Face. How, sir!

Love. Gallants, men and women,

And of all sorts, tag rag, been seen to flock here In threaves, these ten weeks, as to a second Hogsden,

In days of Pimlico and Eye-bright!

Face. Sir, their wisdoms will not say so!
Love. To-day they speak

Of coaches and gallants; one in a French hood
Went in, they tell me; and another was seen
In a velvet gown at the window! divers more
Pass in and out.

Face. They did pass through the doors then, Or walls, I assure their eyesights and their spectacles;

For here, sir, are the keys, and here have been,
In this my pocket, now, above twenty days!
And for before, I kept the fort alone there.
But that 'tis yet not deep i' the afternoon,
I should believe my neighbours had seen double
Through the black-pot, and made these appari
tions;

hand, I pray thee,

What trade art thou on?

3 Neigh. A smith, an't please your worship. Love. A smith? then lend me thy help to get this door open.

3 Neigh. That I will, presently, sir; but fetch my tools

1 Neigh. Sir, best to knock again afore you break it.

SCENE II.

LOVE-WIT, FACE, and Neighbours,

Love. I will,

Face. What mean you, sir?
1, 2, 4 Neigh, O, here's Jeremy!
Face. Good sir, come from the door.
Love. Why! what's the matter?

Face. Yet farther, you are too near yet,
Love. I' the name of wonder,

What means the fellow?

Fuce. The house, sir, has been visited.
Love. What? with the plague? Stand thou,
then, farther.

Face. No, sir; I had it not.

Love. Who had it, then? I left None else but thee i' the house!

Face. Yes, sir, my fellow,

The cat, that keeps the buttery, had it on her A week before I spied it; but I got her Conveyed away i' the night. And so I shrut The house up for a month

Love, How!

weeks,

And upwards, the door has not been opened, Love. Strange!

1 Neigh, Good faith, I think I saw a coach! 2 Neigh. And I too, I'd ha' been sworn! Love. Do you but think it now?

And but one coach?

4 Neigh, We cannot tell, sir: Jeremy Is a very honest fellow.

Face. Did you see me at all?

1 Neigh. No, that we are sure on,

2 Neigh. I'll be sworn o' that.

Love, Fine rogues to have your testimonies built on!

3 Neigh. Is Jeremy come?

1 Neigh. O, yes, you may leave your tools, We were deceived, he says.

2 Neigh. He has had the keys:

And the doors have been shut these three weeks, 3 Neigh. Like enough,

Love, Peace, and get hence, you changelings. Face. Surly come!

And Mammon made acquainted? they'll tell all, How shall I beat them off? what shall I do? Nothing's more wretched than a guilty conscience,

SCENE III,

SURLY, MAMMON, LOVE-WIT, FACE, Neigh bours, KASTRIL, ANANIAS, TRIBULATION, DAPPER, and SUBTLE.

Sur. No, sir, he was a great physician. This, It was no bawdy-house, but a mere chancel,

sir,

Within these doors, upon my word.

Sur. Your word, groom arrogant!
Face. Yes, sir, I am the housekeeper,

And know the keys ha' not been out o' my hands.
Sur. This's a new face.

Face. You do mistake the house, sir!

What sign was't at?

Sur. You rascal! this is one

O' the confederacy. Come, let's get officers,
And force the door.

Love. Pray you stay, gentlemen.
Sur. No, sir, we'll come with warrant.

Mam. Ay, and then we shall ha' your doors

open.

Love. What means this?

Face. I cannot tell, sir.

1 Neigh. These are two o' the gallants That we do think we saw.

Face. Two e' the fools;

You talk as idly as they. Good faith, sir,
I think the moon has crazed 'em all! O me,
The Angry Boy come too! he'll make a noise,
And ne'er away till he have betrayed us all.
Kast. What, rogues, bawds, slaves, you'll open
the door anon,

Punk, cockatrice, my sister. By this light,
[KAST. knocks.

I'll fetch the marshal to you.
To keep your castle-

You are a whore,

Face. Who would you speak with, sir? Kast. The bawdy doctor, and the cozening captain,

And puss, my sister.

Love. This is something, sure!

my sister!

Ana. Call her not sister. She is a harlot, verily. Kast. I'll raise the street.

Love. Good gentlemen, a word.

Ana. Satan, avoid, and hinder not our zeal. Love. The world's turned bet'lem.

Face. These are all broke loose,

Out of St Katherine's, where they use to keep The better sort of mad folks.

1 Neigh. All these persons We saw go in and out here. 2 Neigh. Yes, indeed, sir.

3 Neigh. These were the parties. Face. Peace, you drunkards! Sir,

I wonder at it! Please you to give me leave

To touch the door, I'll try an' the lock be changed. Love. It mazes me !

Face. Good faith, sir, I believe

There's no such thing. 'Tis all deceptio visus.Would I could

get him

away y!

Dap. Master captain! master doctor!

Love. Who's that?

[DAP. cries out within.

Face. Our clerk within, that I forgot !—I know

Illusions, some spirit o' the air :—his gag is melted,
And now he sets out the throat.

Dup. I am almost stifled.-
Face. Would you were altogether.
Love. 'Tis i' the house. Ha! list!
Face. Believe it, sir, i' the air.
Love. Peace, you-

Dap. Mine aunt's grace does not use me well.
Sub. You fool, peace, you'll mar all.

Face. Or you will else, you rogue.

Love. O, is it so? then you converse with spirits!

Come, sir. No more o' your tricks, good Jeremy, The truth, the shortest way.

Face. Dismiss this rabble, sir. What shall I do? I am catched. Love. Good neighbours,

I thank you all. You may depart. Come, sir,
You know that I am an indulgent master:
And therefore conceal nothing. What's your
med'cine

To draw so many several sorts of wild fowl? Face. Sir, you were wont to affect mirth and wit:

But here's no place to talk on't i' the street. Give me but leave to make the best of my fortune, And only pardon me the abuse of your house: It's all I beg; I'll help you to a widow,

In recompence, that you shall gi' me thanks for, Will make you seven years younger, and a rich

one.

'Tis but your putting on a Spanish cloak:

I have her within. You need not fear the house, It was not visited.

Love. But by me, who came
Sooner than you expected.

Face. It is true, sir. Pray you forgive me.
Love. Well, let's see your widow.

SCENE IV.

Subtle, DappeR, FACE, and DOL COMMON.

Sub. How! ha' you eaten your gag?
Dap. Yes, faith, it crumbled

Away i' my mouth.

Sub. You ha' spoiled all, then.

Dap. No,

I hope my aunt of Fairy will forgive me.

Sub. Your aunt's a gracious lady: But in troth You were to blame.

Dap. The fume did overcome me,

And I did do't to stay my stomach. Pray you
So satisfy her grace. Here comes the captain.
Face. How now! Is his mouth down?
Sub. Ay, he has spoken.

Face. A pox! I heard him, and you too. He's undone then.

I have been fain to say the house is haunted
With spirits, to keep Churl back.

Sub. And hast thou done it?
Face. Sure, for this night.
Sub. Why, then triumph and sing

Of Face so famous, the precious king

Of present wits.

Face. Did you not hear the coil

About the door?

Sub. Yes, and I dwindled with it.

Face. Shew him his aunt, and let him be dis

patched :

I'll send her to you.

Sub. Well, sir, your aunt her grace

Will give you audience presently, on my suit,

And the captain's word, that you did not eat your gag,

In any contempt of her highness.

Dap. Not I, in troth, sir.

Sub. Here she is come. Down o' your knees and wriggle.

[DOL like the queen of Fairy. She has a stately presence. Good. Yet nearer, And bid God save you. Dap. Madam,

your grace.

Dol. Nephew, we thought to have been angry with you:

But that sweet face of yours hath turned the tide, And made it flow with joy, that ebbed of love. Arise, and touch our velvet gown.

Sub. The skirts, and kiss 'em. So. Dol. Let me now stroke that head; Much, nephew, shalt thou win; much shalt thou spend;

Much shalt thou give away; much shalt thou lend. Sub. Ay, much indeed, Why do you not thank her grace?

Dap. I cannot speak for joy. Sub. See, the kind wretch! Your grace's kinsman right.

Dol. Give me the bird.

Here is your fly in a purse about your neck, cousin;
Wear it, and feed it about this day se'enight,
On your right wrist-

Sub. Open a vein with a pin,

And let it suck but once a week; till then,
You must not look on't.

Dol. No; and, kinsman,

Bear yourself worthy of the blood you come on. Sub. Her grace would ha' you eat no more Wool-sack pies,

Nor Dagger frume'ty.

Dol. Nor break his fast

In heaven and hell.

Sub. She's with you everywhere!

Nor play with costermongers at mum-chance, tray-trip.

God make you rich, (when, as your aunt has done it :) but keep

The gallant'st company, and the best games— Dup. Yes, sir.

Sub. Gleek and primero: and what you get,

be true to us.

Dap. By this hand, I will.

Sub. You may bring's a thousand pound

Before to-morrow night, (if but three thousand Be stirring) an' you will.

Dap. I swear I will, then.

Sub. Your fly will learn you all games.
Face. Ha' you done there?

Sub. Your grace will command him no more duties?

Face. And how do you like

The Lady Pliant?

Dol. A good dull innocent.

Sub. Here's your Hieronimo's cloak and hat. Fuce. Give me 'cm.

Sub. And the ruff too?

Face. Yes, I'll come to you presently.

Sub. Now he is gone about his project, Dol,

I told you of, for the widow.

Dol. 'Tis direct

Against our articles.

Sub. Well, we'll fit him, wench.

What paper's that?

Dol. The jewel of the waiting maid's,

lets?

Face. If she should have precedence of her mistress?

Dol. Yes.

Face. What box is that?

Sub. The fish-wife's rings, I think ;

And th' ale-wife's single money.-Is't not, Dol? Dol. Yes: and the whistle that the sailor's wife Brought you.

Face. We'll wet it to-morrow :-And our silver-beakers,

And tavern cups.-Where be the French petticoats,

And girdles, and hangers?
Sub. Here, i' the trunk,
And the bolts of lawn.

Face. Is Drugger's damask there?
And the tobacco?

my master

Knows all, has pardon'd me, and he will keep'em.
Doctor, 'tis true, you look, for all your figures:
I sent for him, indeed. Wherefore, good partners,
Both he and she, be satisfied: For, here
Determines the Indenture tripartite
'Twixt Subtle, Dol, and Face! All I can do
Is to help you over the wall, o'the back-side;
Or lend you sheet to save your velvet-gown, Dol.
Here will be officers presently; bethink you
Of some course suddenly to 'scape the dock;
For thither you'll come else. Hark you, thun-
[Some knock.

der!

Thou shalt ha' my letter to mistress Amo.

Dol. Hang you

Face. Or Madam Cæsarean.

Dol. Pox upon you, rogue! Would I had but time to beat thee.

Face. Subtle,

Let's know where you set up next; I'll send you A customer, now and then, for old acquaintance: What new course ha' you?

Sub. Rogue, I'll hang myself That I may walk a greater devil than thou, And haunt thee i' the flock-bed, and the buttery. [Exeunt.

SCENE V.

LOVE-WIT, Officers, MAMMON, SURLY, FACE,
KASTRIL, ANANIAS, TRIBULATION, DRUG-
GER, and Dame PLIANT.

Love. What do you mean, my masters?
Mam. Open your door,

Cheaters, bawds, conjurers.
Offi. Or we'll break it open.

Love. What warrant have you?

Offi. Warrant enough, sir, doubt not:

If you'll not open it.

Love. Is there an officer there?

Offi. Yes, two or three for failing.
Love. Have but patience,

And I will open it straight.
Face. Sir, ha'you done?

Is it a marriage! perfect?
Love. Yes, my brain

Face. Off with your ruff and cloak then; be yourself, sir!

Sur. Down with the door.

Kast. 'Slight, ding it open.
Love. Hold, hold, gentlemen!
What means this violence?
Mam. Where is this collar?
Sur. And my captain Face?
Mam. These day-owls.

Sur. That are birding in men's purses.
Mam. Madam Suppository!

Kast. Doxy, my sister.

Ana. Locusts of the foul pit!

Trib. Profane as Bel and the Dragon!

Ana. Worse than the grashoppers, or the lice

The empty walls worse than I left 'em, smok'd,
A few crack'd pots and glasses, and a furnace,
The ceiling fill'd with poesies of the candle:
And madam, with a dildo, writ o' the walls.
Only one gentlewoman I met here,
That is within, that said she was a widow-
Kast. Ay, that's my sister. I'll go thump her.
Where is she?

Love. And should ha' married a Spanish count, but he,

When he came to't, neglected her so grossly,
That I, a widower, am gone through with her.
Sur. How have I lost her then?
Love. Were you the Don, sir?
Good faith, now, she does blame you extremely,
and says

You swore, and told her, you had ta'en the pains
To dye your beard, and umbre o'er your face,
Borrow'd a suit and ruff, all for her love!
And then did nothing. What an oversight,
And want of putting forward, sir, was this!
Well-fare, an old harquebuseer yet,

Could prime his powder, and give fire, and hit,
All in a twinkling!

Mam. The whole nest are fled!

[Coming forth. Love. What sort of birds were they? Mam. A kind of choughs,

Or thievish daws, sir, that have pick'd my purse Of eightscore and ten pounds within these five

weeks,