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you, says he, don't you bilk me. The Fellow thereupon No. 498. surrender'd his Whip, scratch'd his Head, and crept into Wednes. the Coach. Having my self Occasion to go into the day
October 1, Strand, about the same Time, we started both together ; 1712. but the Street being very full of Coaches, and he not so able a Coachman as perhaps he imagined himself, I had soon got a little Way before him; often, however, having the Curiosity to cast my Eye back upon him to observe how he behaved himself, in this high Station, which he did with great_Composure 'till he came to the Pass, which is a Military Term the Brothers of the Whip have given the Streight at St. Clement's Church; when he was arrived near this Place, where are always Coaches in waiting, the Coachmen began to suck up the Muscles of their Cheeks, and to tip the Wink upon each other, as if they had some Roguery in their Heads, which I was immediately convinced of; for he no sooner came within Reach, but the first of them with his Whip took the exact Dimension of his Shoulders, which he very ingeniously call's Endorsing: and indeed I must say that every one of them took due Care to endorse him as he came thro' their Hands. He seem'd at first a little uneasy under the Operation, and was going in all haste to take the Numbers of their Coaches; but at length, by the Mediation of the worthy Gentleman in the Coach, his Wrath was asswaged, and he prevail'd upon to pursue his Journey: though indeed I thought they had clapt such a Spoke in his Wheel, as had disabled him from being a Coachman for that Day at least : For I am only mistaken, Mr. Spec, if some of these Endorsements were not wrote in so strong a Hand, that they are still legible. Upon my enquiring the Reason of this unusual Salutation, they told me that it was a Custom among them, whenever they saw a Brother tottering or unstable in his Post, to lend him a Hand in order to settle him again therein: For my Part I thought their Allegations but reasonable, and so march'd off. Besides our Coachmen, we do abound in divers other Sorts of ingenious robust Youth, who, I hope, will not take it ill if I refer giving you an Account of their several Recreations to another Opportunity. In the mean Time, if you would but bestow a little of your wholsome Advice upon our
No, 498. Coachmen, it might perhaps be a Reprieve to some of Wednes, their Necks, As I understand you have several Inspectors day, under if
you, October 1,
you would but send one amongst us here in 1712.
the Temple, I am perswaded he would not want Employ ment But I leave this to your own Consideration,
Moses Greenbag. P. S. I have heard our Criticks in the Coffee houses hereabout talk mightily of the Unity of Time and Place: According to my Notion of the Matter, I have endeavoured at Something like it in the Beginning of my Epistle. I desire to be inform'd a little as to that Particular. In my next I design to give you some Account of excellent Watermen, who are bred to the Law, and far outdo the Land Students abovemention'd,'
Thursday, October 2.
Hand at a Spectator, and that he would fain have one of his Writing in my Works. This Morning I receiv'd from him the following Letter, which, after having rectified some little orthographical Mistakes, I shall make a Present of to the Publick.
Dear SPEC I was, about two Nights ago, in Company with very agreeable young People of both Sexes, where talking of some of your Papers which are written on conjugal Love, there arose a Dispute among us, whether there were not more bad Husbands in the World than bad Wives, A Gentleman, who was Advocate for the Ladies, took this Occasion to tell us the Story of a famous Siege in Germany, which I have since found related in my historical Dic
tionary, after the following Manner. When the Emperor No. 499, Conrade the Third had besieged Guelphus, Duke of Thursday,
October 2, Bavaria, in the City of Hensberg, the Women finding
1712. that the Town could not possibly hold out long, petitioned the Emperor that they might depart out of it, with so much as each of them could carry. The Emperor, knowing they could not convey away many of their Effects, granted them their Petition: When the Women, to his great Surprize, came out of the place with every one her Husband upon her Back. The Emperor was so moved at the Sight, that he burst into Tears, and after having very much extolled the Women for their conjugal Affection, gave the Men to their Wives, and received the Duke into his Favour.
The Ladies did not a little triumph at this Story, asking us, at the same Time, whether in our Consciences we believed that the Men of any Town in Great Britain would, upon
the same Offer, and at the same Conjuncture, have loaden themselves with their Wives; or rather, whether they would not have been glad of such an Opportunity to get rid of them? To this my very good Friend Tom Dapperwit
, who took upon him to be the Mouth of our Sex, replied, that they would be very much to blame if they wou'd not do the same good Office for the Women, considering that their Strength would be greater, and their Burdens lighter. As we were amusing our selves with Discourses of this Nature, in order to pass away the Evening, which now begins to grow tedious, we fell into that laudable and primitive Diversion of Questions and Commands. I was no sooner vested with the regal Authority, but I enjoined all the Ladies, under Pain of my Displeasure, to tell the Company ingenuously, in case they had been in the Siege abovementioned, and had the same Offers made them as the good Women of that Place, what every one of them would have brought off with her, and have thought most worth the Saving?
There were several merry Answers made to my Question, which entertained us 'till Bed-time. This filled my Mind with such an Huddle of Ideas, that upon my going to sleep I fell into the following Dream, I saw a Town of this Island, which shall be nameless,
No. 499. invested on every Side, and the Inhabitants of it so Thursday, streigthned
as to cry for Quarter. The General refused October 2, 1712.
any other Terms than those granted to the abovementioned Town of Hensberg, namely, that the married Women might come out with what they could bring along with them. Immediately the City Gates flew open, and a Female Procession appeared, Multitudes of the Sex following one another in a Row, and staggering under their respective Burdens. I took my Stand upon an Eminence in the Enemies' Camp, which was appointed for the general Rendezvous of these female Carriers, being very desirous to look into their several Ladings. The first of them had an huge Sack upon her Shoulders, which she set down with great Care : Upon the opening of it, when I expected to have seen her Husband shot out of it, I found it was filled with China-Ware. The next appeared in a more decent Figure, carrying an handsome young Fellow upon her Back: I could not forbear commending the young Woman for her conjugal Affection, when, to my great Surprise, I found that she had left the good Man at home, and brought away her Gallant. I saw the third at some Distance, with a little withered Face peeping over her Shoulder, whom I could not suspect for any but her Spouse, 'till upon her setting him down I heard her call him dear Pugg, and found him to be her favourite Monkey. A fourth brought a huge Bale of Cards along with her ; and the fifth a Bolonia Lap-dog, for her Husband it seems being a very burly Man, she thought it would be less Trouble for her to bring away little Cupid. The next was the Wife of a rich Usurer, loaden with a Bag of Gold; she told us that her Spouse was very old, and by the Course of Nature could not expect to live long, and that to shew her tender Regards for him she had saved that which the poor Man loved better than his Life. The next came towards us with her Son upon her Back, who, we were told, was the greatest Rake in the Place, but so much the Mother's Darling that she left her Husband behind, with a large Family of hopeful Sons and Daughters, for the sake of this graceless Youth.
It would be endless to mention the several Persons, with their several Loads, that appeared to me in this
strange Vision. All the Place about me was covered No. 499. with Packs of Ribbands, Brocades, Embroidery, and Ten Thursday: Thousand other Materials, sufficient to have furnish'd
1712. whole Street of Toy-Shops. One of the Women, having an Husband who was none of the heaviest, was bringing him off upon her Shoulders, at the same Time that she carried a great Bundle of Flanders Lace under her Arm; but finding her self so over-loaden that she could not save both of them, she dropp'd the good Man, and brought away the Bundle. In short, I found but one Husband among this great Mountain of Baggage, who was a lively Cobler, that kicked and spurr'd all the While his Wife was carrying him on, and, as it was said, had scarce passed a Day in his Life without giving her the Discipline of the Strap.
I cannot conclude my Letter, Dear Spec, without tell ing thee one very odd Whim in this my Dream. I saw, methoughts, a dozen Women employed in bringing off one Man, I could not guess who it should be, 'till upon his nearer Approach I discovered thy short Phiz. The Women all declared that it was for the Sake of thy Works, and not thy Person, that they brought thee off, and that it was on Condition that thou shouldst continue the Spectator If thou thinkest this Dream will make a tolerable one, it is at thy Service, from,
The Ladies will see, by this Letter, what I have often told them, that Will is one of those old-fashioned Men of Wit and Pleasure of the Town, that shews his Parts by Raillery on Marriage, and one who has often tryed his Fortune that Way without Success. I cannot however dismiss his Letter, without observing, that the true Story on which it is built does Honour to the Sex, and that in Order to abuse them, the Writer is obliged to have Recourse to Dream and Fiction