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I knew him one of the most dangerous heads Pol. Why, this it is, that spoils all our brave Living within the state, and so held him.
bloods, Per. Indeed, sir?
Trusting our hopeful gentry unto pedants, Pol. While he liv'd, in action.
Fellows of out-side, and mere bark. You seem He has receiv'd weekly intelligence,
To be a gentleman, of ingenious race-
Persons of blood and honour-
Mosca, Politic, PEREGRINE, VOLPONE,
NANO, und GREGE. nary Take his advertisement from a traveller
Mos. Under that window, there't must be. (A conceal'd statesman) in a trencher of meat;
The same. And, instantly, before the meal was done,
Pol. Fellows, to mount a bank ! Did your inConvey an answer in a tooth-pick. Per. Strange!
In the dear tongues, never discourse to you How could this be, sir ?
Of the Italian mountebanks? Pol. Why the meat was cut
Per. Yes, sir. So like his character, and so laid, as he
Pol. Why, here shall you see one. Must easily read the cypher.
Per. They are quack-salvers, Per. I have heard,
Fellows, that live by venting oils and drugs. He could not read, sir.
Pol. Was that the character he gave you ou Pol. So 'twas given out,
them? (In polity) by those that did employ him;
Per. As I remember. But he could read, and had your languages, Pol. Pity his ignorance, And to't, as sound a noddle
They are the only knowing men of Europe ! Per. I have heard, sir,
Great general scholars, excellent physicians, That your Babiouns were spies; and that they Most admired statesmen, professed favourites, were
And cabinet-counsellors to the greatest princes ! A kind of subtle nation, near to China. The only languaged men of all the world !
Pol. Ay, ay, your Mamuluchi. Faith, they had Per. And, I have heard, they are most lewd Their hand in a French plot or two; but they
impostors; Were so extremely given to women, as
Made all of terms and shreds; no less beliers They made discovery of all : yet I
Of great men's favours, than their own vile med'. Had my advices here, on Wednesday last,
cines; From one of their own coat, they were return'd, Which they will utter, upon monstrous oaths : Made their relation, as the fashion is,
Selling that drug for two-pence, ere they part, And now stand fair for fresh employment. Which they have valued at twelve crowns before. Per. 'Hart!
Pol. Sir, calumnies are answered best with sia This Sir Politic will be ignorant of nothing.
lence: It seems, sir, you know all ?
Yourself shall judge. Who is it mounts, my Pol. Not all, sir But
friends? I have some general notions; I do love
Mos. Scoto of Mantua, sir, To note, and to observe: though I live out, Pol. Is't he? Nay, then, Free from the active torrent, yet I'd mark I'll proudly promise, sir, you shall behold The currents and the passages of things, Another man, that has been phant'sied to you. For mine own private use; and know the ebbs I wonder yet that he should mount his bank And flows of state.
Here, in this nook, that has been wont t'appear Per. Believe it, sir, I hold
'In face of the Piazza ! Here he comes. Myself in no small tie unto my fortunes,
Volp. Mount, Zany. For casting me thus luckily upon you;
Gre. Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow. Whose knowledge, if your bounty equal it, Pol. See how the people follow him! he's a May do me great assistance, in instruction For my behaviour, and my bearing, which May write 10,000 crowns in bank here. Note, Is yet so rude, and raw
Mark but his gesture: I do use to observe
The state he keeps, in getting up !
Per. 'Tis worth it, sir. Per. Faith, I had
Volp, Most noble gent. and my worthy paSome common ones, from out that vulgar gram- trons, it may seem strange, that I, your Scota mar,
Mantuano, who was ever wont to fix my bank Which he that cried Italian to me taught me. in face of the public Piazza, near the shelter of
the Portico, to the Procuraria, should now (after can buy thee at too dear a rate, since there is no eight months absence from this illustrious city of enjoying this world without thee! Be not, then, Venice) humbly retire myself into an obscure so sparing of your purses, honourable gentlemen, nook of the Piazza.
as to abridge the natural course of lifePol. Did not I, now, object the same?
Per. You see his end? Per. Peace, sir.
Pol, Ay, is't not good ? Volp. Let me tell you : I am not (as your Lom Volp. For, when a humid Aux, or catarrh, by bard proverb saith) cold on my feet; or content the mutability of air, falls from your head into to part with my commodities at a cheaper rate an arm, or shoulder, or any other part, take you than I accustomed : look not for it. Nor that the a ducat, or your cecchine of gold, and apply to calumnious reports of that impudent detractor, the place affected ; see what good effect it can and shame to our profession, (Alessandro But- work. No, no, 'tis this blessed unguento, this tone, I mean) who gave out, in public, I was rare extraction, that hath only power to disperse condemned a' Sforzato to the gallies, for poison- all malignant humours, that proceed either of ing the cardinal Bembo's--cook, hath at all at hot, cold, moist, or windy causestached, much less dejected me. No, no, worthy Per. I would he had put in dry, too. gent. (to tell you true) I cannot endure to see Pol. Pray you, observe. the rabble of these ground Ciarlitani, that spread Volp. To fortify the most indigest and crude their cloaks on the pavement, as if they meant stomach; ay, were it of one that, through exto do feats of activity, and then come in lamely, treme weakness, vomited blood, applying only a with their mouldy tales out of Boccacio, like warm napkin to the place, after the unction and stale Tabarine, the fabulist: some of them dis- fricace : for the vertigine in the head, putting coursing their travels, and of their tedious cap- but a drop into your nostrils, likewise behind tivity in the Turks' galleys, when indeed (were the ears; a most sovereign and approved remedy: the truth known) they were the Christians' gal- the mal-caduco, cramps, convulsions, paralysies, leys, where, very temperately, they eat bread, epilepsies, tremor-cordia, retired nerves, ill vaand drank water, as a wholesome penance (en- pours of the spleen, stoppings of the liver, the joined them by their contessors) for base pil- stone, the strangury, hernia ventosa, iliaco pasferies.
sio; stops a disenteria immediately; easeth the Pol. Note but his bearing, and contempt of torsion of the small guts, and cures melancholia these.
hypocondriaca, being taken and applied accordVoip. These turdy-facy-nasty-paty-lousy-farti- ing to my printed receipt. For this is the phycal rogues, with one poor groat's-worth of un sician, this the medicine; this counsels, this prepared antimony, finely wrapt up in several cures; this gives the direction, this works the scurtoccios, are able, very well, to kill their twenty effect [Pointing to his bill and his gluss]: and a-wcek, and play ; yet, these meagre, starved spi- (in sum) both together may be termed an abrits, who have half stopped the organs of their stract of the theoric and practice in the Esculaminds with earthly oppilations, want not their pian art. 'Twill cost you eight crowns. And, favourers among your shrivelled, sallad-eating Zan Fritada, pr’ythee sing a verse, extempore, i1; artizans; who are overjoyed, that they may have honour of it. their halfpenny-worth of physic, though it purge Pol. How do you like him, sir? them into another world,'t makes no matter. Per. Most strangely, I !
Pol. Excellent! ha' you heard better language, Pol. Is not his language rare? sir ?
Per. But alchemy, l'olp. Well, let 'em go. And, gentlemen, ho never heard the like; or Broughton's books. nourable gentlemen, know, that for this time, our bank, being thus removed from the clamours
SONG, of the Canaglia, shall be the scene of pleasure and delight; for I have nothing to sell, little or Had old Hippocrates, or Galen, nothing to sell.
(That to their books put med'cines all in ) Pol. I told you, sir, his end.
But known this secret, they had never Per. You did so, sir.
(Of which they will be guilty ever) Voip. I protest, I, and my six servants, are not Been murderers of so much paper, able to make of this precious liquor so fast as it Or wasted many a hurtless taper : is fetched away from my lodging, by gentlemen No Indian drug had i'er been fumed, of your city; strangers of the terra-firma ; wor Tobacco, sassafras not named ; shipful merchants; ay, and senators too, who, Ne yet, of guacum one small stick, sir, ever since my arrival, have detained me to their
Nor Raymund Luliy's great clirir. uises, by their splendidous liberalities. And Ne had been known the Danish gonswart ; worthily: for, what avails your rich man to have Or Paracelsus with his long sword. his magazines stuffed with moscadelli, or of the purest grape, when his physicians prescribe him Per. All this yet will not do; eight crowns is (on pain of deatlı) to drink nothing but water, high. cocted with anniseeds ? O, health! health! the Volp. No more!-Gentlemen, If I had but time blessing of the rich! the riches of the j.oor! who to discourse to you the miraculous cflects of this
my oil, sirnamed Oglio del Scoto; with the count. more to the touch of your instruments, and give less catalogue of those I have cured of the afore the honourable assembly some delightful recreasaid, and many more diseases; the patents and tion! privileges of all the princes and commonwealths Per. What monstrous and most painful cirof Christendom; or but the depositions of those
cumstance that appeared on my part before the signiory of Is here, to get some three or four gazettes ! the Sanita, and most learned College of Physi Some threepence i’ the whole, for that 'twill cians ; where I was authorised, upon notice taken of the admirable virtues of my medicaments, and mine own excellency in matter of rare and un
SONG. known secrets, not only to disperse them publicly in this famous city, but in all the territories that You that would last long, list to my song, happily joy under the government of the most pi. Make no more coil, but buy of this oil. ous and magnificent states of Italy. But may some Would you be ever fair and young ? other gallant fellow say, 0, there be divers that Stout of teeth, and strong of tongne ? make profession to have as good and as expe Tart of palate, quick of ear? rimented receipts as yours : Indeed, very many Sharp of sight, of nostril clear ? have essayed, like apes, in imitation of that Moist of hand, and light of foot ? which is really and essentially in me, to make of Or (I will come nearer to't) this oil; bestowed great cost in furnaces, stills, Would you live free from all diseases ? alembecks, continual fires, and preparation of Do the act your mistress pleases ? the ingredients, (as indeed there goes to it six Yeu, fright all aches from your bones ? hundred several simples, besides some quantity Here's a med'cine for the nonce. of human fat, for the conglutination, which we buy of the anatomists,) but, when these practi Volp. Well, I am in a humour, at this time, tioners come to the last decoction, blow, blow, to make a present of the small quantity my cofpuff, puff, and all flies in fumo : Ha, ha, ha!- fer contains: To the rich in courtesy, and to the Poor wretches! I rather pity their folly and in- poor for God's sake. Wherefore now mark: I discretion, than their loss of time and money; | asked you six crowns, and six crowns at other for those may be recovered by industry; but to times you have paid me; you shall not give me be a fool born is a disease incurable. "For my- six crowns, nor five, nor four, nor three, nor self, I always from my youth have endeavoured two, nor one, nor half a ducat; no, nor a mucto get the rarest secrets, and book them; either cinigo : Six-pence it will cost you, or six hunin exchange or for money: I spared nor cost, dred pound-expect no lower price; for, by the nor labour, where any thing was worthy to be banner of my front, I will not bate a bagātine, learned. And, gentlemen ! honourable gentle that I will have only a pledge of your loves, to men! I will undertake (by virtue of chemical carry something from amongst you, to show I ant) out of the honourable hat that covers your am not contemned by you. Therefore now toss head, to extract the four elements, that is to your handkerchiefs chearfully, chearfully! and say, the fire, air, water, and earth, and return be advertised, that the first heroic spirit that you your felt without burn or stain. For, whilst deigns to grace me with a handkerchief, I will others have been at the balloo, I have been at give it a little remembrance of something besides, my book: And am now past the craggy paths of shall please it better than if I had presented it study, and come to the fiow’ry plains of honour with a double pistolet. and reputation.
Per. Will you be that heroic spark, sir Pol? Pol. I do assure you, sir, that is his aim, O see! the window has prevented you. Polp. But, to our price.
(CELIA at the window throws down her Per. And that withal, Sir Pol.
handkerchief Volp. You all know, honourable gentlemen! Volp. Lady, I kiss your bounty; and, for this I never valued this ampulla or vial at less than timely grace you have done your poor Scoto of eight crowns; but, for this time, I am content Mantua, I will return you, over and above my to be deprived of it for six ; six crowns is the oil, a secret of that high and inestimable nature, price; and less in courtesy I know you cannot shall make you for ever enamour'd on that mioffer me: Take it, or leave it; howsoever, both nute, wherein your eye first descended on so it and I am at your service. I ask you not, as mean, yet not altogether to be despis’d, an obthe value of the thing, for then I should demand ject. Here is a powder conceald in this paper, of you a thousand crowns; so the Cardinals Mon- of which, if I should speak to the worth, nine talto, Fernese, the great Duke of Tuscany, my thousand volumes were but as one page, that gossip, with divers other princes, have given me; page as a line, that line as a word; so short is but I despise money: Only to shew my affec- this pilgrimage of man, which some call life, to tion to you, honourable gentlemen! and your il- the expressing of it. Would I reflect on the lustrious state here, I have neglected the messa. price? Why, the whole world were but as an erilges of these princes, mine own offices, framed pire, that empire as a province, that province as Hry journey hither, only to present you with the a bank, that bank as a private purse, to the purfruits of my travels ! Tune your voices once chase of it. I will only tell you, it is the vue
that made Venus a goddess, given her by Apol Volp. Nay, would thou lo, that kept her perpetually young, cleared her Hadst never told me of her. wrinkles, firmed her gums, filled her skin, co Mos. Sir, 'tis true; loured her hair; from her, derived to Helen, I do confess I was unfortunate, and at the sack of Troy unfortunately lost: till And you unhappy; but I'm bound in conscience, now, in this our age, it was as happily recovered, No less than duty, to effect my best by a studious antiquary, out of some ruins of Asia, To your release of torment; and I will, sir. who sent a moiety of it to the court of France, Volp. Dear Mosca, shall I hope? but much sophisticated, wherewith the ladies Mos. Sir, more than dear! there now colour their hair. The rest, at this I will not bid you to despair of aught present, remains with me, extracted to a quint- | Within a human compass. essence: So that, wherever it but touches, in Voip. O, there spoke youth, it perpetually preserves; in age, restores My better angel! Mosca, take my keys, the complexion ; seats your teeth, did they dance Gold, plate, and jewels, all's at thy devotion, like virginal jacks, firm as a wall; makes them Employ them how thou wilt; nay, coin me too, white as ivory, that were black as
So thou in this but crown my longings, Mosca
Mos. Use but your patience.
Volp. So I have.
Slos. I doubt not CORVINO, POLITIC, and PEREGRINE.
To bring success to your desires. Cor. 'Spite o' the devil, and my shame! come Volp. Nay, then, down here;
I not repent me of my late disguise. Come down: No house but mine to make your Mos. "If you can horn him, sir, you need note scene?
Volp. True: besides I never meant him for Signior Flaminio, will you down, sir? down? What, is my wife your Franciscina, sir? Is not the colour o' my beard and eye-brows No windows on the whole piazza here,
To make me known ? To make your properties, but mine, but mine?
Mos. No jot. 'Heart! ere to-morrow I shall be new christen’d, Volp. I did it well. And called the Pantalone di Besogniosi
Mlos. So well, would I could follow you in About the town!
mine Per. What should this mean, sir Pol? With half the happiness; and yet I would Pol. Some trick of state, believe it. I will | Escape your epilogue. hone.
Volp. But, were they guli'd
With a belief that I was Scoto ?
Scoto himself could hardly have distinguish'd Pol. This three weeks, all my advices, all my I have not time to flatter you now, we'll part: letters,
And as I prosper, so applaud my art. (Ereunt
CORVINO, Celia, and SERVITORE.
Coro. Death of mine honour, with the city's I may not lose him, for my mirth, till night.
A juggling, tooth-drawing, prating mountebanki SCENE IV.
And at a public window? where, whilst he
With his strain's action, and his dole of faces, VOLPONE and MOSCA.
To his drug-lecture draws your itching ears, Volp. O, I am wounded !
A crew of old, unmarried, noted lechers, Mos. Where, sir?
Stood leering up, like satyrs; and you
smile Volp. Not without ;
Most graciously! and fan your favours forth, Those blows were nothing: I could bear them To give your hot spectators satisfaction :
What, was your mountebank their call, their But angry Cupid, bolting from her eyes,
whistle? Hath shot himself into me, like a flame; Or were you enamour'd on his copper rings; Where, now, he flings about his burning heat, His saffron jewel, with the toad-stone in't? As in a furnace, some ambitious fire,
Or his embroider'd suit, with the cope-stitch Whose vent is stopt. The fight is all within me. Made of a hearse-cloth? or his old tilt-feather? I cannot live except thou help me, Mosca; Or his starch'd beard? Well, you shall have him ; My liver melts, and I, without the hope
yes, Of some soft air, from her refreshing breath, He shall come home, and minister unto you Am but a heap of cinders.
The fricase for the mother: Or, let me see, Mos. 'Las, good sir,
I think you had rather mount :-would you not Would you had never seen her!
Why, if you'll mount you may; yes truly, you | Upon thee,
to the city, and in public.
Away! [Er. CEL.] *Who's there?
CORVINO and MOSCA.
Corv. Let him come in, his master's dead: You would be damn'd ere you did this, you
There's yet whore :
Some good to help the bad. My Mosca, welThou'dst tremble to imagine, that the murder
cowe, Of father, mother, brother, all thy race,
I guess your news !
Corv. Is't not his death?
Mos. Rather the contrary.
Cory. I am curs’d,
Cel. Alas, sir, be appeas'd! I could not think How, how, how, how?
Cori. No! not to seek and entertain a parley Whilst I was busy in an inner room-
Corv. Death! That damn’d mountebank !-You were an actor with your handkerchief,
but, for the law, Which he most sweetly kiss'd in the receipt, Now I could kill the rascal :-It cannot be And might, no doubt, return it with a letter, His oil should have that virtue. Ha' not I And 'point the place where you might meet : Known him, a common rogue, come fidling in Your sisters,
To th’ Osteria with a tumbling whore ; Your mothers, or your aunts, might serve the And, when he has done all his forc'd tricks, been turn.
glad Cel. Why, dear sir, when do I make these ex Of a poor spoonful of dead wine with flies in't? cuses?
It cannot be. All his ingredients Or ever stir abroad, but to the church?
Are a sheep's gall, a roasted bitch's marrow, And that so seldom
Some few sod earwigs, pounded caterpillars, Coro. Well, it shall be less ;
A little capon’s grease, and fasting spittle: And thy restraint before was liberty,
I know 'em to a dram. To what I now decree: and therefore mark me, Mos. I know not, sir; First, I will have this bawdy light damı'd up; But some on't, there they pour'd into his ears, And, till't be done, some two or three yards off Some in his nostrils, and recover'd him; I'll chalk a line, o'er which, if thou but chance Applying but the fricase. To set thy desperate foot, more hell, more hor Corv. Pox o' that fricase! ror,
Alos. And since, to seem the more officious, More wild remorseless rage, shall seize on thee, And hatt'ring of his health, there, they have had Than on a conjurer, that had heedless left At extreme fees, the College of Physicians, His circle's safety, ere his devil was laid. Consulting on him, how they might restore him; Then here's a lock, which I will hang upon thee; Where one would have a cataplasm of spices, And, now I think on't, I will keep thee back- Another, a flay'd ape clapp'd to his breast; wards;
A third would ha' it a dog, a fourth an oil, Thy lodging shall be backwards ; thy walks back With wild cat's skin : At last, they all resolv’d, wards ;
That, to preserve him, was no other means Thy prospect all be backwards ; and no pleasure But some young woman must be straight sought That thou shalt know but backwards : Nay,
out, since you force
Lusty, and full of juice, to sleep by him; My honest nature, know, it is your own And, to this service, most unhappily, Being too open makes me use you thus. And most unwillingły, am I now employ'd, Since you will not contain your subtle nostrils Which here I thought to pre-acquaint you with, In a sweet room, but they must snuff the air For your advice, since it concerns you most; Of rank and sweaty passengers
-One knocks. Because I would not do that thing might cross
(Knock within. Your ends, on whom I have my whole depena Away, and be not seen, pain of thy life;
of his opinion; and there, all your hopes, Dissect thee mine own self, and read a lecture Ventures, or whatsoever, are all frustrate.