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NECESSITY. Dr. De la Cour of Cork, having one day to reprove a counsel, rather unlearned in the law, told him he was a counsellor of necessity. « Necessity !'' exclaimed the briefless barrister, “what do you mean by that ?" “ Why," replied the doctor, “ you know necessity has no law."
THERE once was an Emperor (so says my story),
* This is nearly a translation of a Ballad of Burger's.
“Since your life must be dull, and your pastimes are few,
grow. “ That such talents should rust, were a pity, indeed! · So I give you three exquisite riddles to read : To each of my questions (as surely you can, sir), At the end of three months, you will find the true
answer. « With my crown on my head, in my costliest robe, When I sit on my throne, with my sceptre and globe, Resolve me, most learned of prelates on earth, How much, to a farthing, thy emperor's worth ? · The problem I next to your wisdom propound Is, how long it would take one to ride the world round? To a minute compute it, without more or less; For this is a trifle you 'll easily guess! “ And then I expect you to tell me my thought, When next to my presence, Lord Abbot, you're brought; And, whatever it be, it must prove a delusion,Some error in judgment, or optic illusion! “Now, unless you shall answer these questions, I ween, Your lordship the last of your abbey has seen; And I 'll have you paraded all over the land, On the back of an ass, with his tail in your hand !"Off gallop'd the autocrat, laughing outright, And left the good man in a sorrowful plight:Alarm'd and confounded, his anguish was such, That no thief on his trial e'er trembled as much! In vain he appeal'd to both Weimar and Gotha, But they could not assist him a single iota; And, though he had fee'd all the faculties round him, The faculties left him as wise as they found him."
Now, Time, the impostor, was at his old tricks,
Just lend me your mantle, your crozier, and mitre,
globe, Thus address'd him," Thou wisest of prelates on
earth, Resolve, to a farthing, how much I am worth !” “For thirty rix-dollars the Saviour was sold, And, with all your gay trappings of purple and gold, Twenty-nine is your price:-you'll not take it amiss, If I judge that your value must fall short of his !" “So, so!” thought his Highness; “ the priest has me
there! I own, my Lord Abbot, the answer is fair.Did greatness e'er swallow so bitter a pill ? But like it or not, I must swallow it still !“ And, now for a question your learning shall probe: How long would it take me to ride round the globe ? To a minute compute it, without more or less; You'll easily solve it, my lord, as I guess !"“ If your Highness will please just to get on your horse, With the rise of the sun, and pursue the sun's course, Keeping always beside him, a million to one, But in two dozen hours the whole business is done!" , “ Are you there, my old fox, with your ifs and your ans ? But I need not remind you, they're not pots and pans,
Else tinkers would starve (as I learnt from my nurse);
taken ! You think me the Abbot-but I as you'll find, With all due submission, am-Beudix, his hind !” “ What the d- l! Art thou not the Abbot of Lintz? By my troth, thou hast fairly outwitted thy prince! 'Tis the cowl makes the monk, as I've heard people say; So I dub thee Lord Abbot from this very day. “ For the former incumbent, an indolent sot! On Dapple's bare withers, please God, he shall trot; For his office, Hans Beudix is fitter by half; And here I invest thee with ring and with staff.” “ Under favour, great sir, I can handle a crook, But, alas ! I'm no very great hand at my book; I ne'er went to school, and no Latin have Not so much as you'd write on the wing of a fly!" “ Is it so, my good fellow? Then, more is the pity: So, bethink thee of some other thing that may fit ye. Thy wit hath well pleased me; and it shall go hard, If Hans's sagacity miss its reward.” “ If such the condition, the boon that I ask Will prove to your highness no difficult task: To your favour again, on my knees I implore, That your highness will please my good lord to re
store.”The sovereign replied, " As I hope in God's grace, . The heart of Hans Beudix is in its right place. Thy master, for me, shall his mitre enjoy, And long may he wear it. So, tell him, old boy." ;
Blackwood's Magazine. ,