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gratification in the prospect of hearing a few thousand tongues wagging with the sounds of my praise. Why should I care for regulating the affairs of an empire? What is it, but providing for a more numerous family ? - and what has the nation done for me, that I should pretend to father it?”
The doctor smiled, and remained for a few moments in meditation. “ To be candid with you," said he, “ I know of no power in medicine that can be available in your case. But if you could prevail on yourself to travel a few hundred miles, I am acquainted with a mineral water on your own estate of Ulla, which I am almost certain would effect a beneficial change in your constitution. Go there, , and when you have found the spring, I will send you directions how to use it.”
“ Go there !-go to Ireland ? Is it to be shot from behind a hedge, or have my throat cut in my bed?"
“ I do not think there is such manifest danger of that; and even if the journey were not without risk, would it not be better to meet death at once, than be frittered out of the world by colds, and indigestions, and nervous idiosyncrasies?”
“ I protest you are right,” replied the young Lord_" but then to leave London now in the blaze of winter and Pasta and Sontag in town!”
“ I thought you said that both had tired youthat there was nothing in London that could supply you with a moment's amusement. The trip will at least have novelty to recommend it.”
“I protest you are right again,” replied the young nobleman, “I will certainly undertake the journey."
“ And if you do so," continued his adviser, you would do well to perform it incognito, and take with you no other articles of value than are necessary for your expenses on the road. It will be the safest course ; and when you arrive in Ulla, you can send to your banker for remittances.”
The plan was embraced and executed. Under the unassuming name of Mr. John Johnson, the young Lord of Ulla took his seat in the Bristol coach. He admired (not for the first time), the glories of Bath, as he entered its gloomy vale late at night, when the traveller imagines he is passing through a city of stars; and lights twinkle through the darkness above, around, and beneath him. He grew rapturous on the Avon-bought bookstones and copper ore at the foot of the lofty Clifton hills ; felt queer for half a night on board the Nora Creina ; and landed safely on the Waterford quay, all wonder, interest, and terror.
Although there was a great crowd of Irishmen upon the quay, he had the good fortune to arrive with life at a small hotel in a retired part of the city, where he immediately hired a post-chaise for the interior. He drove rapidly by.
that lake, whose gloomy shore Sky-lark never warbles o'er,"
and arrived late on the following day, at the principal inn on his own estate, in a remote and mountainous country.
He was met in the ruinous hall of the house of entertainment, by a shrewd looking man, whose bows and smiles seemed to announce him as the proprietor of the establishment. In compliance with Mr. Johnson's desire, he was shewn into a parlour, the dreary regularity and discomforting finery of which chilled and depressed him.
He observed, as he entered, a peculiar and penetrating expression in the landlord's eye ; it vanished, however, the instant their glances met.
“ You appear not to be much troubled with company here, landlord ?" said Mr. Johnson.
“ Scarce and genteel, sir-scarce and genteel is the way with us," replied the host, tossing his head.
66 Whose is the estate, pray ?”
“ It belongs to the young Lord Ulla, please your honour."
“A good landlord, I suppose ?”
The man lowered his face as if to hide a smile. “ Middling, sir,” he answered ; “middling, as we say, like the small potatoes.”
“ Why, does he oppress his tenantry in any way for his rents ?”
“ As for himself, sir,” replied the innkeeper,
we can't say what he is, for our two eyes never perched upon him yet, since the day he was born. But whatever he be himself, the man that does for him* here, is no great things.” - You mean his agent.”
Why then I'll not tell you a word of a lie about it, it's the very man I mean.”
Mr. Johnson said no more on this subject, but ordered dinner, and gave particular directions about the cookery. After enumerating a long string of dishes which he could furnish, only for something, the landlord named a pair of chickens, together with “ the best potatoes in Europe.” On this Mr. Johnson thought he could contrive to sustain life for one day.
But he was doomed to fare still worse, for the chickens were overdone. He rang for the land. lord, who, it appeared, was his own waiter.
“ These chickens are overdone,” was Mr. Johnson's first exclamation.
• Overdone, sir !”
66 There is not a morsel fit to eat upon the dish, except the liver."
“ In earnest, sir ?" said the man, with apparent concern.
“ Take it away,” said Mr. Johnson. “ Will I kill a couple more for your honour?'
Mr. Johnson stared. “ Are you a cannibal,” said he, “ that you would kill and eat a chicken on the same day?"
The landlord, looking quite perplexed, removed the chickens, and the young nobleman ordered him to send in tea as quickly as possible.
At this order the landlord remained for some moments, as if hesitating about what he should sày.
“ Please your honour, sir,” he exclaimed at length, “ what kind of tay would your honour wish?” « Good
you I can expect anything better from you.”
“ Oh, no, sir, 'tisn't that at all I mean, only it's what I mean is, is it rale tay-tay your honour wants, or coffee-tay, or oat-male tay?"
“ Tay-tay ! coffee-tay !” ejaculated the guest; “ I don't understand you. I want tea.-Don't you know what tea is ?”
Oh, yes I see it's the tay-tay you mean. I'm sorry to say I can't give you any to night.”
“ No tea !” sighed Mr. Johnson ; " well then, send me in coffee, or coffee-tay, as you call it.”
“I can't promise your honour that, neither," said the landlord, shaking his head ; “ but if you'd
green tea, if
have it ;
I don't suppose