considerable places. There have been some of them of that strength and dexterity, that five hundred of the ablest men in the kingdom have often tugged in vain to pull a staff out of their hands. The Falstaffs are strangely given to whoring and drinking: there are abundance of them in and about London. One thing is very remarkable of this branch, and that is, there are just as many women as men in it. There was a wicked stick of wood of this name in Henry the Fourth's time, one Sir John Falstaff. As for Tipstaff, the youngest son, he was an honest fellow; but his sons, and his sons' sons, have all of them been the veriest rogues living: it is this unlucky branch that has stocked the nation with that swarm of lawyers, attorneys, serjeants, and bailiffs, with which the nation is over-run. Tipstaff, being a seventh son, used to cure the king's evil; but his rascally descendants are so far from having that healing quality, that, by a touch upon the shoulder, they give a man such an ill habit of body, that he can never come abroad afterwards. This is all I know of the line of Jacobstaff: his younger brother Isaacstaff, as I told you before, had five sons, and was married twice; his first wife was a Staff (for they did not stand upon false heraldry in those days) by whom he had one son, who, in process of time, being a schoolmaster, and well read in the Greek, called himself Distaff or Twicestaff. He was not very rich, so he put his children out to trades, and the Distaffs have ever since been employed in the woollen and linen manufactures, except myself, who am a genealogist. Pikestaff, the eldest son by the second venter, was a man of business, a downright plodding fellow, and withall so plain that he became a proverb. Most of this family are at present in the humourously compared by Steele to "an emmet distinguished from his fellows by a white straw." *The House of Commons. army. Raggedstaff was an unlucky boy, and used to tear his clothes in getting birds' nests, and was always playing with a tame bear his father kept. Mopstaff fell in love with one of his father's maids, and used to help her to clean the house. Broomstaff was a chimney-sweeper. The Mopstaffs and Broomstaffs are naturally as civil people as ever went out of doors: but, alas! if they once get into ill hands, they knock down all before them. Pilgrimstaff ran away from his friends, and went strolling about the country: and Pipestaff was a wine-cooper. These two were the unlawful issue of Longstaff. "N. B. The Canes, the Clubs, the Cudgels, the Wands, the Devil upon two Sticks,* and one Bread, that goes by the name of Staff-of-Life, are none of our relations. I am, dear Cousin, From the Herald's Office, "Your humble servant, St. James's Coffee-house, May 4. As political news is not the principal subject on which we treat, we are so happy as to have no occasion for that art of cookery which our brother newsmongers so much excel in: as appears by their excellent and inimitable manner of dressing up a second time for your taste the same dish which they gave you the day before, in case there come over no new pickles from Holland. Therefore, when we have nothing to say to you from courts and camps, we hope still to give you somewhat new and curious from ourselves; the women of our house, upon occasion, being capable of carrying on the business, according to the laudable custom of the wives in Holland: but without farther preface, take what we have not mentioned in our former relations. Letters from Hanover, of the thirtieth of the last * An allusion to the "Diable Boiteux" of Le Sage. month, say, that the Prince Royal of Prussia arrived there on the fifteenth, and left that court on the second of this month, in pursuit of his journey to Flanders, where he makes the ensuing campaign. Those advices add, that the young Prince Nassau, hereditary governor of Friesland, celebrated on the twenty-sixth of the last month his marriage with the beauteous Princess of Hesse-Cassel, with a pomp and magnificence suitable to their age and quality. Letters from Paris say, his most Christian Majesty retired to Marly on the first instant, N. S. and our last advices from Spain inform us, that the Prince of Asturias had made his public entry into Madrid in great splendor. The Duke of Anjou has given Don Joseph Hartado de Amaraga the government of Terra Firma de Veragua, and the presidency of Panama in America. They add, that the forces commanded by the Marquis de Bay have been reinforced by six battalions of Spanish Walloon guards. Letters from Lisbon advise, that the army of the king of Portugal was at Elvas on the twentysecond of the last month, and would decamp on the twenty-fourth, in order to march upon the enemy, who lay at Badajos. Yesterday, at four in the morning, his grace the Duke of Marlborough set out for Margate, and embarked for Holland at eight this morning. Yesterday also Sir George Thorold was declared Alderman of Cordwainers' Ward, in the room of his brother Sir Charles Thorold, deceased. Advertisement. ** Any ladies who have any particular stories of their acquaintance, which they are willing privately to make public, may send them by the penny-post, to Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq. inclosed to Mr. John Morphew, near Stationers' Hall. N° 12. SATURDAY, MAY 7, 1709. Quicquid agunt homines nostri est farrago libelli. Juv. Sat. i. 85, 86. Whate'er men do, or say, or think, or dream, May 5. P. WHEN a man has engaged to keep a stage-coach, he is obliged, whether he has passengers or not, to set out: thus it fares with us weekly historians; but indeed, for my particular, I hope I shall soon have little more to do in this work, than to publish what is sent me from such as have leisure and capacity for giving delight, and being pleased in an elegant manner. The present grandeur of the British nation might make us expect, that we should rise in our public diversions, and manner of enjoying life, in proportion to our advancement in glory and power. Instead of that, survey this town and you will find rakes and debauchees are your men of pleasure; thoughtless atheists and illiterate drunkards call themselves free-thinkers; and gamesters, banterers, biters, swearers, and twenty new-born insects more, are, in their several species, the modern men of wit. Hence it is, that a man, who has been out of town but one half year, has lost the language, and must have some friend to stand by him, and keep him in countenance for talking common sense. To-day I saw a short interlude at White's, of this nature, which I took notes of, and put together as well as I could in a public place. The persons of the drama are Pip, the last gentleman that has been made so at cards; Trimmer, a person half undone at them, and who is now between a cheat and a gentleman; Acorn, an honest Englishman of good plain sense and mean ing; and Mr. Friendly, a reasonable man of the town. White's Chocolate-house, May 5. Enter PIP, TRIMMER, and ACORN. Ac. What is the matter, gentlemen; what! take no notice of an old friend? Pip. Pox on it! do not talk to me, I am voweled by the count, and cursedly out of humour. Ac. Voweled! pr'ythee, Trimmer, what does he mean by that? Trim. Have a care, Harry, speak softly; do not show your ignorance: if you do, they will BITE you wherever they meet you; they are such cursed curs, the present wits. Ac. Bite me! what do you mean ? Pip. Why! do not you know what biting is? nay, you are in the right on it. However, one would learn it only to defend one's self against men of wit, as one would know the tricks of play, to be secure against the cheats. But do not you hear, Acorn, that report, that some potentates of the alliance have taken care of themselves exclusively of us? Ac. How! Heaven forbid! after all our glorious victories; all the expence of blood and treasure! Pip. BITE! Ac. Bite! how? Trim. Nay, he has bit you fairly enough; that is certain. Ac. Pox! I do not feel it- How? where? [Exeunt Pip and Trimmer laughing. Ac. Ho! Mr. Friendly, your most humble servant; you heard what passed between those fine gentlemen and me. Pip complained to me, that he had been VOWELED; and they tell me I am BIT. Friend. You are to understand, Sir, that simplicity of behaviour, which is the perfection of good |