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Cas. Do you confess so much? Give me your hand. .
Bru. What's the matter?
Bru. Yes, Cassius, and from henceforth:
A DIALOGUE, written in the year 1776, by Mr. ANDRUS, Of
Yale College, since deceased. Blithe. WOW now, Mr. Hunks ? have you settled the con
Il troversy with Baxter ? -funks. Yes, to a fraction, upon condition that he would pay me six per cent upon all notes and bonds, from the date untit they were discharged.
Elithe. Then it seems you have brought him to your own ternis?
Funks. Indeed I have : I would settle with him upon no other. Men now a days think it a dreadful hardship to pay a little interest: and will quibble a thousand ways to fool a body out of his just property : But I've grown too old to be cheated in that manner. I take care to secure the interest as well as the principal. And to prevent any difficulty, I take new notes every year, and carefully exact interest upon interest, and add it to the principal.
Elithe. You don't exact interest upon interest ! this looks a little like extortion. : Hunks. Extortion! I have already lost more than five hundred pounds, by a number of rascally bankrupts. I won't trust a farthing of my money without interest upon interest.
Blithe. I see I must humor his foible, there's no other way to deal with him. [aside.]
Hunks. There's no security in men's obligations, in these times. And if I've a sum of money in the hands of those we call good chaps, I'm more playu'd to get it than 'tis all worth. They would be glad to turn me off with mere rubbish, if they could. I'd rather keep my money in my own chest, than let it out for such small interest as I have for it.
Elithe. There's something, I cenfess, in your obserrations,
We never know when we are secure, unless we have our
p into de perty in our chests or in lands.
pest, la Hunks. That's true. I'd rather have my property in laude. Bli! at three per cent, than in the hands of the best man in tuis impert town at six-it is a fact. Lands will grow higher when the Hw wars are over. ,
Blithe. You're entirely right. I believe if I'd as much moene, bi ney as you, I should be of the same mind.
L. Blir · Hurks. That's a good disposition. We must all learn to Hur take care of ourselves, these hard times. But I wonder bor to my it happens, that your disposition is so different from your soni Elie -he's extremely wild and profuse I should think it was not this hou possible for you, with all your prudence and dexterity, to get hun money as fast as he would spend it.
you wa Bliche, Oh, he's young and airy : we must make allowanc
tmbs ollow Bli: for such things; we used to do so nurselves when we were to, it young men.
you. Hunks. No, you're mistaken; I never wore a neckcloth nor i ma? a pair of shoe-buckles, on a week day, in my life. But that in the now become customary among the lowest ranks of people.
Blithe. You have been very singular ; there are few men in our age that have been so frugal and saving as you have. Bienaven we must always endeavor to conform ourselves a little to the custom of the times. My son is not more extravagant thang other young people of his age. He loves to drink a glass o wine sometimes, with his companions, and to appear premi gaily drest; but this is only what is natural and customary to
biit. every one. I understand he has formed some connexion
Hur with your eldest daughter, and I should be fond of the allianca if I could gain your approbation in the matter.
Hunks. The custom of the times will undo us ail-Theres no living in this prodigal age. The young people must have
Blit) their bottles, their tavern dinners and dice, while the old one
ld one of a tri are made perfect drudges to support their luxury.
one wa Elithe. Our families, Sir, without doubt, would be very happy
tery han. Hun py in such a connexion, if you would grant your consent.
Hunks. I lose all patience when I see the young beaus a fops, struiting about the streets in their laced coats and ruller shirts, and a thousand other extravagant articles of expencee
Blich Blithe. Sir, I should be very glad if you would turn your di cention to the question I proposed
extrar Funks. There's one hall of these cexcomical spendur
Wohviftsbetri at can't pay their taxes, and yet they are constanty run
han may po
See the young beaus and
would turn your aty
ato debt, and their prodigality must be supported by poor, how est, laboring men.
Blithe. This is insufferable ; I'm vex'd at the old fellow's npertinence.--[Asicle}
Hinks. The world has got to a strange pass, a very strange ass indeed; there's no distinguishing a poor man from a rich ne, but only by his extravagant dress and supercilious behavior.
Blithe. I abhor to see a man alt mouth and no ears.
Hunks. All mouth and no ears! Do you mean to insult me :-) miv face ?
Elithe. I ask your pardon, Sir; but l've been talking to you ais hour, and you have paid me no attention. :)
Funks. Well, and what is this mighty affair upon which ou want my opinion ? - Blihe. It is something you have paid very little attention
), it seems; I'm willing to be heard in my turn as well as ou. I was telling you that my son had entered into a trvaty f marriage with your eldest daughter, and I desire your conent in the matter.
Hunks. A treaty of marriage! Why didn't she ask my liverty before she attenyted any such thing? A treaty of mar. jage ! I won't hear a word of it.
Blithe. The young couple are very fond of each other, and nay perhaps be ruin'd if you cross their inclination. .
Hunks. Then let them be ruin'd. I'll have my daughter o know she shall make no treaties without pay consent. "
Eiithe. She's of the same mind, that's what she wants now.
Funks. But you say the treaty's already made; however t'll make it over again, ..
Blithe. Well, Sir, the stronger the better.
Blithe. I want no trifling in the matter; the subject is not of a trifling nature. I expect you will give me a direct answer one way or the other
Hunks. If that's what you desire, I can tell you at once ; I have two very strong objections against the proposal; one is, I clislike your son; and the other is, I have determined upon an.
other match for my daughter. ** Blithe. Why do you dislike my son, pray?
Hunks. Oh, he's like the rest of mankind, running on in this : extravagant way of riving. My estate was earned too hard to
be tried away in such a manner. :..Blithe. Extravagant! I am sure he's very far from desery
that character. 'Tis true, he appears genteel and fashion te among people, but he's in good business, and above board, and tha.'s sufficient for any man,
Hunks. 'Tis fashionable, I suppose, to powder and curl a the barber's an hour or two, before he visits his mistress : as pay six. pence or eight pence for brushing his boots; to drink a glass of wine at every tavero : to dine upon fowls drest in the richest manner: and he must dirty two or three ruftled shirt in the journey. This is your genteel fashionable way, is it.
Birhe. Indeed, Sir, it is a matter of importance to appeal decently at such a time if ever. Would you have his goal you used to do, upon the same business, dress'd in a loug i shapen coat, a greasy pair of breeches, and a flap'd hai; wità your oats, in one side of your saddle-bags, and your dinner inte other? This would make an oud appearance in the proseof 2.3 · Hunks. A fig for the appearance, so long as I galu'd my point, and sav'd my money, and consequently my credit. That coat you mention is the same I have on now. 'Tis not so very long as you would represent it to bem-[Measuring he skirtota one leg.) See, it comes but just below the calf. This is the coat that my father was married in, and I after him. It has been in the fashion five times since it was new, and never was altered, and is a pretty good coat yet.
Elithe. You've a wonderful faculty of saving your money and credit, and keeping in the fashion at the same time. I sup pose you mean by saving your credit, that money and credil are inseparably connected. i Hunks. Yes, that they are; he that has one, need not fear the Joss of the other. For this reason, I can't consent to your son's proposal; he's too much ofa spendthrift to merit my approbation
Blithe. If you call hin a sperrthrift for his generosity, I do! sire he may never merit your approbation. A reputation that's gained by saving money in the manner you have mentioned is at best but a despicable character.
Hunke. Do you mean to call my character despicable ?
Blithe. We wou’t quarrel about the name, since you are so well contented with the thing. .
Hunks. You're welcome to your opinion ; I would not give a fiddlestick's end for your good or ill will ; my ideas of re putation are entirely different from your's, or your soci's, which are just the same : for I find you justify him in all his conduct Put as I have determined upon another match for my daugl..
; I shan't trouble myself about his behavior.
Blithe. But perhaps your proposed match will be equally disagreeable.
Hunks. No, I've no apprehension of that. He's a person of a fine genius and an excellent character.
Blithe. Sir, I desire to know who this person isathat is such a genius and character, and is so agreeable to your taste."
Hunks. 'Tis my young cousin Griffin. He's heir to a great estate you know. He discovered a surprising genius almost as soon as he was born. When he was a very child, he made him a box, with one small hole in it, into which he could but just crowd his money, and could not get it out again without breaking his box; by which means he made a continual addi. tion till he filled it, and
Blithe. Enough! enough! I've a sufficient idea of his char. acter, without hearing another word. But are you sure you shall obtain this excellent match for your daughter?
Hunks. Oh, l'in certain on't, I assure you, and my utmost wishes are gratified with the prospect. He has a large patri: mony lying between two excellent farms of mine ; which are at least worth two thousand pounds. These I've given to my daughter, and have ordered her uncle to take the deeds into his own hands, and deliver them to her on the day of her marriage.
Blithe. Then it seems you've almost accomplished the business. But have you got the consent of the young gentleman in the affair.
Hunks. His consent! what need I care about his consent, so long as I've his father's, that's sufficient for my purpose.
Blithe. Then you intend to force the young people to mar. ry, if they are unwilling?
Hunks. Those two thousand pounds will soon give them a disposition, I'll warrant you.
Blithe. Your schemes, I confess, are artfully concerted. But I must tell you, for your mortification, that the young gentleman is already married.
Hunks. What do you say ! already married ? It can't be ! I don't believe a syllable on't.
Blithe. Every syllable is true, whether you believe it or not: I received a letter this day from his father: If you wont believe me you niay read it. (Gives him the lettir.) There's the account in the postscript. (Points to it.)
· Hunks. (reads) I had almost forgot to tell you, that last Thursday my son was married to Miss Clarry Brentford, and that ail parties