to think upon one of them. Before you could say Jack Robinson, he held up the identical selected card, more by token that it was the knave of clubs! backwards, he cut the miserable creature's head clean off with a cleaver! You never saw the marrow of the hillibaloo that ensued on this barbarous and heathenish Next the warlock borrowed the huge silver act! A howl of mingled terror and indignawatch of David Dridles, which, being an an- tion burst from every beholder. The Sheriff, cient and time-honoured family-piece, the who was present, called upon Hamish McTurk owner was sorely unwilling to let out of his cus- the constable, to do his duty, by capturing todiership. You may conceive the consterna- the blood-thirsty, heartless miscreant,--and tion of poor Davie, when Monsheer pitched all who sported razors, gully-knives, or other the precious article into Dr. Scougall's mortar, warlike weapons, drew forth the same to pro(loaned by the medico for the night,) and tect their precious lives and liberties! pounded the same to atoms. Not long, however, did the anguish of the owner continue. The magician chattered some of his spells over the fragments, and, behold, the horologe was entire and complete, as if it had just come out of the maker's hands! Tertio, Deacon Dredgie, the undertaker, was prevailed upon to part, for a brief season, with his yellow wig,-covering his head in the interval with a silk handkerchief. Monsheer placed the commodity under a hat, for two seconds, or it might be three,-when, the covering being removed, the wig was found to contain the savoury ingredients of a readycooked haggis, the unctious odour whereof spread through the hall, causing many a hungry mouth to water! Swatches of the contents were handed through the company by the Sambo; and Bailie Brisket, who ventured to taste the same, declared that a better seasoned haggis never boiled in pot, or smoked on ashet! When the last spoonful had been scraped out, the Magi rammed the scratch into a blunderbuss, which he presented and fired at the Deacon! When the smoke cleared away, instead of seeing honest Dredgie a mangled corpse, there was he sitting as sober as a judge, with the wig on his head as usual, and neither of them a prin the waur of the adventure! But all these feats are as nothing to what next eventuated, as the ignorant Yankees say. The Pythagorean enticed a wee Highland body, named Donald Sheerie, up to the platform, with the bribe of an ounce of snuff, a temptation which no Celt, since the flood, could ever resist, even if offered by the Foul Thief himself. When the unsuspecting Donald was sitting on an arm chair, the magician came behind him, and having (as many sponsible witness averred), muttered the Creed I chanced to be sitting right opposite to the expatriated head, and such a grewsome sight I never saw before or after. The eyes, unlike the wonted sobriety of death, rolled and glinted about as if in an ecstacy of bewilderment. The red bristly hair stood up like the jags of a hedgehog,-and the mouth twisted, and gloomed, and girned, just as if it had been uttering curses upon its murderer! In the middle of the collieshangie, the reprobate and case-hardened Frenchman, stood bowing, and smiling, and chattering, as if he had only nicked the head of a thistle or dandelion, instead of a Christian-man's-so far, indeed, as a native of Lochaber can be styled a Christian, a proposition which many sober men doubt! Just when Hamish laid his paw upon the murderer's shoulder, to apprehend him in the name of the king, he gave his rod a whirl, and lo, and behold! the martyred Donald Sheerie was as sound and life-like as ever! Here was a miracle greater than any which had yet been performed in the Dreepdaily Temple of Science! To kill a man, as everybody knew, was no very difficult matter; but to restore him to life and limb again, and that without the aid of a doctor, was past all comprehension! It clean beat cock-fighting,— and a sough of wondering amazement ran through the assemblage, like the wind of an autumn night rustling among withered beech leaves! The only individual upon whom these passages seemed to produce little or no impression was our friend Beau Balderston. In order to account for his apathy, it is incumbent upon me here to set down that he had ever borne a quisquious and questionable character among the sober and religious portion of the Dreepdaily community. He was seldom seen never made mouths at miracles again, till the day of his decease! But I must not bring in the toddy till the dinner be over. in the kirk except on an extra occasion, with Lady Sourocks, as I have before hinted; and even when he did make his appearance there, his demeanour was far from being decent or Accommodating the Beau with a seat, edifying. Indeed, the general rumour was, the Magician-for so, I presume, all orthodox that he was but few doors removed from being readers will agree with me in designating Monan infidel; and it was even whispered that he sheer,-proceeded to put certain drugs and had christened his cat, and buried his defunct medicaments into a thing like a white bowl, greyhound in the kirk-yard! Doubless his with a long stroop proceeding out of the side sceptical wickedness was the foundation of thereof, after the manner of a tea pot. He the unconcern with which he witnessed the prodigies I have above enumerated, proving to a dismal demonstration that the dogged unbelief of such Sadducees was not to be shaken even by a miracle wrought before their very noses! As I hinted before, the Beau sat as unmoved and unconcerned as if nothing beyond ordinary had been going on. He merely tapped his shell snuff-box at each successive cantrip of the warlock, muttering some such contemptuous words as "well enough, considering!" "pretty well for Dreepdaily!" as if the feats performed were not real and genuine facts and truths! called it a Retort or a Report, I really forget which,—but I can testify that it made a loud enough report in the Burgh for many a day thereafter! Having mixed the ingredients, which I trow were never weighed in Christian scales, the Pythagorean turned the end of the stroop to Mr. Balderston instructing him to hold his nose firm, and draw in the vapour from the bowl with his breath. Our friend at first seemed to hesitate and boggle a little at this injunction. Being certified that it would do no injury to his health, and being ashamed moreover to draw back, after having put his hand to the plough, he followed the direc tions given him, even as a mouse rushes into the cheese-baited ambuscade-and commenced sucking and blowing like a three weeks old calf at its matin or vesper refection! Monsheer Nong-tong-paw, who had borne with complacency the execrations of the company, as if glorying in his shame, appeared to be sorely nettled at the sneering observes of the sceptic, seeming to regard him as a scoffing interloper. He bore with him for a considerable season, till at length, his patience being clean exhausted, he stepped to the front of the stage, and, addressing him with a bowing upon me to come away. I started up in a and a shrug of the shoulders, requested the honour of his assistance at the next feat of glamourie! At this verse of the ballad, I heard my name called from the door, and on turning round I beheld Betty Bachles, the ancient maid of all work of Lady Sourocks, wagging and cough perfect fever of consternation, having utterly forgotten, the absconding of time, and my practice to be with her ladyship betimes for Many, considering the peril to which Don- her gala! You may well believe it was with ald Sheerie had been exposed by a similar act a sore and unwilling heart that I took my Exof compliance, would have dissuaded Mr. Bal-odus, often looking back upon Beau Balderston derston from risking his precious soul and body; but as the old proverb says—" he must needs go when Clootie drives!" The Beau jumped at the proposal like a cock at a gooseberry (or groset, as I would say, if I wrote in less fastidious times!)—and whispering to his neighbour that he would show up the old quack in grand style, he ascended the diabolical platform! I trow he was a wiser and a soberer man, before he was done with the quack, as he was pleased to style him! Like the Christmas goose his time was come—and I'll be sworn that he who, as long as he was visible I could note drawing away at his black draught, and holding his nose as if he had been stooping over s badgers's kennel! When I reached the mansion, as her ladyship was pleased to dignify her two story tenement, I found her in a perfect stew of vexation. Half a dozen of her guests had arrived, and she could not venture to face them with her head gear out of order. Of course I had to do penance for the forgetfulness of which I had been guilty, and verily hard words were not spared upon me! There is not a was, that seemed better calculated for bringing down a maukin, or black cock, than doing battle with the savage American rebels, who, it is universally allowed devour the flesh of their vanquished captives! tinkler wife between Kilmarnock and Buckhaven who could have surpassed Lady Sourocks in flyting! "Little ill-faured, ne'er do weel!" and " Shilpit de'il's buckie!" were the mildest phrases with which I was greeted, and I looked upon myself as fortunate that I The ensign was a nephew to her ladyship, was not besprinkled from that mysterious and and it struck me that he looked strangely never-to-be-named vessel with which the ill-downcast and out of spirits. Much more apconditioned spouse of Socrates occasionally propriate was his manner for a burial than a moistened her patient and philosophical spouse ! merry making. Every now and then he gave a sigh as if his heart was breaking, and his manner reminded me strongly of Duncan Dow, the hen-pecked tailor, on the eve of receiving Betty Bachles afterwards gave me a sufficient reason for the misanthrophical demeanour of the young man. [Nota Bene.-This sentence has been inserted by Mr. Paumy. If not in harmony with the refinement of this extra-superfine a quilting from his randy masculine wife. nineteenth century, the sin lies upon the sconce of Paumy, aforesaid; I wash my hands of it !] Being conscious of error, I took my modicum of scolding with all due humility, and by She had been listening at the door of the working with extra diligence with the curling chamber where the ensign and his aunt had tongs and dredge box, I had her Ladyship been closetted in the previous part of the evenbuskit and beautified in less than no time!-ing, and heard her break to him the tidings So satisfied, indeed, was she with my zeal and dispatch, that being a kindly body "when the snarl was aff her!" as the town fool remarked, she would needs have me into the withdrawing room to drink her health, and the healths of her company (who by this epoch were nearly all assembled), in a glass of cordial waters brewed by her own fair hands! Though I trust that I have a befitting sense of my own merits and importance, truth constrains me to confess that Iwas a little blate and confused when I was ushered into the presence of so many gentles. So great was my agitation that I was little the better of my visit, so far at least as the aforesaid cordial was concerned having spilled the larger balance of the same, in nodding and scraping my respects, as in duty bound, to the magnates to whom I was introduced! Verily and truly they were a worshipful Synod, rivalling in grandeur the Court of King Solomon himself! of her intended nuptials with Beau Balderston. Previous to that time he had always been led to consider himself as her heir-apparent, and being a younger son, with nothing but his consumptive pay to depend upon, it was not in nature that he should be overly elated at the intelligence then and there communicated to him! His cause for dolour, moreover, was the greater in as much as he had recently crossexamined her ladyship's banker touching her means and estate, and ascertained that the same amounted to a sum not to be sneezed at ! But the sun generally rises brightest after a murky setting, and the snowdrops of spring receive an additional garnishment from the churlish gloom of winter. This however by the way-as Master Whiggie observes, when he makes a digression from the text under consideration! I had hardly disposed of my bit dribble of drink and set down the glass upon the silver plated salver, when I heard a noise at the front door, as if all the bulls of Bashan were thundering and storming thereat! There was the Laird of Lick-the-Ladle, and his long bearded daughter "black mou'd Kate." There was Mr McShuttle, the great power loom weaver from Glasgow; Dr. Scougall, dressed The company, as well as myself, were dumin his new black cloth coat and silk stockings, foundered at the sound, and each one looked and a real genuine army ensign, rigged out at his neighbour to divine, if possible, the nain complete regimentals like a peony rose-ture of the mysterious racket. All, however, the first of the breed that had ever been seen were equally in the dark, and there was a in Dreepdaily! common shaking of bewildered and fear-con A well-favoured, smooth faced stripling he fused heads! Each moment did the huriy-burly increase! Every instant a perfect whirlwind and tornado of blows were inflicted upon the crazy door, which at last took the hint by flying open, and presently the hurrying of steps was heard coming madly up the wooden stairs, making them quake and groan, as if a regiment of heavy dragoons were exercising thereon! What could it be? dangled about him, torn into a thousand shreds and stripes! To complete the picture, one of his huge buckled shoes had taken French-leave of its companion. At first sight, indeed, the loss was not very obvious, as the white silken stocking on the widowed foot had been dyed black as an Ethiopian, with the mud and filth of the street! But the metamorphose in his outward ta change which seemed to have come over the poor Beau's manner and demeanour. The ensign drew his glittering sabre; I, following his example, flourished a pair of silver-bernacle was as nothing, compared to the steel razors; and Mr. McShuttle (who, to do a weaver justice, showed no lack of valour and manhood) darted into a little closet which was convenient to the withdrawing-room, and reissued with the Andrea Ferrara, which her ladyship's father wore in the Forty-Five. With this he threatened to cleave the intruder, be he man or fiend, to the brisket, without benefit of clergy. As for the women-kind, they convened in a heap at the far end of the chamber, where they stood as cowed-like as a convocation of domestic fowls, when a pirate hawk is making an inspection of the henhouse! By this time the stranger, whoever he was, had gained the door of the apartment where we were congregated,, which said door had been bolted and barricaded at the first sough of the disturbance. Not long were we kept in suspense! In one instant the frail pine barrier was driven in with a noise like thunder, and in rushedGuess who, for a groat? Nobody else but the sober, douce, punctilious, velvet-shod Benjamin Balderston, Bachelor, and Beau of Dreepdaily! Had I not seen him with my own een, I never could have credited that such a change as he presented, could have been wrought in a human being. Even at this distance of time, it looks like a dream, or night-mare. He danced and squealed, cursed and blasphemed like a Bess of Bedlam, who had slipped her chain. No sooner had he entered the room, than he jumped upon the French polished pembroke table, amongst the Chinacups and sweetmeats, where he capered and danced without intermission, whistling the deil's hornpipe with a diabolical energy. Having reduced the crockery and virers to atoms, he leaped off the table, and snapping his fingers after a most desperate fashion, commenced, without so much as saying "by your leave," to denude himself of his silk, or swallowtail, as Yankee milk-sops call them! This feat being accomplished, he flung the commodities right in the face of Miss Priscilla Pernickety, who, overcome, partly by fear, and partly by genteel disgust, fell down in a deplorable fit of the exies! During the transaction of these astounding events, Lady Sourocks had remained, as it were, in a state of stupified amazement. After a season, however, she seemed to come to herself, and rushing up to her intended, she threw her arms around his neck, and adjured him, in the name of decency, to remember what he was doing, and where he was? She might as well have whistled to the winds! The Beau, in the twinkling of an eye, clutched up the helpless over-grown lap-dog by the His eyes stood in his head like two red-hot tail, and made it play bang on the side of her saucers, and glared and glanced after the man-head (which utterly demolished the fruits of ner of sheet-lightning! As to his muzzle, it my labour) cursing her between hands for an was in a perfect mass of angry foam, reminding one of the frontispiece of a demented colley dog! Touching his wig, it was turned backside foremost, the tail of it hanging over his brow, like an elephant's trunk seen through an inverted telescope; and his brave red coat, which had cost a mint of money, old withered runt! Nor was this the omega of his misdeeds! He seized in his arms Mr. McShuttle's daughter-a buxom lass, not out of her teens-and kissed her till he had not left a puff of breath in either of their bodies! This was the signal for the on-lookers to interfere in right earnest. Having procured a Few words will suffice to put the cope-stone upon this veritable narration. Lady Sourocks never could be convinced but that outrageous drunkenness was the cause of the Beau's extraordinary invasion of her domicile! In vain did he make affidavit before a quorum of the Justices, that he had been the victim of what was called Laughing Gas! Her Ladyship promptly discarded the delinquent, both as a visitor and a suitor,catastrophe at which, you may be sure, the worthy ensign did not break his heart. -a As for the vile magician, who had been the cause of Mr. Balderston's enchantment, he beat a retreat that very night, leaving the rent of the Hall to be settled by his posterity! A statement of the whole transaction was prepared by Mr. Caption, the Procurator Fiscal, and sent off to his eminence the Lord Advocate, for his concurrence to search for and apprehend the offender, as a practiser of unlawful arts. His Lordship, however, turned a deaf ear to the representation, writing back that the statutes authorising such a procedure had long been laid on the shelf. What a lamentable tale to tell in a Christian country! But the justice of Providence overtook the son of Belial before long. Tidings shortly reached Dreepdaily that the Pythagorean had got his head smitten off at the commencement of the French Revolution. And many sensible folk, amongst whom I may number the worthy Master Whiggie, opined, that that single act of retribution was enough to sweeten and sanctify the otherwise questionable proceedings of those troublous times! SONGS AND BALLADS BY A BACKWOODSMAN. No. II. LAY OF THE SCOTTISH EMIGRANT. Away, away beyond the sea The land of green strath, and mountain fell; Other lands may be lovely and fair, No, though it may oft be cold and chill, Where nor tainted steel nor ruffian's knife, LOTTERY OF LIFE.-Prince Maurice, in an engagement with the Spaniards, took twenty-Of the manly youths of that mountain land; four prisoners, one of whom was an Englishman. He ordered eight of them to be hanged, to retaliate a like sentence passed by Archduke Albert upon the same number of Hollanders. The fate of the unhappy victims was to be determined by drawing lots. The Englishman, who had the good fortune to escape, seeing a Spaniard express the strongest symptoms of horror when it came to his turn, to put his hand into the helmet, offered for twelve crowns to stand his chance. The I fondly seek again to find, offer was at once accepted, and he was so The smiling cot, with raptured ken, fortunate as to escape a second time. Upon Deep hidden in yon mountain glen; being called a fool for so presumptously tempting his fate, he said, "I think I acted very prudently. As I daily hazard my life for sixpence, I made a precious good bargain in venturing it for twelve crowns!" How oft when far away in the west, Where all the charms that gathered round, |