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Curious Inscription Queen Elizabeth Pedant and Nliterate Magistrate.
laste. I only came for a coat replied be. I had much rather said the counsellor, it had been a suit.
Curious Inscription. The following curious inscription is written over a door in a village in Somersetshire, in these words: Petticoats mended, children taught reading, writing, and dance ing; grown up people taught to spin ; roses distilled, and made in resistance with water; also old shoes bought and sold.
Queen Elizabeth.--A Carter had three times been at Windsor with his cart to carry away upon summons of a removal from thence, some part of the stuff of Queen Elizabeth's wardrobe : and when he had repaired thither once, twice, and a third time, and they of the wardrobe told him the third time, that the removal held not, the Queen having changed her mind; the Carter capping his hand on his thigh said, 66 Now I see that the Queen is a woman as well as a wife ; which words being overheard by her Majesty, who then stood at the window, she said, “ what a villian is this?" and so sent him three angels to stop his mouth.
The Pedant and Nliterate Magistrate.--A gentleman from England wishing to establish a school
, for teaching English in a certain town in the north of England; on his arrival addressed himself to the chief magistrate for permission, informing him that he intended to give Prelections, Orthographical and Rhetorical. The worthy magistrate, to whom these high sounding words were entire strangers peremptorily refused him, as he said they never gave encouragement to Legerdemain slight of hand work
Irish Roads. An Englishman having onee asked an Irishmen if the roads in Ireland were good. “ Yes," said he, so fine, that I wonder you do not import some of them into England. Stay, let me see- - there's the road to Love, strewed with roses—to Matrimony, through the nettles-to Honour, through
to prison, the law—and to the Undertakers, through physic." “ Have you any road to Preferment?” said the Englishman. Yes, but it is the dirtiest in the kingdom."
A Quandary-Cross readings from the Newspapers.
66 there was
Soda Water. When Soda Water was so much in
the clerks of a certain Banking House were in the habit of sending out for it, and quenching their thirst without quitting their posts. One of them, a Highlander, from whom they always exacted a contribution, but who uniformly refused to partake, conceiving it to be far beneath his notice from its winiy appearance, was sitting at his desk one day, when an Irish porter belonging to the bank entered. Perceiving some of the empty jars, and knowing the Highlander's contempt for their late contents, he roguishly asked, was there never nothing in these leetie pigs there?" “ Yes," cried the enraged mountaineer,) ance naething in them, but they took it out!”
A Quandary.- sailor travelling in New England, fell in company
with a man possessing a full share of Yankee curiosity, who, after many important questions, such as, where he came from, where he was travelling, &c. observing his companion had lost an arm, inquired, Pray may I make bold to ask how you lost your ? “ i'll tell
you (says the other) if you won't ask me another question.” “ Well I won't” says he: “ Then 'twas bit off," says the sailor. The honest Yankee was about as bad off now as before. He kept silence for a few mimites; but at length, in an ague of impatient curiosity, but, too mindful of his promişe to ask the question direct, he burst forth with this ejacculation—" I wish I knew what bit it off!"
Cross Readings from the Newspapers.— Yesterday a violent thunder storm-was bound over to keep the peace for seven years.
The new jail for the County of- -is finished-none but persons of respectability will be admitted.
A new bank was lately opened at- - No money to be returned.
The Speakers public dinners will commence next weekadmittance three shillings while the animals are feeding.
The health of Mr. Cobbet was then drunk in -pint bottles of Day and Martin's Japan Blacking.
Last week a poor women was safely delivered of sergeant, one corporal and thirteen rank and file.
On the Birth of Burns.
Monday, the 25th of January being the anniversary of the Ayrshire Bard, the whole members of the Thistle Club, Kilmarnock, met in Roger's Turf Inn. After dinner and a few usual and appropriate toasts were given, the following verses written by a gen. tleman of Kilmarnock, now residing in Glasgow, were recited, and received with the greatest approbation. We shall be glad to hear from the author on some favouritesubject. Ed.
ON THE BIRTH OF BURNS.
Ye sons of Scotia, pour the lay
That day Apollo's lyre was strung,
A wreathy meed to deck his brow,
When years liad fled on wings away,
On the Birth of Burns.
Apollo then did give command
To Scotia's isle they hied away, Bedeck'd with flow’rs and garlands gay, An airy band with harp and song, Through floating clouds they mov'd along, By mountains hoary, tipt with snow, And beauteous wolds that spread below, With glassy lakes and gurgling streams, That sported in the lunar beams, 'Mong hills, and dales, and vallies wide, Where torrents pour'd on every side, To Coila swift they onward flew, For all the land of song they knew..
Then, did the Genius of the land,
Then woke the numbers, smooth and free,
Or, by the winding banks of Ayr,
Mute now that once melodious tongue,
Immortal shade! (with awe profound),
Thou art sweet as the dew on new-blown lily,
And wilt thou leave me then for ever ?
Far from the cairns of Aberlay?