386 Arctic Islander in London. [VOL. 4 and have been met travelling in the At- rouse his attention. He replied in very lantic, where one of them nearly sun intelligible English, and with all the an American sloop loaded with a SEA- dryness of an English traveller, that he SERPENT's head, which an unphilosoph- saw nothing equal to his home; adding ical exciseman mistook for a pipe of that their galleries and collonades, dug Madeira. When the boats came in under mountains of ice, were far more quest of official letters for H. M. S. the brilliantly illuminated. Then looking Majestic, the Arctic Islander, believing gravely at Dr.Blinkensop,who occupied his colony ab origine from England, the third place in my carriage, he enexpressed an invincible desire to visit quired why he was not walking about? the native country of his ancestors; and Being asked what his question implied, after some consideration among the lit- he informed us, that in his island all the erary gentlemen attached to the expedi- learned men were employed to traverse tion, each of whom claimed a share in the streets at night with lanterns on their the profits resulting from him, he was heads, or to stand at equal distances, put on board one of the boats under the for the useful purpose of enlightening custody of Dr. Cacofog, who availed their countrymen and saving oil. Dr. himself of this pretext to return home. Blinkensop concealed his mortification Being undeniably the prize and proper- by discussing the Catoptrical mode of ty of my friend, and entitled, as a de- gathering, folding, breaking, and bunscendant of Englishmen, to an exemp- dling, sun and moon beams, to answer tion from sale, he was wrapped in a the purposes of a kitchen-fire; suggestlarge boat-cloak, and entered at the ing that this kind of solar cookery Custom-house, when he landed here, as would be very convenient to the Arctic a sick seaman from the Isabella. Lest navigators, if their fuel should be exthe managers of the Museum, or the hausted. great theatres, should hear of such an Upon our arrival at my chambers our acquisition, I went myself in my own Islander, who calls himself Neonous, post-chariot to convey him to my house, was more particularly introduced to me where, according to my friend's letter, as his future host and cicerone; and he permitted him to reside. Fortunate- expressed his courteous disposition by ly, his appearance did not excite my three low bows, and some obliging servants' curiosity, as his attire was En- words, which, as his colony seems to glish. His person is far under the usual have been founded by Englishmen of height, rather round, and too much ele- the last century, were probably derived vated about the shoulders ;-but this from their customs. But he soon apdefect was easily concealed by attaching only half-a-dozen capes to the loose pelerine of his coat ;-he is extremely short-sighted, as is usual with the natives of the frigid zone, and has the breadth of nose and chin which Buffon and Cuvier consider peculiar to them; therefore our fashionable lorgnette and cravat were really requisite to diminish these disadvantages. The bluish tint of his hair is not remarkable during the present fashion. The lethargic apathy of men born in cold countries is so well known, that I was not surprised at his doze during the greater part of our journey; but when we crossed Westminster-bridge, and came within view of those long lines and transverse vistas of light which the lamps of our streets afford, I could not avoid an attempt to Alias Blinkensop. peared most agreeably easy and familiar; and during supper, at which he ate with a voracity which astonished my butler, though he once waited at the Lord Mayor's feast, be addressed me with all the nonchalance of a Bencher who had eaten twenty terms with me, and begged me, to tell him whether hanging was an agreeable sensation ?— Now, though I understand the sensation created by a fall of stocks, by "crossing Oxford-street," and by being caught in the act of speaking to an illdressed friend, I could not profess any acquaintance with the sensation of hanging, though it is one peculiarly studied in the present age. But, Sir," I said, "as the words of our language have undergone great and various misapplications, even in this country, the awkward word which signifies a very vul VOL. 4.3 Arctic Islander in London. 387 in doing exactly as they do, and in general whatever is convenient." I assured my visitor, that the customs of his island were entirely different from our's; that nobody presumed to give the soft names of "polite failings gar situation, may be used in your's to signify some polite amusement; as quizzing, hoaxing, and other elegant synonimes, have been borrowed from the dialect of thieves to enrich a gentleman's."-" Sir," replied Neonous, "I understand you are a barrister; and in youthful vivacities and trifling mismy nation we hang an attorney three takes," to those actions which our minutes, a conveyancer five, and a bar- avowed religion called crimes-that rister a quarter of an hour, that they marriage in our nation was a venerable may fully estimate the sensation which and unspotted institution, designed to a court of justice is apt to cause."-"O give certain distinctions and privileges my good friend!" interposed Dr. Blink- to virtuous mothers and their offspring, ensop, sparing me the difficulty of com- which could not be transferred by the menting on a point so nice, "such a help of a little gold to the basest courregulation would be an infallible sus- tezans." Our women," said I," have pension of all talent at the bar. It is a motive to be faithful and pure, because quite time enough when men deserve they know their purity will be rememit." The Islander replied, with scholas- bered as the most honourable part of tic dignity," Ah! there is the error of their descendants' inheritance, and they your English legislature. Prevention, see by daily example, that children candoctor, prevention is the purpose of not be enabled by the sudden caprice or our laws. We hang them first, that untimely penitence of their fathers to they may not come to it at last: besides, when people have a propensity to oblique courses, it is wise to make them perpendicularly upright as soon as possible." rejoice in the iniquity of their mothers, or to blame it only when it is not successful. Vice is so rare,that nearly twenty thousand papers circulate daily, whose chief attractions are the uncommon anecdotes of guilt which their publishers are obliged to invent, because they can hardly ever find sufficient true ones." 66 My guest arrived late on Saturday night, therefore I had no better amusement to afford him the next morning, than to take him to a fashionable church. A newspaper in my barouche served When we came out, he looked round to exemplify this truth, and to amuse inquisitively, and whispered in my ear, Neonous during our drive through the "This is your great Sunday, I suppose; Park, which did not interest him greatly, but where is your little every-day though he saw several persons whom church?"-Having understood from he mistook for his countrymen, being my friend on board the Isabella, that deceived, perhaps, by their lethargic the Arctic Islanders of his colony pos- air and furred costume. Dr. Blinkensessed a Greek bible which they seemed sop enquired if the people of his island to worship, I could not comprehend his occupied themselves much in politics, question, till he added, "We have at and was answered, Certainly !-but Neonousland, as you have here, a great what we call politics is a great toy, forty government church, where they talk of times larger than your Kaleidoscope, patience, self-denial, sobriety, and a and turned by every body which way great many other fine things, but we they like best." Dr. B. carefully rehave little ones also, where they teach corded this answer in his note-book, what we really do, and therefore ought for the information of the literary societo learn every day in the best manner. ties throughout Europe, and as an unYou know we make promises and vows answerable proof that Dr. Brewster did to be rigidly just, faithful to our wives, not invent the first kaleidoscope, whatand kind to our neighbours-That is ever may be the testimony of his cotemall very well on great Sunday; but on poraries. I questioned Neonous on little Sunday we Arctic Islanders learn the poetry of the Arctic Isles, having the only practical part of our religion; received a splendid offer from a fashthat is-kindness to our neighbours, ionable publisher of twenty-pence per which consists, as you probably know, line for the first translation of a polar 388 Arctic Islander in London. Some traitors are trying to begin a [VOL. 4 poem-but he did not appear to comprehend me. When Dr. Blinkensop endeavoured to define poetry as a com- A project worthy the geniuses of anbination of beautiful ideas raised above cient Greece. I have no doubt that common life, he only answered," Then future generations, when the revolutions I know what poetry is, but we call it of Nature have dried up the Atlantic, morality in our country. will discover traces of this work, which Having said this, he fell asleep; and might be incredible if we had not seen my learned friend, raising his forefinger the aqueducts of Rome and Attica. with a sign of caution and sagacity, But here is a line full of dubitation, and drew from his folio memorandum-book by the hiatus in the manuscript it apa faded paper, which, as he whispered, pears to have been added by some Archad been found in the cabin allotted to tic poet. It is highly natural that such Neonous on board the Majestic,and was a poet should derive his images from probably a relic of the Greek literature local objects; therefore I propose to conveyed to Neonousland by its first in- translate it thushabitants. It was in the ancient Alexandrine character, as cut by Wynkyn "I admit the probability of your tunde Worde in imitation of that valuable nel," said I," and have no doubt that manuscript presented by Cyrillus Lu- it extended to the North-pole. Percaris, patriarch of Alexandria, to King haps that would have been the easiest Charles I. in 1628. I have transcribed the first lines with all the accuracy in my power, and must confesss that two of the characters strongly resemble an &c. though they are said to be the true Alexandrine alpha and sigma. MINIZTEPEPAT &c. Γ' σ ἡ ὁ ἀνού καννοτση Σόμετραι τερςάρετοὶ ἐνγτῶ βηγικά Τυννελ φρομῆρε τὸ Σκιντήληνα Υάςτ ύας θήκρα καςοφ ̓ Μευξ ςυατ Αναδρομη και μεχαμεταρατ' "Nobody," said Dr. Blinkensop, putting on his spectacles, 66 can doubt the antiquity and Homeric origin of these lines Observe the fine epic opening of the chief personage's harangue, without preamble or peroration Vast as the kraken of Mezuat. way of conveying our Arctic discoverers, and no violation of the maritime law, which extends only to the surface of things. However, you must allow me to say, I perceive no kraken in this line, nor did I ever see a name like Mezuat in any chart of those latitudes. I read it thus Vast as the crack of Meux's vat." "That is not probable," rejoined Blinkensop" and yet it is possible that statesmen may have met last century, as they do now, to hold their consultations over a wine-vat, for I do not conceive that it could have been filled with beer. And as Smithfield was once a vineyard, it is credible that our celebrated distiller of malt may have had an ancestor who brewed wine. Pray proceed, Sir-what concludes the strophe ?" "And from the chasm came out—8—ret !” which also shews us the plagiarism committed by Tickell in the most admired "A rat!" exclaimed the Professor : verse of his exquisite ballad."-" Un- "What titillates your risible muscles, der due submission to your superior my good friend? Why not a rat? knowledge," said I," I should be apt Did not a mountain once bring forth a to think this a copy of the Romaic frag- mouse? Have not rats been worshipment communicated by M. Chateau- ped in the hither peninsula of India briand to Lord C.'s secretary, and said and the Isthmus between Asia and to be remarkably predictive of an event Africa? And in modern times, as the which happened lately on the banks of illustrious pupil of the erudite Sheridan the Thames."-"The Thames !" ech- has recorded, did not a rat, oed my antiquary-" when did its banks ever produce such sublime projectors as the next lines describe "for want of stairs, Come down a rope to say his prayers ?" Where is the miracle, then, if one should VOL. 4.] Arctic Islander in London. 389 come up to seek a place? for indepen- parties. I was engaged to Lady dent of his respectable black coat and Townly's " at Home" on Monday, and reverend beard, he has all due requisites intended him to accompany me in strict for one. Did not three rats empty a incognito, relying on the phlegm and jar of oil by alternately dipping in their apathy of his disposition to ensure a whiskers and regaling each other proper degree of insonciance, or easy whence, no doubt, Pope, alias Swift, derived that fine distich, "This jelly's good--that malmsey's healingPray dip your whiskers and..... negligence in his behaviour. And to prepare him for the dazzling effect of our beauties seated in all the glory of white satin, blond, and pink roses, I The professor was interrupted by three would have conducted him to the ExhiBow-street officers, who perceived red bition, had not its season been past; spots on his coat, and notwithstanding but a fashionable portrait-painter's galhis asseverations that they proceeded lery was open, and it seemed the best from pitrous acid which he had used in representation of that circle of living extracting gas, he was conveyed away paintings called a party. Contrary to under suspicion of having aided a recent my expectance, he threw himself into assassination. This fracâs caused tu- such an attitude as I have seen in my mult enough to awaken Neonous: and grand-aunt's picture of Celadon, and his surprise was so loudly expressed, exclaimed, with great vehemence, "Kuthat his arrival from the Arctic regions ryeleeson! kuryeleesonmow !"-Being began to be whispered, and the utmost requested to explain the meaning of skill of our charioteer could not pre- these words, he answered very frankly, serve our residence from detection. In that he used them without knowing it, the evening of this Sunday I was but believed they were the names of alarmed by a visit from the principal of saints once worshipped by the ancestors a polite establishment, requesting an of his colony. I informed him, that introduction to my Arctic Islander, and his ignorance what they meant renderoffering him an engagement to instruct ed them proper enough for a polite exher pupils in the language and dances pletive; but as they really implied an of his nation, at five guineas each lesson. appeal for mercy, they were not so She urged so strenuously the impor- spirited as the delightful readiness for tance he would derive from making his perdition expressed by an Englishman's entre at her house, and in her society interjections. Neonous thanked me (for school is an obsolete word), that for the hint, and promised in future to I was compelled to assure her he visited employ as his conversation-oath a very England as a gentleman whose liberty powerful and sonorous word preserved and independence were guaranteed by by his country's traditions, as one of my honour and his own wealth. The those relics which I suppose to be of last words were convincing; and hav- Greek literature. ing intimated her readiness to educate "Shouldero'muttonacaponhalfagooseany of his female relatives, she departed pasty venison." to spread the intelligence among her A magnificent compound, which every numerous friends. Neonous heard of college-student will be able to analyse her proposal without any change in the and digest. On our way to Lady usual grave decorum of his face. "We Townly's conversazione, I entreated have no such useless institutions in our him to suppress any sensations of surcountry," said he, "to teach our chil- prise and admiration which her assemdren grimaces and gambols; for our bly might create-“ not, my dear Neosquirrel-apes are neither so mischievous nous, because any symptoms of natural nor so expensive and as for morals, feeling would lessen your effect, for they we always forbid them to do right, would have the charm of novelty, and knowing they will do it through the the justification of your recent arrival spirit of contrauction." among us; but as it has been whisperThe preceptress was diligent in whis- ed that you possess the art of making pering her news, and several cards of diamonds by adding a proper proporinvitation arrived to fashionable evening tion of carbonic gas to charcoal, such 390 An Arctic Islander in London. [V014 symptoms might expose you to ma- to have no other way of shewing the noeuvres."-This last word required a they know any thing of value.”—Tio' very long explanation, which he heard such an expedient might be very used with surprising coolness." Then," to young women of fashion, whose said he, after a grave pause, " you per- complishments are invisible and unmit two kinds of marriages, as we do. guessed, I was compelled to acquaint We keep the great one for rare occa- Neonous that his device might render a sions, and celebrate it as you have heard duel unavoidable.-" Whatever pasby the ordeal of fire and water; but time is usual here will be agreeable to the common kind is managed by ma- me!" replied my Arctic Islander, with nœuvres."—"Is it possible that they a yawn, which was fortunately mistaken exist even in your frozen region ?" for a bass-accompaniment to the glee "Where can they exist so properly? Lady Townly had begun: "Only tell We see them every day among the Es- me whether English duels are eaten in quimaux savages. Each lover throws one, two, or three doses ?"-I could a hundred burnt sticks at his beloved, only answer this question by asking and she who can catch the most is the another, and was informed that affairs richest bride; which is what you call of honour are decided in the polar remanœuvring, I suppose, in London."-gions by swallowing snow-balls, or by It was not necessary to explain that our keeping the parties in ice two or three system wanted the addition of sticks, days.-When I expressed my surprise which might be very appropriate among that they had none of the manly and its contrivers; and after a few more elegant exercises called sparring, prizeWe make cautions, we entered the rout-rather fighting, &c. he replied, too early, perhaps, as it was scarcely our physicians and surgeons fight somemidnight. Consequently the whole times, Sir, to prove their skill. The fitbrilliance of the scene was not collected, test persons to give and take wounds or and Neonous walked among the groupes bruises are those who know how to But I have carried many of gazing belles with such placid indif- cure them, ference and easy languor, that one or accounts of duels to the Moon's morntwo strangers mistook him for Sir Per- ing-post office." These words fixed the attention of tinax Townly himself, whose desire to see an Arctic Islander induced him to Lady Townly, who understands every appear once in his wife's company. science, as Dr. Donne once said of an When music began, I took the oppor- ancient Englishwoman, "from predestunity, as usual, of talking to my friends, tination to skein silk." She listened and had answered a thousand ques- with rapturous astonishment to her Arctions before I perceived the subject of tic visitor's assurance that the lightness them walking with an air of great at- of their atmosphere rendered an ascent tention behind some lovely young wo- to the moon practicable, and that a lumen. Shocked at his danger, and at narian mail was actually established in the ridicule such a proof of savage sim- Neonousland. He added, that a cyplicity provoked, I went to observe his linder filled with oxygen would derive movements, and found he was employ- impetus enough from an air-gun of proed, not in wonder and admiration, but portionable calibre, to transport us very in placing behind each of the enormous far on the journey; and a pair of articombs which supported the rear of their ficial wings, on the plan of those attachhead-dresses, one of the gilt cards given ed to Blanchard's balloon, might effect The scientific belle was in by the polite preceptress whose visit I the rest. have mentioned, containing a long list ecstacies. She had lounged so often on of the sciences she taught." You told the Steyne, and wearied herself so comme these had been her pupils," said pletely with gazing on pale faces in a Neonous very drily, in reply to my re- pump-room,that a trip to the Moon promonstrance" why should they not mised a thousand novelies in addition carry with them advertisements of the graces they have acquired, and the price paid for them? especially as they seem Still greater was her delight when he recited a specimen of lunar poetry, which I have endeavoured to arrange in English verse, under the title "The Arctic Moon." [See Poetry, p. 407.] |