though unjuft way among men, of indulging the feeds of ill-nature and envy, by comparing their own ftate of life to that of another, and grudging the approach of their neighbour to their own happiness; and on the other fide, he, who is the lefs at his eafe, repines at the other, who he thinks, has unjustly the advantage over him. Thus the civil and military lifts look upon each other with much ill-nature; the foldier repines at the courtier's power, and the courtier rallies the foldier's honour; or, to come to lower inftances, the private men in the horse and foot of an army, the carmen and coachmen in the city streets, mutually look upon each other with ill-will, when they are in competition for quarters on the way, in their refpective motions.

It is very well, good captain, interrupted Sir ANDREW: You may attempt to turn the difcourfe if you think fit; but I must however have a word or two with Sir ROGER, who, I fee, thinks he has paid. me off, and been very fevere upon the merchant. I fhall not, continued he, at this time remind Sir ROGER of the great and noble monuments of charity and publick fpirit, which have been erected by merchants fince the Reformation, but at prefent content myself with what he allows us, parfimony and frugality. If it were confiftent with the quality of fo ancient a baronet as Sir ROGER, to keep an account, or measure things by the most infallible way, that of numbers, he would prefer our parfimony to his hofpitality. If to drink fo many hogfheads is to be hofpitable, we do not contend for the fame of that virtue; but it would be worth while to confider, whether fo many artificers at work ten days together by my appointment, or fo many peafants made merry on Sir ROGER's charge, are the men more obliged? I believe the families of the artificers will thank me, more than the household of the peasants fhall Sir ROGER. Sir ROGER gives to his men, but I place mine above the neceffity or obligation of my bounty. I am in very little pain for the Roman proverb upon the Carthaginian traders; the Romans were their profeffed enemies I am only forry no Carthaginian hiftories have come to our hands; we might have been taught perhaps by them fome proverbs against the Roman generofity, in fighting for and beftowing other peoples goods. But fince Sir ROGER has taken occafion from an old proverb to be out of humour with merchants, it should be no offence to offer one not quite so old in their defence. When

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a man happens to break in Holland, they fay of him that he has not kept true accounts. This phrase, perhaps among us, would appear a foft or humorous way of fpeaking, but with that exact nation.

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it bears the highest reproach; for a man to be mistaken in the calculation of his expence, in his ability to anfwer future demands, or to be impertinently fanguine in putting his credit to too great adventure, are all inftances of as much infamy as with gayer nations to be failing in courage or common honesty. Numbers are fo much.the measure of every thing that is valuable, that it is not poffible to demonftrate the fuccefs of any action, or the prudence of any undertaking without them. I fay this in anfiver to what Sir ROGER is pleafed to fay, that litile that is truly noble can be expected from one who is ever poring on his cath-book, or balancing his accounts. When I have my returns from abroad, I can tell to a fhilling, by the help of numbers, the profit or lofs by my adventure; but I ought alfo to be able to fhew that I had reafon for making it, either from my own experience, or that of other people, or from a reafonable prefumption that my returns will be fufficient to anfwer my expence and hazard; and this is never to be done without the fkill of numbers. For instance, if I áin to trade to Turky, I ought beforehand to know the damand of our manufactures there, as well as of their filks in England, and the customary prices that are given for both in each country. I ought to have a clear knowledge of thefe matters beforehand, that I may prefume upon fatlicient returns to anfwer the charge of the cargo I have fitted out, the freight and affurance out and home, the customs to the queen, and the intereft of my own money, and befides all thefe expences a reasonable profit to myself. Now what is there of fcandal in this kill? What has the merchant done, that he fhould be fo little in the good graces of Sir ROGER? He throws down no man's inclofures, and tramples upon no man's corn; he takes nothing from the industrious labourer; he pays the poor man for his work; he communicates his profit with mankind; by the pre

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