THE HOUSEWIFE. No. XII. TO ESCAPE FROM OR GO INTO A HOUSE ON FIRE. Creep or crawl with your face near the ground, and although the room be full of smoke to suffocation, yet hear the floor the air is pure, and may be breathed with safety. The best escape from upper windows is a knotted rope, but if a leap is unavoidable, then the bed should be thrown out first, or beds prepared for the purpose. CURE FOR CORNS. Take some chalk, bruise it, and make it into a paste with water, and apply it to those troublesome things in the form of a plaster, and it will im'mediately stop the pain.-Dr.Chalmers on Corns and Wens. CURE FOR THE STING OF A WASP. Take a nob of common blue, such as washerwomen use, wet it in warm water, and apply it as a poultice; it will instantly relieve the pain caused by the sting of either a wasp or a bee. HOW TO CHOOSE LEAN SHEEP AND BEASTS. The first thing to be thought of, either in a sheep or a bullock, is its age-recollecting that a sheep grows considerably more in its second, a heifer in her third, and a steer in its fourth year, than in any other year of its life; and that a sheep ceases to grow at three, a heifer at five, and an ox at seven years old. The points to choose an ox, a steer, or an heifer by, are, in the first place, the eye-as a full and expressive eye is, in either of these, as in every other animal, the index to all its good qualities. In the second, third, fourth, and fifth places, a good full taste or chog (what is commonly a double chin in the human species) to the tongue, a fine neck, a well-spread bosom, or, as the butchers call it, crop, and a good, free, fullveined shoulder. In the sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth, and eleventh places, a fine taper tail, two wellspread hips, a good broad back and chine, round sides, a pair of high-laid, long, and well-proportioned rumps, and full but not coarse-fleshed thighs. In the twelfth, thirteenth, fourteenth, and fifteenth places, kind in the under points, sleek of coat, thin and loose of hide, fine in the string, and small and short in the legs and shins. So much difference is there in the quality of beasts, that two beasts of the same age and breed shall be bought in together, made equally fat, and to be of an equal weight, and one, by carrying a greater proportion of his weight in his or her prime pieces (viz. rumps, sirloins, &c.) shall fetch more money by from 74 to 10 per cent, Sheep are chosen by precisely the same points as beasts, only it is necessary to examine their eye-veins with greater circumspection, to ascertain if they be free from the rot, which last particular requires some practice to become proficient in. THE MUSES' WILD WREATH. THE SMUGGLER'S CHAUNT. When sprites unholy vigils keep, Allur'd by thirts of gain, We break the heavy bonds of sleep To prowl across the main. We value not the bounding spray, Nor heed the surge's roar; But while our cutter stems her way, Impel the sweeping oar. "Tis not for us the Queen of Night Gives lavisly her beams; 'Tis not for us the silver light Around her orbit streams; But if the skins be pitchy dark, If clouds her beauty veil, We haste to launch our stealthy bark, And bend the scudding sail. Our disport lies in coming storms, No fears our souls appal; We see them in a thousand forms, And madly dare them all: And many a proudly swelling breast, Aye, many an outlaw brave, Shall find a couch of lasting rest Beneath the briny wave. Yet would we not our birth-right yield Where kindlier passions burn) 30 feet nearest the mouth, is very considerable, and but little earth is lodged upon it; but further in, the interior of the cavern is entirely covered with a mass of dark brown or blackish earth, through which are disseminated, in great abundance, the bones and teeth of bears and other animals, and a few small fragments of limestone, which have probably fallen from the roof; but I could find no rolled pebbles. The upper portion of this earth seems to be mixed up with a quantity of calcareous loam, which, before it had been disturbed by digging, probably formed a bed of diluvial sediment over the animal remains; but as we sink deeper, the earth gets blacker, and more free from loam, and seems wholly composed of decayed animal matter. There is no appearance of either stalactite or stalagmite having ever existed within this cavern." THE PHILOSOPHIC MOUSE; BY AUGUSTUS VON KOTZEBUE. An old mouse, who studied philosophy in an empty garret, and during a severe famine had meditated a great deal on the nature of the gods, concluded at length to acknowledge the Sun as the supreme being, because it dispenses light and heat, draws forth the blos som, and brings the fruit to maturity enlivens the healthy and refreshes the sick. The Sun heard the prayer of the Mouse, and mildly replied, "Poor little animal, I am but a creature like thyself; a fog, a cloud, spreading themselves before me, have the power to obscure my light, and to deprive the earth of my heat." "The Sun is right," thought the Mouse, "I suffered myself to be dazzled by his splendour: it is the Cloud, that by right, deserves my adoration." "I?" said the Cloud, "thou art egregiously mistaken. I am but a being composed of vapours, that ascend from your earth into the atmosphere. The Wind plays with me, gives me this or that form at pleasure, and the Tempest completely disperses me." "In this case," cried the mouse, "I must acknowledge the Tempest as the mightiest of beings, because it governs the clouds which obscure the sun," "Me?" roared the Tempest, "it is true, that I hold sovereign sway over fogs and clouds; but in vain do I assail this wall, which bids defiance to my power." The Mouse was astounded at this information. "What!" thought he, "is this Wall, that is so near me-this Wall that protects my habitation, so strong and so mighty? Well, then, it shall be in future the object of my adoration." "Ah!" sighed the Wall, "knowest thou not that thou and thy kindred have for upwards of a century been undermining my foundation? Seest thou not that I cannot stand much longer?" Scarcely had it uttered these words, when it fell with a tremendous crash, Filled with astonishment the Mouse crept about among the ruins; and, as he was too short-sighted to discover the connection of all created beings, he was frequently tempted to adore either himself, or nothing at all. Hara Jocosa; or, the Doggerel Deca- The above verses are by the author of "Family Jars," and "Fish out of Water," performed at the Haymarket Theatre last summer; he is also author of a tragedy; and to prove the versatility of his talents presents to the world these tales, which consist of the Smuggler-Passion and Pennance -The Village Hoax-Change of AirThe Servant of all Work-The Hidden Treasure-The Hen Roost-and the Only Son; these, with the exception of one or two, which are certainly censureable, are well calculated to enliven a merry Christmas-evening. As a sample, we copy of the productions-the CHANGE OF AIR. Full many a dire exposure spring, we O'er the urn'd ashes of th' illustrious While many a jostled bumpkin, passing Lifts his strain'd eyes and opes his Provisions for the stomach, limbs, and Where-but, kind reader, I surmise, From these faint hints, you'll recognise, (Or else 'tis cursed hard Upon your Bard) Saint Paul's Church Yard. Well-near this memorable minster, So firmly rooted in her constitution, Which fifty doctors had prescrib'd, But, for the golden lining of her purse, In ratio as her malady grew worse. This (as their bleeding patient still was rich) Ne'er gave the Doctors' consciences a twitch; But was, of course, Of anxious cares To her next heirs ; A couple of necessitous and sly First cousins, For, passing thro' a snug church-yard, For nearly half the graves were new. With full-blown eglantine was mantled And, to complete their luck, Upon a board, intelligence afforded Who straight appeared. The cousins, in a sigh-fraught simper, Their pious errand faultering told: Who, seeing thus the guineas daily fly Hoping that your sulubrious air, Resolv'd, if possible, to check They sought the suffering invalid, Quit London's smoke and try a CHANGE Depute to us the pleasing duty, Than all the med'cine-monger clan,' The feeble patient gave consent, Ere they could find an air to please their taste. At length, to finish their preambulations, An accident fulfill'd their expectations; 1 For some few years, her life may spare. Don't drop a word Of death, for years, within a mile! "You need not fear-my tongue ne'er No word of death shall'scape my lips." Flew to the coach, Dropt her best court'sey-lent her To be the lady's crutch, and told her air'd; I'm quite convinc'd that, on inspection, |