Page images


know you

me, sir?

Well. Where bought you it, Master Stephen? | 'removed, I appear your worship’s in reversion,

Step. Of a scurvy rogue soldier (a hundred of after the decease of your good father-Brainlice go with him); he swore it was a Toledo. Bob. A poor provant rapier, no better.

E. Kno. Brain-worm ! 'Slight, what breath of Mat. Mass, I think it be, indeed! now I look a conjurer hath blown thee hither in this shape ? on't better.

Bruin. The breath o' your letter, sir, this E. Kno. Nay, the longer you look on't the morning: the same, that blew you to the Windworse. Put it up, put it up!

mill, and your father after you. Step. Well, I will put it up ; but by—I have E. Kno. My father ! forgot the captain's oath, I thought to have sworn Brain. Nay, never start ; 'tis true; he has fol. by it) an' e'er I meet him

lowed you over the fields by the foot, as you Well. O, 'tis past help now, sir; you must have would do a hare i' the snow. patience.

E. Kno. Sirrah, Well-bred, what shall we do, Step. Whoreson coney-catching rascal ! I could sirrah? My father is come over after me. eat the very hilts for anger.

Well. Thy father! Where is he? E. Kno. A sign of good digestion ; you have Brain. At justice Clement's house, here, in an ostrich stomach, cousin.

Coleman-street, where he but stays my return; . Step. A stomach! I would I had him here! and then you should see an' I had a stomach.

Well. Who's this? Brain-worin ? Well. It is better as it is. Come, gentlemen, Brain. The same, sir, shall we go?

Well. Why, how, i' the name of wit, com'st

thou transmuted thus ? Enter BRAIN-WORM.

Brain. Faith, a device! a device! Nay, for E. Kno. A miracle, cousin ! look here ! look the love of reason, gentlemen, and avoiding the here!

danger, stand not here; withdraw, and I'll tell Step. O, god’slid, by your leave, do you


Well. But art thou sure he will stay thy reBrain. Ay, sir, I know you by sight.

turn? Step. You sold me a rapier, did you


Brain. Do I live, sir? what a question is that! Brain. Yes, marry, did I, sir.

Well. We'll prorogue his expectation, then, Step. You said it was a Toledo, ha ?

a little. Brain-worm, thou shalt go with us. Bruin. True, I did so.

Come on, gentlemen ; nay, I pray thee, sweet Step. But it is none !

Ned, droop not. 'Heart, an' our wits be so Brain. No, sir, I confess it is none.

wretchedly dull, that one old plotting brain can Step. Do you confess it? Gentlemen, bear wit- outstrip us all, would we were e'en pressed to ness, he has confessed it. By God's will, an' you make porters of, and serve out the remnant of had not confessed it

our days in Thames-street, or at CustomhouseE. Kno. Oh, cousin, forbear, forbear.

kcy, in a civil war against the car-men. Step. Nay, I have done, cousin.

Bruir. Amen, amen, amen, say I. (E.reunt. Well

. Why, you have done like a gentleman; he has confessed it, what would you more?

SCENE II.- The Warehouse. Step. Yet, by his leave, he is a rascal, under his favour, do you see.

Enter KITELY and CASH. E. Kno. Ay, by his leave, he is, and under fa Kite. What says he, Thomas? Did you speak vour. A pretty piece of civility ! Sirrah, how dost with him ? like him?

Cash. He will expect you, sir, within this half Well. Oh, it's a most precious fool, make much hour. of him. I can compare him to nothing more Kite. Has he the money ready? Can you tell ? happily, than a drum; for every one may play Cash. Yes, sir, the money was brought in last

night. E. Kno. No, no, a child's whistle were far the Kite. O, that's well: fetch me my cloak, my fitter.

cloak. Brain. Sir, shall I entreat a word with you? Stay, let me see; an hour to go and come ;

E. Kno. With me, sir! You have not another Ay, that will be the least; and then 'twill be Toledo to sell, have you ?

An hour before I can dispatch with him, Brain. You are conceited, sir ; your name is Or very near: well, I will say two hours. Master Kno'well, as I take it?

Two hours ! ha! things, never dreamt of yet, E. Kno. You are in the right. You mean not May be contrived, ay, and effected too, to proceed in the catechism, do you?

In two hours absence. Well, I will not go. Brain. No, sir, I am none of that coat. Two hours ! No, fleering opportunity!

E. Kno. Of as bare coat, though. Well, say, ' I will not give your subtlety that scope. sir ?

Who will not judge him worthy to be robbed, Brain. Faith, sir, I am but a servant to the That sets his doors wide open to a thief, drum extraordinary; and indeed, this smoky var And shews the felon where his treasure lies? nish being washed off, and three or four patches | Again, what earthly spirit but will attempt

upon him.


Te taste the fruit of beauty's golden tree, A secret to impart to you-but
When leaden sleep seals up the dragon's eyes? When once you have it, I must seal your lips up:
I will not go. Business, go by for once. So far I tell you, Thomas.
No, beauty, no; you are of too good caract Cash. Sir, for that
To be left so, without a guard, or open!

Kite. Nay, hear me out. Think, I esteem you, Your lustre too'll inflame at any distance,

Draw courtship to you, as a jet doth straws ; When I will let you in thus to my private.
Put motion in a stone, strike fire from ice, It is a thing sits nearer to my crest,
Nay, may a porter leap you with his burden. Than thou art aware of, Thomas. If thou
You nust be then kept up close, and well watch'd !

For, give you opportunity, no quick-sand Reveal it, but
Devours or swallows swifter! He, that lends Cash. How! I reveal it !
His wife, if she be fair, or time, or place,

Kite. Nay,
Compels her to be false. I will not go.

I do not think thou would'st : but if thou The dangers are too many. And then the dressing

should'st, Is a most main attractive ! Our great heads 'Twere a great weakness. Within the city, never were in safety

Cash. A great treachery. Since our wives wore those little caps : I'll Give it no other name. change 'em,

Kite. Thou wilt not do it, then ? I'll change 'em straight in mine. Mine shall no Cash. Sir, if I do, mankind disclaim me ever! more

Kite. He will not swear; he has some reserWear three-piled acorns, to make my horns ake.

vation, Nor will I go. I am resolved for that.

Some concealed purpose, and close meaning, sure. Carry in my cloak again. Yet stay. Yet, do jo. Else, being urged so much, how should he choose I will defer going, on all occasions.

But lend an oath to all this protestation? Cash. Sir, Snare, your scrivener, will be there He's no precisian, that I'm certain of, with the bonds.

Nor rigid Roman Catholic. He'll play Kite. That's true! fool on me! I had clean At Fayle's, and at tick-tack. I have heard him forgot it! I must go. What's o'clock ? Cash. Exchange time, sir.

What should I think of it? Urge him again, Kite. 'Heart! then will Well-bred presently be And b; some other way? I will do so. here too,

Well, Thomas, thou hast sworn not to disclose;
With one or other of his loose consorts. Yes, you did swear?
I am a knave, if I know what to say,

Cash. Not yet, sir, but I will,
What course to take, or which way to resolve.
My brain, methinks, is like an hour-glass,

Kite. No, Thomas, I dare take thy word;
Wherein my imagination rums, like sands, But if thou wilt swear, do-as thou think'st good';
Filling up time; but then are turned, and turned; I am resolved without it: at thy pleasure.
so that I know not what to stay upon,

Cash. By my soul's safety, then, sir, I protest And less to put in act. It shall be so.

My tongue shall ne'er take knowledge of a word, Nay, I dare build upon his secrecy ;

Delivered me in nature of your trust. He knows not to deceive me Thomas !

Kite. It is too much; these ceremonies need Cash. Sir.

not; Kile. Yet now, I have bethought too, I will I know thy faith to be as firm as rock. not

Thomas, come hither, near; we cannot be Thomas, is Cob within ?

Too private in this business. So it is,Cash. I think he be, sir.

(Now he has swomn, I dare the safelier venture) Kite. But he'll prate too--there's no speech of I have of late, by divers observations him.

But whether his oath can bind him, yea or no, No, there were no man o' the earth to Thomas, Being not taken lawfully? Ha! say you ? If I durst trust him; there is all the doubt. I will ask counsel ere I do proceed. But should he bave a chink in him, I were gone, Thomas, it will be now too long to stay ; Lost in my fame for ever: talk for the Exchange. I'll spy some fitter time soon, or tomorrow. The manner he hath stood with, 'till this present, Cask. Sir, at your pleasure. Dath promise no such change; what should Í Kite. I will think. And, Thomas, fear then ?

I pray you search the books, 'gainst my return, Well, come what will, I'll tempt my fortune once. For the receipts 'twixt me and Traps. Theras-you may deceive me, but I hope Cask. I will, sir. Your love to me is more

Kite. And, hear you, if your mistress's brother, Cash. Sir, if a servant's

Well-bred, Duty, with faith, may be called love, you are Chance to bring hither any gentlemen, More than in hope, you are possessed of it. Ere I come back, let one straight bring me word. Kite. I thank you heartily, Thamas; give me Cush. Very well, sir. your band:

Kite. To the Exchange; do you hear ? With all my heart,goed Thomas. I have, Thomas, Or here in Coleman-street, to Justice Clement's.

Please you

Forget it not, nor be out of the way.

Well. Why, Brain-worm, who would have Cash. I will not, sir.

thought thou had'st been such an artificer? Kite. I pray you have a care on't.

E. Kno. An artificer? an architect! Except a Or whether he come or no, if any other

man had studied begging all his life-time, and Stranger, or else, fail not to send me word. been a weaver of language from his infancy, for Cash. I shall not, sir.

the clothing of it I never saw his rival. Kite. Be it your special business

Well. Where got'st thou this coat, I marvel ! Now to remember it.

Brain. Of a Houndsditch man, sir, one of the Cash. Sir, I warrant you.

devil's near kinsmen, a broker. Kite. But, Thomas, this is not the secret, Well. That cannot be, if the proverb hold, for Thomas,

a crafty knave needs no broker. I told you of.

Brain. True, sir, but I did need a broker: ergoCash. No, sir, I do suppose it.

Well. Well put off.—No crafty knave, you'll Kite. Believe me, it is not.

say. Cash. Sir, I do believe you.

E. Kno. Tut, he bas more of these shifts. Kite. By Heaven ! it is not, that's enough. Brain. And yet where I have one, the broker But, Thomas,

has ten, sir. I would not you should utter it, do you see, To any creature living; yet I care not.

Enter CASH. Well, I must hence. Thomas, conceive thus Cash. Francis! Martin ! ne'er a one to be much;

found now? What a spite's this? It was a trial of you, when I meant

Well. How now, Thomas, is my brother KiteSo deep a secret to you: I mean not this, ly within ? But that I have to tell you. This is nothing, this. Cash. No, sir; my master went forth e'en But, Thomas, keep this from my wife, I charge you. now; but master Downright is within. Cob! Locked up in silence, midnight, buried here what! Cob! Is he gone too? No greater hell than to be slave to fear. [Erit. Well. Whither went your master, Thomas, Cush. Locked up in silence, midnight, buried can'st thou tell? here!

Cush. I know not; to Justice Clement's, I Whence should this flood of passion, trow, take think, sir. Cob!

[Erit CASH, heed? ha

E. Kno. Justice Clement! What's he? Best dream no longer of this running humour, Well. Why, dost thou not know him? He is For fear I sink! the violence of the stream a city magistrate, a justice here; an excellent Already hath transported me so far,

good lawyer, and a great scholar; but the only That I can feel no ground at all! But soft, mad and merry old fellow in Europe! I shewed Here is company: now must I (Erit. you him the other day.

E. Kno. Oh, is that he? I remember him Enter WELL-BRED, Edw. Kno’WELL, BRAIN

now. Good faith! and he has a very strange WORM, BOBADIL, STEPHEN.

presence, methinks; it shews as if he stood out Well. Beshrew me, but it was an absolute of the rank from other men. I have heard many good jest, and exceedingly well carried. of his jests in the university. They say, he will

E. Kno. Ay, and our ignorance maintained it commit a man for taking the wall of his horse. as well, did it not?

Well, Ay, or wearing his cloak on one shoulWell

. Yes, faith ; but was it possible thou der, or serving of God. Any thing, indeed, if should'st not know him ? I forgive Master it come in the way of his humour. Stephen, for he is stupidity itself. É. Kno. 'Fore God, not I, an' I might ha'

Enter CASH. been join'd patent with one of the seven wise Cash. Gasper, Martin, Cob! 'Heart! where masters for knowing him. He had so written should they be, trow? himself into the habit of one of your poor infan Bob. Master Kitely's man, prithee vouchsafe try, your decayed, ruinous, worm-eaten gentle us the lighting of this match. men of the round; such as have vowed to sit on Cash. Fire on your match, no time but now to the skirts of the city, like your provost and his vouchsafe! (Aside.] Francis ! Cob! half-dozen of halbardiers, do what they can; and Bob. Body of me! Here's the remainder of have translated begging out of the old backney seven pound since yesterday was seven-night. pace, to a fine easy amble, and make it run as It is your right Trinidado ! Did you never take smooth on the tongue as a shove-groat shilling. any, Master Stephen? Into the likeness of one of these reformado's had Step. No, truly, sir! but I'll learn to take it he moulded himself so perfectly, observing every now, since you commend it so. trick of their action, as varying the accent, swear Bob. Sir, believe me, upon my relation; for ing with an emphasis, indeed all with so special what I tell you, the world shall not reprove. I and exquisite a grace, that (hadst thou seen him,) have been in the Indies, where this herb grows, thou would'st have sworn he might have been where neither myself, nor a dozen gentlemen serjeant-major, if not lieutenant-colonel, of the more, of my knowledge, have received the taste Tegiment.

of any other nutriment in the world, for the


space of one and twenty weeks, but the fume of foot, body of Cæsar ! I shall never do it, sạre ; this simple only. Therefore it cannot be, but 'tis upon mine honour, and by St George! no, I have most divine. Further, take it in the nature, in not the right grace. the true kind, so it makes an antidote, that had Mit. Master Stephen, will you any? By this you taken the most deadly poisonous plant in all air, the most divine tobacco that ever I drunk! Ítaly, it should expel it, and clarify you, with as Step. None, I thank you, sir. Oh, this gen. much ease as. I speak. And for your green- tleman does it rarely too, but nothing like the wound, your balsamum, and your St John's other. By this air, as I am a gentleman: bywort, are all mere gulleries and trash to it, espe Bruin. Master, glance, glance! Master Wellcially your Trinadado; your Nicotian is good bred. too. I could say what I know of the virtue of Step. As I have somewhat to be saved, I proit, for the expulsion of rheums, raw humours,

(Practising at a post. crudities, obstructions, with a thousand of this Well. You are a fool, it needs no affidavit. kind; but I profess myself no quacksalver. Only E. Kno. Cousin, will you any tobacco ? thus much; by Hercules, I do hold it, and will Step. Aye, sir! Upon my reputationaffirm it before any prince in Europe, to be the E. Kno. How now, cousin ! most sovereign and precious weed, that ever the Step. I protest, as I am a gentleman, but no earth tendered to the use of man.

soldier, indeedE. Kno. This speech would have done de Well. No, Master Stephen? As I remember cently in a tobacco-trader's mouth.

your name is entered in the Artillery Garden.

Step. Aye, sir, that's true. Cousin, may I swear, Enter CASH and COB.

as I am a soldier ;' by that? Cash. At Justice Clement's he is, in the mid E. Kno. O yes, that you may; it's all you

have dle of Coleman-Street.

for your money. Cai, 0, ho!

Step. Then, as I am a gentleman, and a solBob. Where's the match I gave thee, Master dier, it is divine tobacco. Kitely's man?

Well. But soft, where is Mr Mathew? gone! Cash. Would his match and he, and pipe and Brain. No, sir: they went in here. all, were at Sancto Domingo! I had forgot it. Well. O, let us follow them : Master Matthew

Cob. But God's me, I mar'le what pleasure or is gone to salute his mistress in verse. We shall felicity they have in taking this roguish tobacco ! have the happiness to hear some of his poetry it is good for nothing but to choke a man, and now. He never comes unfurnished. Brain-worm? fill him full of smoke and embers. There were Step. Brain-worm? Where is this Brain-worm? four died out of one house last week with taking E. Kno. Ay, cousin, no words of it, upon your of it, and two more the bell went for yester- gentility. night; one of them (they say,) will ne'er 'scape Slep. Not I, body of me! by this air, St it; he voided a bushel of soot yesterday, upward George, and the foot of Pharaoh! and downward. By the stocks, an there were Well. Rare! your cousin's discourse is simno wiser men than 1, I'd have it present whip- ply drawn out with oaths. ping, man or woman, that should but deal with a E. Kno. "Tis larded with them. A kind of tobacco-pipe. Why it will stifle them all in the French dressing, if you love it. (Ereunt. end, as many as use it. It's little better than ratsbane or rosacker.

SCENE II.-A Hall in Justice CLEMENT'S [BOBADIL beats him with a cudgel, MAT

THEW runs away.

Enter KITELY and COB.
All. Oh, good captain ! hold ! hold !
Bob. You base scullion, you.

Kite. Ha ? How many are there, say'st thou ? Cash. Come, thou must need be talking too; Cob. Marry, sir, your brother, Master Wellthour't well enough served.

bredCob. Nay, he will not meddle with his match, Kite. Tut, beside him: what strangers are I warrant you. Well, it shall be a dear beat there, man? ing; an' I live, I will have justice for this.

Cob. Strangers ! let me see; one, two-mass, Bob. Do you prate? Do you murmur? I know not well, there are so many.

[BOBADIL beats him off Kute. How, so many! E. Kno. Nay, good captain, will you regard Cob. Ay, there are some five or six of them, the humour of a fool?

at the most. Well. Thomas, get him away.

Kite. A swarm, a swarm ! Bob. A whoreson filthy slave, a dung-worm, Spite of the devil! how they sting my head an excrement ! Body o' Cæsar, but that I scorn With forked stings, thus wide and large ! But, to let forth so mean a spirit, I'd have stabbed Cob, him to the earth.

How long hașt thou been coming hither, Cob? Well. Marry, the law forbid, sir.

C:b. A little while, sir.
Bob, By Pharaoh's foot, I would have done it. Kite. Didst thou come running ?

[Erit. Cob. No, sir. Step. Oh, he swears admirably! By Pharaoh's Kile. Nay, then I am familiar with thy haste! VOL. III,




Bane to my fortunes ! What meant I to marry ? Cob. By my troth, sir, will you have the truth
I, that before was ranked in such content, of it?
My mind at rest too in so soft a peace,

Kite. Ay, good Cob, I pray thee heartily. Being free master of my own free thoughts, Cob. Then I am a vagabond, and fitter for And now become a slave? Whai, never sigh ! Bridewell than your worship’s company, if I saw Be of good cheer, man, for thou art a cuckold. any body to be kissed, unless they would have 'Tis done, 'tis done! Nay, when such flowing kissed the post in the middle of the warehouse ; store,

for there I left them all, at their tobacco, with a Plenty itself, falls into wife's lap, The cornucopia will be mine, I know. But, Cob, Kite. How! were they not gone in then, ere What entertainment had they? I am sure thou cam’st ? My sister and my wife would bid them welcome! Cob. O, no, sir ! Ha!

Kite. Spite of the devil ! What do I stay here Cob. Like enough, sir ; yet I heard not a word then ? Cob, follow me.

[Erit. of it.

Cob. Nay, soft and fair, I have eggs on the Kite. No; their lips were sealed with kisses, spit. Now am I, for some five and fifty reasons, and the voice,

hammering, hammering revenge! Nay, an' he Drowned in a flood of joy at their arrival, had not lain in my house, 'twould never have Had lost her motion, staie, and faculty.

grieved me; but being my guest, one that, I'll be Cob, which of them was't that first kissed my sworn, I loved and trusted, and he, to turn wife?

monster of ingratitude, and strike his lawful My sister, I should say, my wife, alas ! host! Well, I hope to raise up an host of fury I fear not her. Ha! Who was it, say'st thou ? for it. I'll to Justice Clement for a warrant.

Strike his lawful host !



Mat. You say well, mistress; and I mean as SCENE I.-A Room in KITELY's House. well.

Down. Hey-day, here is stuff! Enter DOWNRIGHT and Dame KITELY,

Well. O, now stand close. Pray Heaven she Down. Well, sister, I tell you true; and you can get him to read; he should do it of his own will find it so, in the end.

natural impudence. Dame. Alas, brother, what would you have Bridg. Servant, what is this same, I pray you? me to do? I cannot help it. You see my bro Mat. Marry, an elegy! an elegy! an odd toyther brings them in here; they are his friends. Down. To mock an ape withal. O, 'I could

Doun. His friends! his friends ! 'Slud, they do sew up his mouth now. nothing but haunt him up and down, like a sort Dame. Sister, I pray you let's hear it. of unlucky spirits, and tempt him to all manner Down. Are you rhyme-given too? of villany that can be thought of. Well, by this Mat. Mistress, I'll read it if you please. light, a little thing would make me play the devil Bridg. Pray you do, servant. with some of them. An’’twere not more for your Down. O, here's no foppery! Death! I can enhusband's sake, than any thing else, I'd make the dure the stocks better. house too hot for the best of them. They should E. Kno. What ails thy brother ? Can he not say, and swear, hell were broken loose, ere they bear the reading of a ballad? went hence. But, by God's will, 'tis nobody's Well. O, no: a rhyme to him is worse than fault but yours; for an' you had done as you cheese, or a bag-pipe. But, mark, you lose the might have done, they should have been par- protestation. boiled, and baked too, every mother's son, ere Bob. Master Matthew, you abuse the expecthey should ha' come in e'er a one of them. tation of your dear mistress, and her fair sister.

Dame. God's my life! did you ever hear the Fie, while you live avoid this prolixity. like? What a strange man is this! Could I keep Mat. I shall, sir. out all them, think you? I should put myself Rare creature ! let me speak without offence: against half a dozen men, should I? Good faith, Would Heaven my rude words had the influence you'd mad the patient'st body in the world, to To rule thy thoughts, as thy fair looks do mine, hear you talk so without any sense or reason. Then shouldst thou be his prisoner, who is thine.

(Master STEPHEN answers with shaking his Enter Mrs BRIDGET, Master MATTHEW, WELL head.) BRED, STEPHEN, EDWARD KNO'WELL, BOBA

E. Kno. 'Slight, he shakes his head like a botDIL, and CASH.

tle, to feel an' there be any brain in it!

Well. Sister, what ha' you here? Verses :Bridget. Servant, in troth, you are too prodigal Pray you, let us see. Who made these verses ? Of your wit's treasure, thus to pour it forth They are excellent good. Upon so mean a subject as my worth.

Niat. 0, Master Well-bred, 'tis your disposi

« PreviousContinue »