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Luc. Why prat'st thou to thyself, and answer'st
not? Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot!
Dro. S. I am transformed, master, am not I?
Dro. S. 'Tis true; she rides me, and I long for grass. "Tis
SO, I am an ass; else it could never be,
Adr. Come, come, no longer will I be a fool,
and master, laugh my woes to scorn.-
Ant. S. Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell?
Dro. S. Master, shall I be porter at the gate ?
[Exeunt, ACT III.
SCENE I.-The same.
Enter AntiPHOLUS of Ephesus, Dromio of Ephesus,
Angelo, and BALTHAZAR, Ant. E. Good signior Angelo, you must excuse us
all; My wife is shrewish, when I keep not hours: Say, that I linger'd with you at your shop, To see the making of her carkanet, And that to-morrow you will bring it home. But here's a villain, that would face me down He met me on the mart ; and that I beat him, And charg'd him with a thousand marks in gold ; And that I did deny my wife and house :Thou, drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this? Dro. E. Say what you will, sir, but I know what I
know : That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to
show : If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave
were ink, Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
Ant. E. I think, thou art an ass.
Dro. E. Marry, so it doth appear By the wrongs I suffer, and the blows I bear. I should kick, being kicked; and, being at that pass,
You would keep from my heels, and beware of an ass. Ant. E. You are sad, signior Balthazar : ’Pray God,
our cheer May answer my good will, and your good welcome
here. Bal. I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your wel
come dear. Ant. E. O, signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish, A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish. Bal. Good meat, sir, is common; that every
churl affords. Ant. E. And welcome more common; for that's no
thing but words. Bal. Small cheer, and great welcome, makes a merry
feast. Ant. E. Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparing
guest : But though my cates be mean, take them in good part; Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart. But, soft; my door is lock'd; Go bid them let us in, Dro. E. Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian,
Jen'! Dro. S. [Within.] Mome, malt-horse, capon, cox
comb, idiot, patch! Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the
batch : Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st for
such store, When one is one too many ? Go, get thee from the
door. Dro. E. What patch is made our porter ? My mas.
ter stays in the street.
Dro. S. Let him walk from whence he came, lest he
catch cold on's feet. Ant. E. Who talks within there? ho, open the door. Dro. S. Right, sir, I'll tell you when, an you'll tell
me wherefore, Ant. E. Wherefore ? for my dinner; I have not
din'd to-day. Dro. S. Nor to-day here you must not; come again,
when you may Ant. E. What art thou, that keep'st me out from
the house I owe? Dro. S. The porter for this time, sir, and my name
is Dromio. Dro. E. O villain, thou hast stolen both mine office
and my name; The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame. If thou had'st been Dromio to-day in my place, Thou would'st have chang'd thy face for a name, or
thy name for an ass. Luce. [Within.] What a coil is there! Dromio, who
are those at the gate? Dro. E. Let my master in, Luce.
Luce. Faith no; he comes too late ; And so tell your master.
Dro. E. O Lord, I must laugh :Have at you with a proverb.-Shall I set in my staff? Luce. Have at you with another : that’s,—When ?
tell ? Dro. S. If thy name be called Luce, Luce, thou hast
answer'd him well. Ant. E. Do you hear, you minion ? you'll let us in,
Luce. I thought to have ask'd you.
blow for blow.
door down. Luce. What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in
the town? Adr. [Within.] Who is that at the door, that keeps
all this noise ? Dro. S. By my troth, your town is troubled with un
ruly boys. Ant. E. Are you there, wife? you might have come
before, Adr. Your wife, sir knave! go, get you from the
door. Dro. E. If you went in pain, master, this knave
would go sore. Ang. Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome; we
would fain have either. Bal. In debating which was best, we shall part with
neither. Dro. E. They stand at the door, master; bid them
welcome hither. Ant. E. There is something in the wind, that we
cannot get in. Dro. E. You would say so, master, if your garments