Pet. Yes, sir, and who should I find there but Mr. Mirabel and the captain, hatching as warmly over a tub of ice, as two hen pheasants over a brood. They would not let me bespeak any thing, for they had dined before I came.

Dug. Come, sir, you shall serve my sister; I shall still continue kind to you. Wait on your lady home, Petit.

Pet. A chair, a chair, a chair!

[Exit, R.

Ori. No, no, I'll walk home, 'tis but next door.

[Exeunt, L.

SCENE II.-A Tavern.

MIRABEL and DURETETE sitting at a Table.

Mir. Welcome to Paris once more, my dear captain; we have eat heartily, drank roundly, paid plentifully, and let it go for once. I liked every thing but our women, they look'd so lean and tawdry, poor creatures ! 'tis a sure sign the army is not paid. Give me the plump Venetian, brisk and sanguine, that smiles upon me like the glowing sun, and meets my lips like sparkling wine, her person shining as the glass, and spirit like the foaming liquor.

Dur. Ah, Mirabel, Italy, I grant you; but for our women here in France, they are such thin brawn-fallen jades.

Mir. There's nothing on this side the Alps worth my humble service t'ye-Ha, Roma la santa! Italy for my money; [Rise and come forward] their customs, gardens, buildings, paintings, music, polices, wine, and women! the paradise of the world ;-not pester'd with a parcel of precise old gouty fellows, that would debar their children every pleasure that they themselves are past the sense of: commend me to the Italian familiarity: Here, son, there's fifty crowns; go pay your girl

her week's allowance.

Dur. (L. c.) Ay, these are your fathers for you, that understand the necessities of young men; not like ou musty dads, who, because they cannot fish themselves, would muddy the water, and spoil the sport of them that can. But now you talk of the plump, what d'ye think of a Dutch woman?

Mir. (R. c.) A Dutch woman's too compact; nay, every thing among them is so; a Dutch man is thick, a Dutch woman is squab, a Dutch horse is round, a Dutch dog is short, a Dutch ship is broad-bottomed; and, in short, one would swear the whole product of the country were cast in the same mould with their cheeses.

Dur. Ay, but, Mirabel, you have forgot the English ladies.

Mir. The women of England were excellent, did they not take such insufferable pains to ruin what nature has made so incomparably well. But come, Duretête, let us mind the business in hand; mistresses we must have, and must take up with the manufacture of the place, and upon a competent diligence we shall find those in Paris shall match the Italians from top to toe.

Dur. Ay, Mirabel, you will do well enough, but what will become of your friend? you know I am so plaguy bashful, so naturally an ass upon these occasions, that

Α

Mir. Pshaw, you must be bolder, man: travel three years, and bring home such a baby as bashfulness! great lusty fellow! and a soldier! fie upon it.

Dur. Lookye, sir, I can visit, and I can ogle a little -as thus, or thus now-but if they chance to give me a forbidding look, as some women, you know, have a devilish cast with their eyes or if they cry-what d'ye mean? what d'ye take me for? Fie, sir, remember who I am, sir-A person of quality to be used at this rate! 'egad, I'm struck as flat as a frying pan.

Mir. Words o'course! never mind 'em: turn you about upon your heel with a jantée air; hum out the end of an old song; cut a cross caper, and at her again.

Dur. [Imitates him.] No, hang it, 'twill never do. Oons, what did my father mean by sticking me up in an university, or to think that I should gain any thing by my head, in a nation whose genius lies all in their heels? Well, if ever I come to have children of my own, they shall have the education of the country; they shall learn to dance before they can walk, and be taught to sing before they can speak.

Mir. (L. c.) Come, come, throw off that childish humour, put on assurance, there's no avoiding it; stand all hazards, thou'rt a stout lusty fellow, and hast a good estate; look bluff, Hector, you have a good side-box

face, a pretty impudent face; so, that's pretty wellThis fellow went abroad like an ox, and is returned like [Aside.

an ass.

Dur. (R. c.) Let me see now how I look. [Pulls out a pocket-glass, and looks on't.] A side-box face, say you? 'Egad, I don't like it, Mirabel. Fie, sir, don't abuse your friends, I could not wear such a face for the best countess in Christendom.

Mir. Why can't you, blockhead, as well as I ?

Dur. Why, thou hast impudence to set a good face upon any thing; I would change half my gold for half thy brass, with all my heart. Who comes here? Odso, Mirabel, your father!

Enter OLD MIRABEL, L.

O. Mir. Where's Bob? dear Bob?
Mir. [Kneels, c.] Your blessing, sir.

O. Mir. (L. c.) My blessing! Damn ye, ye young rogue; why did not you come to see your father first, sirrah? My dear boy, [Rises] I am heartily glad to see thee, my dear child, faith-Captain Duretête, by the blood of the Mirables, I'm yours-well, my lads, ye look bravely, faith. Bob, hast got any money left? Mir. (L. c.) Not a farthing, sir.

O. Mir. (c.) Why, then I wont't gi' thee a sous.
Mir. I did but jest, here's ten pistoles.

O. Mir. Why, then here's ten more; I love to be charitable to those that don't want it. Well, and how d'ye like Italy, my boys?

Mir. O the garden of the world, sir; Rome, Naples, Venice, Milan, and a thousand others-all fine.

0. Mir. Ay, say you so? and they say, that Chiari is very fine too.

Dur. (R. C.) Indifferent, sir, very indifferent; a very scurvy air; the most unwholesome to a French constitution in the world.

Mir. Pshaw, nothing on't; these rascally gazetteers have misinformed you.

O. Mir. Misinformed me! Oons, sir, were not we beaten there?

Mir. Beaten, sir! the French beaten !

O. Mir. Why, how was it, pray, sweet sir?

Mir. Sir, the captain will tell you.

Dur. No, sir, your son will tell you.

Mir. The captain was in the action, sir.

Dur. Your son saw more than I, sir, for he was a looker on.

O. Mir. Confound you both for a brace of cowards : here are no Germans to overhear you; why don't ye tell me how it was?

Mir. Why, then you must know, that we marched up a body of the finest, bravest, well-dressed fellows in the universe; our commanders at the head of us, all lace and feather, like so many beaux at a ball-I don't believe there was a man of 'em but could dance a charmer, morbleu !

O. Mir. Dance! very well, pretty fellows, faith!

Mir. We capered up to their very trenches, and there saw, peeping over, a parcel of scarecrow, olive-coloured gunpowder fellows, as ugly as the devil.

Dur. 'Egad, I shall never forget the looks of them while I have breath to fetch.

Mir. They were so civil indeed as to welcome us with their cannon; but for the rest, we found them such unmannerly, rude, unsociable dogs, that we grew tired of their company, and so we even danced back again. O. Mir. And did ye all come back?

Mir. No, two or three thousand of us stayed behind. O. Mir. Why, Bob, why?

Mir. Pshaw-because they could not come that night. But come, sir, we were talking of something else: pray how does your lovely charge, the fair Oriana?

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O. Mir. Ripe, sir, just ripe; you'll find it better engaging with her than with the Germans, let me tell you. And what would you say, my young Mars, if I had a Venus for thee too? come, Bob, [Takes a hand of each] your apartment is ready, and pray let your friend be my guest too; you shall command the house between ye, and I'll be as merry as the best of you.

[Exeunt, L.

END OF ACT I.

ACT II.

SCENE I.-Old Mirabel's House.

Enter ORIANA and BISARRE, L.

Bis. (R. C.) And you love this young rake, d'ye?
Ori. (c.) Yes.

Bis. In spite of all his ill usage?

Ori. I can't help it.

Bis. What's the matter wi'ye?

Ori. Pshaw!

Bis. O, hang all your Cassandras and Cleopatras for me.-Pr'ythee mind your airs, modes, and fashions; your stays, gowns, and feathers.

Ori. Pr'ythee be quiet, Bisarre; you know I can be as mad as you when this Mirabel is out of my head. Bis. I warrant now, you'll play the fool when he comes, and say you love him; eh!

Ori. Most certainly;-I can't dissemble, Bisarre:besides, 'tis past that, we're contracted.

Bis. Contracted! alack-a-day, poor thing. What you have changed rings, or broken an old broad-piece between you! Well, I must confess, I do love a little coquetting with all my heart! my business should be to break gold with my lover one hour, and crack my promise the next; he should find me one day with a Prayerbook in my hand, and with a play-book another; he should have my consent to buy the wedding-ring, and the next moment would laugh in his face.

Ori. O my dear, were there no greater tie upon my heart than there is upon my conscience, I would soon throw the contract out o'doors; but the mischief on't is, I am so fond of being tied that I'm forced to be just, and the strength of my passion keeps down the inclination of my sex. But here's the old gentleman.

Enter OLD MIRABEL, L.

O. Mir. (L.) Where's my wenches? where's my two little girls, eh? have a care, look to yourselves, faith, they're a coming, the travellers are a coming. Well! which of you two will be my daughter-in-law now?