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Tell cook to dress those humming birds,

I shot in Mexico,
They've now been killed at least two days,

They'll be un peu trop haut.

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I'll try that wine too, a la rose,

Just brought from Ispahan;
How could those goths of other times

Endure that vile champagne ?

The trip I took the other day,

To breakfast in the moon,
Thanks to that awkward Lord Bellaire,

Has spoiled my new balloon.

For, steering through the milky way,

He ran against a star,

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And turning round again too soon,

Came jolt against my car.

Such fellows ought to keep below;

And never venture there;
If he's so clumsy, he should go

By no way but the Bear.

My time is surely up by now

Put the high pressure on;
Give the “breath bag" for the way-

All right-hey-whizz—I'm gone.

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Ar Trin. Col. Cam.-which means, in proper spelling,

Trinity College, Cambridge,-there resided
One Harry Dashington-a youth excelling

In all the learning commonly provided
For those who choose that classic station
For finishing their education :
That is—he understood computing

The odds at any race or mateh;
Was a dead hand at pigeon shooting ;



Could kick up rows-knock down the watch-
Play truant and the rake at random-

Drink-tie cravats-drive a tandem.
Remonstrance, fine, and rustication,
So far from working reformation,

Seem'd but to make his lapses greater,
Till he was warn'd that next offence
Would have this certain consequence-

Expulsion from his Alma Mater.

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One need not be a necromancer

To guess that with so great a wight,
The next offence occurr'd next night :
When our incurable came rolling

Home as the midnight chimes were tolling,
And rang the College bell—No answer.

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The second peal was vain—the third

Made the street echo next alarum ;
When to his great delight he heard
The sordid Janitor, old Ben,
Rousing and growling in his den.

“Who's there?-I s'pose young Harum-scarum.” “ Tis I, my worthy Ben-'tis Harry."

Ay, so I thought-and there you'll tarry, “ 'Tis past the hour—the gates are closed

“You know my orders-) shall lose

“My place if I undo the door.”-
“ And I,” (young Hopeful interposed,)


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“Shall be expell’d if you refuse, So pr’ythee''-Ben began to snore.“ I'm wet,” cried Harry, to the skin,

Hip! hallo! Ben—dont be a ninney; “ Beneath the gate I've thrust a guinea, “ So tumble out and let me in.”

“Humpb!” growl'd the greedy old Curmudgeon, Half overjoy'd and half in dudgeon. “Now you may pass, but make no fuss,

“On tiptoe walk and hold your prate.”“ Look on the stones, old Cerberus,"

Cried Harry as be pass’d the gate, “I've dropp'd a shilling-take the light, "You'll find it just outside-good night.”

Behold the porter in his shirt,

Cursing the rain which never stopp'd,
Groping and raking in the dirt,
And all without success, but that
Is hardly to be wonder'd at,

Because no shilling had been dropp'd,
So he gave o'er the search at last,
Regain'd the door and found it fast ;-
With sordid oaths and growls and groans,

He rang once- --twice-and thrice, and then, Mingled with gigglings heard the tones

Of Harry mimicing old Ben.“Who's there?-'Tis really a disgrace

To ring so loud-I've lock'd the gate

“I know my duty—'Tis too late-
“ You wouldn't have me lose my place.”


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“ Psha ! Mr. Dashington; remember,
“ This is the middle of November,

“I'm stripp'd ;-'tis raining cats and dogs,"
“ Hush, hush !" quoth Hal, “ I'm fast asleep ;''
And then he snored as loud and deep

As a whole company of hogs.
“But hark'ye, Ben, I'll grant admittance

“ At the same rate I paid myself.”
Nay, master, leave me half the pittance,"

Replied the avaricious elf,
“ No; all or none—a full acquittance;
“ The terms I know are somewhat high ;
“ But you have fix'd the price, not l-

“ I won't take less ;- I can't afford it.”
So finding all his haggling vain,
Ben, with an oath and groan of pain,

Drew out the guinea and restored it.

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“Surely you'll give me,” growld th’ outwitted
Porter, when again admitted,
“Something, now you've done your joking,
“For all this trouble, time, and soaking."
“Oh, surely-surely,” Harry said ;

“ Since as you urge, I broke your rest,

“And you're half drown's and quite undress'd, “ I'll give you leave to go to bed.”

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