Lieut-Gen. Give fire, give fire, at once give fire, and let those recreant troops perceive mine ire. John. Pursue, pursue: they fly, That first did give the lie. [Exeunt. Bayes. This, now, is not improper, I think; because the spectators know all these towns, and may easily conceive them to be within the dominions of the two kings of Brentford. John. Most exceeding well designed! Bayes. How do you think I have contrived to give a stop to this battle? Smi. How? Bayes. By an eclipse; which, let me tell you, is a kind of fancy that was yet never so much as thought of but by myself, and one person more, that shall be nameless. Enter Lieutenant-General. Lieut.-Gen. What midnight darkness does in- And snatch the victor from his conquered prey? [Exit. John. This is an admirable representation of a battle, as ever I saw. Bayes. Ay, sir. But how would you fancy represent an eclipse? Smi. Why, that's to be supposed. Bayes. Supposed! Ay, you are ever at your suppose; ha, ha, ha! Why, you may as well suppose the whole play. No, it must come in upon the stage, that's certain, but in some odd way, that may delight, amuse, and all that. I have a conceit for't, that, I am sure, is new, and, I believe, to the purpose. John. How's that? Bayes. Why, the truth is, I took the first hint of this out of a dialogue between Phœbus and Aurora, in the Slighted Maid, which, by my troth, was very pretty; but, I think, you'll confess this is a little better. John. No doubt on't, Mr Bayes, a great deal better. (BAYES hugs JOHNSON, then turns to SMITH. Bayes. Ah, dear rogue! But-a-sir, you have heard, I suppose, that your eclipse of the moon is nothing else but an interposition of the earth between the sun and moon; as, likewise, your eclipse of the sun is caused by an interlocation of the moon betwixt the earth and the sun? Smi. I have heard some such thing indeed. Bayes. Well, sir, then what do I, but make the earth, sun, and moon, come out upon the stage, and dance the hey: hum; and, of necessity, by the very nature of this dance, the earth must be sometimes between the sun and the moon, and the moon between the earth and sun: and there you have both your eclipses by demonstration. John. That must needs be very fine, truly. Bayes. Yes, it has fancy in't. And then, sir, that there may be something in't too of joke, I bring 'em all in singing, and make the moon sell the earth a bargain.-Come, come out Eclipse, to the tune of Tom Tyler. Enter LUNA. Luna. Orbis, O Orbis ! Orb. Who calls Terra Firma, pray? Enter SOL, to the tune of Robin Hood. To see thee Orb abuse. Hey down, derry down. Orb. Where shall I thy true love know, Thou pretty, pretty moon? Luna. To-morrow, soon, ere it be noon, On Mount Vesuvio. Sol. Then I will shine. Orb. And I will be fine. [Bis. [To the tune of Trenchmore. Luna. And I will drink nothing but Lippary wine. [As they dance the hey, BAYES speaks. Bayes. Now the earth's before the moon; now the moon's before the sun: there's the eclipse again. Smi. He's mightily taken with this, I see. John. Ay, 'tis so extraordinary, how can he choose? Bayes. So, now, vanish Eclipse, and enter t'other battle, and fight. Here now, if I am not mistaken, you will see fighting enough. [A battle is fought between foot and great hobby-horses. At last, DRAWCANSIR comes in, and kills them all on both sides. All this while the battle is fighting, BAYES is telling them when to shout, and shouts with them. Draw. Others may boast a single man to kill, But I the blood of thousands daily spill. Let petty kings the name of parties know: Where'er I come I slay both friend and foe : The swiftest horsemen my swift rage controuls, And from their bodies drives their trembling souls: If they had wings, and to the gods could fly, I would pursue, and beat them through the sky, And make proud Jove, with all his thunder, see This single arm more dreadful is than he. [Exit. Bayes. There's a brave fellow for you now, sirs. You may talk of your Hectors, and Achilleses, and I know not who, but I defy all your histories, and your romances too, to shew me one such conqueror as this Drawcansir, John. I swear, I think you may. Smi. But, Mr Bayes, how shall all these dead men go off; for I see none alive to help 'em? Bayes. Go off! why, as they came on; upon their legs: how should they go off? Why, do you think the people here don't know they are not dead?-He is mighty ignorant, poor man. Your friend here is very silly, Mr Johnson, 'egad, he is; ha, ha, ha! Come, sir, I'll shew you how they shall go off-Rise, rise, sirs, and go about your business.-There's go off for you now; ha, ha, ha!-Mr Ivory, a word.-Gentlemen, I'll be with you presently. [Exit. John. Will you so? Then we'll be gone. Smi. I pr'ythee let's go, that we may preserve our hearing; one battle more will take mine quite away. [Exeunt. Enter BAYES and Players. Bayes. Where are the gentlemen? 1st Play. They are gone, sir. Bayes. Gone! 'Sdeath! this last act is best of all. I'll go fetch 'em again. [Exit. 1st Play. What shall we do, now he is gone away? 2d Play. Why, so much the better; then let's go to dinner. 3d Play. Stay, here's a foul piece of paper; let's see what 'tis. 3d or 4th Play. Ay, ay; come, let's hear it. 3d Play. [Reads.] The argument of the fifth act. -Cloris, at length, being sensible of Prince Prettyman's passion, consents to marry him; but, just as they are going to church, Prince Prettyman meeting, by chance, with old Joan, the chandler's widow, and remembering it was she that first brought him acquainted with Cloris, out of a high point of honour, breaks off his match with Cloris, and marries old Joan; upon which, Cloris, in despair, drowns herself, and Prince Prettyman discontentedly walks by the river-side.-This will never do: "Tis just like the rest.-Come, let's be [Exeunt. gone. Most of the Play. Ay, pox on't, let's be gone. Enter BAYES. Bayes. A plague on 'em both for me! they have made me sweat to run after 'em: A couple of senseless rascals, that had rather go to dinner than see this play out, with a pox to 'em! What comfort has a man to write for such dull rogues? -Come, Mr-a- Where are you, sir? Come away; quick, quick. Enter Stage-Keeper. S.-Keep. Sir, they are gone to dinner. Bayes. Yes, I know the gentlemen are gone; but I ask for the players. S.-Keep. Why an't please your worship, sir, the players are gone to dinner too. Bayes. How! Are the players gone to dinner? 'Tis impossible! The players gone to dinner! 'Egad, if they are, I'll make 'em know what it is to injure a person that does them the honour to write for 'em, and all that. A company of proud, conceited, humourous, cross-grained persons, and all that. 'Egad, I'll make 'em the most contemptible, despicable, inconsiderable persons, and all that, in the whole world for this trick. 'Egad, I'll be revenged on 'cm :-I'll sell this play to the other house. S.-Keep. Nay, good sir, don't take away the book; you'll disappoint the company that comes to see it acted here, this afternoon. Bayes. That's all one. I must reserve this comfort to myself: my play and I shall go toge ther; we will not part, indeed, sir. S.-Keep. But what will the town say, sir? Bayes. The town! Why, what care I for the town? 'Egad, the town has used me as scurvily as the players have done: but I'll be revenged on them too; for I'll lampoon 'em all and since they will not admit of my plays, they shall know what a satirist I am. And so, farewell to this stage, 'egad, for ever. [Exit BAYES. Enter Players. : 1st Play. Come, then, let's set up bills for another play. 2d Play. Ay, ay; we shall lose nothing by this, I warrant you. 1st Play. I am of your opinion. But, before we go, let's see Haynes and Shirley practise the last dance; for that may serve us another time. 2d Play. I'll call 'em in; I think they are but in the tyring-room. [The dance done. 1st Play. Come, come; let's go away to dinner, [Exeunt omnes. EPILOGUE. THE play is at an end, but where's the plot? That circumstance the poet Bayes forgot. And we can boast, though 'tis a plotting age, No place is freer from it than the stage. The ancients plotted, though, and strove to please, With sense that might be understood with ease; They every scene with so much wit did store, That who brought any in, went out with more But this new way of wit does so surprise, Wherefore, for ours, and for the kingdom's peace, KEY TO THE REHEARSAL. ACT I: Page 216, line 28, second col. Bayes. In fine, it shall read, and write, and act, and plot, and shew, ay, and pit, box, and gallery, 'egad, with any play in Europe." The usual language of the Hon. Edward Howard, Esq., at the rehearsal of his plays. Ibid, line 56. "Bayes. These my rules." He who writ this, not without pain and thought, Page 217, line 29, second col. "Bayes. I writ that part only for her. You must know she is my mistress.' " So two kind turtles, when a storm is nigh, Conquest of Granada, part II. p. 48. Ibid, line 16, second col. Slighted Maid, p. 48. See the Amorous Prince, p. 20, 22, 39, 69, | where you will find all the chief commands and directions are given in whispers. Page 220, line 19, second col. "Mr William Wintershall was a most excellent, judicious actor, and the best instructor of others. He died in July, 1679." Ibid, line 53. "Bayes: If I am to write familiar things, as sonnets. "-See line 53, second column of this page. Page 221, line 10, first col. "Take snuff." He was a great taker of snuff, and made most of it himself. Ibid, line 26, second co!. "Intrigue in a late play.' The Lost Lady, by Sir Robert Stapelton. "As some tall pine, which we on Etna find In imitation of this passage. As some fair tulip, by a storm oppressed, He is our long lost king, found for this moment, Marriage a-la-Mode, p. 69. This shews Mr Bayes to be a man of great constancy, and firm to his resolution, and not to be laughed out of his own method, agreeable to what he says in the next act: "As long as I know my things are good, what care I what they say." Page 223, line 3, first col. I know not what to say, or what to think! ACT III. Pandora, p. 46. “Thimb. Ay, sir, in your own coin: you give Hears from within the wind sing round its head; | me nothing but words." So, shrouded up, your beauty disappears: Page 222, line 58, second col. "Bayes. The whole state's turn'd," &c. Amalth. Oh! gentlemen, if you have loyalty Take a little Bibber, And throw him in the river; And throw him to the gaoler, Wild Gallant, p. 12. Ibid, line 43. Bayes. Ay, pretty well, but--he does not top his part." A great word with Mr Edward Howard. Ibid, line 7, second col. Bayes. As long as I know my things are good, what care I."-See line 37, first column of this page. Ibid, line 33. Song. In swords, pikes, and bullets, 'tis safer Than in a strong castle remoted from thee. a fall Did give it me more, from the top of a wall; |