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REPORT

OF AN ADJUDGED CASE NOT TO BE FOUND IN ANY OF THE BOOKS.

ETWEEN Nose and Eyes a strange contest arose, The spectacles set them unhappily wrong; The point in dispute was, as all the world knows, To which the said spectacles ought to belong.

So the Tongue was the lawyer, and argued the case
With a great deal of skill, and a wig full of learning,

While Chief Baron Ear sat to balance the laws,
So famed for his talent in nicely discerning.

In behalf of the Nose, it will quickly appear,
And your lordship, he said, will undoubtedly find,

That the Nose has had spectacles always in wear,
Which amounts to possession time out of mind.

Then, holding the spectacles up to the court—
Your lordship observes they are made with a straddle,

As wide as the ridge of the Nose is, in short,
Design'd to sit close to it, just like a saddle.

Again, would your lordship a moment suppose
('Tis a case that has happen'd, and may be again)

That the visage, or countenance, had not a Nose,
Pray who would or who could wear spectacles then

On the whole it appears, and my argument shows,
With a reasoning the court will never condemn,

That the spectacles plainly were made for the Nose,
And the Nose was as plainly intended for them.

Then, shifting his side as a lawyer knows how,
He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes,

But what were his arguments few people know,
For the court did not think they were equally wise.

So his lordship decreed with a grave solemn tone,
Decisive and clear, without one if or but—

That whenever the Nose put his spectacles on,
By daylight or candlelight—Eyes should be shut.

THE LOVE OF THE WORLD REPROVED;
OR, HYPOCRISY DETECTED.

Th; says the prophet of the Turk,
Good Mussulman abstain from pork;
There is a part in ev'ry swine,
No friend or follower of mine
May taste, whate'er his inclination,
On pain of excommunication.
Such Mahomet's mysterious charge,
And thus he left the point at large.
Had he the sinful part express'd,
They might with safety eat the rest;
But for one piece they thought it hard
From the whole hog to be debarr'd,
And set their wit at work to find
What joint the prophet had in mind.
Much controversy straight arose,
These choose the back, the belly those ;
By some 'tis confidently said
He meant not to forbid the head,

While others at that doctrine rail,
And piously prefer the tail.
Thus, conscience freed from ev'ry clog,
Mahometans eat up the hog. -
You laugh—'tis well—the tale solid
May make you laugh on t'other side.
Renounce the world, the preacher cries—
We do—a multitude replies;
While one as innocent regards
A snug and friendly game at cards;
And one, whatever you may say,
Can see no evil in a play;
Some love a concert or a race,
And others, shooting and the chase.
Reviled and loved, renounced and follow'd,
Thus bit by bit the world is swallow'd ;
Each thinks his neighbour makes too free,
Yet likes a slice as well as he.
With sophistry their sauce they sweeten,
Till quite from tail to snout 'tis eaten.

THE LILY AND THE ROSE.

HE nymph must lose her female friend If more admired than she— But where will fierce contention end If flow'rs can disagree ?

Within the garden's peaceful scene
Appear'd two lovely foes,
Aspiring to the rank of queen,
e lily and the rose,

The rose soon redden'd into rage,
And, swelling with disdain,

Appeal’d to many a poet's page
To prove her right to reign.

The lily's height bespoke command,
A fair imperial flow'r,

She seem'd design'd for Flora's hand,
The sceptre of her pow'r,

This civil bick'ring and debate
The goddess chanced to hear,

And flew to save, e'er yet too late,
The pride of the parterre.

Yours is, she said, the nobler hue
And yours the statelier mien,

And till a third surpasses you,
Let each be deem'd a queen.

Thus sooth'd and reconciled, each seeks
The fairest British fair,

The seat of empire is her cheeks,
They reign united there.

THE PINE-APPLE AND THE BEE.

HE pine-apples in triple row, Were basking hot and all in blow. A bee of most discerning taste Perceived the fragrance as he pass'd, On eager wing the spoiler came, And search'd for crannies in the frame,

Urged his attempt on ev'ry side,
To ev'ry pane his trunk applied,
But still in vain, the frame was tight
And only pervious to the light.
Thus having wasted half the day,
He trimm'd his flight another way.
Methinks, I said, in thee I find
The sin and madness of mankind ;
To joys forbidden man aspires,
Consumes his soul with vain desires;
Folly the spring of his pursuit,
And disappointment all the fruit.
While Cynthio ogles as she passes
The nymph between two chariot-glasses,
She is the pine-apple, and he
The silly, unsuccessful bee.
The maid who views with pensive air
The show-glass fraught with glittering ware,
Sees watches, bracelets, rings, and lockets,
But sighs at thought of empty pockets,
Like thine her appetite is keen,
But, ah the cruel glass between 1
Our dear delights are often such,
Exposed to view but not to touch;
The sight our foolish heart inflames,
We long for pine-apples in frames,
With hopeless wish one looks and lingers,
One breaks the glass and cuts his fingers;
But they whom truth and wisdom lead,
Can gather honey from a weed.

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