No sooner was it known that LORD PALMERSTON had ceased to belong to the Cabinet (that Hamlet was withdrawn from the play of Hamlet), than various of the Foreign Ambassadors determined upon having a banquet to celebrate an event that, as they instinctively felt, must be so peculiarly gratifying to the feelings of their several royal masters. The feast was not so magnificent, so complete, as under other circumstances it might have been; but the joy and hearty good-will of the revellers more than compensated for any short-coming of the cook; and, perhaps, throughout the country, there was not a jollier Christmas party than that gathered together under the roof of his Excellency the Ambassador for who flung open the doors of his spacious and magnificent mansion on the occasion. As the various Ambassadors entered and embraced the host, the band played (in touching compliment to the EMPEROR NICHOLAS) God preserve the Emperor! The meeting of the parties was very interesting -even affecting. AUSTRIA rushed into the arms of RUSSIA, and both embraced with emotion; whilst GREECE all but melted on the shoulder of the Two SICILIES.

The dinner being over, RUSSIA rose to propose a toast. They had that day met to celebrate an event of peculiar interest to all strong Governments (cheers): he trusted they knew what he meant by strong Governments. (Cheers and smiles.) They were now assured of the removal of a man who had in the most insolent manner defied the will of Russia-the wish of Austria-the desire of Naples -and the hopes of the Two Sicilies: of a man of most dangerous character; for it so happened that he never put a bold front upon a question that, somehow or the other, he didn't carry it to a triumphant issue. But the sun of PALMERSTON was set; and already he heard the satisfied growl of the Northern Bear-the rejoicing scream of the Austrian Eagle. In conclusion, he would give them the "Balance of Power;" by which he meant a torn and tattered constitution in one scale, with the down-weighing sword of his master in the other. (Cheers.)

Two SICILIES gave the next toast; "A Speedy Rise in the Sulphur Market." He felt that the removal of the pestilent PALMERSTON was a great boon to universal despotism; and, connected as he believed despotism to be with the briskest trade in sulphur, he felt that both despotism and brimstone had been materially served by the disgrace and discomfiture of LORD PALMERSTON. His downfall was a great day for Europe; and the news would lighten the large heart of the KING OF NAPLES; a heart large as the largest bomb-shell; it would carry confusion and despair into the dungeons of political FRANCE was called upon for a toast; but excused himself: his feelings, he said, could be better

conceived than described; and though he had felt it a duty to be present on the occasion, he had heard nothing through the electric telegraph since the retirement of the Minister. He, however, had no doubt that his master the Emp-- he meant the President, would on all occasions be found unanimous with Austria and Russia.

GREECE attempted to give utterance to his feelings; but entirely failed, further than to express a mingled satisfaction and regret-satisfaction that that firebrand of the world, PALMERSTON, was at last put out,regret that (he would no further allude to the PACIFICO question)-he was not extinguished long ago.

PRUSSIA (admirably representing Prussia's monarch) made a speech; but from the mysticism that pervaded it, our Reporter cannot venture to say whether PRUSSIA approved or disapproved; hoped anything or regretted anything; promised or desired anything. Neither was it plain to our Reporter whether Prussia gave a toast or chanted a sentiment.

After a while the conversation dribbled into small-talk; and as the wine went round, many innuendoes were cast upon the absent. AMERICA had sent an excuse; was going out to a quiet game at whist. BELGIUM was entertaining a happy juvenile party; SARDINIA was previously engaged; whilst SPAIN, PORTUGAL, and the NETHERLANDS were ill with the influenza.

However, the festivity was kept up with increasing spirit; and it was not until a very late hour that the guests (a few of them flushed with wine and hope) departed. Several of them embraced with expressions of mutual sympathy and support.

We had almost forgotten to state that an effigy of LORD PALMERSTON was burnt in the court-yard of the house of the ambassadorial host; all the company, one feeling animating them, dancing hand-in-hand ("linked slav'ry, long drawn out,") around the conflagration.

Disraeli in a Pickle.

IN speaking of DISRAELI'S " political biography" of LORD GEORGE BENTINCK, the Times, in allusion to what it calls the "vain attempt to sanctify paltry feelings," asks "why all this stuff is to be reprinted?" and adds, "flies in amber are pretty enough, but a scorpion in spirits is only to be tolerated in a museum." Our contemporary should have said, "a scorpion out of spirits;" for the work, besides being rather venomous towards political antagonists, is insufferably dull.

Freedom of Election in
France.
THE next edition of the Almanacks

will, we trust, contain an addition to
the names of the Potentates of Europe,
and besides the Elector of this or that
small state, we shall expect to see
the announcement of HOBSON as Elector
of France; for there cannot be the
slightest doubt that LOUIS NAPOLEON
is HOBSON's choice.

FUNNY MARKET AND WITTY INTELLIGENCE.

W

E regret to say the Funny
Market has been heavy,
in consequence of all the
Christmas orders having
been executed, and many
of the goods-bads and
indifferents-not having
gone off with the public

"MY LORD,-You are famous for indiscreet epistles, and I shall so well as the dealers had expose you in Punch. France is in arms! I am not glad of it; far expected. Some of the from it. But I know what will become of our country-with me in retailers appear to have retirement, STUBBS prosperous, and a person like you in power. overstocked themselves "ROUGHSCRAPER FLAMBO." with the inferior sort of jokes, and several sample packets-including halfa-dozen conundrums, half-a-dozen puns, with an anecdote and a charade in verse, for one guinea the packet-have remained on hand; and

until Twelfth Night comes round, there is no chance of a market.

CHRONICLES OF 1854.-NOTABILIA.

London Bridge, and walked the arches" like a thing of life," stopping
Jan. 1st. THE first penny train started from Westminster Bridge to

at the intermediate bridges.

The regular jokers complain very bitterly of the practice that is now so prevalent among the public, of making their own jokes at home, or the breaking of the pontoon temporary bridge, which was erected 5th. Great commotion at the Parliament Stairs and Pedlar's Acre, on leaving the business in the hands of a domestic wag-a class, of which there is now one in nearly every family. A professed punster who has on the site of old Westminster Bridge, now fallen foul of Father been in the habit of receiving more invitations than he could attend to Thames. Five hundred souls, seven omnibuses, four brewers' drays, and at this season of the year, assures us that he with difficulty picked up a been lost but for the prevailing custom of wearing AYKBOURNE'S ten Pagoda advertising-vans immersed; the bodies whereof would have dinner on Christmas Day, and that his engagements for New Year's Eve will scarcely pay for his lemon-coloured kid gloves, and the Life-Buoys. The Watermen's Company of Steamers, laid up in ordinary washing of his white waistcoat. An old wag assures us that if he off Richmond Gardens, lately converted into floating capital as places were to confine himself to the legitimate business of facetic, there for aquatic entertainment and abodes, proved very useful for the refuge would be nothing for him to do; and that he only manages to make of the sons of the Thames, to whom their father gave so cold a reception. both ends meet, by adding conjuring tricks and the cornet-à-piston to the more regular branches of his profession. A well-known "funny dog," who did a great deal in the Ethiopian Serenader line, even up to last year, has found so little encouragement, that he intends washing his hands and face-of the whole concern, and selling off his bones at 5lb for twopence—the regular marine-store price-as soon as possible.

10th. The area of Smithfield thrown open to the people as a Hortus Siccus, being perfectly open to daylight, and covered with glass, after the fashion of the Crystal Palace.

15th. Subscriptions entered into by the inhabitants of Regent, Oxford, aud Bond Streets, Piccadilly, and Holborn, to keep the tempe rature of these causeways, now glazed over, up to 60 degrees of Fahrenheit.

20th. A remarkable instance of celerity in Public Works excited on this day great popular attention; viz., the insertion of the fourth bassorelievo on Nelson's Monument, and the fixing-up of the pedestal for the first of the English lions.

25th. Repairs commenced on the pian' terreno or ground story of the

ADMIRAL FLAMBO'S CORRESPONDENCE. ADMIRAL FLAMBO presents his compliments to Mr. Punch, and begs him to insert the following correspondence. The Admiral will not make any comment on LORD BUBBLELY's conduct in the matter-Houses of Lords and Commons, which discovered symptoms of further than just to say, that it is mean, audacious, treacherous, treasonable, dishonourable to the country and to himself, and likely to leave us exposed to a French invasion, by causing the Admiral to decline saving the country.

1.

"MY LORD,-After taking DOM MIGUEL'S fleet, I am not to be treated with contempt by a Whig nobleman. I did not beat off the Grenadier, to be now defeated by the Pigmy. "Holding these views, my Lord, I beg distinctly to ask, whether you do not think me a man of courage, genius, cool discretion, and magnanimity? Everybody in Europe attributes these qualities to me. "In anticipation of your Lordship's appointments, I have ordered my portmanteau to be forwarded to the 'George,' at Portsmouth.

4.

"ROUGHSCRAPER FLAMBO."

premature decay. The superstructure not being yet complete, the former had to be restored for the sake of unity of design, before its finish, which the Architect computes may take place in about ten years. Feb. 1st. The colossal Model Lodging House, formerly called Hanover Square, gave a Conversazionè to the inmates of the rival Lodging House (late Soho Square), and lectures, diversified by music, were given in the foundation of Harewood House. COBDEN, F. O'CONNOR, and ERNEST grand Library attached to the establishment, occupying the ancient JONES, were inaugurated to square with PITT.

5th. The first view of the Cathedral ever offered to the citizens was afforded this day, by removing the hoarding which surrounded the south side of Paternoster Row, the whole of which, together with the north side of St. Paul's Churchyard, was demolished. Great consternation amongst the Dean and Chapter at being shown up too clearly.

March 15th. Brilliant entertainment al fresco, given on the ice by the Corporation, at which ASTLEY'S Troupe added to the pomp. A bullock was roasted whole by electricity, and the assembled company (including the Patten Makers) danced the Pas de Pattineurs.

20th. The Last Man came up from the well-hole of BARBER BEAUMONT'S pump in Piccadilly, looking very well, considering his long immersion; and the first man (for four years) raised the pump handle, which was succeeded by a jet that was considered pure, and of the first water-considering the source and vicinage of the spring!

25th. An Aggregate Meeting of the Temperance Society was held this day in the Crystal Palace, where 50,000 persons assembled; every one was allowed a bouquet of exotics, and the name of PAXTON never was in better odour. The mob cheered at Apsley House, which opened its eyes (the ferruginous blinds) the first time since the former and obsolete Chartist movement.

30th. The last stone of Buckingham Palace gateway was chiselled this day with a wreath of roses, which was considered to be, if not the perfection of architecture, at least the flower of perfection.

31st. A remarkably genial day; the town, full of rank, poured out its trains of splendidly attired fashionables-their equipages having been

"LORD BUBBLELY acknowledges ADMIRAL FLAMBO's letter; repeats sent in advance by the railways. The new Park at Richmond, with its his opinion; postpones his appointment."

5.

"MY LORD,-When I commanded the Ripper, in the North Sea, and beat off the French frigates, I saved this country. France is upon us if my portmanteau has to be returned from Portsmouth.

fountains, statues, and wonders of floriculture, never looked so bewitching; the Grand Avenue for equestrians was thronged with blooming beauty in Bloomer costume, and the Temples of the Muses and Graces were filled with their votaries, who now consider Hyde Park and the Regent's but smoky sluices, and a bore.

gang is encouraged and protected by persons of station, and, we suppose we must say, character, connected with the Treasury. An individual of the highest influence in Downing Street, who is well known to be -'s Club, December 31, 1851. SIR CASSIAN CREAM presents his compliments to Mr. Punch, and, as lately applied to in the hope of inducing him to restrain their outrages: capable of exercising a control over these banditti if he pleases, was a military man, begs to offer a remark which may be useful in preventing but we are sorry to say that he expressed himself, in a measure, as the much idle discussion on the part of civilians. There have been, lately, apologist of the fellows, although promising that some inquiry should several very absurd paragraphs done by the newspaper people respecting be made as to their practices. It is proper to state that the chiefs of the large hair caps worn by Grenadiers, calculated to bring that part of these freebooters keep out of sight, and that their captures are effected their uniform into ridicule and disuse. Perhaps, neither Mr. Punch, by mere agents, who are mostly unaware whether they are enforcing nor an enlightened British public, are aware that the article in question the law or stealing. In these days, when highway robberies are almost happens to be one of the most formidable means that our army employs unknown, it is intolerable that acts of equally unjustifiable spoliation to strike terror in the ranks of an enemy. Not to take up too much of should be openly committed in the Docks and warehouses of the City Mr. Punch's space (which, by-the-bye, SIR C. C. may be pardoned for of London. It is to no purpose that SIR JAMES BROOKE has destroyed observing, might be occupied more appropriately than by the discussion the pirates of the Indian Archipelago, if British commerce is still to be of questions concerning which Mr. P. can know nothing,) the fact is, exposed to the ravages of the land corsairs that nestle in the Board of that the caps of the Grenadiers, upon the same ingenious principle that Customs. Chinese shields are painted with hideous faces, were designed to alarm, confuse, and paralyse the efforts of the foe; and, when Mr. Punch is told that, in close fighting, each man of the gallant Grenadiers places his cap on the point of his bayonet and shouts BO! at the top of his voice, the panic may be more easily imagined than described. SIR C. CREAM thinks that even a newspaper press must admit that it is not such a very useless appendage, after all.

which the knaves endeavoured to slur over in an official letter, insinuating EPITOME OF FRENCH LIBERTY.-Universal suffering and vote by a tissue of falsehoods. It is much to be regretted that this unprincipled bullet.

PUNCH AND HIS CORRESPONDENTS.

AVING hoped to have begun
the new year in peace, we
are sorry to say that we
have been disappointed,
and that

"Our rest has been broken by
riddle and pun."

We have serious thoughts

a nuisance, for bringing us
the mass of correspondence
with which he invades the

have several tons, now awaiting the leisure of our butterman. As we get rid of our waste paper by weight, and as much of it contains extraordinarily heavy jokes, there is, after all, some value in the dullest of our correspondents. They are therefore at liberty to send as usual.

A WILTSHIRE CAROL.

BY A HAPPY PEASANTRY.

THE origin of the English local ballads is, in most instances, lost in
the mist of antiquity. Circumstances, however, do still, occasionally,
of indicting the postman as evoke these effusions of the provincial mind. In many parts of Wilts-
where, we understand, the farmers have reduced their labourers' wages
to 58. and 6s. a week, and in order to force them to accept these terms,
certain squires and parsons have taken away the skim-milk which had
sanctity of our hearth; for previously been allowed them-the rural echoes resound with a plaintive
we are obliged to throw the ditty, something to the following tenor:-
great mass of it behind
the fire.

Six shillings a week, and no more milk;
And that's the way poor folks they bilk,
In their purple, fine linen, and broad cloth, and silk.
And 'twill be a happy New Year for we!

Our eyes they gets holler, our cheeks sinks in,
Our legs is mere spindles, our sides is as thin;
To keep a pig so they would say 'twas a sin.

Six shillings, &c.

In an unguarded moment, we gave admission, a week or two ago, to a conundrum from Liverpool, by a "young gal," whose friends write to inform us that she has never been the same creature since, and that having once tasted the intoxicating sweets of our page, she thirsts for another sip of the maddening luxury. They entreat us to make room for one more question from the infatuated juvenile, whose senses are evidently whirling away in a melancholy reel, and who asks, "Why are persons born deaf the most virtuous of beings?" The reply, written in a hand betraying delirium tremens in an intense degree, alleges, that WHEN the news of BONAPARTE'S coup d'état was brought to BOMBA, "those born deaf are the most virtuous, because they never err'd." We it is said that, in a paroxysm of delight at the tidings, his volcanic entreat the relatives of this "young gal" to call in DR. WINSLOW while there is yet time.

Some well-intentioned, but extremely irritating person, who writes from Bath (if he were not there already, we should have told him to go there), has more than "a little dashed our spirits" with the following: "If LOUIS NAPOLEON take liberty from the press, what will be the product?-Dead letters!"

We are not generally of a speculative turn, but we would bet a ha'porth of hard bake to an Archimedian screw of tobacco, that no one will be able to see the wit of the above monstrosity.

We are always unwilling to discourage industry, even when its results are rather deficient in value, and it is therefore with some reluctance that we crush any insane hopes that may have arisen in the deluded breast of the manufacturer of the following. It will be seen that there is a vast mass of material employed, and a quantity of labour bestowed, on a matter which, when completed, excites rage rather than satisfaction.

The irritating affair is provokingly called "A CON FOR CHRISTMAS." "Why is a young lady who walks under the mistletoe like an old lady standing on the edge of the pavement at Charing Cross with three parcels, a basket, and an umbrella?-Because she is looking out for a buss."

It would be idle to ask what the author of the above atrocity is looking out for, and it would perhaps be harsh to tell him what he ought to expect.

It is a remarkable and melancholy fact, that age is no guarantee against delinquency; for a gray-beard, writing from Chelsea-we hope he is not in the Hospital, contaminating the veterans of that glorious institution-asks, "What savoury dish his son in prison resembles ?" and the reply of the wretched malefactor is, "Jugg'd hare (heir)." There is an evident familiarity with the slang of the criminal population in this assault upon our better feelings; for "jugged" is only synonymous with "incarcerated" in the very vulgarest portions of the vulgar tongue.

It was not to be expected that the correspondence, or rather the dif ference between LORD JOHN RUSSELL and ADMIRAL NAPIER should be allowed to pass, without its being made use of as an instrument of torture to us, at the hands of a cold unfeeling world; and we have, accordingly, been coolly assailed with the following, amidst some million more, from the effects of which we are slowly, but by no means surely, recovering:

"What kind of dose is that which a celebrated Admiral has administered to the Premier, in the Times of Dec. 19th ?-A-N-APIER-IENT!"

The 'squires and the parsons preaches content,
Whilst they puts us to this here pun-ish-ment,
With our wages screwed down to keep up tithes and rent.
Six shillings, &c.

Bomba in Raptures.

Majesty actually embraced the officer who bore them.

We should not like to be embraced by BOMBA. The embrace of BOMBA is suggestive of the kiss of JUDAS. In BOMBA's arms one would almost feel as if in those of the Popish image, which, in clasping you to its bosom, pierced your own with daggers.

It is a pity that BOMBA had a mere officer to fraternise with. How happy he might have been in the hug of the Russian Bear!

The Member for Bodmin the greatest of Mathematicians.
IN histories old, a fast knot to unloose,
Was what, we are told, had foiled many a goose;
Till Great Alexander excited men's wonder
By taking his sabre to cut it asunder.
To tyros in Euclid the Pons Asinorum
Is always a problem that's certain to floor 'em.
That's nothing!-but when a professor, in vain,
In squaring the circle, has puzzled his brain,-
Lo! Wyld found the secret, and made the world stare,
Who solves it by bringing a Globe to a Square.

THE HEAT OF THE DAY.

SEVERAL of the "insurgents," whose rising seems to have been Second of December, are to be sent to Cayenne. Many of them think confined to their getting up at the usual hour on the morning of the themselves fortunate in surviving to go to Cayenne, instead of having been unmercifully peppered on the Boulevards.

THE NEW BATCH OF OMNIBUSES.

THE bakers call the new batch of 1d. and 2d. omnibuses that run down Oxford Street and Holborn-"The Penny and Twopenny Busters."

"Best Price given for Old Rags."

imagine they would fall lower in value than the materials they were BANK-NOTES are made, as we all know, of rags; but we never could made of. And yet this is positively the case with the Austrian banknotes. The people will not have them at any price-not even at the price given for Old Rags!

ADVICE TO YOUNG GENTLEMEN.

We cannot close the painful subject of our correspondence, without entreating the public to send us no more jokes about THIERS, and tears, and THIERS' parti, and quatre, and tierce, and volun-teers, of which we veriest blacklegs will become your BETTERS

DON'T degrade yourselves by gambling on the Turf; if you do, the