RUSSELL'S LECTURES.

HE's an Idiot that misses the lectures of RUSSELL, (So cried Mr. Punch, breaking out into rhymes ;) Our Own Correspondent, who witnessed the tussle, And wrote home the glowing accounts for the Times?

Here he sits on a horse (rather smaller than MILLAIS' is)

Taking his notes, never heeding the shells:

Be off to his lectures; he gives them at WILLIS'S, Fronted by all the most elegant swells.

Ah! if you'd canvassed the country, and asked a poll Just to determine the one little fact,

Who was our army's best friend at Sebastopol, WILLIAM's the boy we 'd have heavily backed.

Yes, in those letters, so genial and graphic,

How he exposed the fell curse of Routine,

The system that makes a proud service a Traffic-
That was the story to tell to a QUEEN.

And how his fierce tales set the hot pulses leaping

When, in tones like a trumpet's, he told of the fray:

How the broad sheet was dewed with the gentle eyes' weeping
That read how our brave ones in agony lay.

And crowning the record that treasures the story
All lustrous with Alma's and Inkermann's name,

How nobly he painted the grand day of glory
That ended the strife in a deluge of flame!

Well, you who would like a concise retrospection
Of all that de die in diem you read,
Discreetly compressed, with an added selection
Of capital things in the letters unsaid.

Would you list a discourse full of mettle and muscle,

Hear clashing of sabres, see waving of plumes,

Be off to the lectures which W. H. RUSSELL
Is giving, my Trojans, at WILLIS's Rooms.

PUNCH.

BASENESS ABROAD AND AT HOME. THERE seems just now to be going on a general revival of old superstitions, old hoaxes, and old basenesses. We see simultaneously lifting themselves into notice, trying to re-establish and re-instate themselves in the world, Popery, Witchcraft, and Flunkeyism. Of the latter of these three Disgraces, hand-in-hand by the way with the former, an eximious display is afforded in the address of CARDINAL SCITOWZKY, Primate of Hungary, to the EMPEROR OF AUSTRIA. A little of this fulsome stuff-of such stuff a little will go a great way -we subjoin, under favour to the Pesth correspondent of the Morning Post:

Imperial Majesty! Apostolic King! Very Great Lord! This day the Hungarian nation sees her most ardent wish fulfilled in the supreme happiness she enjoys of saluting Your Majesty and Her Majesty the Empress, as also of being able to bring the homage of your faithful subjects to the foot of your exalted throne. Human words are not equal to express the exuberance of our joy and the sentiments of affectionate gratitude which we feel-we, not only those who are happy enough to contemplate the sacred presence of Your Majesties, but all your faithful subjects."

Having, by the above dose, created extreme nausea, let us stop at that. Surely the EMPEROR OF AUSTRIA himself must have shuddered in undergoing lubrifaction with such abominably rank butter as CARDINAL SCITOWZKY'S-cannot but have been disgusted with such nasty and false adulation. In keeping with servility such as this, the daily continental news is replete with affairs of uniform and livery, green and silver coats, crimson breeches, gold-laced hats-a specimen, By the way, of a hunting costume-crosses, orders, medals, all manner of filagree, tinsel, embroidery, and plush. Foreign intelligence is redolent of fetid flunkeyism. Dazzled by the buckles, gilt, laced jackets, thunder-and-lightning shorts, and other the like glories of

despotism, a certain crew of menial-minded creatures are beginning to whisper a despicable hankering for the exchange of our British constitution for an Empire. The sycophantic spirit, and the vile sentiment of splendour-worship are at work even here; a circumstance just worthy of note: for there is little fear that JOHN BULL will ever let himself be persuaded by any reptiles to swop his broad-brimmer for the cocked hat and the cockade, his plain broadcloth coat for a variegated, laced, and braided one, his cords for plush, his tops for pink silk stockings and buckled pumps, and his cudgel for a gold-headed cane. Perhaps, even abroad, the strides which Flunkeyism and the other Humbugs are now apparently making, may be, in reality, their last kicks.

GEORGE CRUIKSHANK is about to reform that incorrigible tippler, Jack Falstaff: to which end we are to have his life from authentic sources that will show how cruelly the poor man has been dealt with by the poetic licence of MR. SHAKSPEARE. Now, under the pencil and patronage of GEORGE, it will be shown that, if Falstaff were at any time addicted to sack, he did not leave the world a hardened drinker, but duly took the teetotal pledge-a fact, hitherto, shamefully suppressed by the poet. Thus, the description of Falstaff's death, as edited by GEORGE, will doubtless receive the following emendations:

"A made a finer end, and went away, an it had been any christom child; 'a parted even just between twelve and one, e'en at the turning o' the tide. * For his nose was as sharp as a pen, and 'a babbled of green fields [and running brooks]. How, now, SIR JOHN, quoth I: what, man! be of good cheer. So 'a cried out-Water, Water, Water! three or four times: now I, to comfort him, bid him 'a should not think of Water. And then 'a took the pledge; and then 'a passed away, and still 'a cried Water, Water, Water!"

GEORGE having carried the pledge into fairy-land, will allow nothing stronger at the Boar's Head, Eastcheap, than ginger-pop. This is really too bad, and we must protest against this forcible conversion of inimitable Jack. As for GEORGE himself, he does all, we admit, "in conscience -and tender heart." GEORGE is brimming over with the milk of human kindness; but why, why should the milk be mixed with SO much water?

Delicate Attentions.

THE Editor of the Morning Advertiser has received from the French Embassy the Cross of the Legion of Honour, and a magnificent kettleholder worked by the fair fingers of EUGENIE herself. These gifts are accompanied by an autograph letter from the EMPEROR, in which he takes the liberty of acknowledging with the liveliest sense of gratitude the many favours he has received from the Advertiser, and begging of the Editor to extend the kindness still further by never slackening, even for one day, in the bitter opposition that, evidently prompted by the kindest intentions, he has ever shown to the Court of the Tuileries.

A Real Blessing for Pedestrians.

A MOST admirable invention is now in course of being advertised under the title of the "Self-Breaking Perambulator." Mothers are strongly recommended to procure this Perambulator, if they employ their nursemaids to wheel their children about the pavements in any vehicle of the kind. A Perambulator which breaks itself has the greatest advantage over one which remains unbroken, but is always breaking somebody's shins.

Mr. Punch at once wrote to the Executive Committee, and placed at their command the entire space at his disposal, consisting of the whole of one third part of his back office. This generous offer being thankfully accepted, Mr. Punch is now engaged in making a selection from the treasures which have reached him, and will shortly have the honour of inviting H.R.H. F.M. PRINCE ALBERT to declare his Exhibition open. Meanwhile, having just been indulging in a private view, Mr. Punch will treat his readers to a foreglimpse of the show which is preparing for them, by publishing beforehand a few comments on the catalogue.

::

To begin with the Paintings, (which comprise several chefs-d'œuvre of both old and young and intermediate, or middle-aged masters,) Mr. Punch rejoices to announce that he has kindly been entrusted by MR. B. DISRAELI with the companion picture to the Blue Boy of GAINSBOROUGH representing MR. D. as the Calculating Boy, looking very blue upon his recent calculation of the odds against his ever again getting the Exchequer Cockership. Next to this will be observed that prodigiously remarkable picture of disgust, which has become known as The Rejected Title, a work of fancy, furnished from the WILLIAMS collection, and both in incident and treatment considered quite unique. Passing by a Portrait of John Chinaman, from the COBDEN gallery, which seems very far from being painted in true colours, Mr. Punch has then to call attention to a valuable series of historical pictures, illustrative of the progress of the British Constitution. These have been contributed by LORD JOHN RUSSELL, and not the least known of them is that of Signing Magna Charta, with which his Lordship's frequent reference must have long ago made every one familiar.

Among the Marine Pieces-which include a bird's-eye view of Cronstadt, taken (at a distance) by ADMIRAL NAPIER-Mr. Punch has had to unpack several small pictures of the Vessel of the State, representing her as sinking through the quicksand "PALMERSTON;" but these mostly appear taken from a one-sided point of view, and being done in party colours, have all the sickliness belonging to distemper. Several sketches in outline of the New Reform Bill have also been sent in, but as far as can be judged from their unfinished state, they are sadly defective in that breadth of design and boldness of treatment which the subject clearly merits. It is possible, however, that, before they are exhibited, Mr. Punch may be solicited to remedy their weak points, and a few touches by so old a master would be certain to be recognised with public satisfaction.

Up to the last moment SIR ROBERT PEEL has not thought fit to part with any more of his travelling sketches; but as he is now free from those confining ties of official reserve, by which he formerly was held so in restraint, it is possible that he may soon let Mr. Punch have something to exhibit, that is, to show up. SIR ROBERT is worldfamous for his taste in caricature; and Mr. Punch must, therefore, elsewhere assign the contribution of a picture, which illustrates the late unboroughing of FREDERICK PEEL, Zoologically rendered as The Red Tapir Unearthed.

Among the armoury will be found some noticeable specimens, such, for instance, as the shield which was used by the Government to shield from justice the Incapables who were so hotly charged by the Crimean Commission. Mr. Punch has also succeeded in obtaining one of the cutlasses which were signalled to be sharpened, in order to secure that preciseness of firing which was expected to demolish Cronstadt.

Mainly by his own exertions in collecting, Mr. Punch will have a

quantity of curiosities for exhibition; including, as a work less of vertu than of vice, a leaf taken out of MR. CAMERON'S "green ledger," which he used to do the shareholders so (HUMPHRY) brown. With this will be shown, as specimens of carving, some pretty figures representing the respective fortunes, which were carved by the British Bank directors out of the moneys entrusted to their keeping. Mr. Punch has likewise been so fortunate as to obtain the sheet of paper which was crumpled up by MR. COBDEN, in illustration of the way in which to crumple Russia: and together with some specimens of Civil Service spelling, which he has no doubt will be considered curiosities, Mr. Punch has succeeded in getting from the Government the original MS. of the celebrated message, "Pray take care of DowB!"

A JOLLY GARDENER'S GARDEN.

THE Glasgow Mail contains a statement that an old gentleman, who cultivates a model farm in the neighbourhood of Govan, has been trying the experiment of irrigating garden plants with whiskey, successfully; though our Caledonian contemporary does not explain what is the nature of the alteration or improvement which has resulted in the cabbages and cauliflowers that have been treated with this new form of liquid manure. On the animal economy whiskey is apt to produce the effect of seediness; and perhaps it will also occasion à tendency to run to seed in the vegetable economy, if there can be any economy in vegetables, which, to denote a Scotch practice by an Irish form of expression, are watered with whiskey. If the plants have too much whiskey given them, perhaps they will not grow straight; the eyes of the potatoes may be affected; and all the greens and other herbs may be seized with a shakiness of leaf, like that which is natural to the leaves of the asp, but which, in the case of the garden-stuff, the teetotallers will all concur in declaring to be delirium tremens. Possibly, one effect of whiskey upon vegetables will be that of preserving them; at any rate, that spirituous fluid may be expected to make them-if it does not keep them-fresh.

[ADVERTISEMENT.

TO THE MUSICAL PROFESSION.-If the GENTLEMAN who was will forward his Address to SIGNOR BOREAS O'BLUSTERO, Professor of Harmony, Cat calling Sparrergrass," in the vicinity of Pimlico, on Monday morning last, and Bagpipes Tavern, Holloaway, he may hear of an ENGAGEMENT suited to his talents. SIGNOR B. O'B having lately been promoted to the bar of the establishfor many seasons had the honour to conduct. The vacancy thus caused it is inment, has in consequence retired from the harmonious department, which he has tended to submit to public competition, and candidates for the Conductorship must send their Testimonials to the above address two clear days at least before the personal examination, of which hereafter due notice will be given As the post is one trouble, that none but the possessors of the very strongest lungs and voices will requiring more than common vocal powers, it is hoped, to save both time and apply.

In addition to presiding every night at the Harmonic Meeting, the Conductor will be called on to officiate as toast-master, at all the public dinners which are given at the Tavern; and he will likewise be required to give his vocal services at most of the Odd Fellows' feasts and Goose Club suppers that are held there. He must therefore be competent to undertake the solo/business; and in order to maintain the high reputation which the Cat and Bagpipes has acquired as being a first-class Musical such, for example, as the gifted HENRY RUSSELL, and the talented Composer of the Establishment, his repertoire must include the latest works of the best masters, "Ratcatcher's Daughter."

referred to at the head of this Advertisement is earnestly requested, if this should There being also now some vacancies in the Chorus department, the gentleman meet his eye, to make mention of the matter to such of his acquaintance as may be known to have similarly powerful organs. In order to secure the highest vocal talent, it is the intention of the proprietor of the above establishment to spare no depended on, and in addition to the salary, (which will be guaranteed by a lien on expense in his professional engagements. The most liberal terms may therefore be the piano-subject only to the prior claim of the owner, it being merely a hired instrument) each vocalist will have allowed him plenty of "paper," both in orders and cigars, and will each evening be supplied with white kid gloves and grog at the expense of the house, with the addition of the nightly loan of a dress suit. For further information, apply in person at the Concert Room, between the business hours of 3 and 5, A.M.