The Goodness, Mercy, and Long-suffering Forbearance of a Covenant God towards JAMES MASON. (Continued from p. 147.) blasphemy and rebuke; nothing of the abounding errors that swarm in our gospel professing land. I determined in my own mind to go to the Independent Chapel in Wantage on the next Sunday, and see if I could get any consolation there. Accordingly, on Sunday morning I got up, and was at the prayer meeting, at the independent chapel at seven o'clock; again at the morning service, and in the afternoon I went to church; and if any poor sinner, ever stood in the Church of England, and uttered such responses as these-" Lord, have mercy upon us," "Christ, have mercy upon us," with all his heart and soul, I am that poor sinner; in the evening I again went to the Independent Chapel; and though I got nothing to comfort me, or give me hope, I thought I was in my place, the path of duty; watching, and waiting at the posts of Wisdom's doors; and from this day, Sundays and BUT to return:-At every interval in the following week, (though my mind seemed locked up in black despair,) I was searching the word of God, to see if I could get the least gleam of hope or comfort, but I failed in all my attempts: Sunday came, I got up in the morning, took my little girl with me, (who is now a married woman, living in London, and the mother of two children,) and we walked over to Abingdon, which is nine miles from Wantage, for the purpose of visiting Mr. Tiptaft's chapel, and again hearing him preach; but I was disappointed, Mr. Tiptaft was out, and Mr. Shorter preached instead; but I could not understand him; from the faint remembrance of what I heard that day, I should say Mr. Shorter preached the comforts and joys experienced by God's family, but not one word was fastened on my mind, and I returned fatigued in body, and miserable in mind: but to shew you the effect my soul-week nights there was not a place of worship trouble now produced, I will mention one little circumstance-my conscience was so tender that I would not permit my child to pluck a flower out of the edge as we went along; and I could not help thinking, even then, what a change, what a mighty revolution had taken place in my mind; first, in convincing me of sin, and all my fightings against that conviction; and now brought, with a tender conscience before a heartsearching God. No; it was Sunday; she must not pluck a flower; it was a breach of the law of God. And it was not only to outward things, this tenderness of conscience extended, but to the thoughts and intents of my heart; I strove to keep my thoughts; strove to keep my heart with all diligence; but, alas! made poor work of it. I was carrying the burden of guilt upon my conscience; my heart was meditating terror; and more than all, I was daily adding to the enormous catalogue of my transgressions; for the more I strove against the power of sin, I sinned and stumbled but the more. I passed another week of sorrow, and towards the close began to think where I should go next Sunday; Abingdon was too far; I had not strength of body to walk eighteen miles on a Sunday; and be it known unto all men, I knew no distinction betwixt truth and error, in the religiousworld; nothing of sects and parties; schisms and divisions, into which the professing Church of Christ is divided, in this awful day of open, but I was there, whether it was amongst the Methodists, Independent or Church, for I looked upon all that made a profession of religion as good people, and those that did not I thought much better than myself, for they had not gone to such lengths of sin and iniquity as I had; and the openly profane I had no stone to throw at them, for I had been profanity personified. About this time, the judgment of God was again abroad in the earth, and it had no small effect upon my mind, and it was closely connected with the experience of my soul; the cholera morbus broke out in Wantage, and to me it appeared like the destroying angel in the land of Egypt; or like the six men spoken of in the 9th of Ezekiel, who went forth at the command of the Lord, each man with a slaughter-weapon in his hand, commissioned to slay utterly, old and young, both maids and little children and women, for it began at the bottom of Mill Street, and took literally old and young, maids, and little children, and women; and the death of one little child I shall never forget, nor the impression it made on my mind; and I tremble and heave a deep sigh whilst I now write, at this distance of time. It was a little boy about four or five years of age; he was in Mill Street on the Sunday afternoon, at play, and swearing, (as the saying is,) like a young trooper, and was seized with the cholera in the evening, and was a corpse on the Monday afternoon. It began, (as I have said,) at the bottom of B b the street, and took one, and two, out of every house up one side of the street; my eyes were opened to see young and old cut off in their sins. One man who died with it was a carpenter; he was in a public house one morning, boasting trade was good; he had been sitting up all night to make a coffin, and now another was dead, he had got another job; he went home and was seized with the same dreadful malady, and was a corpse himself in less than twenty-four hours. A shopmate with whom I had been particularly acquainted, was seized with it, about five minutes after I left him one evening, and was a corpse next day, and his wife the day following; leaving a family of eight children, and they lived only three doors from the house in which I lodged. My soul was filled with horror and amazement at these events, and the impressions of my mind was this, that as God sent the storm after Jonah, so he had sent this fearful disease after me, with this difference, Jonah obtained mercy, but I never should, the cholera would cut me off, and I should sink to hell, with all my transgressions on my head; I was afraid to go to sleep of a night, lest I should wake in hell before morning; and I dared not sleep without begging of God to preserve me and when I awoke in the morning my soul was drawn forth to bless and praise God for the mercy that I was out of hell. One Sunday morning, at this time, I went to the seven o'clock prayer meeting, at the independent chapel, and an old man gave out an hymn: I think it was in Lady Huntingdon's Collection, I do not remember ever having heard the hymn sung before nor since; and can only remember the closing lines of each verse now, which were "Tell it unto sinners, tell, I am, I am, out of hell." And my soul shouted it before God, with all its might. You will mark, I have not mentioned my wife since I left her, under the circumstances I have related in London; but she, and the child that was with her, were on my heart, night and day; and it was among my sorrows, that pressed heavily upon me, that my foolishness, my own foolishness, was the cause of our separation. I had freely forgiven her for her conduct towards me, and her sister too, and laid all the fault at my own door. Fearing I should die with the cholera, I could not bear the thought to be cut off, and not be reconciled to the wife of my bosom; (and this added to the dreadful fears I was the subject of); accordingly, I wrote to London, to Mr. John Robinson, my wife's father in law, begging of him, as a friend, to inform me how my wife and child were, and how they were situated, and where she was, as I wished much to write to her, for the purpose of bringing about a reconciliation. In a few days I received an answer to my letter, but it was not from John Robinson, it was from a total stranger, the landlord of the house in which poor John lived; he informed me he had received my letter, and had taken the liberty of opening it, and reading the contents, and his reasons for doing so was, poor Mr Robinson had been seized with the cholera, taken to a cholera hospital, and after an illness of seventeen hours, death put a period to his sufferings. I was sitting in my master's shop, at work, when I received this letter; as I read it, Í felt as though I should sink into the very earth; I got up and staggered out into the yard to save myself from fainting, and to weep before the God of my salvation: and to bless and praise him, for his sparing mercy, and long-suffering forbearance towards me; when these words dropped into my heart with power, one shall be taken and another left;" and from this moment, something of the beauty, the glory, the dazzling brightness, of the sovereignty of Jehovah began to be opened up to my view. Now, another fear seized me, to add to my accumulating sorrows. Oh, brother Banks, if the God of my salvation, had not supported me, and given me strength equal to my day, I must have sunk beneath my load; but hitherto he hath helped me, and though we believe not, yet he abideth faithful. Who can tell, was the language of my poor fearful heart, but what the cholera hath cut off both wife and child; and under this dreadful fear, for to me it was dreadful fear, that harrowed up my very soul, I immediately wrote to my wife, and addressed it to her at her sister's: and in a few days received an answer, full of kindness and affection, informing me that she was safely delivered of a daughter on the 22nd of September, the very day before I heard Mr. Tiptaft at Grove, as I have recorded; she also informed me she had nearly recovered her strength, and was willing to join me at Wantage as soon as the cholera was removed. This child is still alive, a daily monument before my eyes of the goodness of God towards me; but her poor mother lies in Wantage Church-yard; some account of her death will come in in its proper place. As I have said again and again, I shall never be able to tell out my sorrows as I felt them nor the deeps of soul distress into which I sunk, so I feel assured, I never shall be able to tell out my joys; language fails me to tell the gratitude, the love, the thanksgiving, that flowed out of my poor heart to the God of my mercies, for preserving me, my poor wife, and children, at this awful period; and the great mercy to incline the heart of my poor wife to forgive her guilty husband, and to consent to live with him again, after suffering so much from my base conduct. Oh, love, thou art a wonderful principle, even in the breast of a fallen sinner; the love of a kind and affectionate wife to her husband, notwithstanding all his faults, is, I believe, the strongest love in nature; hence the Scriptures declare that the union that subsisted between Jonathan and David, was wonderful, passing the love of women; and if the union that subsists between two souls surpasses the strongest natural love, what must the love of Christ be! "O, the love of Christ to sinners, Who can make its wonders known? Sin-born slaves through grace are winners Endless glory, and renown. "Jesus saw us sunk in ruin, And determined us to save; He redeemed us From sin, satan, and the grave." Nor will ever take it from us, And will ever hold us fast." But to return my heart was overwhelmed with gratitude, for the mercies conferred upon me. I have often wished, amidst the peevishness, fretfulness, murmuring, and discontent, that I am ofttimes now the subject of, that I could have again the same pleasurable feelings I at times enjoyed, from a view of the goodness of God towards me, and the signal answers to prayer, I received from his gracious hand, and this supported me in my soul sorrows; and I was enabled to thank God, and take courage. I wrote again to my wife, and sent her some money, wishing now to do every thing in my power to make her comfortable; letting her know something of the sorrows and conflicts, that had passed in my mind; telling her I felt convinced that the religion of the Son of God made good husbands, good wives, good fathers and good mothers; that though I did not know that I was interested in the great things, even the pardon of sin, and the eternal salvation of the soul; this one thing I knew, that the fear of God brought a man to depart from evil, and cleave unto the Lord with full purpose of heart. At this time I knew nothing of the plan of salvation, nothing of the way in which God can be just and yet the justifier of him that believes in Jesus; I was wandering to and fro amongst legal preachers, and listening to "lo here, and lo there," till I was filled with confusion, and almost distracted, and I will record an act of foolishness that will shew you my utter ignorance in the things of God. Amidst my trouble of soul, and the confusion of my mind as to what was right and wrong, the thought at once struck my mind, that I had not fulfilled the promises I made, in what I call the first prayer that ever escaped my infidel lips. I had promised to have my children christened. I had not done it; I had promised to turn christian, now I was afraid I never should be one in reality, for the law of God condemned me as a transgressor, my own conscience condemned me, every thing I did appeared to be done wrong, and the gospel appeared to condemn me as an unbeliever, but still I was determined to do what I could: accordingly I went to the church minister, who received me kindly, asked me into his study, heard me patiently tell out what I had passed through, and express my desire to have my child christened; he was amazed to hear that any one could have been so prejudiced against christianity in all its forms and doctrines, as even to refuse to have his children christened, from principle; but he was glad I saw my errors; highly approved of the steps I was taking; and had no doubt if I did my duty in all things, God would restore me to peace of mind; in the course of conversation he quoted these words, "let him that thinketh he standeth, take heed lest he fall:" they were used as a caution to me, lest I should fall back into infidelity again; and a strong impression they made on my mind, and produced a strange effect, the fear of hell being the predominating feeling of my mind: but by this scripture this fear for a time was taken away, and a fear, which to me, appeared more horrid, seemed to take possession of my mind, which was lest I should go back into infidelity again, and this I dreaded above every thing; but more of this by and by: I received of this gentleman every thing of human kindness, though I believe he did not understand my case: he even kindly offered me the use of his library, any book I thought would help me in my search after truth. At the appointed time I took my child to church, and had her christened, and to tell my feelings at the font, I cannot; my knees smote together; I trembled from head to foot to hear the solemn promises I was making in the name of God: such was the kindness of this man that he refused to take any fee. something secret sweetened all: My conduct soon made a great noise in Wantage. Some said, "little Jemmy, the infidel, is gone mad with religion," and whilst they were saying this I was really thinking, I should go mad for the want of a real religion. Some said I was righteous over much, and whilst they were saying so, I was fearing I should perish in my unrighteousness; and some were so very kind as to dubb me an hypocrite, and this was the means in the hand of a gracious God, of making me cry, "Lord, search me, and try me, and know my heart, and lead me in the way everlasting." As soon as I got home I wrote a letter to my wife, letting her know what I had done, and requesting her to have both the children christened in London; to change Julian's name, to let him bear that name no longer, but to give him the name of Thomas, and to name the baby Mary Ann, after my mother; but in this I could not have my own way; I soon received a letter to say, she had had the children christened before my letter arrived, that to our boy she had given the name of Julian Thomas, and to the baby Ann Catherine; so that in opposition to my will, my boy bears the name of Julian to this day, a living monument of my One evening when I was out, if I rememinfidelity, and the name of Thomas as a mo- ber right, at a private house, where a Methomento of the love of Christ towards me, in dist prayer-meeting was held, Mr. Keyworth bringing a poor unbeliever to experience his the minister of the Independent chapel, resurrection power, and making himself called at my house, had some conversation known unto me as "My Lord, and my God." with my wife, and left word he wished to see As soon as I had performed this promise, me. On the following Sunday-afternoon accomplished this purpose of my heart, II called at his house, and had some converbegan to enquire whether I had done right or no? I began to think there were a people called baptists; I was led to examine the baptismal service, as it is called in the prayer book, to search the scriptures on this point; and at last was compelled to class the christening of my children, amongst my sins of ignorance, and to receive the ordinance of belivers' baptism; but this was not the work of a day. No; a little was opened up to me here, and a little there; in the fire and in the flood; but more of this when I come to speak of how, and when, and where I was baptised in the name of the Lord Jesus. Soon after this, the dear Lord was pleased to remove the cholera from Wantage, to the no small joy of my heart. The effect this mercy produced in my mind, was something like a condemned malefactor receiving a reprieve; and my soul was led to bless the Lord for his sparing mercy. My wife also came down to Wantage with her children, and having saved a bed and some few things from the wreck of our little home, I now left my lodgings, and took a house in Mill Street, and with the assistance of my employer, who kindly advanced me some money, I soon had a comfortable home, with my wife and children around me, and I shall never forget the first night when we were settled in it, I commenced what is called family prayer; I read a chapter in the Bible and was enabled to pour out my soul to God, in thanksgiving for his goodness to such an hell deserving wretch; every thing I had, all I possessed, I had received in answer to prayer; every thing appeared a mercy, and though I was in deep soul trouble, as to whether I should be saved, or eternally lost; and though my cup seemed mixed with wormwood and gall, there was sation with him, in which I told him the train of events through which the Lord had brought me; he was very kind, and used every means to encourage me; but my soul refused to be comforted; the consolations of man were of no use to me, I wanted the consolations of God; but I had not courage enough to tell him so; I could tell him what I had passed through; I could hear what he had to say; but could answer nothing. After a few days he called again at my house, and again had some conversation with me; in which he warned me, not of the errors of the Church of England, not of the errors of the Wesleyans, or any other professors; but of the errors of the system promulgated at Grove; he said they set aside all good works; he once knew a lady who had been a most exemplary christian; who distributed tracts, visited the sick, and was very charitable; that she, hearing a preacher of this sort, left off all these things, and became quite an altered character; what he said sounded very feasible to me; and as I was all on the working system, this man's manners, (for he was very kind,) his conversation and preaching, took me very much; he also kindly offered me the use of books to assist me in my search after truth; and as I had not availed myself of the church minister's, I accepted his offer, for as yet I had read nothing but the Bible. If I remember right, Bogue's Essay on the New Testament was the first work Mr. K. lent me; and what I suffered in going through that book, I shall not attempt to describe; suffice it to say that in all the arguments Bogue brought forward to establish the divine authenticity of the New Testament, the devil and the unbelief of my own evil heart, appeared to rake up arguments against him; all the arguments of infidel writers, which I had read in by-gone days were brought afresh to my memory, and I appeared to be inundated with infidelity. It was now I felt the force of that scripture, which had been quoted to me as a warning, "Let him that thinketh he standeth take heed, lest he fall;" it was now I trembled, lest I should fall back again into the awful gulf of infidelity. It was now, I cried, "Hold thou me up, and I shall be safe,' - "Deliver my soul from going down to the pit." God appeared for me at last; light broke into my mind; truth triumphed in the awful struggle within; and I believe that book was the means of establishing me in the truth of the divine authenticity of the Scriptures of God. At present, I shall only mention one more book Mr. K. lent me, which produced very different feelings in my heart in going through it to what the one did which I have mentioned; it was The Life of Newton, of Olney, afterwards Rector of St. Mary's Woolnoth, Lombardstreet, London. In poor Newton, the infidel, I could see a picture of myself; I wept and prayed over that book, and gleaned comfort and encouragement from the perusal of the life and experience of that dear man of God; and when I came towards the close of his life, when he had become, as his friends thought, too feeble to preach; when they dissuaded him from it, he exclaimed, "What! shall the poor African blasphemer cease to preach Christ, whilst I have a tongue to speak to his praise?" or words to this effect, for I write from memory; O, I felt such a love to Jesus Christ for saving such a poor sinner as Newton, and I thought, if he ever delivered me, if he ever saved me, if ever he opened my mouth to speak to his praise, I would exalt him to the highest. From the effect I experienced from reading this book and similar works since, I do believe, that next to the Bible, the best books a sin-distressed soul can read is the biographical experience of God's living family; a living experience meets a living experience; and we feel knit to the writer, though we never saw nor knew him; and then telling the circumstances in which God met with them, we often find a similarity with our own. In reading the desolate condition of poor John Newton, on the coast of Africa, I read as it were a picture of my own desolate condition; wandering, a fugitive, in my own native land; thus I was led along, acquiring a little knowledge, helped with a little help, and now and then experiencing a little reviving in my hondage state. JAMES MASON. (To be Continued.) A Letter from a Friend in Norwich. Dear Brother:-Since I last wrote to you I have been into Scotland; and am now in this old fashioned, and old anti-christian city, Norwich. Even here is seen the truth of the Lord's own declaration concerning his two witnesses, (Rev. xi. 3.) Brown says, "Christ's two witnesses denote the small, but sufficient succession of faithful ministers; who, from age to age, amidst grief and persecution, bear witness against the abominations of Popery. They, like olive trees before God, are remarkably furnished with gifts and graces; and being protected, and delighted in by him, do minister as in his presence, and depending on his grace." There are upwards of one hundred churches and chapels in this city, consisting of various grades, sections, parties, and sentiments; but, only one or two out of these, so far as my information goes, preach the gospel, as with the Holy Ghost sent down from heaven; for, in my hearing of the word, there is as much difference between preaching truth in the letter, and in the Spirit, as between midnight and midday. The former, I doubt not, is applied by the Spirit in numerous instances, and sealed to the elect: but it is not sealing, anointing, precious, and comforting, like the latter: the Spirit speaking in the word, brings it to the affections, or heart; the whole soul goes along with it, and is drawn out, and into the source from whence it came: there is an absorbing of all our faculties in God: it is so with me in these favoured seasons of hearing, and communion with Father, Son, and Holy Ghost: the dryness of the letter leaves no salutary effects on my soul; it is useful in killing, but not in healing; a state is felt like that land which was barren, and good for nothing, and the water bitter, unfit to drink; but the Spirit, like salt, cast in, will heal it; for such is my nature, barren and bitter; but when some Elisha is enabled, instrumentally to throw salt in, I feel healed and well. It is this change of feeling which enables me to take heed, to know, and to weigh what I hear. About six weeks ago, one Sabbath |