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Humorous Anecdote

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chanced to be a kirkin —an' sae as the fasson gangs, the young fok bid to be seen in a' their braws_an' doon they gaed wi' the lave to the Burnfit-an' to be sure a' the clitter-clatter was aboot waddins an' braws, an' brooses an' sic like idle claverin-I vow there was aboot as muckle said, an' dune, an' leuket in that hour we ware there as wad hae made ony peeous man think he had been sairly mispennin' his Sunday.--An' what mak's me think, Sir, there maun be harm in't, is this—that nwo that we ha'e nae interval ava, an' hinna occasion to be doon to Geordie's, I fin' frąe experience that my Sundays now are far sweeter, an' quaeter, an' douser, an' upo' the haill, mair like what a Sunday soud be in my way o' thinkin'.

Now, Sir, gif ye coud be the mean o' lettin' fok ken that this fasson o' theirs is at least no advisable-an' rins the risk o undoin' a' the peeous thochtes whilk the minister has been tryin' to inspire them wi', I judge ye wad be doin' them an' religion nae sina' service. I ken weel by mysel' how little ane's gien to refleck upo' the propreety or impropreety o' our aul' customsWe just tak them as a legacie frae our fathers as we get theman’ than leä' them to our weans ahint 11s An' say forbears hae dune for generations canna be far wrang."

But I maun stop e’ennow, as our wife's tellin' ine she's expeckin' John Walker's dochters owre belyve wi' their stockin. An' there'll be naething but daffin an' noise gaun on whan the lads an' them forgather. Ye'll maybe hear frae me sune again An' i' the mean time yours at commaun,

ANDREW ETTLEWEEL.

66 what our

HUMOROUS ANECDOTE.

Linnet, the Actor, while at Hammersmith with his company, expressed a desire to play at Chelsea, but he was informed it was under the controul of a very inflexible magistrate, particularly averse to giving any encouragement to plays, or any

other amusements. However notwithstanding this alarming and seemingly insurmountable difficulty, Linnet met with a friend, a gentleman, who wrote a warm recommendatory letter for him to the obdurate magistrate, and gave him assurance of his meeting

with success.

Much elated with this encouragement, Linnet pushed boldir

K

Humorous Anecdote.

to the Justice's house, directing his whole company to proceed to Chelsea, and order a dinner at the Swan, and regale themselves. This mandate was cheerfully complied with, and the eventful letter was delivered according to direction. But what was the purport of this letter! Instead of that which should secure a welcome and support, it was one that menaced the reader with a sudden scene of horror.- 'Tis proper to explainthen, thus it was: The Comedy of The Bold Stroke for a Wife, had been played a few nights before, and old Linnet, resolving on this occasion to make a grand appearance, had put on the stage waistcoat he had worn in the Colonel, in one of the pockets of which was a letter, supposed to be sent by the Colonel's friend to Obadiah Prim, on hearing that the real Simon Pure was actually come, which, if not timely prevented, must

ruin the Colonel's design upon the cautious quaker. Judge of the Magistrate's surprise on opening the supposed letter of re

commendation, when he found it began thus: “ There is a design formed to rob the house and cut your throat.The Justice rang his bell

a servant appeared— " Where is the man that brought this letter ?” “ In the hall, Sir.” « Call him

up

directly.” While the servant was employed in going to fetch up the unconscious culprit, old Quorum read onwhereof I am one, though now resolved to rob no more”_here old Linnet made his appearance.

“ Well, friend, says the Jusyou belong to the gang: how many are there of you?" “ We are fourteen in all, Sir.”. “ Fourteen! and where are

“ At Tools, Sir, at the Swan." “ Indeed! Oh, very well, you have all your tools at the Swan, have you? I'll take care of you and your tools presently.” “Many thanks, Sir; Squire ***** told me you would

encourage us." was it he sent you to my house ?" “ Yes, Sir." when do you intend to begin this affair?” “ We always begin about Seven o'clock. Sir." “ You do! here Thomas, here seize immediately this daring, hardened, old villain; he and his whole gang are coming to rob and murder my family this night, and all their horrid tools are at the Swan public house!

I did not think this of you,” says the servant to Linnet. “ What! do you know the fellow, Sirrah ?” “ Yes, Sir, he is the master of the play.”. A player! and are you not an open and avowed murderer ?” “ Sir! what do you mean?" ** Look at this letter you hang dog! did you not deliver this to

Co. The gang;

rice, o

you all ?”

66 Aye

Well, and

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me?"

Indian Dialogue.

Who can describe the innocent Linnet's astonishment

upon the discovery of the mistake! Oh, dear Sir, I beg your pardon-here is Squire *****'s letter; I hope this will satisfy you;" “ Hold him till I see what's here." "On the perusal of the letter, his worship's countenance was changed from a savage ferocity to a most placid smile. He immediately dismissed the innocent aggressor, with full permission for his performing; at the same time giving him this piece of wholesome advice--neter to forget his part again.

INDIAN DIALOGUE.

6. How you

66 Tell

you wat, Cobenna

The negroes in the West India islands, when first imported from Guinea-and indeed for many years after, think it a wonderful thing that one man shall send a letter, and the other know what he means by looking at it. They call it thus: “ Bue. cara make a paper talk!" Impressed with this idea, a negro was sent with a jug of rum, above proof, to rectify a hogshead not strong enough, and a note. On his journey he met an acquaintance, when the following conversation took place. do, Daddy Cobenna—vat you hab dere.” Buccara run Cudgo." Cum? dam a hcait! les all we two have a lilly sup, he Cobenna!" "

No, here be paper, he tell Buccara- dam he savez talk.'

suppose

we hide de letter under de great stone, den he no savez see. Cobenna put down the jug, and they both retired to some distance, and hid the letter behind a large rock, then came back, sat down, and enjoyed themselves. "Ah, Cudgo, tis dam good, he make a heart jump. When they had drank pretty plentifully, Cobenna exclaims "Dain, jug no full now." « Take him de river Dady Cobenna, put a lilly water. It was done; they parted, and Cobenna released the letter from its cofinement, and posted on; arrived at the house with the jug and letter, both of which were sent to the gentleman, who drew the bung, took a proof phial, and of course drew the water out only, which from the jug being full could not mix. The gentleman, in a rage, said,

6 You black rascal, why you have been drinking the rum, and filling it up with water! Oh dam dat paper, massa-I told Buddy Cudgo so! and hide de

but, "massa, dam him eye, he see through grandy store, big a house." His ignorance preserved his back, and he escaped punishment.

paper;

The Watchman.-Church Discipline.

The Port-Folio.

A thing of shreds and patches.-Hamlet.

The accommodating watchman.--Some years ago as Mr. Ans. ty was returning home with some jovial companions through Bath, about three in the morning, they accidently met with the watch, who was regularly crying the hour.-In the mirth of heart they were in, this was construed by some of the bucks to be a sort of satire upon them for keeping bad hours, Mr. Ans. ty therefore insisted that the fellow should cry past eleven o'clock, instead of three, on pain of corporal punishinent-after some remonstrance the poor man was obliged to comply—but before he had finished his oration, suddenly recollecting himself, he said shrewdly, I know the hour I am to call, “ but pray, gentlemen what sort of weather would you choose to have?” Sunshine, you scoundrel, to be sure; sunsliine"-upon which (notwithstanding its raining at that time very hard, the accommodating watchuman gravely cries out in the proper key; " Past eleven of dock, and by particular desire a sunshining night."

Church Disipline.-1653. July 6th--- The presbitrie St. Androus sat at the church of Largo, which day Mr. Robert Blare, minister of St. Androus did preach his text Gall. 4; 19: the said day he did moderate also. They called in

the elders of the said church, and enquired what was amisse: They appointed Mr. Thomas Wilson Scholemaster for the time to stay ne longer then Mairtimis 1653. He was cast for profainlie taking the name of the devile in his mouthe twyse, especially upon the last sabath the commision in Largo, viz. 1653: for ordinarie tipling and drinking, and not praying always evening and morning in the schole, but sometimes onlie: as also because mutch given to mocking and taunting. They appointed him also to satisfic before the congregation for the foresaid eviles. July 17, the said Mr. Thomas did satisfie before the congregation.

upon

may 29

Luxuries in Shetland. The Negro.-Irish Soldier.- A Quaker's Letter.

Luxuries in Shetland.-Brand, in his History of Shetland, says, that in the year 1640, there were three luxuries introduced into those islands, namely, soap, with which some of the lairds had their shirts washed; pewter spoons, and table-cloths.

A Negro refusing to be honoured.--An old gentleman at the point of death, called a faithful negro to him, telling him he would do him an honour before he died. The fellow thanked him, and hoped Massa would live long,

" I intend Cato," said the master, “ to allow you to be buried in the family vault.” “ Ah, Massa!" returned Cato, “ me no like dat, ten pounds would be better to Cato, he no care where he be buried : besides, Massa, suppose we be buried together, and de devil come Looking for Massa in de dark night, he takaway poor negro man in mistake.

A Brave Irish Soldier.-During the American war an Irishman in the service, having come by surprise on a small party of Hessians who were foraging, seized their arms, which they had laid aside. He then presented his musket, and with threats drove them before him to the American camp, where the singularity of the exploit occasioned some wonder; he was brought with his prisoners before General Washington, who asked how he had taken them? “ Troth General” said he, “I surrounded them."

A Quaker's Letter.-Friend John ;-I desire thee to be so kind as to go to one of those sinful men in the flesh, called an attorney, and let him take out an instrument with a seal thereunto, by means whereof we may seize the outward tabernacle of George Green, and bring him before the Lamb-skin men, at Westminster, and teach him to do as he would be done by.--I rest thy friend in the light-R. G.

Irish Logic-Lord St. John being some time ago in want of a servant, an Irishman applied for the situation; but being asked what countryman he was, answered, an Englishman. Where was you born? asked his Lordship. In Ireland, and please your worship.. How then can you be an Englishman ? My Lord, returned Pat, supposing I was born in a stable, that is no reason I should be called a horse.

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