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tercations diminution of conjugal affection-dissipation, as a resource against the dulness of home-expensive habits-embarrassment—total alienation of heart-dangerous connexions -infidelity-misery!

“Of this account-current, the items may vary, either in quality or sequence, but the alpha and omega will ever be the same. It will begin with the club, and end with misery."

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COLLEGE-An institution where young men are apt to learn every thing but that which professes to be taught, although that which professes to be taught falls very short of what a modern gentleman ought to learn. As a type of the olden times, with all their unredeemed bigotry and prejudice, our colleges are sadly out of keeping with the nineteenth century. Their whole system is a specimen of the moral, as some of their structures are of the architectural gothic. Mark the opinion of no incompetent witness, since he was himself an Oxford collegian.

“Were there no public institutions for education, no system, no science would be taught, for which there was not some demand, or which the circumstances of the time did not render it either necessary or convenient, or at least fashionable to learn. A private teacher could never find his account in teaching either an exploded and antiquated system of a science acknowledged to be useful, or a science universally believed to be a mere useless and pedantic heap of sophistry and nonsense. Such sciences, such systems, can subsist nowhere but in those incorporated societies for education, whose prosperity and revenue are, in a great measure, independent of their reputation, and altogether independent of their industry. Were there no public institutions for education, a gentleman, after going through, with application and abilities, the most complete course of education which the circumstances of the time were supposed to afford, could not come into the world completely ignorant of every thing which is the common subject of conversation among gentlemen and men of the world.”—Smith's Wealth of Nations, Book 5. Chap. 1. Part 3. Art. 2.

If our colleges be still the seats of learning, it can only be for the reason assigned in the old epigram

“ No wonder that Oxford and Cambridge profound,
In learning and science so greatly abound,
Since some carry thither a little each day,
And we meet with so few who bring any away."

COMFORT—" Ah !” said a John Bull to a Frenchman"you have no such word as “comfort in your language.”—“I am glad of it,” replied the Gaul;"you Englishmen are slaves to your comforts, in order that you may master them." There is some truth in this reproach. Perpetually toiling for money, with the professed object of being enabled to live comfortably, we sacrifice every comfort in the acquisition of a fortune, in order that when we have obtained it, we may have an additional discomfort from our anxiety to preserve or increase it. Thus do we “ lose by seeking what we seek to find." On the other hand, we may find a comfort where we never looked for it; as, for instance, in a great affliction, the very magnitude of which renders us insensible to all smaller ones. Comfort, in our national acceptation of the word, has been stated to consist in those little luxuries and conveniences, the want of which makes an Englishman miserable, while their possession does not make him happy.

COMMISERATION–Felonious.—There is a large class of idle people in this country, whose palled and jaded feelings can only be roused by some powerful excitement, whence they derive so much pleasure, that they immediately yearn towards the exciter, however undeserving of their pity. They like a murderer, because he relieves them for a moment from listlessness and ennui, and assists in committing another murder, by helping them to kill their greatest enemy-time. The

spurious, morbid, perverted sympathy which can only be elicited by criminals and malefactors, generally increasing with the enormity of their offences, and which I have stigmatised as the " felonious commiseration,” may be compared to the diseased taste of certain epicures, who attach no value to a cheese while it is sound, but dote upon it when it becomes corrupt, rotten, and rank with all sorts of offensive abominations.

COMMON-PLACE PEOPLE-are content to walk for life in the rut made by their predecessors, long after it has become so deep that they cannot see to the right or left. This keeps them in ignorance and darkness, but it saves them the trouble of thinking or acting for themselves.

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COMPETENCY-A financial horizon, which recedes as we advance. This word is by no means of indefinite meaning. It always signifies a little more than we possess. We are none of us wealthy enough in our own opinion, although we may be too much so in the judgment of others. Content is the best opulence, because it is the pleasantest, and the surest. The richest man is he who does not want that which is wanting to him; the poorest is the miser, who wants that which he has.

COMPLIMENT-A thing often paid by people who pay nothing else :-the counterfeit coin of those who substitute the form, fashion, and language of politeness, for its substance and its feeling. Throwing compliments, like dice, is a game of hazard, at which the incautious player may get nothing but a sharp rap on the knuckles. He who sports compliments, unless he knows how to take a good aim, may miss his mark, and be wounded by the recoil of his own gun. Above all things, it is incumbent upon him to reflect, that even a blue-stocking will look black at him, if he attempt to flatter her mental, at the expense of her personal attractions. At a dinner party in Paris, an ugly and dull German baron, finding himself seated between the celebrated Madame de Stael, and Madame P.

mier, the belle of the day, whispered to the former—“ Am I not fortunate, to be thus placed between beauty and talent?”. “Not so very fortunate,” replied the offended authoress, “ since you possess neither one nor the other !”

Hélas ! le pauvre duc d' Aumont !exclaimed one of his female friends,—“ who would have thought that he would have been carried off so suddenly ?-On the very morning of his death, he had played as usual with his parroquet and his monkey ;-he had said, give me my snuff-box, brush this arm chair, let me see my new court dress ;--in fact, he possessed all his ideas and faculties with as much strength and vigour as ever he had done at the age of thirty." What an unintended satire in these tender compliments. Not more so, however, than in the naif remark of a lady, when a censorious and conceited neighbour, vaunting of her good figure, boasted that herself and her sister had always been remarkable for the beauty of their backs. “ That is the reason,


your friends are always so glad to see them.' A sarcasm may often wear the garb of a compliment, and be taken for one by the simple-witted. The Abbé Voisenon once made a complaint that he was unduly charged with the absurd sayings of others. “Monsieur l'Abbé,” replied D'Alembert,“ on ne préte qu'aux riches.

Not altogether unworthy of being recorded is the compliment attributed to a butcher at Whitby.--" This fillet of veal seems not quite so white as usual,” said a fair lady, laying her hand upon it.“ Put on your glove, Ma'am, and you will think otherwise,” was the cornplaisant reply.

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CONCEIT—Taking ourselves at our own valuation, generally about fifty per cent. above the fair worth. Minerva threw away the flute, when she found that it puffed up her own cheeks; but if we cast away the flute now-a-days, it is only that we may take a larger instrument of puffing, by becoming our own trumpeters. Empty minds are the most prone to soar above their proper sphere, like paper kites, which are kept aloft by their own lightness; while those that are better stored are prone to humility, like heavily laden vessels, of which we see the less the more richly and deeply they are freighted. The corn bends itself downward when its ears are filled, but when the heads of the conceited are filled with self-adulation, they only lift them up the higher.

Perhaps it is a benevolent provision of Providence, that we should possess in fancy those good qualities which are withheld from us in reality; for if we did not occasionally think well of ourselves, we should be more apt to think ill of others. It must be confessed, that the conceited and the vain have a light and pleasant duty to perform, since they have but one to please, and in that object they seldom fail. Self-love, moreover, is the only love not liable to the

pangs of jealousy. Pity! that a quick perception of our own deserts generally blinds us to the merits of others; that we should see more than all the world in the former instance, and less in the latter ! In one respect, conceited people show a degree of discernment, for which they deserve credit,—they soon become tired of their own company, Especially fortunate are they in another respect; for while the really wise, witty, and beautiful, are subject to casualties of defect, age, and sickness, the imaginary possessor of those qualities wears a charmed life, and fears not the assaults of fate or time, since a nonentity is invulnerable. Even the really gifted, however, may sometimes become conceited. Northcote, the artist, whose intellectual powers were equal to his professional talent, and who thought it much easier for a man to be his superior than his equal, being once asked by Sir William Knighton what he thought of the Prince Regent, replied, “I am not acquainted with him.”—“Why, his Royal Highness says he knows you." “ Know me!

-Pooh! that's all his brag."

CONGREGATION-A public assemblage in a spiritual theatre, where all the performers are professors, but where very few of the professors are performers.

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