VOL. 4.] New Tales of my Landlord' 11 sold by Murdockson to these banditti. We now proceed to make a few exHe perishes soon after, and Lady tracts. The death of an old griping Staunton is converted to Catholicism rascal, the elder laird of Dumbiedikes, and retires to a convent. Old David is well painted. He was about to disDeans is gathered to his fathers, and the tress his tenants, Deans, and the mother Butlers live beloved and die lamented. of Butler. Such is the general outline of this On the very term-day, when their Novel; but there are subordinate cha- ejectment should have taken place, racters of considerable originality, who when all their neighbours were preparfill up the canvas, and often stand on the ed to pity, and not one to assist them, foreground. Of these the chief are, the the minister of the parish, as well as a Laird of Dumbiedikes, a selfish Natural, doctor from Edinburgh, received a hasty and a suitor to Jeanie Deans, tho' his summons to attend the Laird of Dummode of courtship is exceedingly cu- biedikes. Both were surprised, for his rious and taciturn. Bartholine Sad- contempt for both faculties had been dletree, the law-devoted artisan, of pretty commonly his theme over an extra whom we have already spoken, and his bottle, that is to say, at least once every wife, Mrs. Glass, snuff-seller in London, day. The leech for the soul, and he and Scotch cousin to the Deans. The for the body, alighted in the court of Queen, Lady Suffolk, the Duke of Ar- the little old Manor-house, at almost the gyle and his family. Madge Wildfire, same time; and when they had gazed alias Miss Murdockson, a crazy Ophe- a moment at each other in some surlia in low life, singing snatches of old prise, both in the same breath expresssongs, and conversing with fancied ed their conviction that Dumbiedikes ghosts and goblins. Ratcliffe, a police must needs be very ill indeed, since he officer, compound of thief and traitor; summoned them both to his presence together with sundry villains, such as at once. Ere the servant could usher adorn the Beggar's Opera, and a due them to his apartment, the party was proportion of Edinburgh lawyers and augmented by a man of law, Nichil Nogossips, who are brought in more or vit, writing himself procurator before less to take a share in the business go- the Sheriff-court, for in those days there ing forward. were no solicitors. This latter person was first summoned to the apartment of the Laird, where, after some short space, the soul-curer and the body-curer were invited to join him. 6 After perusing this epitome, we imagine our readers will coincide with our opinion, that the dramatis personæ are a little too far degraded in the scale of humanity; and that some of the main • Dumbiedikes has been by this time incidents border too closely upon the transported into the best bed-room, used improbable of romance. Robertson's only upon occasions of death and marhair-breadth 'scapes,and the subsequent riage, and called, from the former of elevation of Effie to be a leader of these occupations, the Dead-Room. fashion at court, the perilous travels of There was in this apartment, besides Jeanie, her incarceration in a gipsy cav- the sick person himself and Mr. Novit, ern, and her confabulation with the the son and heir of the patient, a tall Queen; and the violent finale, are all gawky silly-looking boy, of fourteen or objectionable in this point of view: fifteen, and a housekeeper, a good buxand when events so like miracles are om figure of a woman, betwixt forty resorted to in order to disentangle the and fifty, who had kept the keys and intricacies of plot, it is astonishing how managed matters at Dumbiedikes' since it diminishes the interest we take in the the lady's death. It was to these atfate of the parties implicated. We tendants that Dumbiedikes addressed don't care for Tom Thumb's dying, or himself pretty nearly in these words; being swallowed by a cow, when we temporal and spiritual matters, the care know there is an enchanter who can of his health and his affairs, being bring him to life again, or cause the strangely jumbled, in a head which was quadruped to cast him up. never one of the clearest : 12 New Tales of my Landlord." 66 [VOL. 4 "These are sair times wi me, gentle- plaints, assured him the medical art men and neighbours! amaist as ill as at could not prolong his life many hours. the aughty-nine, when I was rabbled by the collegeaners.-They mistook "Then damn Mass John and you me muckle-they ca'd me papist, but baith!" cried the furious and untractathere was never a papist bit about me, ble patient. Did ye come here for minister. Jock, ye'll tak warning- naething but to tell me that ye canna it's a debt we maun a' pay, and there help me at the pinch? Out wi' them, stands Nichil Novit, that will tell ye Jenny-out o'the house! and, Jock, I was never gude at paying debts in my curse, and the curse o' Cromwell my life.-Mr. Novit, ye'll no forget to gae wi'ye, if ye gie them either fee or draw the rent that's due on the Yerl's bountith, or sae muckle as a black pair band-if I pay debt to other folk, I o'cheverons." think they suld pay it to me that equals aquals.-Jock, when ye hae The clergyman and doctor made a naething else to do, ye may be aye speedy retreat out of the apartment, sticking in a tree; it will be growing, while Dumbiedikes fell into one of Jock, when ye're sleeping. My father those transports of violent and profane tauld me sae forty years sin', but I ne'er language, which had procured him the fand time to mind him.-Jock, ne'er surname of Damn-me-dikes-" Bring drink brandy in the morning, it files the me the brandy bottle, Jenny, ye b—,' stamach; gin ye take a morning's he cried, with a voice in which passion draught, let it be aqua mirabilis; Jenny contended with pain. "I can die as I there makes it weel. Doctor, my have lived, without fashing ony o' them. breath is growing as scant as a broken- But there's a fearful thing hings about winded piper's, when he has played for my heart, and an anker of brandy four-and-twenty hours at a penny wed- winna wash it away-The Deans at ding-Jenny, pit the cool aneath my Woodend! I sequestrated them in the head-but it's a' need less! Mass John, dear years, and now they are to fit they'll could ye think o' rattling ower some bit starve-and that Beersheba, and that short prayer, it wad do me gude may auld trooper's wife and her oe, they'll be, and keep some queer thoughts out starve-they'll starve !--Look out, o' my head.-Say something, man." Jock; what night is't?" I cannot use a prayer like a ratrhyme,' answered the honest clergyman; and if you would have your soul redeemed like a prey from the fowler, Laird, you must needs shew me your state of mind.' "And shouldna ye ken that without my telling you?" answered the patient. "What have I been paying stipend and teind, parsonage and vicarage for, ever sin' the aughty-nine, an' I canna get a spell of a prayer for't, the only time I ever asked for ane in my life?-Gang awa' wi your whiggery, if that's a' ye can do; auld Curate Kiltstoup wad hae read half the prayer-book to me by this time-Awa' w'ye!-Doctor, let's see if ye can do ony thing better for me." The Doctor, who had received some information in the meanwhile from the house-keeper on the state of his com 'Onding o' snaw, father,' answered Jock, after having opened the window, and looked out with great composure. "They'll perish in the drifts," said the expiring sinner-" they'll perish wi cauld -but I'll be het enough, gin a tales be true." "This last observation was made under breath, and in a tone which made the very attorney shudder. He tried his hand at ghostly advice, probably for the first time in his life, and recommended, as an opiate for the agonized conscience of the Laird, reparation of the injuries he had done to these distressed families, which, he observed by the way, the civil law called restitutio in integrum. But Mammon was struggling with Remorse for retaining his place in a bosom he had so long possessed; and he partly succeeded, as an old tyrant proves often too strong for his insurgent rebels. "I canna do't," he answered, with a voice of despair. "It would kill me to do't-how can ye bid me pay back siller, when ye ken how I want it? or dispone Beersheba, when it lies sae weel into my ain plaid-nuik? Nature made Dumbiedikes and Beersheba to be ae man's land-She did by *** Nichil, it wad kill me to part them." But ye maun die, whether or no, Laird,' said Mr. Novit; and maybe ye wad die easier-it's but trying. I'll scroll the disposition in nae time.' 13 Dinna let the warld get a grip o'ye, Jock-but keep the gear thegither! and whate'er ye do, dispone Beersheba at no rate. Let the creatures stay at a moderate mailing, and hae bite and soup: it will maybe be the better wi' your father where he's gaun, lad." After these contradictory instructions, the Laird felt his mind so much at ease that he drank three bumpers of brandy continuously, and "soughed awa,' as Jenny expressed it, in an attempt to sing "De'il stick the minister." To this specimen we need scarcely add, that we retract every censure upon The Heart of Mid-Lothian, except when compared with the for Dinna speak o't, Sir, or I'll fling the stoup at your head-But Jock, lad, ye see how the warld warstles with me on my death-bed. Be kind to the puir mer productions of the same author. creatures the Deanses and the Butlers. STR, SEA-SERPENTS! From the New Monthly Magazine, August, 1318. OMETHING extraordinary is al- coast; my intention however is not to ways making its appearance in Amer enter into any disquisition whether or ica, and accounts of the same generally no they are of the same species with appear in the English journals grossly these of autiquity-those which destroyexaggerated. I am one of those who ed Laocoon and yet figure in sculpture, from experience have learnt the caution that which proved the youthful nerves necessary to be observed before placing of Hercules, or the more sagacious one implicit confidence in the relations of which foretold the death of Julian, and our trans-atlantic brethren, and am old thereby proved itself a good christian. enough to remember the sensation This I will leave to my American' caused by the supernatural appearances brethren who are well qualified for such on the Apalachian mountains; the researches. I merely intend to state glory by which they were surrounded, dispelling the darkness, as the morning sun triumphs over the clouds of night; the vision lasted until some fanatic asserted it was the "descent of the New Jerusalem," when reason prevailed, and we heard of the inhabitants and them no more. Lately we have had "movang stones" in Carolina, but which ceased their motion when Dr. James, of Commissary-General Macdowel, a..d New York, set on foot an enquiry concerning them. What I at present wish to observe upon is, the account of "huge Sea Serpents," lately said to have been seen along that wonderful Those luminous appearances on the Apalachian mountains were ascribed to the particular state of the atmosphere. Some of the American philosophers even travelled from Philadelphia to observe them. that the Serpent of the Ocean, such as they are described in the accounts from America, are no novel appearance, but have been seen in the Mediterranean. I happened to be on board the Philomel, one of his Majesty's brigs of war.commanded by Captain Gui-on; having joined her on the 12th of December, 1811, at Gibraltar; Lord Cochrane, Captain Hardinge of the engineers, were passengers.* I incution them thus par took views of the city moe and batteries at Alpins whilst the master of the big sounded the boy Captain Hardinge, a man of considerable talent. nutely, under pretence of grappling for the cont anchor. I should believe Lord Exmouth neted upon Capt. Hardinge's plan, as thot gentleman remarked to m in ease of a boil ardent the voy situation occuped by the Quen Charlotte on thais memorable ent afterwards taking place. 14 Sea-Serpents ! [VOL. 4 ticularly as they are living, and can con- abandon the vicinity of the vessel on the tradict me if I state any thing which is not correct. occasion, which confirmed me in my opinion that, from the size of the mouth, they were incapable of being dangerous to men. We saw them every day during our stay, until our removal into the Mole, when they left us, or rather we told me they were common in the bay, but he had never known any of them being caught. Achmet, the adiniral's pilot, then on board the fifty gun ship, destroyed shortly after by Lord Exmouth, said they were regarded by the fishermen with a superstitious reverence, who believed if they left the bay the fish would also leave it. After relieving with a supply of provisions the Portuguese fortress of Melillo on the coast of Barbary, and anchoring for one day before the celebrated ruins of Oran, we entered the bay of left them. An old Greek renegado Algiers, and moored the vessel about three miles to the eastward of the city, where vessels in common do not ride. Our motive for chusing this position was in order to sound the bay as secretly as possible. The depth of water might be nine fathoms. One of the cables was cut under water on the second day of our anchorage, I apprehend by the coral rocks, near which place the ship was. They had not, to me, that "carved" A seaman remarked to me from the appearance noticed by the Americans. poop, where he was fishing, that he be- I might have discovered that and several lieved the devil in the shape of a serpent other peculiarities of torm in them by a had cut our cable, and was now along more narrow scrutiny, but I imagined side as long as the ship. I immediately they were only curiosities to myself, looked over the gangway and perceived and scarce worth recording in my four of these reptiles sporting in the journal. I did however record the m if I recollect aright, his Lordship said J. M. MITFORD. water they appeared to me about from a practice never to omit noticing thirty feet in length, of a dark brown whatever passed under my own obsercolour, with a slight silvery tinge on vation. I pointed them out to Lord the belly, and on each side of the head: Cochrane and the other passengers, and the head was small, and in thickness of body the size of a stout man's thigh, tapering towards the tail. I observed them frequently roll over, stretched at full length, and when preparing to advance, the head was raised and the tail rolled upwards like a coach wheel in size nearly to the middle of the animal's back; lowering its head, which seemed to have been raised as a necessary action to preserve its balance in folding up the tail, it darted forward with considerable velocity, unfurling itP. S. The master ofan American vesself as it advanced. The sailors vainly sel arrived at Penobscot asserts bis havendeavoured to catch one of them, let- ing encountered at sea a serpent full ting down shark-hooks with different one hundred feet long, and in thickness baits. My opinion was, that the mouth greater than a water cask. This forof the animal, which generally appeared midable animal reared itself several feet open when the head was reared, would out of the water, took a look at the ship, not admit a bait larger than an orange, and quietly glided away. An affidavit being quite out of our ideas of propor- is said to be preparing for the master tion with respect to its body. They and crew to establish this extraordinary never came nearer to the surface than fact. This account is given in Lloyd's six feet, so we found it useless to attempt list, which alone renders it worthy of them with a harpoon. The men bathed notice. The dimensions of a water cask amongst them unmolested, nor did they are various, barrels, butts, and pun VOL. 4.] On Novel-Reading. 15 eheons, and those called gang-casks on give no credit. "Jonathan" had heard board of merchant ships commonly con- of the serpent, and determined to have tain two hundred or more gallons, and a share in the glory of fixing it as a are at least three feet in diameter; if the native of "the Columbian Ocean." latter is meant," astonishing" indeed National vanity is deemed preferable must be the size of this animal; if by to truth by most American seamen,and "water cask" is meant the barrel in the above may be set down as a fit comcommon use, about one foot in diameter, panion to the Scotch Mermaids which more astonishing still must it be in the were exhibited in the western isles, and former case, as the master's fears must were actually sworn to by several have magnified his powers of vision,and Scotch persons and second-sighted old in the latter it may be accounted for by women. I see no reason to alter my suffering bim to have passed a cable opinion, that the serpent of America washed off some ship's deck in a gale of and the Mediterranean are of the same wind, which I think not improbable. species, and not uncommon, though About twelve years ago an American rarely noticed. The difference in size captain trading for furs, saw on the shores will soon be reconciled, and as America of New Zealand an animal of the serpent is the land of the marvellous they are kind which rose out of the water and entitled to forty or fifty feet extra upon looked into his main-top; of this fact such an occasion. I expect some other "an affidavit was also prepared but captam, on the strength of this great never administered;" perhaps this may discovery, will import us a parody to be the same animal, and the discoverer its honour on the famous national song, the same person. I have heard more such asextraordinary things asserted by American captains, whose accounts cannot be too cautiously received, but to this I As Hail Columbia! favour'd strand ! NOVELS. Extracted from the British Critick, Jnue 1818. S public opinion is by no means order to gratify the pampered palate of in favour of fictitious compositions, an indolent public. Labouring too with we allude to novels; it is our intention a success, which has never known a to devote a few pages of our present Dumber to an investigation of the principal causes, which have led many to condemn every work of that nature, as injurious in its consequences, and unworthy the attention of any rational being. moment's diminution, they have, on that account, brought down upon their heads the ruthless vengeance of all the other practitioners in literature. Theologians, historians, moralists, and philosophers, are all animated with the same spirit of hostility; and, however We do not pretend to enter into they differ upon other points, are unansuch a discussion with unbiassed feel- imous in conferring the most offensive ings; on the contrary, we are warm terms upon these light-hearted children partizans of that degraded and perse- of pleasure and imagination. Not, cuted tribe of authors, who are known however, content with directing the by the name of novellists, and think venom of their malice against the comthat no writers have contributed more posers, they must even endeavour to than they have to the amusement and fling it upon us, who are merely the instruction of society. Labouring in a readers of such publications. field, which has been so long the com- theologian assures us, that the time mon property of every dabbler in let- spent in these idle pursuits would be ters, they are making it produce, day better employed in meditating on more after day, new and succulent plants, in important and less worldly objects : The |