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on my back.
[Angrily. Sir Jo. O Lord, sir ! Sir Jo. Stay, stay, sir, let me recollect-He's Sharp. You are above, I'm sure, a thought so a damn’d angry fellow-I believe I had better re low, to suffer me to lose what was ventured in member him till I can get out of his sight—but your service: nay, 'twas in a manner paid down out o' sight out o’mind, egad. (Aside. | for your deliverance; 'twas so much lent you
Sharp. Methought the service I did you last and you scorn, I'll say that for you — night, sir, in preserving you from those ruffians, Sir Jo. Nay, I'll say that for myself, (with your might have taken better root in your shallow me leave, sir,) I do scorn a dirty thing.---But, egad, mory
I'm a little out of pocket at present. Sir Jo. Gads-daggers, belts, blades,and scabbards, Sharp. Psha! you cann't want a hundred pound. this is the very gentleman !-How shall I make Your word is sufficient any were. 'Tis but bor. him a return suitable to the greatness of his me rowing so much dirt : you have large acres, and rit,I had a pretty thing to that purpose, if he can soon repay it.--Money is but dirt, Sir Joha’n’t frighted it out of my memory.—Hem, hem.seph---mere dirt. -Sir, I must submissively implore your pardon Sir Jo. But, I profess, 'tis a dirt I have washed for my transgression of ingratitude and omission; my hands of at present: I have laid it all out uphaving my entire dependence, sir, upon the superfluity of your goodness, which, like an inun
Sharp. Are you so extravagant in clothes, Sir dation, will, i hope, totally immerge the recollec-Joseph ? tion of my error, and leave me floating in your Sir Jo. Ha, ha, ha, a very good jest, I profess! sight upon the full-blown bladders of repentance, ha, ha, ha, a very good jest ! and † did not know by the help of which, I shall once more hope to that I had said it, and that's a better jest than swim into your favour.
[Bows. t’other. 'Tis a sign you and I ha’n't been long Sharp. So-h-0, sir, I am easily pacified: the acquainted: you have lost a good jest for want acknowledgment of a gentleman
of knowing me-I only mean a friend of mine Sir Jo. Acknowledgment, sir ! I am all over whom I call my Back; he sticks as close to me, acknowledgment, and will not stick to shew it and follows me through all dangers---He is indeed in the greatest extremity, by night or by day, in back, breast, and head-piece, as it were, to mesickness or in health, winter or summer; all sea. egad, he's a brave fellow-r-Paugh, I am quite anosons and occasions shall testify the reality and ther thing when I am with him: I don't fear the gratitude of your superabundant humble servant, devil, (God bless us) almost, if he be by.-Ah, Sir Joseph Wittol, knight-Hem, hem.
had he been with me last nightSharp. Sir Joseph Wittol ?
Sharp. If he had, sir, what then? he could Sir Jo. The same, sir, of Wittol Hall, in co have done no more, nor perhaps have suffer'd so mitatu Bucks.
much---Had lie a humdred pound to lose? Sharp. Is it possible !—Then I am happy to
[Angrily. have obliged the mirror of knighthood and pink Sir Jo. O Lord, sir, by no means-
--Bat I might of courtesy in the age-Let me embrace you. have saved a hundred pound--[Aside.)--I meant Sir Jo. O Lord, sir !
innocently, as I hope to be saved, sir--A damn'd Sharp. My loss I esteem as a trifle repaid hot fellow--[ Aside. --only, as I was saying, I let with interest, since it has purchased me the him have all my ready money, to redeem his great friendship and acquaintance of the person in the sword from limbo.---But, sir, I have a letter of world whose character I admire.
credit to Alderman Fondlewife, as far as two hun. Sir Jo. You are only pleased to say so, sir.- dred pound; and, this afternoon, you shall see I But pray, if I may be so bold, what is that loss
am a person, such a one as you would wish to
have met with, Sharp. O, term it no longer so, sir–In the Sharp. That you are, I'll be sworn. (Aside.]... scuffle last night I only dropt a bill of a hundred | Why, that's great, and like yourself. pound, which, I confess, I came half despairing to recover; but, thanks to my better fortune--
Enter BLUFFE. Sir Jo. You have found it, sir, then, it seems : Sir Jo. O, here he comes !---Ay, my Hector of I profess I'm heartily glad
Troy! welcome, my bully, my back; egad, my Sharp. Sir, your humble servant--I don't ques- heart has gone a-pit-pat for thee. tion but you are, that you have so cheap an op Bluff. How now, my young knight ?---not for portunity of expressing your gratitude and gene. fear, I hope : he that knows me must be a straurosity; since the refunding so trivial a sum will ger to fear. wholly acquit you, and doubly engage me. Sir Jo. Nay, egad, I hate fear, ever since I had
Sir Jo. What a dickins does he mean by a tri- like to have died of a fright.—Butvial sum! (Aside.l--But have you found it, sir ? Bluff. But, look you here, boy; here's your an
Sharp. No otherwise, I vow to Gad, but in my tidote, here's your jesuit's powder for a shaking hopes in you, sir.
fit.—But who hast thou got with thee? is he of Sir Jo. Hum !
(Luying his hand upon his sword. Sharp. But that's sufficient--.'Twere injustice Sir Jo. Ay, bully, a devilish smart fellow; and to doubt the honour of Sir Joseph Wittol. will fight like a cock.
Bluff. Say you so ? then I honour him. But if Nol. Bluffe had not been in the land of the li. has he been abroad? for every cock will fight ving! upon his own dunghill.
Sharp. Strange! Sir Jo. I don't know; but I'll present you Sir Jo. Yet, by the Lord Harry, it's true, Me
Bluff. I'll recommend myself.--Sir, I honour Sharper; for I went every day to coffee-houses you: I understand you love fighting : I reverence to read the gazette myself. a man that loves fighting : Sir, I kiss your hilts. Bluff. Ay, ay, no matter---You see, Mr Sharp
Sharp. Sir, your servant; but you are misin er, after all I am content to retire-live a priform'd; for, unless it be to serve my particular vate person---Scipio and others have done it. friend, as Sir Joseph here, my country, or my re Sharp. Impudent rogue !
(Aside. sigion, or in some very justifiable cause, I'm not Sir Jo. Ay, this damn’d modesty of yours-for it.
Egad, if he would put in for't, he might be made Bluff. O Lord, I beg your pardon, sir ; I find general himself yet. you are not of my palate ; you cann't relish a dish Bluff: O fie! no, Sir Joseph ; you know I hate of fighting without sweet sauce. Now, I think, this.
Fighting for fighting's sake's sufficient cause; Sir Jo. Let me but tell Mr Sharper a little how Fighting to me's religion and the laws. you ate fire out of the mouth of a cannon--egad
Sir Jo. Ah, well said, my hero.--Was not that he did : those impenetrable whiskers of his have great, sir ?--By the Lord Harry, he says true : confronted flamesfighting is meat, drink, and cloth to him.---But, Bluff. Death! what do you mean, Sir Joseph ? Back, this gentleman is one of the best friends Sir Jo. Look you now, I tell you he's so mohave in the world, and saved my life last night, dest he'll own nothing. You know, I told you.
Bluff: Pish! you have put me out; I have for. Bluff. Ay! then I honour him again.--Sir, got what I was about. Pray hold your tongue, may I crave your name?
and give me leave
[Angrily Sharp. Ay, sir, my name's Sharper.
Sir Jo. I am dumb. Sir Jo. Pray, Mr Sharper, embrace my Back Bluff. This sword, I think I was telling you of, very well-By the Lord Harry, Mr Sharper, he's Mr Sharper--This sword I'll maintain to be the as brave a fellow as Cannibal---Are not you, bul. best divine, anatomist, lawyer, or casuist, in Eu. ly Back?
rope; it shall decide a controversy or split a Sharp. Hannibal I believe you mean, Sir Joseph.
Sir Jo. Nay, now I must speak--it will split a Bluff. Undoubtedly he did, sir: faith, Hanni. hair; by the Lord Harry, I have seen it. bal was a very pretty fellow---But, Sir Joseph, Bluff: Zounds, sir, it's a lie, you have not seen comparisons are odious---Hannibal was a very it, nor sha'n't see it : Sir, I say you cann't see: pretty fellow in those days, it must be granted; what d'ye say to that now? but, alas, sir ! were he alive now, he would be no Sir Jo. I am blind. thing, nothing in the earth.
Bluff. Death! had any other man interrupted Sharp. How, sir !--I make a doubt if there be at this day a greater general breathing,
Sir Jo. Good Mr Sharper, speak to him ; I dare Bluff. O, excuse me, sir---Have you served a not look that way. broad, sir?
Sharp. Captain, Sir Joseph's penitent. Sharp. Not I, really, sir,
Bluff: 0, 1 am calm, sir, calm as a discharged Bluff: 0, I thought so---Why then you can culverin--But 'twas indiscreet, when you know know nothing, sir : I'm afraid you scarce know what will provoke me---Nay, come, Sir Joseph, the history of the late war in Flanders, with all you know my heat's soon over. its particulars.
Sir Jo. Well, I'm a fool sometimes...But I'm Sharp. Not I, sir, no more than public letters sorryor the gazette tell us.
Bluff Enough. Bluff. Gazette !---Why there again now-Why, Sir Jo. Come, we'll go take a glass to drown sir, there are not three words of truth, the year animosities.-- Mr Sharper, will you partake? round, put into the gazette.---I'll tell you a strange Sharp. I wait on you, sir--Nay, pray, captain... thing now as to that-You must know, sir, I was you are sir Joseph's back.
(Exeunt. resident in Flanders the last campaign---had a small post there; but no matter for that.-Per SCENE II.-Changes to Lodgings. haps, sir, there was scarce any thing of moment done but an humble servant of yours, that shall
Enter ARAMINTA and BELINDA. be nameless, was an eye-witness of--I won't say Belin. Ah! nay, dear-pr’ythee, good, dear, bad the greatest share in't; though I might say sweet cousin, no more. -0, Gad! I swear you'd that too, since I name nobody, you know.---Well, make one sick to hear you. Mr Sharper, would you think it ? in all this time, Aram. Bless me! what have I said to move as I hope for a truncheon, this rascally gazette- you thus ? writer never so much as once mention'd me--not Belin. O, you have ravcd, talk'd idly, and all once, by the warşa--took no more notice than as in commendation of that filthy, awkward, two
geon, cousin ?
legg'd creature, man-You don't know what you Aram. Come then, kiss and friends. said ; your fever has transported you.
Belin. Pish! Arum. If love be the fever which you mean, Aram. Pr'ythee don't be so peevish. kind Heaven avert the cure: Let me have oil Belin. Pr’ythee don't be so impertinent. to feed that flame, and never let it be extinct till Aram. Ha, ha, ha! I myself am ashes. Belin. There was a whine!-0 Gad, I hate
Enter BETTY. your horrid fancy- This love is the devil ; and, Bet. Did your ladyship call, madam? sure, to be in love is to be possess'd—'Tis in Belin. Get my hoods and tippet, and bid the the head, the heart, the blood, the—all over
footman call a chair. O Gad, you are quite spoild !– I shall loath the Arum. I hope you are not going out in dudsight of mankind for your sake. Aram. Fie! this is gross affectation-A little
Enter Footman. of Bellmour's company would change the scene. Foot. Madam, there areBelin. Filthy fellow !-I wonder, cousin
Belin. Is there a chair? Aram. I wonder, cousin, you should imagine Foot. No, madam, there are Mr Bellmour and I don't perceive you love him.
Mr Vainlove to wait upon your ladyship. Belin. O, I love your hideous fancy !-Ha, ha, Aram. Are they below ? ha !-love a man!
Foot. No, madam, they sent before, to know Aram. Love a man !-yes, you would not love if you were at home. a beast?
Belin. The visits to you, cousin ; I suppose I Belin. Of all beasts not an ass--which is so am at my liberty: like your Vainlove-Lard, I have seen an ass Aram. Be ready to shew 'em up.—[Exit Footlook so chagrin-ha, ha, ba !-(you must pardon man.)-I cann't tell, cousin; I believe we are me, I cann't help laughing,) that an absolute lover equally concerned: but if you continue your huwould have concluded the poor creature to have mour, it won't be very entertaining.—- I know had darts, and fames, and altars, and all that in she'd fain be persuaded to stay. his breast.—Araminta, come, I'll talk seriously to Belin. I shall oblige you, in leaving you to the you now : Could you but see with my eyes the full and free enjoyment of that conversation you buffoonery of one scene of address, a lover, set admire. out with all his equipage and appurtenances, 0 Gad! would— But you play the game,
Enter Betty with Hoods and Looking-Glass. and, consequently, cann't see the miscarriages ob
Belin. Let me see
hold the glass—Lard, I vious to every stander-by.
look wretchedly to-day ! Aram. Yes, yes, I can see something near it Aram. Betty, why don't you help my cousin ? when you and Bellmour meet.—You don't know
(Putting on her hoods. that you dreamt of Bellmour last night, and callid Belin. Hold off your fists, and see that he gets him aloud in your sleep?
a chair with a high roof, or a very low seatBelin. Pish? I cann't help dreaming of the de- Stay; come back here, you, Mrs Fidget-You are vil sometimes : would you from thence infer I so ready to go to the footmanlove him?
all again ; my mind's changed; I won't go: Aram. But that's not all : you caught me in
[Exit BETTY with the things. your arms when you named him, and pressed me Aram. So, this I expected.—You won't oblige to your bosom-Sure, if I had not pinch'd you till me then, cousin, and let me have all the compayou waked, you had stifled me with kisses.
ny to myself? Belin. O barbarous aspersion !
Belin. No; upon deliberation, I have too much Arum. No aspersion, cousin; we are alone- charity to trust you to yourself. The devil watches Nay, I can tell you more.
all opportunities; and, in this favourable disposiBelin. I deny it all.
tion of your mind, Heaven knows how far you Aram. What, before you hear it?
may be tempted—I am tender of your reputation. Belin. My denial is premeditated, like your ma Aram. I am obliged to you—But who's malilice.—Lard, cousin, you talk oddly-Whatever cious now, Belinda ? the matter is, o'my soul, I'm afraid you'll follow Belin. Not I: witness, my heart, I stay out of evil courses.
pure affection. Aram. Ha, ha, ha! this is pleasant.
Aram. In my conscience, I believe you. Belin. You may laugh; but
Enter BELLMOUR and VAINLOVE. Aram. Ha, ha, ha!
Belin. You think the malicious grin becomes Bell. So, fortune be praised !—To find you you-The devil take Bellmour-why do you tell both within, ladies, isme of him?
Aram. No miracle, I hope. Aram. O, is it come out ?-Now you are angry, Bell. Not o'your side, madam, I confessI am sure you love him.— I tell nobody else, cou But my tyrant there and I are two buckets that sin-I have not betray'd you yet.
can never come together. Belin. Pr’ythee tell it all the world : it's false. Belin. Nor are ever like-Yet we often meet -Betty!
(Calls. I and clash
-Here, take 'em
Bell. How, never like! marry, Hymen forbid. Bell. Humph! I thought so, that you might But this it is to run so extravagantly in debt; I have all the talk to yourself -you had bethave laid out such a world of love in your service, ter let me speak; for, if my thoughts fly to any that you think you can never be able to pay me pitch, I shall make villainous signs. all: So shun me for the same reason that you Belin. What will you get by that? to make would a dun.
such signs as I won't understand. Belin. Ay, on my conscience, and the most Bell. Ay, but if I'm tongue-tied, I must have impertinent and troublesome of duns-A dun for all my actions free to—quicken your appremoney will be quiet, when he sees his debtor has hension; and egad let me tell you, my most prenot wherewithal-But a dun for love is an eter- vailing argument is expressed in dumb shew. nal torment that never rests Bell. Till he has created love where there was
Enter Music- Master. none, and then gets it for his pains. For impor Aram. O I am glad we shall have a song to ditunity in love, like importunity at court, first vert the discourse Pray oblige us with the last creates its own interest, and then pursues it for new song the favour. Aram. Favours that are got by impudence and
SONG. importunity, are like discoveries from the rack, when the afflicted person, for his ease, sometimes Thus to a ripe, consenting maid, confesses secrets his heart knows nothing of. Poor, old, repenting Delia said,
Vain. I should rather think favours, so gained, Would you long preserve your lover, to be due rewards to indefatigable devotion
Would you still his goddess reign, For, as love is a deity, he must be served by prayer. Never let him all discover,
Belin. O Gad, would you would all pray to love Never let him much obtain. then, and let us alone!
Vain. You are the temples of love, and 'tis Men will admire, adore and die, through you our devotion must be convey'd.
While wishing at your feet they lie : Aram. Rather poor silly idols of your own ma But, admitting their embraces, king, which, upon the least displeasure, you for Wakes 'em from the golden dream ; sake, and set up new-Every man, now, changes Nothing's new besides our faces, his mistress and his religion, as his humour varies Every woman is the same. or his interest. Vain. 0, madam
Aram. So, how d’ye like the song, gentlemen ? Aram. Nay come, I find we are growing seri Bell. O very well performed but I don't ous, and then we are in great danger of being much admire the words. dull-If my music-master be not gone, i'll Aram. I expected it—there's too much truth entertain you with a new song, which comes pret- in ’em: If Mr Gavot will walk with us in the garty near my own opinion of love and your sex den, we'll have it once again —You may like it Who's there?
(Calls. better at second hearing. You'll bring my cousin.
Bell. Faith, madam, I dare not speak to her, Enter Footman.
but I'll make signs. Is Mr Gavot gone?
[Addresses BELINDA in dumb shew. Foot. Only to the next door; madam ; I'll call Belin. O foh! your dumb rhetoric is more rihim.
(Exit. diculous than your talking impertinence; as an Bell. Why, you won't hear me with patience. ape is a much more troublesome animal than a Aram. What's the matter, cousin ? Bell. Nothing, madam, only
Aram. Ay, cousin, and 'tis a sign the creatures Belin. Pr’ythee hold thy tongue -Lard, he mimick nature well; for there are few men but has so pestered me with fames and stuff do more silly things than they say. I think I sha'n't endure the sight of a fire this Bell. Well, I find my apishness has paid the twelvemonth.
ransome for my speech, and set it at libertyBell. Yet all cann’t melt that cruel frozen heart. Though, I confess, I could be well enough pleased
Belin. O Gad! I hate your hideous fancy to drive on a love-bargain in that silent manYou said that once before. If you must talk ner-'twould save a man a world of lying and impertinently, for heaven's sake let it be with va- swearing at the year's end. Besides, I have had a riety; don't come always, like the devil, wrapt little experience, that brings to my mindin fames I'll not hear a sentence more, When wit and reason, both, have failed to that begins with an, I burn -Or an, I beseech
move, you, madam.
Kind looks and actions, from success. do prove, Bell. But tell me how
would be adored Even silence may be eloquent in love. I am very tractable.
(Exeunt. Belin. Then know, I would be adored in silence.
the corner-'tishe-go get you in, madam ; receive SCENE I.-The Street.
him pleasantly, dress up your face in innocence
and smiles, and dissemble the very want of disEnter SILVIA and LUCY.
simulation-You know what will take him. Silv. Will he not come then?
Silo. 'Tis as hard to counterfeit love, as it is to Lucy. Yes, yes, come, I warrant him, if you conceal it : but I'll do my weak endeavour, though will go in and be ready to receive him.
I fear I have not art. Silo. Why, did you not tell me -Whom Lucy. Hang art, madam, and trust to nature mean you ?
for dissembling. Lucy. Whom should mean-Heartwell.
Man was by nature woman's cully made: Silv. Senseless creature, I meant my Vainlove.
We never are but by ourselves betrayed. Lucy. You may as soon hope to recover your
(Exeunt. own maidenhead as his love. Therefore e'en
your heart at rest, and, in the name of oppor. Enter HEARTWELL, VAINLOVE and BELLMOUR tunity, mind your own business. Strike Heart
following. well home, before the bait's worn off the book. Bell. Hist, hist, is not that Heartwell going to Age will come. He nibbled fairly yesterday, and Silvia ? no doubt will be eager enough to-day, to swallow Vain. He's talking to himself, I think; pr’ythee the temptation.
let's try if we can hear him. Silo. Well, since there's no remedy-Yet tell Heurt. Why whither in the devil's name am I me-For I would know, though to the anguish a-going now?'Hum-Let me think—Is not this of my soul, how did he refuse? Tell me-how Silvia's house, the cave of that enchantress, and did he receive my letter, in anger or in scorn? which consequently I ought to shun as I would
Lucy. Neither ; but what was ten times worse, infection? To enter here, is to put on the enwith damned, senseless indifference. By this light venomed shirt, to run into the embraces of a feI could have spit in his face--Receive it! why ver, and, in some raving fits, be led to plunge myhe received it as I would one of your lovers that self into that more consuming fire, a woman's should come empty-handed; as a court lord does arms. Ha! well recollected, I will recover my reahis mercer's bill, or a begging dedication : son, and be gone. he received it, as if't had been a letter from his Bell. Now Venus forbid ! wife.
Vain. HistSilo. What, did he not read it?
Heart. Well, why do you not move? Feet, do Lucy. Hummed it over, gave you his respects, your office--- Not one inch; no, 'foregad I'm and said he would take time to peruse it—but caught—There stands my north, and thither my then he was in haste.
needle points -Now could I curse myself, yet Silv. Respects, and peruse it ! He's
and cannot repent. O thou delicious, damn’d, dear, Araminta has bewitched him from me-Oh how destructive woman! 'Sdeath, how the young
fel. the name of rival fires my blood I could curse lows will hoot me! I shall be the jest of the town: 'em both; eternal jealousy attend her love, and nay, in two days, I expect to be chronicled in ditdisappointment meet his lust! Oh that I could ty, and sung in woeful ballad, to the tune of “The revenge the torment he has caused !—Methinks! Superannuated Maiden's Comfort,” or “The Batfeel the woman strong within me, and vengeance chelor's Fall;" and upon the third, I shall be hang. itches in the room of love.
ed in effigy, pasted up for the exemplary ornament Lucy. I have that in my head may make mis- of necessary-houses and coblers' stalls-Death! I chief.
cann't think on't l'll run into the danger to Silv. How, dear Lucy?
lose the apprehension. Lucy. You know Araminta's dissembled coy Bell. A very certain remedy, probatum estness has won, and keeps him hers
Ha, ha, ha, poor George! thou art i'the right, thou Silt. Could we persuade him that she loves hast sold thyself to laughter: the ill-natured town another
will find the jest just where thou hast lost it. Ha, Lucy. No, you're out; could we persuade him, ha, ha! how he struggled, like an old lawyer bethat she doats on him himself-Contrive a kind tween two fees. letter as from her, 'twould disgust his nicety, and Vain. Or a young wench, between pleasure and take away his stomach.
reputation. Silo. Impossible; 'twill never take.
Bell. Or as you did to-day, when, half afraid, Lucy. Trouble not your head, Let me alone you snatched a kiss from Araminta. -I will inform myself of what past between 'em Vuin. She has made a quarrel on't. to-day, and about it streight-Hold! I'm mis Bell. Pauh ! women are only angry at such oftaken, or that's Heartwell who stands talking at fences, to have the pleasure of forgiving 'em.