Just like a hedger cutting furze : 'Twas a vile razor;-then the rest he triedAll were impostors-"Ah," Hodge sigh'd! "I wish my eighteen-pence within my purse," In vain to chase his beard, and bring the graces, He cut, and dug, and winc'd, and stamp'd, and swore ; Brought blood, and danc'd, blasphem'd, and made wry faces, And curs'd each razor's body o'er and o'er. His muzzle, formed of opposition stuff, Firm as a Foxite, would not lose its ruff; So kept it-laughing at the steel and suds: Hodge, in a passion, stretch'd his angry jaws, Vowing the direst vengence, with clenched claws, On the great cheat that sold the goods. "Razors! a vile, confounded dog, "Not fit to scrape a hog!" 66 Hodge sought the fellow-found him—and begun : 'Perhaps, Master Razor-rogue, to you 'tis fun, "That people flay themselves out of their lives: "You rascal! for an hour have I been grubbing, "Giving my scoundrel whiskers here a scrubbing, "With razors just like oyster knives. "Sirrah! I tell you, you're a knave, "To cry up razors that can't shave." 66 Friend," quoth the razor man, "I'm not a knave: "As for the razors you have bought, "Upon my soul I never thought That they would shave.” "Not think they'd shave!" quoth Hodge, with wond'ring eyes, And voice not much unlike an Indian yell; "What were they made for then, you dog," he cries; "Made!" quoth the fellow, with a smile,-"to sell." Hodge and the Justice. WALCOT. HODGE held a farm, and liv'd content, That cheap the market! scant the grain! Tho' urg'd with truth, were urg'd in vain : For rent must come, when rent was due. Save once, and then, when Hodge complain'd, But luckless still, poor Hodge's fate! "If Hodge, for once, don't fling the 'Squire, The village post him for a liar! He said and 'cross his shoulder throws The fork, and to his landlord goes. "I come, thus early, to unfold "What soon or late you must be told. 66 My bull (a creature tame till now) "My bull has gor'd your worship's cow. "'Tis known what shifts I make to live; "Perhaps your honour may forgive!" "Forgive!" the 'Squire replied, and swore! "Sir, I'm so struck, while here before ye, "Your's was the bull, sir! mine the cow." The Prodigy. ANON. ONCE on a time, as holy authors say, A Roman Knight met Cato on the way, "Kind sir," quoth he, "your speedy counsel lend; "Strange potents are abroad, that fright your friend: "A prodigy I've seen :-last night a rat "Eat my old shoe :—what think you, Sir, of that? "My wife is sick :—and hence I surely spy "She will recover, or myself shall die.” Thus spake the knight, and thus the seer began, "Your idle fears dispel, and be a man, "Rats will maraud; and if I augur true, "Nor death, nor disappointment thence ensue. "If your old shoes, indeed, had eat the rat, "I should have thought a prodigy in that," A Secret. ANON. YE belles, who of your beaux so fine He's young and handsome, brave and gay, Most amiable, and tout au fait; POCKET BOOK. |