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with a husband or a lover. I would not waste powder and shot, to wound one of your sober pretty behaved gentlemen; but to hit a libertine, extravagant, madcap fellow, to take him upon the wing— 42
Col. Do you hear her, master Jenkins? Ha, ha, ha!
Jen. Well, but, good Colonel, what do you say to my worthy and'honourable patron here, Sir John Flowerdale f He has'an estate of eight thousand pounds a year, as well paid rents as any in the kingdom, and but one only daughter to enjoy it; and yet he is willing, you see, to give this daughter to your son. 49
Dian. Pray, Mr. Jenkins, how does Miss Clarissa and our university friend Mr. Lionel? That is the only grave young man I ever liked, and the only handsome one I ever was acquainted with, that did not make love to me.
Col. Ay, master Jenkins, who is this Lionel' They say, he is a damn'd witty knowing fellow; and egad I think him well enough for one brought up in a college. 58
Jen. His father was a general officer, a particular friend of Sir John's, who, like many more brave men, that live and die in defending their country, left little else than honour behind him. Sir John sent this young man, at his own expence, to Oxford; where, while his son lived, they were upon the same footing: and since our young gentleman's death, which you know unfortunately happened about two years ago, he has continued him there. During the vacation, he is*ome to pay.us a visit, and Sir John intends that" he shall shortly take orders for a very considerable benefice in the gift of the family, the present incumbent of which is an aged man. 71
Dian. The last time I was at your house, he was teaching Miss Clarissa mathematics and philosophy. Lord, what a strange brain I have I If I was to sit down to distradt myself with such studies—
Col. Go, hussy, let some of your brother's rascals inform their master that he has been long enough at his toilet; here is a message from Sir John Flowerdate —You a brain for mathematics indeed! We shall have women wanting to head our regiments to-morrow or next day. 81
Dian. Well, papa, and suppose we did. I believe, in a battle of the sexes, you men would hardly get the better of us.
To rob them of strength, when wise Nature thoughtfit
By women to still do her duty, Instead of a sword she endu'd them with wit, ■
And gave them a shield in their beauty.
Sound, sound the trumpet, both sexes to arms
Our tyrants at once, and protcBors I 90
We quichly shall see whether courage or charms, ,
Colonel Oldboy, Jenkins.
Col. Well, master Jenkins! don't you think now that a Nobleman, a Duke, an Earl, or a Marquis, might be content to share his title I say, you understand me with a sweetener of thirty or forty
thousand pounds, to pay off Mortgages f Besides, there's a prospeft of my whole estate; for I dare swear her brother will never have any children. 99
Jen. I should be concerned at that, Colonel, when there are two such fortunes to descend to his heirs, as your's and Sir John Flowerdale's.
Col. Why look you, master Jenkins, Sir John Flowerdale is an honest gentleman; our families are nearly related; we have been neighbours time out of mind; and if he and I have an odd dispute now and then, it is not for want of a cordial esteem at bottom. He is going to marry his daughter to my son; she is a beautiful girl, an elegant girl, a sensible girl, a worthy girl, and—& word in your ear—damn me if I a'n't very sorry for her. til
Jen. Sorry f Colonel?
-tf Col. Ay between ourselves, master Jenkins, my
son won't do. ^' 1
Jen. How do you meanf
Col. 1 tell you, master Jenkins, he won't do—he is not the thing, a prig—At sixteen years old, orthere
abouts, he was a bold, sprightly boy, as you should see in a thousand ; could drink his pint of port, or
his bottle of claret now lie mixes all his wine with
Jen. Oh! if that be his only fault, Colonel, he will ne'er make the worse husband, I'll answer for it.
Col. You know my wife is a woman of quality I was prevailed upon to send him to be brought up by her brother Lord Jessamy, who had no children of
his own, and promised to leave him an estate he
has got the estate indeed, but, the fellow has taken his Lordship's name for it. Now, master Jenkins, I would be glad to know, how the name of Jessamy is better than that of Oldboy. 131
Jen. Well! but Colonel, it is allowed on all hands that his Lordship has given your son an excellent edu- % cation.
Col. Pshal he sent him to the university, and to travel forsooth; but what of that; I was abroad, and at the university myself, and never a rush the better for either. I quarrel'd with his Lordship about six years before his death, and so had not an opportunity of seeing how the youth went on; if I had, master Jenkins, I would no more have suffered him to be
made such a monkey of He has been in my house
but three days, and it is all turned topsey-turvey by
him and his rascally servants then his chamber is
like a perfumer's shop, with wash-balls, pastes, and pomatum-—and do you know, he had the impudence
to tell me yesterday at my own table, that I did not know how to behave myself? 148
Jen. Pray, Colonel, how does my Lady Mary?
Col. What, my wife? In the old way, master Jenkins; always complaining; ever something the matter
with her head, or her back, or her legs but we
have had the devil to pay lately—she and I did not speak to one another for three weeks. , Jen. How so, Sir?
Col. A little affair of jealousy—you must know, my game-keeper's daughter has had a child, and the plaguy baggage takes it into her head to lay it to me j—Upon my soul it is a fine fat chubby infant as ever I set my eyes on; I have sent it to nurse; and between you and me, I believe I shall leave it a fortune.
Jen. Ah, Colonel, you will never give over.
Col. You know my Lady has a pretty vein of poetry; she writ me an heroic epistle upon it, where she calls me her dear false Damon; so I let her cry a little, promised to do so no more, and now we are as good friends as ever.
. Jen. Well, Colonel, I must take my leave; I have delivered my message, and Sir John may expecl the pleasure of your company to dinner. 170 , Cob Ay, ay, we'll come—pox o' ceremony among friends. But won't you stay to see my son? I have sent to hiin, and suppose he will be here as soon as his, valet-de-chambre will give him leave. ; There is no occasion, good Sir: present my humble respects, that's all.