Old Wom. Abominable poor, as poor as we are,
Money as rare to her, unless she steal it ;
But for one civil gown her lady gave her,
She may go bare, good gentlewoman.
Per. I am mad now,

I think I am as poor as she, I am wide else;
One civil suit I have left too, and that's all,
And if she steal that, she must flay me for it.
Where does she use?

Old Wom. You may find Truth as soon ; Alas, a thousand conceal'd corners, sir, she lurks in.

And here she gets a fleece, and there another, And lives in mists and smokes where none can find her.

Per. Is she a whore, too?

Old Wom. Little better, gentleman. I dare not say she is so, sir, because She is yours, sir; these five years she has firkt A pretty living,

Until she came to serve.-I fear he will knock my Brains out for lying.

Per. She has serv'd me faithfully,

A whore and thief? two excellent moral learnings

In one she-saint, I hope to see her legend.
Have I been fear'd for my discoveries,
And courted by all women to conceal 'em?
Have I so long studied the art of this sex,
And read the warnings to young gentlemen?
Have I profest to tame the pride of ladies,
And make 'em bear all tests, and am I trickt now?
Caught in mine own noose? here's a royal left
yet;

There's for your lodging and your meat for this week.

A silk-worm lives at a more plentiful ordinary, And sleeps in a sweeter box: Farewell, greatgrandmother;

If I do find you were an accessary,
'Tis but the cutting off two smoky minutes,
I'll hang ye presently.

Old Wom. And I deserve it, I tell but truth. Per. Not I, I am an ass, mother. [Exeunt. Enter the Duke of MEDINA, JUan de Castro, ALONZO, SANCHIO, CACAFOGO, Attendants. Duke. A goodly house.

Juan. And richly furnished too, sir.

Alon. Hung wantonly; I like that preparation, It stirs the blood unto a hopeful banquet, And intimates the mistress free and jovial; I love a house where pleasure prepares welcome. this manDuke. Now, Cacafogo, how like you

Those few slight pleasures that inhabit here, sir, I do beseech your grace command; they are yours,

Your servant but preserves 'em to delight ye.

Duke. I thank ye, lady; I am bold to visit ye, Once more to bless mine eyes with your sweet beauty.

'T has been a long night since you left the court,
For till I saw you now, no day broke to me.
Marg. Bring in the duke s meat.
Sanch. She is most excellent.

Juan. Most admirable fair as e'er I look'd upon;

I had rather command her than my regiment. Cac. I'll have a fling, 'tis but a thousand

ducats,

Which I can cozen up again in ten days,
And some few jewels to justify my knavery;
Say I should marry her, she'll get more money
Than all my usury, put my knavery to it.
She appears the most infallible way of purchase;
I could wish her a size or two stronger for the
encounter,

For I am like a lion, where I lay hold;
But these lambs will endure a plaguy load,
And never bleat neither; that, sir, time has
taught us.

I am so virtuous now, I cannot speak to her,
The arrant'st shame-fac'd ass! I broil away too.

Enter LEON.

Marg. Why, where's this dinner?
Leon. 'Tis not ready, madam,

Nor shall not be until I know the guests too,
Nor are they fairly welcome till I bid 'em.
Juan. Is not this my Alferes? he looks ano-
ther thing;
Are miracles a-foot again?

Marg. Why, sirrah, why sirrah, you?

Leon. I hear you, saucy woman,

And as you are my wife, command your absence; And know your duty, 'tis the crown of modesty. Duke. Your wife?

Leon. Yes, good my lord, I am her husband, And pray take notice that I claim that honour, And will maintain it.

Cac. If thou be'st her husband,

I am determin'd thou shalt be my cuckold.
I'll be thy faithful friend.

Leon. Peace, dirt and dunghill !

I will not lose mine anger on a rascal;
Provoke me more, I'll beat thy blown body
Till thou rebound'st again like a tennis-ball.
Alon. This is miraculous.
Sanch. Is this the fellow

That had the patience to become a fool,
A flurted fool, and on a sudden break,

As if he would shew a wonder to the world,
Both in bravery and fortune too?

I much admire the man; I am astonish'd.
Marg. I'll be divorced immediately.
Leon. You shall not,

You shall not have so much will to be wicked.
I am more tender of your honour, lady,
And of your age; you took me for a shadow,
You took me to gloss over your discredit,
To be your fool, you thought you had found a
coxcomb;

I am innocent of any foul dishonour I mean to ye:

Only I will be known to be your lord now,
And be a fair one too, or I will fall for 't.

Marg. I do command ye from me, thou poor fellow,

Thou cozen'd fool.

Leon. Thou cozen'd fool! 'tis not so,

I will not be commanded: I am above ye:
You may divorce me from your favour, lady,
But from your state you never shall, I'll hold
that;

And then maintain your wantonness, I'll wink at it.

Marg. Am I braved thus in my own house? Leon. 'Tis mine, madam;

You are deceiv'd, I am lord of it, I rule it and all that's in it;

You have nothing to do here, madam;
But as a servant to sweep clean the lodgings,
And at my farther will to do me service,
And so I'll keep it.

Marg. As you love me, give way.
Leon. It shall be better

I will give none, madam;

I stand upon the ground of mine own honour,
And will maintain it; you shall know me now
To be an understanding feeling man,
And sensible of what a woman aims at,
A young proud woman, that has will to sail with,
An itching woman, that her blood provokes

too.

I cast my cloud off, and appear myself,
The master of this little piece of mischief,
And I will put a spell about your feet, lady,
They shall not wander but where I give way now.
Duke. Is this the fellow that the people point-
ed at

For the mere sign of man, the walking image?
He speaks wondrous highly.

Leon. As a husband ought, sir,

In his own house, and it becomes me well too. I think your grace would grieve if you were put to it

To have a wife or servant of your own, (For wives are reckon'd in the rank of servants,) Under your own roof, to command ye.

Juan. Brave!-a strange conversion! thou shalt lead

In chief now.

Duke. Is there no difference betwixt her and you, sir?

And eat your coach, (which will be hard diet,) That executes your will:-Or take your coach, lady,

I give you liberty; and take your people Which I turn off, and take your will abroad with you:

Take all these freely-but take me no more!And so, farewell!

Duke. Nay, sir, you shall not carry it So bravely off; you shall not wrong a lady In a high huffing strain, and think to bear it!We stand not by as bawds to your brave fury, To see a lady weep!

Leon. They are tears of anger, (I beseech ye note 'em) not worth pity,

Wrung from her rage, because her will prevails

not:

She would swoon now if she could not cry; Else they were excellent, and I should grieve

too:

But falling thus, they show nor sweet nor orient.
Put up, my lord!-this is oppression,

And calls the sword of justice to relieve me;
The law to lend her hand; the king to right me ;
All which shall understand how you provoke me.
In mine own house to brave me, is this princely?
Then to my guard, and if I spare your grace,
And do not make this place your monument,
Too rich a tomb for such a rude behaviour,
(I have a cause will kill a thousand of ye,) mercy
forsake me!-

Juan. Hold, fair sir, I beseech you,

The gentleman but pleads his own right nobly. Leon. He that dares strike against the husband's freedom,

The husband's curse stick to him!-A tam'd cuckold;

His wife be fair and young, but most dishonest,
Most impudent, and have no feeling of it;
No conscience to reclaim her from a monster;
Let her lie by him like a flattering ruin,
And at one instant kill both name and honour:
Let him be lost, no eye to weep his end,
Nor find no earth that's base enough to bury
him:-

Now, sir, fall on, I am ready to oppose ye.
Duke. I have better thought.-I pray, sir, use

your wife well.

Leon. Mine own humanity will teach me that, sir :

And now you are all welcome, all! and we'll to dinner;

This is my wedding-day.

Duke. I'll cross your joy yet.

Juan. I have seen a miracle: hold thine own,

soldier!

Sure they dare fight in fire, that conquer women! Sanch. He's beaten all my loose thoughts out of me,

As if he had thresh'd them out o' the husk.

Enter PEREZ.

Per. 'Save ye, which is the lady of the house? Leon. That's she, sir, that pretty lady, If you would speak with her. Juan. Don Michael!

Leon. Another darer come?

Per. Pray do not know me, I am full of

business;

When I have more time I'll be merry with ye. It is the woman:-Good madam, tell me truly, Had you a maid call'd Estifania?

Marg. Yes truly had I.

Per. Was she a maid, do you think?
Marg. I dare not swear for her,

For she had but a scant fame.

Per. Was she your kinswoman?

Marg. Not that I ever knew; now I look better,

I think you married her; 'give you joy, sir, You may reclaim her, 'twas a wild young girl. Per. Give me a halter:-Is not this house mine, madam?

Was not she owner of it? Pray, speak truly.. Marg. No, certainly; I'm sure my money paid for it,

And I ne'er remember yet I gave it you, sir.
Per. The hangings and the plate too?
Marg. All are mine, sir,

And every thing you see about the building:
She only kept my house when I was absent,
And so ill kept it, I was weary of her.
Sanch. What a devil ails he?
Juan. He's possest, I'll assure you.
Per. Where is your maid?

Alonz. When shall we come and visit thee? Sanc. And eat some rare fruit?-Thou hast admirable orchards !

You are so jealous now.-Pox o' your jealousy, How scurvily you look !—

Per. Prithee leave fooling,

I am in no humour now to fool and prattle.Did she ne'er play the wag with you?

Marg. Yes, many times, so often that I was asham'd to keep her :

But I forgave her, sir, in hope she would mend still:

And had not you o' th' instant married her,
I had put her off.

Per. I thank ye, I am blest still;
Which way soe'er I turn, I am a made man;
Miserably gull'd beyond recovery.

Juan. You'll stay and dine?

Per. Certain I cannot, captain :Hark in thine ear, I am the arrantest puppy, The miserablest ass !--but I must leave ye,I am in haste, in haste; bless you, good madam, And may you prove as good as my wife! [Exit. Leon. Will you come near, sir? will your grace but honour me,

And taste our dinner? you are nobly welcome; All anger's past, I hope, and I shall serve ye. Juan. Thou art the stock of men, and I admire thee. [Exeunt.

SCENE I.

Enter PEREZ.

Per. I'll go to a conjurer but I'll find this pole

cat,

This pilfering whore:-A plague of veils, I cry,
And covers for the impudence of women;-
Their sanctity in show will deceive devils :—
It is my evil angel, let me bless me !—

Enter ESTIFANIA with a Casket.

Estif. 'Tis he, I am caught, I must stand to it stoutly,

And show no shake of fear :-I see he is angry; Vex'd at the uttermost.

Per. My worthy wife!

I have been looking of your modesty All the town over.

Estif. My most noble husband!

I am glad I have found ye; for, in truth, I am weary,

Weary and lame, with looking out your lordship.
Per. I have been in bawdy-houses-

Estif. I believe you, and very lately too.
Per. Pray you pardon me,

To seek your ladyship: I have been in cellars,
In private cellars, where the thirsty bawds
Hear your confessions: I have been at plays,
To look you out amongst the youthful actors;
At puppet-shews, (you are mistress of the mo-
tions :)

At gossippings I hearkened after you;
But amongst those confusions of lewd tongues
There's no distinguishing beyond a Babel.

I was amongst the nuns, because you sing well; But they say your's are bawdy songs, they mourn for ye:

To look you out, I went to twenty taverns.
Per. And are you sober?

Estif. Yes, I reel not yet, sir,-
Where I saw twenty drunk, most of 'em soldiers;
There I had great hope to find you disguis'd too.
From hence to th' dicing-house; there I found
Quarrels needless and senseless, swords and pots,
and candlesticks,

Tables and stools, and all in one confusion,
And no man knew his friend.-I left this chaos,
And to the chirurgeon's went; he will'd me stay,
For, says he, learnedly, if he be tippled,
Twenty to one he whores, and then I hear of

him:

If he be mad, he quarrels, then he comes too.― I sought ye where no safe thing would have ventur'd,

Amongst diseases base, and vile, vile women;
For I rememb'red your old Roman axiom,
The more the danger, still the more the honour.
Last, to your confessor I came, who told me
You were too proud to pray;—and here I have
found ye!-

Per. She bears up bravely, and the rogue is

witty,

But I shall dash it instantly to nothing.-
Here leave we off our wanton languages,
And now conclude we in a sharper tongue.
Why am I cozen'd?

Estif. Why am I abused?

Per. Thou most vile, base, abominable-
Estif. Captain!

Per. Thou stinking, overstew'd, poor, pocky—
Estif. Captain!

Per. Do you echo me?

Estif. Yes, sir, and go before ye,

And round about ye :-Why do you rail at me For that that was your own sin, your own knavery?

Per. And brave me too?

Estif. You had best now draw your sword,

captain;

Draw it upon a woman, do, brave captain! Upon your wife, oh most renowned captain!Per. A plague upon thee, answer me directly, Why didst thou marry me?

Estif. To be my husband.

I had thought you had had infinite, but I am cozen'd.

Per. Why didst thou flatter me, and shew me wonders?

A house and riches, when they are but shadows, Shadows to me?

Estif. Why did you work on me, (It was but my part to requite you, sir,) With your strong soldier's wit, and swore you would bring me

So much in chains, so much in jewels, husband; So much in right rich clothes?

Per. Thou hast 'em, rascal;

I gave 'em to thy hands, my trunks and all,
And thou hast open'd 'em, and sold my treasure.
Estif. Sir, there's your treasure, sell it to a
tinker

To mend old kettles,-is this noble usage?— Let all the world view here the captain's treasure!

A man would think now these were worthy mat

ters:

Here's a shoeing-horn chain gilt over; how it scenteth,

Worse than the mouldy dirty heel it served for! And here's another of a lesser value,

So little I would shame to tie my dog in't :These are my jointure!-Blush and save a labour,

Or these else will blush for ye!

Per. A fire subtle ye! are ye so crafty?
Estif. Here's a goodly jewel;

Did not you win this at Goletta, captain?
Or took it in the field from some brave Bassa?
How it sparkles like an old lady's eyes,
And fills each room with light like a close lan-
thorn!-

This would do rarely in an abbey window,
To cozen pilgrims:-

Per. Prithee, leave prating.

Estif. And here's a chain of whitings' eyes for pearls,

A mussel-monger would have made a better.— Per. Nay, prithee wife, my clothes, my clothes. Estif. I'll tell ye,

Your clothes are parallels to these, all counterfeit:

Put these and them on, you are a man of cop

you.

Per. Is there no house then, nor no grounds about it?

No plate nor hangings?

Estif. There are none, sweet husband! Shadow for shadow is as equal justice.Can you rail now?-Pray put up your fury, sir, And speak great words!-You are a soldier!Thunder!

Per. I will speak little: I have play'd the fool, And so I am rewarded.

Estif. You have spoke well, sir: And now I see you are so conformable, I'll heighten you again :-Go to your house, They are packing to be gone:-You must sup

there:

It was my plot:-Alas, my credulous husband, The lady told you too

Per. Most strange things of thee..

Estif. Still 'twas my way, and all to try your sufferance:

And she denied the house?

Per. She knew me not,
No, nor no title that I had.
Estif. 'Twas well carried :-
No more, I am right and strait.
Per. I would believe thee,

But heaven knows how my heart is !—Will ye follow me?

Estif. I'll be there strait.

Per. I am fooled, yet dare not find it.

[Exit PER.

Estif. Go, silly fool! thou may'st be a good soldier

In open field, but for our private service

else.

Enter CACAFOGO.

Here comes another trout that I must tickle, And tickle daintily, I have lost my end else.May I crave your leave, sir?

Cac. Prithee be answered, thou shalt crave no leave;

I am in my meditations, do not vex me.
A beaten thing, but this hour a most bruised

thing,

That people had compassion on, it looked so: The next sir Palmerin; here's fine proportion, An ass and then an elephant :-Sweet justice! There's no way left to come at her now, no

craving.

If money could come near, yet I would pay him:
I have a mind to make him a huge cuckold,
And money may do much :-A thousand ducats!
'Tis but the letting blood of a rank heir.
Estif. Pray you, hear me!—

Cac. I know thou hast some wedding-ring to pawn now,

Of silver and gilt, with a blind posie in't ;
Love and a mill-horse should go round together,
Or thy child's whistle, or thy squirrel's chain:
I'll none of 'em:-I would she did but know me;
Or would this fellow had but use of money,
That I might come in any way.

Estif. I am gone, sir,

And I shall tell the beauty sent me to ye, The lady Margarita

Cac. Stay, I prithee,

What is thy will?—I turn me wholly to ye, And talk now till thy tongue ach, I will hear ye. Estif. She would intreat you, sir—

Cac. She shall command, sir!

Shall sparkle like her eyes, and thee another:Come, prithee come, I long to serve thy lady, Long monstrously!-Now, valour, I shall meet ye, You that dare dukes!

Estif. Green goose, you are now in sippets.

[Exeunt.

not be.

Sanch. That such an oyster-shell should hold a pearl,

And of so rare a price, in prison!

Was she made to be the matter of her own undoing,

To let a slovenly unwieldy fellow,
Unruly and self-will'd, dispose her beauties?
We suffer all, sir, in this sad eclipse;
She should shine where she might show like
herself,

An absolute sweetness, to comfort those admire her,

And shed her beams upon her friends !—
We are gull'd all,

And all the world will grumble at your patience,
If she be ravish'd thus.

Duke. Ne'er fear it, Sanchio,

We'll have her free again, and move at court In her clear orb: But one sweet handsomeness

woman!

Do not forget thyself.

Estif. She does command then

This courtesy, because she knows you are noble. Cac. Your mistress by the way?

Estif. My natural mistress.

Upon these jewels, sir, they are fair and rich,

13

ber'd!