re the general of the army called a court martial on the fourth at the camp of Jerumen, where it was solved to march with a design to attempt the succour of Olivenza. Accordingly the army moved on the fifth, and marched towards Badajos. Upon their approach, the Marquis de Bay detached so great a party from the blockade of Olivensa, that the Marquis das Minas, at the head of a large detachment, covered a great convoy of provisions towards Olivenza, which threw in their stores, and marched back to their army without molestation from the Spaniards. They add, that each army must necessarily march into quarters within twenty days. **Whosoever can discover a surgeon's apprentice who fell upon Mr. Bickerstaff's messenger, or (as the printers call him) Devil, going to the press, and tore out of his hand part of his Essay against Duels, in the fragments of which were the words, you lie,' and man of honour,' taken up at the Temple-gate; and the words, 'perhaps'-' may be not, by your leave, Sir, and other terms of provocation, taken up at the door of Young Man's Coffee-house, shall receive satisfaction from Mr. Morphew, besides a set of arguments to be spoken to any man in a passion; which, if the said enraged man listens to, will prevent quarrelling. +++ Mr. Bickerstaff does hereby give notice, That he has taken the two famous Universities of this land under his immediate care; and does hereby promise all tutors and pupils, that he will hear what can be said of each side between them, and to correct them impartially, by placing them in orders and classes in the learned world, according to their merit. N° 32. THURSDAY, JUNE 23, 1709. Quicquid agunt homines nostri est farrago libelli. P. Whate'er men do, or say, or think, or dream, White's Chocolate-house, May 22. AN answer to the following letter being absolutely necessary to be dispatched with all expedition, I must trespass upon all that come with hoary questions into my anti-chamber, to give the gentleman my opinion. June 18, 1709. TO ISAAC BICKERSTAFF, ESQUIRE. Sir, "I know not whether you ought to pity or laugh at me; for I am fallen desperately in love with a professed Platonne, the most unaccountable creature of her sex. To hear her talk seraphics, and run over Norris, and More, and Milton, and the whole set of intellectual triflers, torments me heartily; for, to a lover who understands metaphors, all this pretty prattle of ideas gives very fine views of pleasure, which only the dear declaimer prevents, by understanding them literally: why should she wish to be a cherubim, when it is flesh and blood that makes her adorable? If I speak to her, that is a high breach of the idea of intuition; if I offer at her hand or lip, she shrinks from the touch like a sensitive plant, and would contract herself into mere spirit. She calls her chariot, vehicle; her furbelowed scarf, pinions; her blue manteau and petticoat is her azure dress; and her footman goes by the name of Oberon. It is my misfortune to be six feet and a half high, two full spans between the shoulders, thirteen inches diameter in the calves; and, before I was in love, I had a noble stomach, and usually went to bed sober with two bottles. I am not quite six and twenty, and my nose is marked truly aquiline. For these reasons, I am in a very particular manner her aversion. What shall I do? Impudence itself cannot reclaim her. If I write miserably, she reckons me among the children of perdition, and discards me her region: if I assume the gross and substantial, she plays the real ghost with me, and vanishes in a moment. I had hopes in the hypocrisy of her sex; but perseverance makes it as bad as fixed aversion. I desire your opinion, whether I may not lawfully play the inquisition upon her, make use of a little force, and put her to the rack and the torture, only to convince her, she has really fine limbs, without spoiling or distorting them. I expect your directions, before I proceed to dwindle and fall away with despair; which at present I do not think adviseable; because, if she should recant, she may then hate me, perhaps, in the other extreme, for my temerity. I am, (with impatience) your most humble servant, CHARLES STURDY." My patient has put his case with very much warmth, and represented it in so lively a manner, that I see both his torment and tormentor with great perspicuity. This order of Platonic ladies are to be dealt with in a manner peculiar from all the rest of the sex. Flattery is the general way, and the way in this case; but it is not to be done grossly. Every man that has wit, and humour, and raillery, can make a good flatterer for woman in general; but a Platonne is not to be touched with panegyric; she will tell you, it is a sensuality in the soul to be de lighted that way. You are not therefore to commend, but silently consent to all she does and says. You are to consider, that in her the scorn of you is not humour, but opinion. There were, some years since, a set of these ladies who were of quality, and gave out, that virginity was to be their state of life during this mortal condition, and therefore resolved to join their fortunes, and erect a nunnery. The place of residence was pitched upon; and a pretty situation, full of natural falls and risings of waters, with shady coverts, and flowery arbours, was approved by seven of the founders. There were as many of our sex who took the liberty to visit their mansions of intended severity; among others,* a famous rake of that time, who had the grave way to an excellence. He came in first; but, upon seeing a servant coming towards him with a design to tell him this was no place for him or his companions, up goes my grave impudence to the maid; " Young women," said he, "if any of the ladies are in the way on this side of the house, pray carry us on the other side towards the gardens: we are, you must know, gentlemen that are travelling England; after which we shall go into foreign parts, where some of us have already been." Here he bows in the most humble manner, and kissed the girl, who knew not how to behave to such a sort of carriage. He goes on: "Now you must know we have an ambition to have it to say, that we have a Protestant nunnery in England: but Mrs. Betty". pray, Sir," she replied, "my name is Susan, at your service." "Then I heartily beg your pardon"-"No offence in the least," said she, "for I have a cousin-german, whose name is Betty." "Indeed," said he, "I protest to you, that was more than I knew; I spoke at random: but since it 66 * It is said, that Mr. Repington, a Warwickshire wag, was the "famous rake" here alluded to. happens that I was near in the right, give me leave to present this gentleman to the favour of a civil salute." His friend advances, and so on, until they had all saluted her. By this means the poor girl was in the middle of the crowd of these fellows, at a loss what to do, without courage to pass through them; and the Platonics, at several peep-holes, pale, trembling, and fretting. Rake perceived they were observed, and therefore took care to keep Sukey in chat with questions concerning their way of life; when appeared at last Madonella", a lady who had writ a fine book concerning the recluse life, and was the projectrix of the foundation. She approaches into the hall; and Rake, knowing the dignity of his own mien and aspect, goes deputy from his company: She begins, "Sir, I am obliged to follow the servant, who was sent out to know what affair could make strangers press upon a solitude which we, who are to inhabit this place, have devoted to Heaven and our own thoughts?" "Madam," re plies Rake, with an air of great distance, mixed with a certain indifference, by which he could dissemble dissimulation, "your great intention has made more noise in the world, than you design it should; and we travellers, who have seen many foreign institutions of this kind, have a curiosity to see in its first rudiments, this seat of primitive piety; for such it must be called by future ages, to the eternal honour of the founders: I have read Madonella's excellent and seraphic discourse on this subject." The lady immediately answered, "If what I have said could have contributed to raise any thoughts in you that may make for the advancement *The person here represented, or rather grossly misrepresented, under the name of Madonnella, a diminutive from Madona, which signifies the Virgin Mary, was, Mrs. Mary Astell, a lady of superior understanding, of considerable learning, and singular piety. |