No, 504, T Wednesday, October 8, Lepus tute es, & pulpamentum quaeris.---Ter. It is a great Convenience to those who want Wit to furnish out a Conversation, that there is Something or other in all Companies where it is wanted substituted in its Stead, which, according to their Taste, does the Business as well. Of this Nature is the agreeable Pastime in the Country-Halls of Cross-Purposes, Questions and Commands, and the like. A little superiour to these are those who can play at Crambo, or cap Verses. Then above them are such as can make Verses, that is Rhime; and among those who have the Latin Tongue, such as used to make what they call golden Verses. Commend me also to those who have not Brains enough for any of these Exercises, and yet do not give up their Pretensions to Mirth. These can slap you on the back unawares, laugh loud, ask you how you do with a Twang on your Shoulders, say you are dull to Day, and laugh a Voluntary to put you in Humour; the laborious Way among the minor Poets, of making Things come into such and such a Shape, as that of an Egg, an Hand, an Ax, or any Thing that no Body had ever thought on before for that Purpose, or which would have cost a great Deal of Pains to accomplish it if they did. But all these Methods, tho' they are mechanical, and may be arrived at with the smallest Capacity, do not serve an honest Gentleman who wants Wit for his ordinary Occasions; therefore it is absolutely necessary that the Poor in Imagination should have Something which may be serviceable to them at all Hours upon all common Occurrences. That which we call Punning is therefore greatly affected by Men of small Intellects. These Men need not be concerned with you for the whole Sentence, but if they can say a quaint Thing, or bring in a Word which sounds like any one Word you have spoken to them, they can turn the Discourse, or distract you so that you cannot go on, and by Consequence if they cannot be as witty as you are, they can hinder your being any wittier than they are, Thus if you talk of a Candle, he can deal with you; and No, 504, 1712. No. 504, if you ask to help you to some Bread, a Punster should Wednes think himself very ill bred if he did not; and if he is not day, as well bred as your self, he hopes for Grains of Allow October 8, ance, If you do not understand that last Fancy, you must recollect that Bread is made of Grain; and so they go on for ever, without Possibility of being exhausted. 1712. There are another Kind of People of small Faculties, who supply Want of Wit with Want of Breeding; and because Women are both by Nature and Education more offended at any Thing which is immodest than we Men are, these are ever harping upon Things they ought not to allude to, and deal mightily in double Meanings. Every one's own Observation will suggest Instances enough of this Kind, without my mentioning any; for your double Meaners are dispersed up and down through all Parts of Town or City where there are any to offend, in order to set off themselves. These Men are mighty loud Laughers, and held very pretty Gentlemen with the sillier and unbred Part of Womankind. But above all already mentioned, or any who ever were, or ever can be in the World, the happiest and surest to be pleasant are a Sort of People whom we have not indeed lately heard much of, and those are your Biters. A Biter is one who tells you a Thing you have no Reason to disbelieve in it self; and perhaps has given you, before he bit you, no Reason to disbelieve it for his saying it; and if you give him Credit, laughs in your Face, and triumphs that he has deceived you. In a Word, a Biter is one who thinks you a Fool, because you do not think him a Knave. This Description of him one may insist upon to be a just one, for what else but a Degree of Knavery is it, to depend upon Deceit for what you gain of another, be it in Point of Wit or Interest, or any Thing else? This Way of Wit is called Biting, by a Metaphor taken from Beasts of Prey, which devour harmless and unarm'd Animals, and look upon them as their Food wherever they meet them. The Sharpers about Town very ingen iously understood themselves to be to the undesigning Part of Mankind what Foxes are to Lambs, and therefore used the Word Biting to express any Exploit wherein they they had over-reach'd any innocent and inadvertent Man No. 504, of his Purse. These Rascals of late Years have been the Wednes Gallants of the Town, and carry'd it with a fashionable day, October 8, haughty Air, to the Discouragement of Modesty and all 1712. honest Arts. Shallow Fops, who are govern'd by the Eye, and admire every Thing that struts in Vogue, took up from the Sharpers the Phrase of Biting, and used it upon all Occasions, either to disown any nonsensical Stuff they should talk themselves, or evade the Force of what was reasonably said by others. Thus when one of these cunning Creatures was enter'd into a Debate with you, whether it was practicable in the present State of Affairs to accomplish such a Proposition, and you thought he had let fall what destroy'd his Side of the Question, as soon as you look'd with an Earnestness ready to lay hold of it, he immediately cry'd, Bite, and you were immediately to acknowledge all that Part was in Jest. They carry this to all the Extravagance imagin able, and if one of these Witlings knows any Particulars which may give Authority to what he says, he is still the more ingenious if he imposes upon your Credulity, I remember a remarkable Instance of this Kind. There came up a shrewd young Fellow to a plain young Man, his Countryman, and taking him aside with a grave concern'd Countenance, goes on at this Rate: I see you here, and have you heard Nothing out of YorkshireYou look so surpriz'd you could not have heard of itand yet the Particulars are such, that it cannot be false: I am sorry I am got into it so far, that I now must tell you; but I know not but it may be for your Service to know-- On Tuesday last, just after Dinner you know his Manner is to smoke, opening his Box, your Father fell down dead in an Apoplexy. The Youth shew'd the filial Sorrow which he ought- Upon which the witty Man cry'd, Bite, there was Nothing in all this To put an End to this silly, pernicious, frivolous Way at once, I will give the Reader one late Instance of a Bite, which no Biter for the future will ever be able to equal, tho' I heartily wish him the same Occasion. It is a Superstition with some Surgeons, who beg the Bodies of condemn'd Malefactors, to go to the Goal, and bargain for IV. H No. 504, for the Carkass with the Criminal himself. A good Wednes honest Fellow did so last Sessions, and was admitted to day, the condemn'd Men on the Morning wherein they died. October 8, 1712. The Surgeon communicated his Business, and fell into Discourse with a little Fellow, who refused Twelve Shillings, and insisted upon Fifteen for his Body, The Fellow, who kill'd the Officer of Newgate, very forwardly, and like a Man who was willing to deal, told him, Look you, Mr. Surgeon, that little dry Fellow, who has been half-starv'd all his Life, and is now half dead with Fear, cannot answer your Purpose. I have ever lived high and freely, my Veins are full, I have not pin'd in Im prisonment; you see my Crest swells to your Knife, and after Jack-Catch has done, upon my Honour you'll find me as sound as e'er a Bullock in any of the Markets. Come, for Twenty Shillings I am your man- Says the Surgeon, Done, there's a Guinea- This witty Rogue took the Money, and assoon as he had it in his Fist, cries, Bite, I am to be hang'd in Chains, No. 505, Thursday, October 9. Non habeo denique nauci Marsum augurem, T T HOSE who have maintained that Men would be more miserable than Beasts, were their Hopes con fined to this Life only; among other Considerations take Notice, that the latter are only afflicted with the Anguish of the present Evil, whereas the former are very often pained by the Reflection on what is passed, and the Fear of what is to come. This Fear of any future Difficulties or Misfortunes is so natural to the Mind, that were a Man's Sorrows and Disquietudes summed up at the End of of his Life, it would generally be found that he had No. 505. suffered more from the Apprehension of such Evils as Thursday, October 9, never happened to him, than from those Evils which had 1712. really befallen him. To this we may add, that among those Evils which befall us, there are many that have been more painful to us in the Prospect, than by their actual Pressure, This natural Impatience to look into Futurity, and to know what Accidents may happen to us hereafter, has given Birth to many ridiculous Arts and Inventions. Some found their Prescience on the Lines of a Man's Hand, others on the Features of his Face; some on the Signa tures which Nature has impressed on his Body, and others on his own Hand-Writing: some read Men's Fortunes in the Stars, as others have searched after them in the Entrails of Beasts, or the Flights of Birds. Men of the best Sense have been touched, more or less, with these groundless Horrors and Presages of Futurity, upon Surveying the most indifferent Works of Nature. Can any Thing be more surprizing than to consider Cicero, who made the greatest Figure at the Bar, and in the Senate of the Roman Common-wealth, and, at the same Time, outshined all the Philosophers of Antiquity in his Library and in his Retirements, as busying himself in the College of Augurs, and observing, with a religious Attention, after what Manner the Chickens peckt the several Grains of Corn which were thrown to them? Notwithstanding these Follies are pretty well worn out of the Minds of the Wise and Learned in the present Age, Multitudes of weak and ignorant Persons are still Slaves to them. There are Numberless Arts of Prediction among the Vulgar, which are too trifling to enumerate, and infinite Observations of Days, Numbers, Voices and Figures, which are regarded by them as Portents and Prodigies. In short, every Thing prophesies to the superstitious Man; there is scarce a Straw or a rusty Piece of Iron that lies in his Way by Accident. It is not to be conceived how many Wizards, Gypsies and Cunning Men are dispersed through all the Countries and Market Towns of Great Britain, not to mention the Fortune Tellers and Astrologers, who live very comfort ably |