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Care. Hark you, good Gillian Day, be not so Care. No, good Teague, there's no need of thy

the husband of thy bosom :-—'twas but message now :-But why dost thou lead Obadiah a small start of frailty: say it were a wench, or so! thus ?

Ruth. As I live, he has hit upon't by chance. Teague. Well, I will hang him presently, that Now we shall have sport.

(Aside. I will. Look you here, Mrs Tay; here's your Mrs Day. How, a wench, a wench! out upon man Obadiah, do you see ? he would not let me the hypocrite. A wench! was not I sufficient? make him drunk, so I did take him in this string, Awench!- I'll be reveng'd; let him be ashamed, if and I am going to choke him by the throat. he will.-Call the soldiers, Abel.

Blunt. Honest Teague, thy master is beholden Care. Stay, good Abel; march not off so has to thee, in some measure, for his liberty. tily.

Care. Teague, I shall requite thy honesty. Arb. Soft, gentle Abel, or I'll discover you are Teague. Well, shall I hang him then? It is a in bonds; you shall never be releas’d if you move rogue, now, who would not be drunk for the king. a step.

Ob. I do beseech you, gentlemen, let me not Ruth. D'ye hear, Mrs Day, be not so furious; be brought unto death. hold your peace; you may divulge your husband's Teague. You shall be brought to the gallows, shame, if you are so simple, and cast him out of you thief o' the world. authority, nay, and have him tried for his life :

Care. No, poor Teague, 'tis enough; we are read this. Remember too, I know of your bri- all friends. Come, let him go. bery and cheating, and something else : you guess. Teague. Are you all friends ? Then, here, little Be friends, and forgive one another. Here's a Obid, take the string, and go and hang yourself, letter counterfeited from the king, to bestow pre Care. D’ye hear, my friend; (To the Musician] ferment upon Mr Day if he would turn honest; are any of your companions with you? by which means, I suppose, you cozen'd your Mus. Yes, sir. brother cheats; in which he was to remember Cure. As I live, we'll all dance; it shall be his service to you. I believe 'twas your inditing. the celebration of our weddings. Nay, Mr Day, You are the committee-man. 'Tis your best way as we hope to continue friends, you and your (nay, never demur) to kiss, and be friends. Now, duck shall trip it too. if you can contrive handsomely to cozen those

Teugue. Ay, by my shoul will we: Obadiah that cozen all the world, and get these gentle shall be my woman too, and you shall dance for men to come by their estates easily, and with the king, that you shall. out taking the covenant, the old sum of five hun Care. Go, and strike


:-no chiding now, dred pounds, that I used to talk of, shall be yours Mrs Day. Come, you must not be refractory for yet. Mrs Day. We will endeavour.

Mrs Day. Well, busband, since these gentle. Ruth. Come, Mrs Arbella, pray let's all be men will have it so, and that they may perceive friends.

we are friends, dance, Arb. With all my heart.

Blunt. Now, Mr Day, to your business; get Ruth. Brother Abel, the bird is flown; but you it done as soon as you will, the five hundred shall be released from your bonds.

pounds shall be ready. Abel. I bear my afflictions as I may.

Care. So, friends :—thanks, honest Teague ; Enter TEAGUE, leading OBADIAH in a Halter, Mrs Annice, I hope you and I may agree about

thou shalt flourish in a new livery for this. Now, and a Musician.

kissing, and compound every way. Now, Mr Teague. What is this now? Who are you? Day, Well, are not you Mrs Tay? Well, I will tell If you will have good luck in every thing, her what I should say now ! Shall I then? I will Turn cavalier, and cry, God bless the king. try if I cannot laugh too, as I did, or think of the

(Ereunt omnes. mustard-pot.



BUT now the greatest thing is left to do,
More just committee, to compound with you ;
For, till your equal censures shall be known,
The poet's under sequestration;
le has no title to his small estate
Of wit, unless you please to set the rate.
Accept this half year's purchase of his wit,
For in the compass of that time 'twas writ:

Not that this is enough; he'll pay you more,
If you yourselves believe him not too poor:
For 'tis your judgments give him wealth; in this
He's just as rich as you believe he is.
Would all committees could have done like

Made men more rich, and by their payments







We might well call this short mock-play of ours, | Now, critics, do your worst, that here are met;
A posie made of weeds instead of flowers; For, like a rook, I have hedg’d in my bet :
Yet such have been presented to your noses,

you approve,

I shall assume the state
And there are such, I fear, who thought 'em roses. Of those high-flyers whom I imitate ;
Would some of 'em were here, to see, this night, And justly too ; for I will teach you more
What stuff it is in which they took delight. Than ever they would let you know before :
Here brisk, insipid rogues, for wit, let fall I will not only shew the feats they do,
Sometimes dull sense, but oft'ner none at all : But give you all their reasons for 'em too.
There strutting heroes, with a grim-fac'd train, Some honour may to me from hence arise:
Shall brave the gods, in King Cambyses vein. But if, by my endeavours, you grow wise,
For (changing rules, of late, as if men writ And what you once so prais'd, shall now despise,
In spite of reason, nature, art, and wit,) Then I'll cry out, swell’d with poetic rage,
Our poets make us laugh at tragedy,

'Tis I, John Lacy, have reform’d your stage. And with their comedies they make us cry.



Two Kings of BRENTFORD.

Two Heralds.
Four Cardinals.



Attendance of Men and Women.


bim to you.

an ass.

John. Gad so! this is an author : I'll go fetch

Smi. No, pr’ythee let him alone.
JOHNSON and Smith.

John. Nay, by the Lord, I'll have him.John. Honest Frank! I am glad to see thee

[Goes after him. with all my heart. How long hast thou been in Here he is; I have caught him.--Pray, sir, now, town?

for my sake, will you do a favour to this friend of Sini. Faith, not above an hour: and, if I had mine? not met you here, I had gone to look you out; Bayes. Sir, it is not within my small capacity for I long to talk with you freely, of all the strange to do favours, but receive 'em, especially from a new things we have heard in the country. person that does wear the honourable title you

John. And, by my troth, I have long'd as much are pleas’d to impose, sir, upon this — Sweet to laugh with you, at all the impertinent, dull, fan- sir, your servant. tastical things, we are tir'd out with here.

Smi. Your humble servant, sir. Smi. Dull and fantastic! that's an excellent John. But wilt thou do me a favour, now? composition.-Pray, what are our men of busi Bayes. Ay, sir : What is't? ness doing?

John. Why, to tell him the meaning of thy last John. I ne'er enquire after 'em. Thou know-play. est my humour lies another way. I love to please Buyes. How, sir, the meaning? Do you mean myself as much, and to trouble others as little as the plot? I can; and therefore do naturally avoid the com John. Ay, ay; any thing. pany of those solemu fops, who, being incapable Buyes. Faith, sir, the intrigo's now quite out of of reason, and insensible of wit and pleasure, are my head; but I have a new one in my pocket, always looking grave, and troubling one another, that I may say is a virgin ; 't has never yet been in hopes to be thought men of business.

blown upon. I must tell you one thing. - 'Tis all Smi. Indeed I have ever observ'd that your new wit, and, though I say it, a better than my grave lookers are the dullest of men.


you know well enough how that took. John. Ay, and of birds and beasts too: Your In fine, it shall read, and write, and act, and plot, gravest bird is an owl, and your gravest beast is and shew, ay, and pit, box, and gallery, 'egad,

with any play in Europe. This morning is its Smi. Well; but how dost thou pass thy time? last rehearsal, in their habits, and all that, as it

John. Why, as I use to do; eat, drink as well is to be acted ; and if you and your friend will do as I can, have a she-friend to be private with in it but the honour to see it in its virgin attire, the afternoon, and sometimes see a play; where though, perhaps, it may blush, I shall not be there are such things, Frank ! such hideous, mon asham'd to discover its vakedness unto you—I strous things, that it has almost made me forswear think it is in this pocket. the stage, and resolve to apply myself to the solid

[Puts his hand in his pocket. nonsense of your men of business, as the more John. Sir, I confess I am not able to answer ingenious pastime.

you in this new way; but if you please to icad, I Smi. I have heard, indeed, you have had lately shall be glad to follow you; and I hope my friend many new plays; and our country wits commend will do so too. 'em.

Smi. Sir, I have no business so considerable John. Ay, so do some of our city wits too; but as should keep me from your company. they are of the new kind of wits.

Bayes. Yes, here it is. No, cry you mercy ! Smi. New kind ! what kind is that?

This is my book of Drama Common-places ;

the John. Why, your virtuosi, your civil persons, mother of many other plays. your drolls; fellows that scorn to imitate nature, John. Drama Common-places! Pray what's but are given altogether to elevate and surprise. that?

Smi. Elevate and surprise! prythee make me Bayes. Why, sir, some certain helps, that we understand the meaning of that.

men of art have found it convenient to make use John. Nay, by my troth; that's a hard matter; of, I don't understand that myself:- 'Tis a phrase Smi. How, sir, helps for wit? they bave got among them, to express their no Bayes. Ay, sir, that's my position. And I do here meaning by. I'll tell you, as near as I can, what aver, that no man yet the sun e'er shone upon it is. Let me see :-'tis fighting, loving, sleeping, has parts sufficient to furnish out a stage, except rhyming, dying, dancing, singing, crying, and every it were by the help of these my rules. thing, but thinking and sense.

John, What are those rules, I pray

? Mr BAYES pusses over the Stage.

Buyes. Wlay, sir, my first rule is the rule of

transversion, or regulu' duplex; changing verse Bayes. Your most obsequious and most obser- into prose, or prose into versc, alternative, as you yanı very humble servant, sir.


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Smi. Well; but how is this done by rule, sir? them before the end of the first act: now, here,

Bayes. Why, thus, sir; nothing so easy, when every line surprises you, and brings in matter. understood ! I take a book in my hand, either at And then, for scenes, clothes, and dances, we put home or elsewhere, for that's all one; if there ke 'em quite down, all that ever went before us: and any wit in't, as there is no book but has some, those are the things, you know, that are essentransverse it; that is, if it be prose, put it into tial to a play. verse, (but that takes up some time,) and if it be 2d Play. Well, I am not of thy mind; but, so verse, put it into prose.

it gets us money, 'tis no great matter. John. Methinks, Mr Bayes, that putting verse into prose should be call'd transprosing.

Enter BAYES, Johnson, and Suth., Bayes. By org troth, sir, 'tis a very good no Bayes. Come, come in, gentlemen. Y'are very tion, and hereafter it shall be so.

welcome. Mr-a-ha' you your part ready? Smi. Well, sir, and what d'ye do with it then? 1st Play. Yes, sir. Buyes. Make sit my own. so chang'd that

Bayes. But do you understand the true humour no man can know it.--My next rule is the rule of it? of record, by way of table-book. Pray observe. 1st Play. Ay, sir, pretty well. John. We hear you, sir ; go on.

Bayes. And Amarillis, how does she do? Does Bayes. As thus :-I come into a coffee-house, or not her armour become her? some other place where witty men resort ; I make 3d Play. O, admirably! as if I minded nothing ; (do you mark ?) but as Bayes. I'll tell you, now, a pretty conceit: soon as any one speaks, pop I slap it down, and What do you think I'll make 'em call her anon, make that, too, my own.

in this play?
John. But, Mr Bayes, are you not some time in Smi. 'What, I pray?

V danger of their making you restore, by force, what Buyes. Why, I make 'em call her Armarillis, you have gotten thus by art?

because of her armour; ha, ha, ha! Bayes. No, sir; the world's unmindful: they John. That will be very well, indeed. never take notice of these things.

Bayes. Ay, it's a pretty little rogue; I knew Sini. But pray Mr. Bayes, among all your her face would set off armour extremely; and, other rules, have you no one rule for invention ? to tell you true, I writ that part only for her.

Bayes. Yes, sir, that's my third rule, that I have You must know she is my mistress. -here in my pocket.

John. Then I know another thing, little Bayes, Smi. What rule can that be, I wonder! —that thou hast had her, 'egad.

Bayes. Why, sir, when I have any thing to in Buyes. No, 'egad, not yet; but I am sure I vent, I never trouble my head about it, as other shall; for I have talk'd bawdy to her already. men do, but presently turn over this book, and John. Hast thou, faith? Pr’ythee how was there I have, at one view, all that Persius, Mon- that? taigne, Seneca's Tragedies, Horace, Juvenal, Bayes. Why, sir, there is, in the French tongue, Claudian, Pliny, Plutarch's Lives, and the rest, a certain criticism, which, by the variation of the have ever thought upon this subject : and so, in masculine adjective instead of the feminine, makes a trice, by leaving out a few words, or putting in a quite different signification of the word: as, for others of my own, the business is done.

example, ma vie is my life; but if, before vie you John. Indeed, Mr Bayes, this is as sure and put mon instead of ma, you make it bawdy. compendious a way of wit as ever I heard of. John. Very true,

Bayes. Sirs, if you make the least scruple of Bayes. Now, sir, I, having observ'd this, set a the efficacy of these my rules, do but come to trap for her, the other day, in the tyring-room; the play-house, and you shall judge of 'em by for this said I: Adieu, bel esperansa de ma vie the effects.

(which, 'egad, is very pretty ;) to which she anSmi. We'll follow


(Exeunt. swer’d, I vow, almost as prettily every jot; for

said she, Songez a ma vie, monsieur ; whereupon Enter three Players upon the Stage. I presently snapp'd this upon her:- Non, non, 1st Play. Have you your part perfect? madan-Songez vous a mon, by gad; and nam’d

2d Play. Yes, I have it without book; but I the thing directly to her. don't understand how it is to be spoken.

Sini. This is one of the richest stories, Mr 3d Play. And mine is such a one, as I cann't Bayes, that ever I heard of. guess, for my life, what humour l'm to be in; Bayes. Ay, let me alone, 'egad, when I get to whether angry, melancholy, merry, or in love. I l'em; I'll nick 'em, I warrant you': But I'm a litdon't know what to inake on't.

tle nice; for you must know, at this time, I am Ist Play. Pho! the author will be here pre- kept by another woman, in the city. sently, and he'll tell us all. You must know, this Simi. How kept ? for what? is the new way of writing; and thesc hard things Buyes. Why, for a beau garçon : I am, i'fackins. please forty times better than the old piain way; Smi. Nay, then we shall never have done. for, look you, sir, the grand design upon the Bayes. And the rogue is so fond of me, Mr stage is, to keep the auditors in suspense; fer | Johnson, that I vow to gad, I know not what to to guess presently at the plot and the sense, tires do with myself


my life.

John. Do with thyself! no; I wonder how two ways of making very good prologues. The thou canst make a shist to hold out at this rate. one is by civility, by insinuation, good language,

Buyes. O, devil! I can toil like a horse; only and all that,-a-in a manner, steal your plausometimes it makes me melancholy; and then, I dit from the courtesy of the auditors; the other, vow to gad, for a whole day together, I am not by making use of some certain personal things, able to say you one good thing, if it were to save which may keep a hank upon such censuring

persons as cannot otherways, 'egad, in nature, Smi. That we do verily believe, Mr Bayes. be hindered from being too free with their tongues. Bayes

. And that's the only thing, 'egad, which To which end, my first prologue is, that I come mads me in my amours; for I'll tell you, as a out in a long black veil, and a great huge hangfriend, Mr Johnson, my acquaintances, I hear, man behind me, with a furred cap, and his sword begin to give out that I am dull: now I am the drawn; and there tell 'em plainly, that if, out of furthest from it in the world, 'egad; but only, good nature, they will not like my play, 'egad, Pul forsooth, they think I am so, because I can say e'en kneel down, and he shall cut my head off. nothing

Whereupon they, all clapping,—a— John. Pho! pox! That's ill-natur’dly done Smi. Ay, but suppose they don't. of ?em.

Bayes. Suppose ! sir ; you may suppose what Bayes. Ay, gad, there's no trusting o' these you please ; I have nothing to do with your suprogues ; but-a-Come, let's sit down.—Look pose, sir, nor am hot at all mortified at it ; not at you, sirs, the chief hinge of this play, upon which all, sir, 'egad, not one jot, sir. Suppose, quoth-a! the whole plot moves and turns, and that causes -ha, ha, ha!

(Walks away. the variety of all the several accidents, which, you John. (Pho. prythee Bayes, don't mind what know, are the things in nature that makes up the he says, he is a fellow newly come out of the grand refinement of a play, is, that I suppose two country; he knows nothing of what's the relish kings of the same place, as, for example, at Brent- here of the town. ford; for I love to write familiarly: now the Bayes. If I writ, sir, to please the country, I people having the same relations to 'em both, the should have followed the old plain way; but I same affections, the same duty, the same obe- write for some persons of quality, and peculiar dience, and all that, are divided amongst them- friends of mine, that understand what flame and selves in point of devoir and interest, how to power in writing is : and they do me right, sir, to behave themselves equally between 'em, the approve of what I do. kings differing sometimes in particular, though in John. Ay, ay, they will clap, I warrant you ; the main they agree. (I know not whether I never fear it. make myself well understood.)

Buyes. I'm sure the design's good, that canJohn. I did not observe you, sir ; pray say

that not be denied. And then for language, 'egad, I again

defy 'em all, in nature, to mend it. Besides, sir, Bayes. Why, look you, sir, (nay, I beseech you, I have printed above a hundred sheets of paper, be a little curious in taking notice of this, or to insinuate the plot into the boxes, and, withelse you'll never understand my, notion of the al, have appointed two or three dozen of my thing,) the people being embarrass’d by their equal friends to be ready in the pit, who, I am sure, will ties to both, and the sovereigns concerned in a clap, and so the rest, you know, must follow reciprocal regard, as well to their own interest and then, pray, sir, what becomes of your suppose as the good of the people, may make a certain -ha, ha, ha! kind of a--you understand me-upon which there John. Nay, if the business be so well laid, it does arise several disputes, turmoils, heartburn cannot miss. ings, and all that-In fine, you'll apprehend it Bayes. I think so, sir, and therefore would better when you see it. (Exit, to call the players. chuse this to be the prologue; for if I could en

Smi. I find the author will be very much ob- gage 'em to clap before they see the play, you liged to the players, if they can make any sense know it would be so much the better; because out of this.

then they were engaged; for let a man write Enter BAYES.

never so well, there are, now-a-days, a sort of per

sons they call critics, that, 'egad, have no more Bayes. Now, gentlemen, I would fain ask your wit in them than so many hobby-horses ; but opinion of one thing, I have made a prologue they'll laugh at you, sir, and find fault, and cenand an epilogue, which may both serve for either; sure things, that, 'egad, I'm sure they are not able that is, the prologue for the epilogue, or the to do themselves : a sort of envious persons, epilogue for the prologue ; (do you mark ?) nay, that emulate the glories of persons of parts

, and they may both serve, too, 'egad, for any other think to build their fame by calumniation of perplay as well as this.

sons, that, e'gad, to my knowledge, of all persons Šmi. Very well. That's indeed artificial. in the world, are, in nature, the persons that do

Bayes. And I would fain ask your judgments, as much despise all that, as -In fine, Pll now, which of them would do best for the pro- say no more of 'em. logue; for you must know there is in nature but John. Nay, you have said enough of 'em, in


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