The Modern British Drama: Comedies

May bear it through, thus. Sir, a word with you.
I would be loath to contest publicly
With any gentlewoman; or to seem
Froward, or violent (as the courtier says)
It comes too near rusticity, in a lady,

Which I would shun, by all means: and, how

ever

I may deserve from Master Would-be, yet,
T'have one fair gentlewoman, thus, be made
Th' unkind instrument to wrong another,
And one she knows not, ay, and to persevere;
In my poor judgment, is not warranted
From being a solecism in our sex,

If not in manners.

Per. How is this!

Pol. Sweet madam, come nearer to your aim.
Lady. Marry, and I will, sir,

Since you provoke me with your impudence,
And laughter of your land-syren, here,
Your Sporus, your hermaphrodite

Per. What's here?

Poetic fury, and historic storms!

Pol. The gentleman, believe it, is of worth, And of our nation.

Lady. Ay, your White-Friars' nation.
Come, I blush for you, Master Would-be, I ;
And am ashamed, you should ha' no more fore-
head,

Than, thus, to be the patron, or St George,
To a lewd harlot, a base fricatrice,
A female devil, in a male outside.

Pol. Nay, an' you be such a one, I must bid
adieu

To your delights. The case appears too liquid. [Exit.

Lady, Ay, you may carry't clear, with your
state face;

But, for your carnival concupiscence,
Who here is fled for liberty of conscience,

From furious persecution of the marshal,
Her will I disciple.

Per. This is fine, i'faith!

And do you use this often? is this part

Of your wit's exercise, 'gainst you have occasion? Madam

Lady. Go to, sir.

Per. Do you hear me, lady?

Why, if your knight have set you to beg shirts,
Or to invite me home, you might have done it
A nearer way, by far.

Lady. This cannot work you out of my snare.
Per. Why, am I in it, then?

Indeed, your husband told me, you were fair,
And so you are; only your nose inclines
(That side, that's next the sun) to the queen-
apple.

Lady. This cannot be endur'd by any patience.

SCENE III.

MOSCA, LADY, and PEREGRINE.

Mos. What's the matter, madam?
Lady. If the senate

Right not my quest in this, I will protest 'em,
To all the world, no aristocracy.

man,

I saw him land, this morning, at the port. Lady. Is't possible! how has my judgment wandered!

Sir, I must, blushing, say to you, I have erred; And plead your pardon.

Per. What! more changes yet?

Lady. I hope you ha' not the malice to remember

A gentlewoman's passion. If you stay
In Venice, here, please you to use me, sir
Mos. Will you go, madam?
Lady. Pray you, sir, use me.

In faith,

The more you see me, the more I shall conceive You have forgot our quarrel.

Per. This is rare!

Mos. But you shall eat it: much! [To CORV.]
Worshipful sir,
[To VOLT.
Mercury sit upon your thundering tongue,
Or the French Hercules, and make your language
As conquering as his club, to beat along,
(As with a tempest) flat, our adversaries;
But, much more, yours, sir.

Volt. Here they come, ha' done.

That ever vicious nature yet brought forth
To shame the state of Venice. This lewd woman
(That wants no artificial looks, or tears,
To help the vizor she has now put on)
Hath long been known a close adulteress,
To that lascivious youth, there; not suspected,
I say, but known, and taken in the act
With him; and by this man, the easy husband,

Mos. I have another witness, if you need, sir, Pardoned: whose timeless bounty makes him,

I can produce.

Volt. Who is it?

Mos. Sir, I have her.

SCENE V.

Four Avocatori, BONARIO, CELIA, VOL-
TORE, CORBACCIO, Corvino, Mosca, No-
TARIO, and COMMENDADORI.

1 Avoc. The like of this the senate never
heard of.

2 Avoc. 'Twill come most strange to them, when we report it.

4 Avoc. The gentlewoman has been ever held Of unreproved name.

3 Avoc. So, the young man.

now,

Stand here, the most unhappy, innocent person,
That ever man's own goodness made accused.
For these, not knowing how to owe a gift
Of that dear grace, but with their shame, being
placed

So 'bove all powers of their gratitude,
Began to hate the benefit; and, in place
Of thanks, devise to extirpe the memory
Of such an act. Wherein, I pray your father-
hoods

T' observe the malice, yea, the rage of creatures
Discovered in their evils; and what heart

Such take, even from their crimes. But that,

anon,

Will more appear. This gentleman, the father,

4 Avoc. The more unnatural part, that of his Hearing of this foul act, with many others,

father.

2 Avoc. More of the husband.

1 Avoc. I not know to give

His act a name, it is so monstrous !

Which daily struck at his too tender ears,

And, grieved in nothing more, than that he could

not

Preserve himself a parent, (his son's ills

4 Avoc. But the impostor, he is a thing created Growing to that strange flood) at last decreed

T'exceed example!

1 Avoc. And all after-times.

2 Avoc. I never heard a true voluptuary Described, but him.

3 Aroc. Appear yet those were cited? Nota. All but the old magnifico, Volpone. 1 Avoc. Why is not he here? Mos. Please your fatherhoods, Here is his advocate. Himself's so weak, So feeble

4 Avoc. What are you?
Bon. His parasite,

His knave, his pander: I beseech the court,
He may be forced to come, that your grave eyes
May bear strong witness of his strange impostures.
Volt. Upon my faith and credit with your vir-

tues,

He is not able to endure the air.

2 Avoc. Bring him, however. 3 Avoc. We will see him.

4 Avoc. Fetch him.

Volt. Your fatherhoods' fit pleasure be obeyed.
Be sure, the sight will rather move your pities,
Than indignation. May it please the court,
In the meantime, he may be heard in me:
I know this place most void of prejudice,
And therefore crave it, since we have no reason
To fear our truth should hurt our cause.
3 Avoc. Speak free.

Volt. So much more full of danger is his vice,
That can beguile so, under shade of virtue.
But, as I said, my honoured sirs, his father
Having this settled purpose, (by what means
To him betrayed, we know not) and this day
Appointed for the deed; that parricide,
(I cannot stile him better) by confederacy,
Preparing this his paramour to be there,
Entered Volpone's house, (who was the man;
Your fatherhoods must understand, designed
For the inheritance) there, sought his father:
But with what purpose sought he him, my lords?
(I tremble to pronounce it, that a son
Unto a father, and to such a father,
Should have so foul, felonious intent)
It was, to murder him. When, being prevented
By his more happy absence, what then did he?
Not check his wicked thoughts; no, now new
deeds:

(Mischief doth ever end where it begins)
An act of horror, fathers! he dragged forth
The aged gentleman that had there lain, bed-rid,
Three years and more, out of his innocent couch,
Naked, upon the floor, there left him; wounded
His servant in the face; and, with this strumpet,

Volt. Then know, most honoured fathers, I The stale to his forged practice, who was glad

To be so active, (I shall here desire
Your fatherhoods to note but my collections
As most remarkable) thought, at once, to stop
His father's ends; discredit his free choice,

2 Avoc. Look to the woman. Corv. Rare! prettily feigned! again!

4 Avoc. Stand from about her.

1 Avoc. Give her the air.

3 Avoc. What can you say? Mos. My wound,

For six sous more, would plead against his Maker. May't please your wisdoms, speaks for me, re

1 Avoc. You do forget yourself.

Volt. Nay, nay, grave fathers,

Let him have scope: can any man imagine

That he will spare his accuser, that would not Have spared his parent?

1 Avoc. Well, produce your proofs.

Cel. I would I could forget I were a creature! Voit. Signior Corbaccio.

4 dooc. What is he?

Volt. The father.

2 Avoc. Has he had an oath?

Notar. Yes.

Corb. What must I do now?

Notar. Your testimony's craved.

Corb. Speak to the knave?

I'll ha' my mouth, first, stopped with earth; my heart

Abhors his knowledge: I disclaim in him.

1 Avoc. But for what cause?
Corb. The mere portent of nature.
He is an utter stranger to my loins.
Bon. Have they made you to this!
Corb. I will not hear thee,

Monster of men, swine, goat, wolf, parricide!
Speak not, thou viper.

Bon. Sir, I will sit down,

And rather wish my innocence should suffer,
Than I resist the authority of a father.

Volt. Signior Corvino.

2 Avoc. This is strange!

1 Avoc. Who's this? Notar. The husband. 4 Avoc. Is he sworn? Notar. He is.

3 Avoc. Speak then.

ceived

In aid of my good patron, when he missed
His sought-for father, when that well-taught dame
Had her cue given her, to cry out a rape.

Bon. O, most laid impudence! Fathers-
3 Avoc. Sir, be silent,

You had your hearing free, so must they theirs.
2 Avoc. I do begin to doubt th' imposture here.
4 Avoc. This woman has too many moods.
Volt. Grave fathers,

She is a creature of a most professed
And prostituted lewdness.
Corv. Most impetuous !
Unsatisfied, grave fathers!

Volt. May her feignings

Not take your wisdoms; but this day she baited A stranger, a grave knight, with her loose eyes, And more lascivious kisses. This man saw ?em Together on the water, in a gondola.

Mos. Here's the lady herself that saw 'em too, Without, who then had in the open streets Pursued them, but for saving her knight's honour, 1 Avoc. Produce that lady.

2 Avoc. Let her come.
4 Avoc. These things,

They strike with wonder!

3 Avor. I am turned a stone!

Lady. Such a presence: No, surely.

Avoc. We will think it.

Lady. You may think it.

4 Avoc. You've done a worthy service to the state, sir,

In their discovery.

1 Avo. You shall hear, ere night,

1 Avoc. Let her o'ercome. What witnesses What punishment the court decrees upon 'em.

have you,

To make good your report?

Bon. Our consciences.

Cel. And Heaven, that never fails the in

nocent.

4 Avoc. These are no testimonies.
Bon. Not in your courts,

Where multitude and clamours overcome.
Avoc. Nay, then do you wax insolent.
Volt. Here, here,

The testimony comes, that will convince,

[VOLPONE is brought in as impotent. And put to utter dumbness their bold tongues. See here, grave fathers, here's the ravisher, The rider on men's wives, the great impostor, The grand voluptuary! Do you not think, These limbs should affect venery? or these eyes Covet a concubine? 'Pray you mark these hands, Are they not fit to stroke a lady's breasts? Perhaps, he doth dissemble!

Bon. So he does.

Voit. Would you ha' him tortur'd?
Bon. I would have him proved.

Volt. Best try him, then, with goads or burning irons;

Put him to the strappado: I have heard,
The rack hath cured the gout; 'faith, give it him,
And help him of a malady, be courteous.
I'll undertake, before these honour'd fathers,
He shall have, yet, as many left diseases,

As she has known adulterers, or thou strumpets.
O, my most equal hearers, if these deeds,
Acts of this bold and most exorbitant strain,
May pass with sufferance, what one citizen,
But owes the forfeit of his life, yea fame,
To him that dares traduce him? Which of you
Are safe, my honour'd fathers? I would ask
(With leave of your grave fatherhoods) if their
plot

Have any face, or colour, like to truth?
Or if, unto the dullest nostril here,

It smell not rank, and most abhorred slander?
I crave your care of this good gentleman,
Whose life is much endanger'd by their fable;
And, as for them, I will conclude with this,
That vicious persons when they are hot, and
flesh'd

In impious acts, their constancy abounds: Darnn'd deeds are done with greatest confidence. 1 Avoc. Take 'em to custody, and sever them. [Exeunt BONARIO and CELIA.

2 Avoc. 'Tis pity two such prodigies should live. 1 Avoc. Let the old gentleman be return'd with care: I'm sorry our credulity wrong'd him. [VOLPONE is carried out. 4 Aroc. These are two creatures! 3 Avoc. I have an earthquake in me!

2 Avoc. Their shame (even in their cradles)

fled their faces.

[Exeunt four Avocatori. Volt. We thank your fatherhoods.How like you it?

Mos. Rare.

I'd ha' your tongue, sir, tipt with gold, for this;
I'd ha' you be the heir to the whole city.
The earth I'd have want men, e'er you want
living:

They're bound to erect your statue in St Mark's.
Signior Corvino, I would have you go,
And shew yourself, that you have conquer❜d.
Corv. Yes.

Mos. It was much better that you should pro

fess

Yourself a cuckold, thus, than that the other Should have been prov'd.

Corv. Nay, I consider'd that: Now it is her fault.

Mos. Then it had been yours.

Coro. True. I do doubt this advocate still.
Mos. I'faith,

You need not, I dare ease you of that care.
Coro. I trust thee, Mosca.
Mos. As your own soul, sir.
Corb. Mosca.

Mos. Now for your business, sir.
Corb. How! ha' you business?
Mos. Yes, your's, sir.
Corb. O, none else?
Mos. None else, not I.
Corb. Be careful then.

Mos. Rest you with both your eyes, sir.
Corb. Dispatch it.

Mos. Instantly.

Corb. And look, that all,

Whatever, be put in, jewels, plate, moneys, Household-stuff, bedding, curtains.

Mos. Curtain-rings, sir.

Only, the advocate's fee must be deducted.
Corb. I'll pay him, now: You'll be too prodigal.
Mos. Sir, I must tender it.
Corb. Two cecchines is well?
Mos. No, six, sir.

My patron to reform his will; and, for
The zeal you have shewn to-day, whereas before
You were but third, or fourth, you shall be now

Put in the first; which would appear as begg'd,
If you were present. Therefore-
Lady. You shall sway me.

[Exeunt.

ACT V.

SCENE I.

VOLPONE.

Volp. Well, I am here; and all this brunt is past:

I ne'er was in dislike with my disguise, 'Till this fled moment; here 'twas good, in pri

vate;

But, in your public, cave, whilst I breathe. 'Fore God, my left leg 'gan to have the cramp; And I apprehended, strait, some power had struck me

With a dead palsy: Well, I must be merry And shake it off. A many of these fears Would put me into some villanous disease, Should they come thick upon me: I'll prevent 'em.

Give me a bowl of lusty wine, to fright This humour from my heart; (hum, hum, hum,) [He drinks. 'Tis almost gone already: I shall conquer. Any device, now, of rare, ingenious knavery, That would possess me with a violent laughter, Would make me up, again! So, so, so, so.

[Drinks again. This heat is life; 'tis blood, by this time: Mosca! SCENE II.

MOSCA, VOLPOne.

Mos. How now, sir? does the day look clear
again?

Are we recover'd? And wrought out of error,
Into our way? To see our path before us?
Is our trade free once more?

Volp. Exquisite Mosca !

Mos. Was it not carried learnedly?
Volp. And stoutly.

Good wits are greatest in extremities.

Mos. It were a folly, beyond thought, to trust Any grand act unto a cowardly spirit: You are not taken with it enough, methinks? Volp. O more than if I had enjoy'd the wench. The pleasure of all womankind's not like it.

Mos. Why, now you speak, sir. We must
here be fix'd;

Here we must rest; this is our master-piece:
We cannot think to go beyond this.

Volp. True,

Mos. Yes, and to make

So rare a music out of discords-
Volp. Right.

That, yet, to me's the strangest! How th' hast born it!

That these, being so divided 'mongst themselves, Should not scent somewhat, or in me or thee, Or doubt their own side.

Mos. True, they will not see't.

Too much light blinds 'em, I think. Each of 'em
Is so possessed, and stuff'd with his own hopes,
That any thing unto the contrary,
Never so true, or never so apparent,
Never so palpable, they will resist it!

Volp. Like a temptation of the devil.
Mos. Right, sir.

Merchants may talk of trade, and your great sig

niors

Draw it to certain heads, then aggravate,
Then use his vehement figures-I look'd still,
When he would shift a shirt; and doing this
Out of pure love, no hope of gain-

Volp. 'Tis right.

I cannot answer him, Mosca, as I would, Not yet; but for thy sake, at thy entreaty,

« Previous Continue »

Books