Jambled into an Account of his own Amours. I am now, fays he, upon the Verge of Fifty, (tho' by the way we all knew he was turned of Threefcore.) You may cafily guess, continued WILL, that I have not lived fo long in the World without having fome Thoughts of fettling in it, as the Phrafe is. To tell you truly, I have feveral times tried my Fortune that way, though I can't much boast of my Succefs.

I made my first Addreffes to a young Lady in the Country; but when I thought things were pretty well drawing to a Conclufion, her Father happening to hear that I had formerly boarded with a Surgeon, the old Put forbid me his House, and within a Fortnight after married his Daughter to a Fox-hunter in the Neighbourhood.

I made my next Applications to a Widow, and attacked her fo briskly, that I thought my felf within a Fortnight of her. As I waited upon her one Morning, she told me that she intended to keep her Ready-Money and Jointure in her own Hand, and defired me to call upon her Attorney in Lyons-Inn, who would adjust with me what it was proper for me to add to it. I was fo rebuffed by this Overture, that I never enquired either for her or her Attorney afterwards.

A few Months after I addressed my self to a young Lady, who was an only Daughter, and of a good Family. I danced with her at feveral Balls, squeez'd her by the Hand, faid foft things to her, and, in fhort, made no doubt of her Heart; and tho' my Fortune was not equal to hers, I was in hopes that her fond Father would not deny her the Man fhe had fixed her Affections upon. But as I went one day to the House in order to break the matter to him, I found the whole Family in Confusion, and heard, to my unspeakable Surprize, that Mifs Jenny was that very Morning run away with the Butler.

I then courted a fecond Widow, and am at a Lofs to this day how I came to mifs her, for fhe had often com. mended my Perfon and Behaviour. Her Maid indeed told me one Day, that her Mistress had faid the never saw a Gentleman with fuch a spindle Pair of Legs as Mr. HONEY COM B.

AFTER

AFTER this I laid fiege to four Heireffes fucceffively, and being a handfome young Dog in thofe Days, quickly made a Breach in their Hearts; but I don't know how it came to pafs, tho' I feldom failed of getting the Daughters Confent, I could never in my Life get the old People on my fide.

I could give you an Account of a thousand other unfuccessful Attempts, particularly of one which I made fome Years fince upon an old Woman, whom I had certainly borne away, with flying Colours, if her Relations bad not come pouring in to her Affiftance from all Parts of England; nay, I believe I fhould have got her at laft, had not fhe been carried off by a hard Frost.

AS WILL'S Tranfitions are extremely quick, he turn'd from Sir ROGER, and applying himself to me, told me there was a Paffage in the Book I had confidered laft Saturday, which deferved to be writ in Letters of Gold; and taking out a Pocket-Milton read the following Lines, which are Part of one of Adam's Speeches to Eve after the Fall.

O! why did God,

Creator wife! that peopled highest Heav'n
With Spirits mafculine, create at laft
This Novelty on Earth, this fair Defect
Of Nature? and not fill the World at once
With Men, as Angels, without Feminine ?
Or find fome other Way to generate
Mankind? This Mischief had not then befall'n,
And more that fhall befall; innumerable
Difturbances on Earth through Female Snares,
And ftrait Conjunction with this Sex: for either
He never fhall find out fit Mate; but such
As fome misfortune brings him, or mistake;
Or, whom he wishes moft, fhall feldom gain
Through her perverfenefs; but shall fee her gain'd
By a far worse or if she love, with-held
By Parents; or his happiest Choice too late
Shall meet, already link'd, and Wedlock bound
To a fell Adverfary, his Hate or Shame ;

5

Which

Which infinite Calamity hall caufe

To human Life, and houshold Peace confound.

SIR ROGER liftened to this Paffage with great Attention, and defiring Mr. HONEYCOMB to fold down a Leaf at the Place, and lend him his Book, the Knight put it up in his Pocket, and told us that he would read over thofe Verfes again before he went to Bed.

X

No 360. Wednesday, April 23.

I

·De paupertate tacentes

Plus pofcente ferent.

Hor.

Have nothing to do with the Bufinefs of this Day, any further than affixing the piece of Latin on the Head of my Paper; which I think a Motto not unfuitable, fince if Silence of our Poverty is a Recommendation, ftill more commendable is his Modesty who conceals it by a decent Drefs.

6

Mr. SPECTATOR,

THE

· HERE is an Evil under the Sun which has not yet come within your Speculation, and is, the Cenfure, Difefteem, and Contempt which fome young • Fellows meet with from particular Perfons, for the rea• fonable Methods they take to avoid them in general. This is by appearing in abetter Drefs, than may feem to a Relation regularly confiftent with a small Fortune; and therefore may occafion a Judgment of a suitable Extravagance in other Particulars: But the Disadvantage with which the Man of narrow Circumftances acts and fpeaks, is fo feelingly fet forth in a little Book called the Chriftian Hero, that the appearing to be otherwife is not only pardonable but neceffary. Every one knows the hurry of Conclufions that are made in contempt of a

.

• Perfon

Perfon that appears to be calamitous, which makes it very excufable to prepare one's felf for the Company of thofe that are of a fuperior Quality and Fortune, by appearing to be in a better Condition than one is, fo far as fuch Appearance shall not make us really of worse.

IT is a Juftice due to the Character of one who fuffers hard Reflections from any particular Perfon upon this account, that fuch Perfons would enquire into his manner of spending his Time; of which, tho' no fur⚫ther Information can be had than that he remains fo many hours in his Chamber, yet if this is cleared, to imagine that a reasonable Creature wrung with a narrow Fortune does not make the beft ufe of this Retirement, would be a Conclufion extremely uncharitable. From ⚫ what has, or will be faid, I hope no Confequence can be extorted, implying, that I would have any young Fellow fpend more time than the common Leifure • which his Studies require, or more Money than his Fortune or Allowance may admit of, in the pursuit of an Acquaintance with his Betters: For as to his Time, the grofs of that ought to be facred to more fubftantial Acquifitions; for each irrevocable Moment of which he ought to believe he ftands religiously accountable. And as to his Dress, I fhall engage my felf no further than in the modest Defence of two plain Suits a Year: For being perfectly fatisfied in Eutrapelus's Contrivance of making a Mobeck of a Man, by prefenting him with • lac'd and embroider'd Suits, I would by no means be thought to controvert that Conceit, by infinuating the Advantages of Foppery. It is an Affertion which admits of much Proof, that a Stranger of tolerable Senfe • drefs'd like a Gentleman, will be better received by thofe of Quality above him, than one of much better • Parts, whole Diefs is regulated by the rigid Notions of Frugality. A Man's Appearance falls within the Cenfure of every one that fees him; his Parts and Learning ་ very few are Judges of; and even upon these few, they can't at first be well intruded; for Policy and good Breeding will counsel him to be referv'd among Strangers, and to fupport himself only by the common Spirit of

.

Con

Converfation. Indeed among the Injudicious, the • Words Delicacy, Idiom, fine Images, Structure of Periods, Genius, Fire, and the reft, made use of with a frugal and comely Gravity, will maintain the Figure of ⚫ immenfe Reading, and the Depth of Criticism.

ALL Gentlemen of Fortune, at leaft the young and middle-aged, are apt to pride themselves a little too <much upon their Dreis, and confequently to value others

in fome measure upon the fame Confideration. With ⚫ what Confufion is a Man of Figure obliged to return the • Civilities of the Hat to a Perfon whofe Air and Attire hardly entitle him to it? For whom nevertheless the other has a particular Efteem, tho' he is afhamed to have it challenged in fo publick a manner. It must be allowed, that any young Fellow that affects to drefs and appear genteelly, might with artificial Management fave ten Pound a Year; as inftead of fine Holland be might C mourn in Sackcloth, and in other Particulars be proportionably fhabby: But of what great Service would this Sum be to avert any Misfortune, whilft it would leave him deferted by the little good Acquaintance he has, and prevent his gaining any other? As the appearance of an eafy Fortune is neceffary towards making one, I don't know but it might be of advantage fometimes to throw into ones Discourse certain Excla⚫mations about Bank flock, and to fhew a marvellous 'Surprize upon its Fall, as well as the most affected Triumph upon its Rife. The Veneration and Respect which the Practice of all Ages has preferved to Appearances, without doubt fuggefted to our Tradesmen that wife and politick Cuftom, to apply and recommend themselves to the publick by all thofe Decorations upon their Sign-pofts and Houfes, which the most eminent Hands in the Neighbourhood can furnish them with. What can be more attractive to a Man of Letters, than ́that immenfe Erudition of all Ages and Languages ⚫ which a skilful Bookfeller, in conjunction with a Painter, fhall image upon his Column and the Extremities of his Shop? The fame Spirit of maintaining a handsome Appearance reigns among the grave and folid Appren

.