Enter a Servant.

Serv. Sir, my lord Foppington gives his service, and, if your honour's at leisure, he'll wait on you as soon as he is dressed.

Li More. Lord Foppington! Is he in town? Sir Cha. Yes; I heard last night he was come. Give my service to his lordship, and tell him I should be glad he will do me the honour of his company here at dinner. [Exit Servant.] We may have occasion for him in our design upon Lady Betty.

Ld More. What use can we make of him?

Sir Cha. We'll see when he comes; at least, there is no danger in him; but I suppose you know he is your rival.

Li More. Pshaw! a coxcomb.

S Cha. Nay, don't despise him neither-he is able to give you advice; for, though he is in love with the same woman, yet, to him, she has not charms enough to give a minute's pain.

Ld More. Pr'ythee, what sense has he of love? Sir Cha. Faith, very near as much as a man of sense ought to have; I grant you he knows not how to value a woman truly deserving, but he has a pretty just esteem for most ladies about

town.

Ld More. That he follows, I grant you--for he seldom visits any of extraordinary reputation.

Sir Cha. Have a care! I have seen him at Lady Betty Modish's.

Ld More. To be laughed at.

Sir Cha. Don't be too confident of that; the women now begin to laugh with him, not at him: for he really sometimes rallies his own humour with so much ease and pleasantry, that a great many women begin to think he has no follies at all, and those he has, have been as much owing to his youth, and a great estate, as want of natural wit: 'tis true, he often is a bubble to his pleasures, but he has always been wisely vain enough to keep himself from being too much the ladies' humble servant in love.

Ld More. There, indeed, I almost envy him. Sir Cha. The easiness of his opinion upon the sex, will go near to pique him-We must have him.

Ld More. As you please-but what shall we do with ourselves till dinner? Sir Cha. What think you of a party at piquet? Ld More. O! you are too hard for me. Sir Cha. Fic! fie! when you play with his grace?

Ld More. Upon my honour, he gives me three points.

Sir Cha. Does he? Why, then, you shall give me but two-Here, fellow, get cards. Allons! [Exeunt.

SCENE I-Lady BETTY MODISI's Lodgings. Enter Lady BETTY, and Lady EASY, meeting. Ludy Bet. Oh, my dear! I am overjoyed to see you! I am strangely happy to-day! I have just received my new scarf from London, and you are most critically come to give me your opinion of it.

Lady Easy. Oh, your servant, madam; I am a very indifferent judge, you know. What, is it with sleeves?

Lady Bet. Oh, 'tis impossible to tell you what it is!'Tis all extravagance, both in mode and fancy, my dear. I believe there's six thousand yards of edging in it-Then, such an enchanting slope from the elbow-something so new, so lively, so noble, so coquette and charming but you shall see it, my dear

Lady Easy. Indeed, I won't, my dear; I am resolved to mortify you for being so wrongfully fond of a trifle.

Lady Bet. Nay, now, my dear, you are ill-natured.

Lady Easy. Why, truly, I'm half angry to see a woman of your sense so warmly concerned in the care of her outside; for, when we have taken

our best pains about it, 'tis the beauty of the mind alone that gives us lasting value.

Lady Bet. Ah, my dear! my dear! you have been a married woman to a fine purpose, indeed, that know so little of the taste of mankind. Take my word, a new fashion upon a fine woman is often a greater proof of her value, than you are aware of.

Lady Easy. That I cann't comprehend; for you see among the men, nothing's more ridicu lous than a new fashion. Those of the first sense are always the last that come into them.

Lady Bet. That is, because the only merit of a man is his sense; but, doubtless, the greatest value of a woman is her beauty. An homely woman, at the head of a fashion, would not be allowed in it by the men, and consequently not followed by the women; so that, to be successful in one's fancy, is an evident sign of one's being admired; and I always take admiration for the best proof of beauty, and beauty certainly is the source of power, as power, in all creatures, is the height of happiness.

Lady Easy. At this rate, you would rather be thought beautiful than good?

Lady Bet. As I had rather command, than obey: the wisest homely woman can't make a

love to hear a wretch curse himself for loving on, or now and then coming out with a

man.

Yet for the plague of human race,
This devil has an angel's face.

Lady Easy. At this rate, I don't see you allow reputation to be at all essential to a fine woman? Lady Bet. Just as much as honour to a great Power is always above scandal. Don't you hear people say the king of France owes most of his conquests to breaking his word, and would not the confederates have a fine time on't, if they were only to go to war with reproaches? Indeed, my dear, that jewel reputation is a very fanciful business! One shall not see a homely creature in town, but wears it in her mouth as monstrously as the Indians do bobs at their lips, and it really becomes them just alike.

Lady Easy. Have a care, my dear, of trusting too far to power alone: for nothing is more ridiculous than the fall of pride; and woman's pride, at best, may be suspected to be more a distrust, than a real contempt of mankind; for, when we have said all we can, a deserving husband is certainly our best happiness; and I don't question but my lord Morelove's merit, in a little time, will make you think so, too; for, whatever airs you give yourself to the world, I'm sure your heart don't want good nature.

Lady Bet. You are mistaken; I am very illnatured, though your good humour won't let you see it.

Lady Easy. Then, to give me a proof on't, let me see you refuse to go immediately and dine with me, after I have promised Sir Charles to bring you.

Lady Bet. Pray, don't ask me.
Lady Easy. Why?

Lady Bet. Because, to let you see I hate good nature, I'll go without asking, that you mayn't have the malice to say I did you a favour. Lady Easy. Thou art a mad creature.

[Exeunt arm in arm.

Ld More. Oh! Pr'ythee, how does that go on?

Sir Cha. As agreeably as a Chancery suit; for now it comes to the intolerable plague of my not being able to get rid on't; as you may see[Giving the letter.

Ld More. [Reads.]—" Your behaviour, since I came to Windsor, has convinced me of your villainy, without my being surprised, or angry at it. I desire you would let me see you at my lodgings immediately, where I shall have a better opportunity to convince you, that I never can, or positively will, be as I have been.Yours," &c. A very whimsical letter! Faith, I think she has hard luck with you: if a man were obliged to have a mistress, her person and condition seem to be cut out for the ease of a lover: for she's a young, handsome, wild, well-jointured widow-But what's your quarrel?

Sir Cha. Nothing-She sees the coolness happens to be first on my side, and her business with me now, I suppose, is to convince me how heartily she's vexed that she was not before-hand with me.

Ld More. Her pride, and your indifference, must occasion a pleasant scene, sure; what do you intend to do?

Sir Cha. Treat her with a cold familiar air, till I pique her to forbid me her sight, and then take her at her word.

Ld More. Very gallant and provoking.
Enter a Servant.

Serv. Sir, my lord Foppington

[Exit Servant, Sir Cha. Oh-now, my lord, if you have a mind to be let into the mystery of making love without pain, here's one that's a master of the art, and shall declaim to you

Enter Lord FOPPINGTON. My dear Lord Foppington!

Ld Fop. My dear agrecable! Que je t'embrasse! Pardi! Il y a cent ans que je ne t'ai vu -my lord, I am your lordship's most obedient humble servant.

Ld More. My lord, I kiss your hands-I hope we shall have you here some time; you seem to have laid in a stock of health to be in at the diversions of the place-You look extremely well.

Ld Fop. To see one's friends look so, my lord, may easily give a vermeille to one's complexion.

Sir Cha. Lovers in hope, my lord, always have a visible brilliant in their eyes and air.

Ld Fop. What dost thou mean, Charles? Sir Cha. Come, come, confess what really brought you to Windsor, now you have no business there?

Ld Fop. Why, two hours, and six of the best nags in Christendom, or the devil drive me! Ld More. You make haste, my lord.

Ld Fop. My lord, I always fly when I pursue -But they are all well kept, indeed-I love to have creatures go as I bid them. You have seen

them, Charles; but so has all the world: Foppington's long tails are known on every road in England.

Sir Cha. Well, my lord, but how came they to bring you this road? You don't use to take these irregular jaunts, without some design in your head, of having more than nothing to do.

Ld Fop. Pshaw! Pox! Pr'ythee, Charles, thou knowest I am a fellow sans consequence, be where I will.

Sir Chu. Nay, nay, this is too much among friends, my lord; come, come, we must have it; your real business here?

Ld Fop. Why, then, entre nous, there is a certain fille de joye about the court, here, that loves winning at cards better than all the things I have been able to say to her, so I have brought an odd thousand bill in my pocket, that I design tête-à-tête, to play off with her at piquet, or so; and now the business is out.

Sir Cha. Ay, and a very good business, too, my lord.

Ld Fop. If it be well done, Charles

Sir Cha. That's as you manage your cards, my lord.

Ld More. This must be a woman of consequence, by the value you set upon her favours. Sir Cha. Oh, nothing's above the price of a fine woman.

Ld Fop. Nay, look you, gentlemen, the price may not happen to be altogether so high, neither -For I fancy I know enough of the game to make it an even bet, I get her for nothing. Ld More. How so, my lord?

LA Fop. Because if she happen to lose a good sum to me, I shall buy her with her own money. Ld More. That's new, I confess.

Ld Fop. You know, Charles, 'tis not impossible but I may be five hundred pounds deep with her-then, bills may fall short, and the devil's in't if I want assurance to ask her to pay some way or other.

Sir Cha. And a man must be a churl, indeed, that won't take a lady's personal security; ha, ha, ha!

Ld Fop. He, he, he! Thou art a devil, Charles! Ld More. Death! How happy is this coxcomb? [Aside. Ld Fop. But, to tell you the truth, gentlemen, I had another pressing temptation that brought me hither, which was-my wife.

Ld More. That's kind, indeed; my lady has been here this month: she'll be glad to see you. Ld Fop. That I don't know; for I design this afternoon to send her to London.

Ld More. What! the same day you come, my lord that would be cruel.

Ld Fop. Ay, but it will be mighty convenient; for she is positively of no manner of use in my

amours.

Ld More. That's your fault; the town thinks her a very deserving woman.

Ld Fop. If she were a woman of the town, perhaps I should think so too; but she happens to be my wife, and, when a wife is once given to

deserve more than her husband's inclinations can pay, in my mind she has no merit at all. Ld More. She's extremely well-bred, and of a very prudent conduct. Ld Fop. Um-ay- -the woman's proud

enough.

Ld More. Add to this, all the world allows her handsome.

Ld Fop. The world's extremely civil, my lord ; and I should take it as a favour done me, if they could find an expedient to unmarry the poor woman from the only man in the world that cannot think her handsome.

Ld More. I believe there are a great many in the world that are sorry 'tis not in their power to unmarry her.

Ld Fop. I am a great many in the world's very humble servant; and, whenever they find it is in their power, their high and mighty wis dom3 may command me at a quarter of an hour's warning.

Ld More. Pray, my lord, what did you marry

for?

Ld Fop. To pay my debts at play, and disinherit my younger brother.

Ld More. But there are some things due to a wife.

Ld Fop. And there are some debts I don't care to pay-to both which I plead—husband, and-my lord.

Ld More. If I should do so, I should expect to have my own coach stopt in the street, and to meet my wife with the windows up in a hackney.

Ld Fop. Then would I put in bail, and order a separate maintenance.

Ld More. So, pay the double the sum of the debt, and be married for nothing.

Ld Fop. Now, I think deferring a dun, and getting rid of one's wife, are two of the most agreeable sweets in the liberties of an English subject.

Ld More. If I were married, I would as soon part from my estate as my wife.

Ld Fop. Now, I would not; sun-burn me if I would.

Ld More. Death! but, since you are so indifferent, my lord, why would you needs marry a woman of so much merit? Could not you have laid out your spleen upon some ill-natured shrew, that wanted the plague of an ill husband, and have let her alone to some plain, honest man of quality, that would have deserved her?

Ld Fop. Why, faith, my lord, that might have been considered; but I really grew so passionately fond of her fortune, that, curse catch me, I was quite blind to the rest of her good qualities; for, to tell you the truth, if it had been possible the old put of a peer could have tossed me in t'other five thousand for them, by my consent, she should have relinquished her merit and virtues to any of her other sisters.

Sir Cha, Ay, ay, my lord; virtues in a wife are good for nothing but to make her proud, and put the world in mind of her husband's faults.

Ld Fop. Right, Charles: and strike me blind,

but the women of virtue are now grown such idiots in love, that they expect of a man, just as they do of a coach-horse, that one's appetite, like t'other's flesh, should increase by feeding.

Sir Cha. Right, my lord; and don't consider, that toujours chapons bouillis will never do with an English stomacb.

Ld Fop. Ha, ha, ha! To tell you the truth, Charles, I have known so much of that sort of eating, that I now think, for an hearty meal, no wild fowl in Europe is comparable to a joint of Banstead mutton.

Ld More. How do you mean?

Ld Fop. Why, that, for my part, I had rather have a plain slice of my wife's woman, than my guts full of e'er an Ortolan duchess in Christendom.

Ld More. But I thought, my lord, your chief business now at Windsor had been your design upon a woman of quality.

Ld Fop. That's true, my lord; though I don't think your fine lady the best dish myself, yet a man of quality cann't be without such things at his table.

Ld More. Oh, then, you only desire the reputation of an affair with her?

Ld Fop. I think the reputation is the most inviting part of an amour with most women of quality.

Ld More. Why so, my lord?

Ld Fop. Why, who the devil would run through all the degrees of form and ceremony that lead one up to the last favour, if it were not for the reputation of understanding the nearest way to get over the difficulty?

Ld More. But, my lord, does not the reputation of your being so general an undertaker frighten the women from engaging with you? For, they say, no man can love but one at a time.

Ld Fop. That's just one more than ever I came up to: for, stop my breath, if ever I loved in my life!

Ld More. How do you get them, then?

Ld Fop. Why, sometimes, as they get other people I dress, and let them get me, or, if that won't do, as I got my title, I buy them.

Ld More. But, how can you, that profess indifference, think it worth your while to come so often up to the price of a woman of quality?

Ld Fop. Because, you must know, my lord, that most of them begin, now, to come down to reason; I mean those that are to be had; for some die fools: but, with the wiser sort, 'tis not, of late, so very expensive; now and then, a partie quarré, a jaunt or two in a hack to an Indian house, a little china, an odd thing for a gown, or so; and, in three days after, you meet her at the conveniency of trying it chez Mademoiselle d'Epingle.

Sir Cha. Ay, ay, my lord; and when you are there, you know, what between a little chat, a dish of tea, mademoiselle's good humour, and a petit chanson or two, the devil's in't if a man can't fool away the time, 'till he sees how it looks upon her by candle-light.

Ld More. I could never find it so-the shame or scandal of a repulse always made me afraid of attempting women of condition.

Sir Cha. Ha, ha! 'egad, my lord, you deserve to be ill used; your modesty's enough to spoil any woman in the world. But my lord and I understand the sex a little better; we see plainly, that women are only cold, as some men are brave, from the modesty or fear of those that attack them.

Ld Fop. Right, Charles-a man should no more give up his heart to a woman, than his sword to a bully; they are both as insolent as the devil after it.

Sir Cha. How do you like that, my lord? Aside to Lord MORELOVE. Ld More. Faith, I envy him!-But, my lord, suppose your inclination should stumble upon a woman truly virtuous, would not a severe repulse from such an one put you strangely out of countenance?

La Fop. Not at all, my lord--for, if a man don't mind a box o' the ear in a fair struggle with a fresh country girl, why the deuce should he be concerned at an impertinent frown for an attack upon a woman of quality?

Ld More. Then, you have no notion of a lady's cruelty?

Ld Fop. Ha, ha! let me blood, if I think there's a greater jest in nature! I am ready to crack my guts with laughing, to see a senseless flirt, because the creature happens to have a little pride, that she calls virtue, about her, give herself all the insolent airs of resentment and disdain to an honest fellow, that, all the while, does not care three pinches of snuff if she and her virtue were to run, with their last favours, through the first regiment of guards !—Ha, ha! it puts me in mind of an affair of mine, so impertinent!

Ld More. Oh, that's impossible, my lord!— Pray, let's hear it.

Ld Fop. Why, I happened once to be very well in a certain man of quality's family, and his wife liked me!

Ld More. How do you know she liked you? Ld Fop. Why, from the very moment I told her I liked her, she never durst trust herself at the end of a room with me.

Ld More. That might be her not liking you. Ld Fop. My lord-Women of quality don't use to speak the thing plain-but, to satisfy you I did not want encouragement, I never came there in my life, but she did immediately smile, and borrow my snuff-box.

Ld More. She liked your snuff, at least-Well, but how did she use you?-

Ld Fop. By all that's infamous, she jilted me!
Ld More. How! Jilt you?

Ld Fop. Ay, death's curse, she jilted me!
Ld More. Pray, let's hear.