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That Falstalt at that oak shall meet with us, Sim. Marry, Sir, I come to speak with Sir gisguised like Herne, with huge horns on his John Falstati from master Slender. head.
Host. There's his chamber, his house, his Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll castle, his standing-bed, and truckle-bed; 'tis come,
painted about with the story of the prodigal, And in this shape : When you have brought iresh and new: Go, knock and call; he'll him thither,
[plot? speak like an Anthropophaginiun* unto thee : What shall be done with him ? what is your Knock, I say. Mrs. Puge. That likewise have we thought
Sim.' There's an old woman, a fat woman, upon, and thus :
gone up into his chamber; I'll be so bold as an Page my daughter, and my little son, stay, Sir, till she come down: I come to speak d three or four more of their growth, we'll with her, indeed. dress
(white, Host. Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be ike urchins, ouphes,* and fairies, greep and robbed : I'll call.-Bully knight! Bully Sir With rounds of waxen tapers on their hea is, John ! speak from thy lungs military: Art thou And rattles in their hands; upon a sudden there ? it is thine host, thine Ephesian, calls. As Falstaff, she, and I, are newly met,
Fal. [abore.) How now, mine host ? Let them from forth a saw-pit rush at once Host. Here's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the With some diffusedt song ; upon their sight, coming down of thy fat woman: Let her desWe two in great amazedness will fly:
cend, bully, let her descend; my chambers are Then let them all encircle him about,
honourable: Fye! privacy ? fye! And, fairy-like, to pinch the unclean knight:
Enter FALSTAFF. And ask him, why, that hour of fairy revel, In their so sacred paths he dares to tread, Ful. There was, mine host, an old fat woman In shape prophane.
even now with me; but she's gone, Mrs. Ford. And till he tell the truth,
Sim. Pray you, Sir, was't not the wiset woLet the supposed fairies pinch him sound ! man of Brentford ? And burn him with their tapers.
Fal. Ay, marry, was it, muscle-shell; What Mrs. Page. The truth being known,
would you with her ? We'll all present ourselves; dis-horn the spirit,
Sim. My master, Sir, my master Slender, And mock bim home to Windsor.
sent to her, seeing her go thorough the streets, Ford. The children must
Sir, whether one Nym, Sir, that beBe practised well to this, or they'll ne'er do't. guiled him of a chain, had the chain, or no. Eva. I will teach the children their beha
Fal. I spake with the old woman about it. viours; and I will be like a jack-an-apes also, Sim. And what says she, I pray, Sir ? to burn the knight with my taber.
Fal. Marry, she says, that the very same man, Ford. That will be excellent. I'll go buy that beguiled master Slender of his chain, cozthem vizards.
ened him of it. Mrs. Page. My Nan shall be the queen of all Sim. I would, I could have spoken with the the fairies,
woman hersell; I had other things to have Finely attired in a robe of white.
spoken with her too, from him.
Host. Ay, come ; quick.
Fal. Conceal them, or thou diest. And marry her at Eton.--Go, send to Falstaff
Sim. Wby, Sir, they were nothing but about straight.
mistress Anne Page; to know, if it were iny Ford. Nay, I'll to him again in name of master's fortune to have her, or no. Brook:
Fal. "Tis, 'tis his fortune. He'll tell me all his purpose: Sure, he'll come. Sim. What, Sir ? Mrs. Page. Fear not you that: Go, get us Fal. To have her, or no: Go; say, the woproperties, $
man told me so. And tricking for our fairies.
Sim. May I be so bold to say so, Sir ? Era. Let us about it: It is admirable pleas- Fal. Ay, Sir Tike; who more bold ? ures, and fery honest knaveries.
Sim. I thank your worship: I shall make my (Exeunt Page, Ford, and Evans. master glad with these tidings. (Exit SIMPLE. Mrs. Page. Go, mistress Ford,
Host. Thou art clerkly,. thou art clerkly, Send quickly to Sir John, to know his mind. Sir John : Was there a wise woman with thee
[Exit Mrs. Fond.
Fal. Ay, that there was, mine host; one, I'll to the doctor ; he hath my good will, that hath taught me more wit than ever I learnAnd none but he, to marry with Nan Page. ed before in my life: and I paid nothing for it That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot; neither, but was paid for my learning. And he my husband best of all affects : The doctor is well money'd, and his friends
Enter BARDOLPH. Potent at court; he, none but he, shall have her,
Bard. Out, alas, Sir! cozenage! meer cozThough twenty thousand worthier come to
enage! crave her.
Host. Where be my horses ? speak well of [Exit.
them varletto. SCENE V.-A Room in the Garter Inn. Bard. Run away with the cozeners: for so
soon as I came beyond Eton, they threw me Enter Host and SIMPLE.
off, from behind one of them, in a slough of Host. What would'st thou have, boor? what, mire; and set spurs, and away, like three thick-skin ? speak, breathe, discuss; brief, German devils, three Dsctor Faustuses. short, quick, snap.
Host. They are gone but to meet the duke, * Elr, hobgoblin
+ Wild, discordant.
• A c:nnibal. + A cunning wom n, a sortune-teller. # Source Necessaries.
villain : do not say, they be fled; Germans are And, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee honest men.
A hundred pourd in gold, more than your loss, Enter Sir Hugh Evans.
Host. I will hear you, master Fenton ; and
I will, at the least, keep your counsel. Era. Where is mine host?
Fent. From time to time I have acquainted Host. What is the matter, Sir ?
you Era. Have a care of your entertainments : With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page; there is a friend of mine come to town, tells me, Who, mutually, hath answer'd my affection there is three couzin germans, that has cozen-(So far forth as herself might be her chooser,) ed all the posts of Readings, of Maidenhead, of Even to my wish : I have a letter from her Colebrook, of horses and money. I tell you Of such contents as you will wonder at; fur good-will, look you : you are wise, and full The mirth whereof so larded with my matter, of gibes and vlouting-stogs; and 'tis not con. That neither, singly, can be manifested, renient you should be cozened: Fare you Without the show of both ;-wherein fat Fal. well.
staff Enter Doctor Caius.
Hath a great scene : the image of the jest.
(Showing the letter. Caius. Vere is mine Host de Jarterre.
I'll show you here at large. Hark, good mine Host. Here, master doctor, in perplexity,
[one, and doubtful dilemma.
To-night at Herne's oak, just 'twixt twelve and Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell- Must my sweet Nan present the fairy queen ; a me, dat you make grand preparation for a The purpose why, is here ;* in which disguise, duke de Jarmany : by my trot, dere is no duke, While other jests are something rank on foot, dat the court is know to come; I tell you for Her father hath commanded her to slip good vill: adieu.
(Exit. Away with Slender, and with him at Eton Host. Hue and cry, villain, go :--assist me, Immediately to marry : she hath consented : knight; I am undone :-fly, run, hue and cry; Now, Sir, villain! I am undone!
Her mother, even strong against that match, (Exeunt Host and BARDOLPH. And firm for doctor Caius, hath appointed Fal. I would, all the world might be cozen- That he shall likewise shufile her away, ed; for I have been cozen'd and beaten too. While other sports are tasking of their ininds, If it should come to the ear of the court, how | And at the deanery, where a priest attends, I have been transformed and how my transfor- Straight marry her to this her mother's plot mation hath been washed and cudgelled, they She, seemingly obedient, likewise hath would melt me out of my fat, drop by drop, and Made promise to the doctor ;-Now, thus it liquor fishermen's boots with me; I warrant,
rests: they would whip me with their fine wits, till I Her father means she shall be all in white; were as crest-fallen as a dried pear. I never And in that habit, when Slender sees his time prospered since I forswore myself at Prime- To take her by the hand, and bid her go, ro.* Well, if my wind were but long enough to She shall go with him :-her mother hath insay my prayers, I would repent.
tended, Enter Mrs. QUICKLY.
The better to denote her to the doctor,
(For they must all be mask'd and vizarded,) Now! whence come you ?
That, quaint t in green, she shall be loose en. Quick. From the two parties, forsooth.
rob’d, Fal. The devil take one party, and his dam With ribbands pendant, faring 'bout her head; the other, and so they shall be both bestowed! And when the doctor spies his vantage ripe, I have suffered more for their sakes, more, than To pinch her by the hand, and, on that token, the villanous inconstancy of man's disposition The maid hath given consent to go with him. is able to bear.
Host. Which means she to deceive ? father Quick. And have not they suffered? Yes, I
or mother? warrant; speciously one of them; mistress Fent. Both, my good host, to go along with Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her. And here it rests,--that you'll procure the vicar
Ful. What tell’st thou me of black and blue? To stay for me at church, 'twixt twelve and one, I was beaten myself into all the colours of the And, in the lawful name of marrying, rainbow, and I was like to be apprehended for To give our hearts united ceremony. the witch of Brentford; but that my admirable Host. Well, husband your device; I'll to the dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action
vicar: of an old woman, deliver'd me, the knave con- Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest. stable had set me i' the stocks, i’ the common Fent. So shall I evermore be bound to thee; stocks, for a witch.
Besides, I'll make a present recompense. Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your
[Exeunt. chamber: you shall hear how things go; and, 1 warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will
ACT V. say somewhat. Good hearts, what ado here is
SCENE 1.- A Room in the Garter Inn. to bring you together! Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so crossed.
Enter Falstaff and Mrs. QUICKLY. Fal. Come up into my chamber. [Exeunt. Fal. Pr’ythee, no more prattling ;-go.
I'll hold :! This is the third time; I hope, good SCENE VI.--Another Room in the Garter Inn.
luck lies in odd numbers. Away, go; they Enter FENTON and Hosi.
say, there is divinity in odd numbers, either in Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me; my nativity, chance, or death.-Away. mind is heavy, I will give over all. [purpose, Quick. I'll provide you a chain; and I'll do Fent. Yet here me speak: Assist me in my what I can to get you a pair of horns. A game at cards.
* In the letter. + Fantastically. Keep to the time
Fal. Away, I say; time wears : hold up your Mrs. Ford. We'll betray him finely. head, and inince. [Exit Mrs. Quickly. Mrs. Page. Against such lewdsters, and their Enter Ford.
lechery, How now, master Brook? Master Brook, the
Those that betray them do no treachery. matter will be known to-night, or never.
Mrs. Ford. The hour draws on ; To the oak, Be
to the oak! you in the Park about midnight, at Herne's
(Exeunt. oak, and you shall see wonders.
SCENE IV.-Windsor Park. Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, Sir, as you told me you had appointed ?
Enter Sir Hugh Evans, and Fairies. Fal. I went to her, master Brook, as you see, ber your parts: be pold, I pray you; follow me
Eva. Trib, trib, fairies; come; and rememlike a poor old man: but I came from her, master Brook, like a poor old woman. That into the pit; and when I give the watch-'ords, same knave, Ford her husband, hath the
do as I pid you; Come, come; trib, trib. finest mad devil of jealousy in him, master
(Exeunt. Brook, that ever governed frenzy. I will tell SCENE V.- Another part of the Park. you.--He beat me grievously, in the shape of Enter Falstaff disguised, with a buck's head on. a woman; for in the shape of man, master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver's
Fal. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; beam; because I know also, life is a shuttle. the minute draws on: Now, the hot-blooded I am in haste; go along with me; I'll tell you gods assist me:-Remember, Juve, thou wast all, master Brook. Since I plucked geese,
a bull for thy Europa ; love set on thy horns. played truant, and whipped top, I knew not
-O powerful love! that, in some respects, what it was to be beaten, till lately. Follow makes a beast a man; in some other, a man a me : I'll tell you strange things of this knave beast.—You were also, Jupiter, a swan, for Ford : on whom to-night I will be revenged, the love of Leda ;–0, omnipotent love! how and I will deliver his wife into your hand.— near the god drew to the complexion of a Follow: Strange ihings in hand, master Brook! goose?-A fault done first in the form of a follow. [E.reunt. beast ;-0 Jove, a beastly fault! and then
anSCENE II.-Windsor Park.
other fault in the semblance of a fowl; think
on't, Jove; a foul fault.-When gods have hot Enter Page, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am Page. Come, come; we'll couch i’ the castle- here a Windsor stag; and the fattest, I think, ditch, till we see the light of our fairies.- i' the forest: send me a cool rut-time, Jove, or Remember, son Slender, my daughter. who can blame me to piss my tallow? Who
Slen. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her, comes here? my doe? and we have a nay-word,* how to know one another. I come to her in white, and cry, mum ;
Enter Mrs. Ford and Mrs. PAGE. she cries, budget; and by that we know one Mrs. Ford. Sir John? art thou there, my another.
deer? my male deer? Shal. That's good too: But what needs either Fal. My doe with the black scut ?—Let the your mum, or her budget? the white will de- sky rain potatoes ; let it thunder to the tune of cipher her well enough.-1t hath struck ten Green Sleeres; hail kissing-comfits, and snow o'clock.
eringoes; let there come a tempest of provocaPage. The night is dark ; light and spirits tion, I will shelter me here. [Embracing her. will become it well. Heaven prosper our Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page is come with me, sport! No man means evil but the devil, and sweetheart. we shall know him by his horns. Let's away; Fal. Divide me like a bribe-buck, each a follow me.
(Exeunt. haunch; I will keep my sides to myself, my
shoulders for the fellow* of this walk, and SCENE III.-The Street in Windsor.
my horns I bequeath your husbands. Am I a Enter Mrs. Page, Mrs. Forn, and Dr. Carus. woodman? ha! Speak I like Herne the hunter? Mrs. Page. Master doctor, my daughter is in
-Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience; green: wlien you see your time, take her by he makes restitution. As I am a true spirit, the hand, away with her to the deanery, and welcome!
[Noise within despatch it quickly: Go before into the park;
Mrs. Page, Alas! what noise? we two must go together.
Mrs. Ford. Heaven forgive our sins! Caius. I know vat I have to do; Adieu.
Fal. What should this be?
[They run off abuse of Falstaff, as he will chate at the damned, lest the oil that is in me should set
Fal. I think, the devil will not have me doctor's marrying my daughter : but 'tis no matter; better a little chiding, than a great hell on fire; he would never else cross me deal of heart-break.
thus. Mrs. Ford. Where is Nan now, and her troop Enter Sir Hugh Evans, like a satur ; Mrs. of fairies? and the Welsh devil, Hugh?
QUICKLY, and PistoL; ANNE Page, as the Mrs. Page. They are all couched in a pit hard by Herne's oak, with obscured lights; which, at
Fairy Queen, attended by her brother and
others, dressed like fairies, with waxen tapers the very instant of Falstaff's and our meeting,
on their heads, they will at once display to the night.
Mrs. Ford. That cannot choose but amaze Quick. Fairies, black, grey, green, and white, him.
You moon-shine revellers, and shades of night, Mrs. Page. If he be not amazed, he will be You orphan-beirs of fixed destiny, mocked; if he be amazed, he will every way Attend your office, and your quality.tbe mocked.
Crier Hobgoblin, make the fairy o-yes.
* Keeper of the forest.
Pist. Elves, list your names; silence, you
Pinch him, fairies, mutually:
Pinch him for his villany;
takes off'a fairy in white; and FENTON comes, I'll wink and couch: No man their works must and steals away Mrs. ANNE PAGE. A noise
(Lies down upon his face. of hunting is made within. All the faries run Era, Where's Pede ?-Go you, and where you away. Falstaff pulls of his buck's head, and
find a maid,
Enter Page, FORD, Mrs. Page, and Mrs. FORD.
They lay hold on him.
Page. Nay, do not fly: I think, we have
watch'd you now ;
Will none but Herne the hunter serve your
Mrs. Page. I pray you, come; hold up the
jest no higher :In state as wholesome, as in state 'tis fit;
Now, good Sir John, how like you Windsor wives?
See you these, husband ? do not these fair
Ford. Now, Sir, who's a cuckold now?
Master Brook, Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly And nightly, meadow-fairies, look, you sing, And, master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing
knave; here are his horns, master Brook: Like to the Garter's compass, in a ring : The expressure that it bears, green let it be,
of Ford's but his buck-basket, his cudgel, and More fertile-fresh than all the field to see;
twenty pounds of money; which must be paid And, Hony soit qui mal y pense, write,
to master Brook; his horses are arrested for it,
Mrs. Ford. Sir John, we have had ill luck;
we could never meet. I will never take you
Fal. I do begin to perceive that I am made
Ford. Ay, and an ox too; both the proofs are
Ful. And these are not fairies? I was three
or four times in the thought, they were not
sudden surprise of my powers, drove the grosse Fal. Heavens defend me from that Welsh | despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason,
ness of the foppery into a received belief, in fairy ! lest he transform me to a piece of cheese! that they were fairies. See now, how wit may Pist. Vile worm, thou wast o'er-look'd even be made a Jack-a-lent, when 'tis upon ill em
in thy birth.
Era. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave If he be chaste, the flame will back descend,
your desires, and fairies will not pinse you. And turn him to no pain; but if he start,
Ford. Well said, fairy Hugh.
Era. And leave you your jealousies too, I
Ford. I will never mistrust my wife again, Era. Come, will this wood take fire?
till thou art able to woo her in good English. [They turn him with their tapers.
Ful. Have I laid my brain in the sun, and
gross o'er-reaching as this? Am I ridden with About him fairies; sing a scornful rhyme:
a Welsh goat too? Shall I have a coxcomb of And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time. frize ?t 'tis time I were choked with a piece of
toasted cheese. Era. It is right; indeed he is full of lecheries
Era. Seese is not good to give putter; you and iniquity.
pelly is all putter. Song.
Fal. Seese and putter! Have I lived to
stand at the taunt of one that makes fritters Fye on sinful fantasy !
of English? This is enough to be the decay Fye on lust and lurury!
on lust and late-walking, through the realmı. Lust is but a bloody fire,
Mrs. Page. Why, Sir John, do you think, Kindled with unchaste desire,
though we would have thrust virtue out of our Fed in heart; whose flames aspire,
hearts by the head and shoulders, and have As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher. I given ourselves without scruple to hell, that
* Horns which Falstaff had. * Whortleberry.
+ The letters.
† A fool's cap of Welsh materials.
FVer the devil could have made you our de- Mrs. Page. Good George, be not angry: I light?
knew of your purpose ; turned my daughter Ford. What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax? | into green; and, indeed, she is now with the Mrs. Page. A puffed man?
doctor at the deanery, and there married. Page. Old cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails?
Caius. Vere is mistress Page? By gar, I am Ford. And as wicked as his wife?
cozened; I ha' married un garcon, a boy; un Eva. And given to fornications, and to ta- paisan, by gar, a boy; it is not Anne Page: by
gar, I am cozened. verns, and sack, and wine, and metherlins, and to drinkings, and swearings, and starings,
Mrs. Page. Why, did you take her in pribbles and prabbles ?
green? Fal. Well, I am your theme: you have the l'll raise all Windsor.
Caius. Ay, be gar, and 'tis a boy: be gar, Kart of me; I am dejected; I am not able to
[Exit Caius. answer the Welsh flannel ; ignorance itself is
Ford. This is strange: Who hath got the pluminet o'er me: use me as you will.
right Anne ? Ford. Marry, Sir, we'll bring you to Windsor,
Page. My heart misgives me: Here comes
master Fenton. to one master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom you should have been a pan
Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE. der: over and above that you have suffered, I think, to repay that money will be a biting How now, master Fenton ? affliction.
Anne. Pardon, good father! good my mother, Mrs. Ford, Nay, husband, let that go to
pardon! make amends :
Page. Now, mistress? how chance you went Forgive that sum, and so we'll all be friends. not with master Siender ? Ford. Well, here's my hand; all's forgiven Mrs. Page. Why went you not with master at last.
doctor, maid? Puge. Yet be cheerful, knight : thou shalt eat
Fent. You do amaze* her: Hear the truth a posset to-night at my house; where I will
of it. desire thee to laugh at my wife, that now laughs You would have married her most shamefully, at thee: Tell her, master Slender hath married
Where there was no proportion held in love. her daughter.
The truth is, She and I, long since contracted, Mrs. Page. Doctors doubt that: If Anne Are now so sure, that nothing can dissolve us. Page be my daughter, she is, by this, doctor The offence is holy, that she hath committed: Caius' wife,
[ Aside. And this deceit loses the name of craft, Enter SLENDER.
Of disobedience, or unduteous title;
Since therein shé doth evitatet and shun Slen. Whoo, ho! ho! father Page.
A thousand irreligious cursed hours, Puge. Son! how now? how now, son ? have Which forced marriage would have brought you despatched ?
Slen. Despatched—I'll make the best in Ford. Stand not amaz'd: here is no remeGloucestershire know on't; would I were
dy :hanged, la, else.
In love, the heavens themselves do guide the Page. Of what, son ?
state; Slen. I came yonder at Ęton to marry mis- Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate. tress Anne Page, and she's a great lubberly Fal. I am glad, though you have ta’en a boy: If it had not been i' the church, I would special stand to strike at me, that your arrow have swinged him, or he should have swinged hath glanced.
If I did not think it had been Anne Page. Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven Page, would I might never stir, and 'tis a
give thee joy! post-master's boy.
What cannot be eschew'd, must be embrac'd. Page. Upon my life then you took the wrong. Fal. When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer Slen. What need you tell me that? I think
are chas'd. 80, when I took a boy for a girl: If I had Era. I will dance and eat plums at your been married to him, for all he was in woman's wedding. apparel, I would not have had him.
Mrs. Page. Well, I will muse no further Page. Why, this is your own folly: Did not
Master Fenton, I tell you, how you should know my daughter Heaven give you many, many merry days! by her garments ?
Good husband, let us every one go home, Slen. I went to her in white, and cried mum, And laugh this sport o'er by a country fir; and she cried budget, as Anne and I had ap- Sir John and all." pointed; and yet it was not Anne, but a post- Ford. Let it be so :-Sir John, master's boy.
To master Brook you yet shall hoid your word: Eva. Jeshu! Master Slender, cannot you see | For he, to-night, shall lie with Mrs. Ford. but
marry boys ? Page. O, I am vexed at heart: What shall I
i Confound her by your questions.