MR. PUNCH begs to lay before his innumerable readers the following letter. It will no doubt be remarked that the writer says many more than two words for him, and hardly one for herself; but Mr. Punch does not omit the former, because they are inseparably linked with the latter:

"MOTHER SEACOLE loves to acknowledge the kindness shown her by her sons, whether in black or red coats, and hastens to assure Punch that she has long felt a mother's affection for him. For she remembers a time when a word of cheer and encouragement from home broke like a ray of golden sunlight through the gloom of a suffering army, and that word Punch never failed to give her soldier sons. Nor has she forgotten how-as she walked through the wards of the hospital at Spring Hill, her arms laden with papers, the conPADDY'S BREAKFAST, LUNCH, DINNER, AND tributions of kind officers to their sick men, the sufferers would plead for a glimpse of Punch, which seldom failed to have a heart-stirring piece of poetry or a noble sketch in appreciation of their struggles. She has some SUPPER.-" Semper Praties."

The Commons, though they gathered, did so to hear a sermon from the REVEREND MR. SPOONER upon Maynooth. His own friends did not muster strongly, there being actually only NEWDEGATE and one other gentleman on the Opposition benches during the oration, but his enemies came in greater force, and, on division, in lieu of the triumph once epically recorded by Mr. Punch, the valiant SPOONER was defeated by 125 to 91, and, what was worse, nobody would reply to him. Mr. Punch would like to calm MR. SPOONER's mind in reference to his terrors about the Catholics, if that honourable gentleman cannot see that while Punch exists any triumph for Popery is impossible. Punch is worth more than a hundred of Exeter Halls to Protestantism. When CARDINAL WISEMAN and his accomplices have, with great labour and pains, spun a cobweb for the entrapping of the lieges, Mr. Punch smiles, and pokes his stick through it, and the Cardinal is obliged to take refuge in anonymous pamphleteering, instead of boldly printing his name like Mr. Punch. But it seems that MR. SPOONER is afraid lest the Irish priests, having been taught treason at Maynooth, should practise it. Bless MR. SPOONER'S Soul, SHAKSPEARE in the sawdust; but we must confess we were consuppose an Irish priest conceived the idea of becoming a traitor, nay, siderably startled to learn that VERDI had been put into the saddle. had convinced his whiskified conscience that he ought to be one, a It took us quite two minutes to recover respiration when we vision would come across him of MR. JUSTICE KEOGH, or some other Catholic judge, who, if the worthy father carried his idea into effect, heard Il Trovatore had been done at Astley's, and that as it was would, without the faintest reverence for the teaching of Maynooth, supported by the whole strength of the stud," there was a strong consign him to the cord or the convict-ship. Now, if the priest had hope of its having a good run. Even yet we confess we scarcely can really been properly instructed in Jesuitry, he would know that "self- imagine a prima donna upon horseback, and, as it certainly would seem defence against a cruel judge is not only a right but a duty," and to us, taking an airing while giving us her airs. Nor can we fancy consequently, that he is bound to keep his treason to himself, "provided how the tender tenor can possibly pursue the even tenour of his way, only that he is a traitor in Intention." Dear MR. SPOONER, what when he thus is brought to such a jog-trot existence; and we cannot danger need QUEEN VICTORIA apprehend from the disciples of think, if he be shaky in his seat, how he can contrive to sing at all with firmness. Even an Astleyian steed will caper now and then, and ESCOBAR, with judges on the bench, and Mr. Punch in Fleet Street? SIR RICHARD BETHELL introduced his Bill for dealing with Fraudu- every such prance must cause a tremolo concerted movement of the lent Trustees, and, moreover, as Mr. Punch expected, announced that voice together with the body of the rider: so that in the execution of he would prosecute the Directors of the British Bank, who, it may be a rondo round the Circus, there would probably be many more shakes presumed, have obtained their passports. SIR RICHARD was anxious introduced than the most florid of composers ever dreamed of. to impress on the House that he had not come to this determination management upon its acting on the maxim, Fiat experimentum in corIf the experiment succeed (and we may at least congratulate the in consequence of any newspaper dictation. Of course not, but Ap ITHELL had read Ap PUNCH, though, who pledges his health in the pore Verdi), of course we soon shall find it has been followed, and every circus-master of the horse will become for the time a singing following glass of CWRW. (He drinks.) master also. Perhaps Don Giovanni will tread next in the hoof prints of Il Trovatore (and we would walk a mile ourselves to see the Leporello of LABLACHE a-straddle!). La Sonnambula might also be equestrianly illustrated;" and the walk over the water-wheel announced as a "daring feat of equitation." Of all Operas, however, the Beggars' is most suited to be set on horseback; and we are sure Macheath would be quite certain of a hit, by continually tumbling off two bare-backed steeds, and singing

Friday. LORD PANMURE stated that he was nearly ready with a complete system of education for the officers of the Army. What a delightful change is in prospect. Imagine the day when, going per rail from London to Woolwich, with a lot of young officers, Mr. Punch, instead of being merely amused with biographies of rat terriers, speculations whether JONES will get his step, suggestions of remedies for being blessed seedy, comparisons between the ancles of dancers, eulogies on MR. PAUL BEDFORD, and recommendations to read Bell's Life about the Slashing Butterman, Mr. Punch shall be instructed with parall Is between FABIUS and SIR CHARLES NAPIER, descriptions of the siege of Rhodes, essays on castrametation, discussions on military engineering, citations from the Duke's Despatches, and analyses of MR. WILLIAM RUSSELL'S lectures!

The Commons, after attending to the PRINCESS ROYAL in the manner already stated (MR. ROEBUCK and the WISCOUNT objecting, but giving way, and the vote being unanimous) took more Navy Estimates, and passed the Transportation Bill. LORD PALMERSTON announced that the House would not sit on the day on which our "Isthmian Games were celebrated, meaning, as it was necessary to explain to divers railway members, officers, and others, the Derby Day.

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Oh, how happy could I be on either,
Were t'other fleet courser away:
But when trying to ride both together,
On neither a moment I stay!

Of course where a ballet or a ball-scene occurs, as, for instance, in Roberto or Gustavus, there might be introduced a set of equestrian quadrilles, or perhaps a polka by performing ponies: and by way of a finale, some hurdles might be brought, over which the vocalists might jump to a conclusion.

Literature in America.

"IN America," said MR. JUSTICE HALLIBURTON at the Literary Fund banquet, "the author flattered the public, and the public flattered the author, and there was no honesty between them." We should rather say for our English selves-"in America, the author is robbed by the public, and whatever honesty may remain is wholly and indivisibly on the author's side." For flattery, read moral felony, and the sentence is, we think, greatly improved.

Humboldt Honoured!

BARON HUMBOLDT, majestic in years and wisdom, has at length achieved the very summit of all earthly greatness. PRINCE NAPOLEON, before leaving Berlin, in the name of the EMPEROR OF THE FRENCH, conferred on the author of Kosmos, the decoration of-a Grand Officer of the Legion of Honour. It is said that the EMPEROR OF HAYTI has commissioned the ebony BARON JEAN SIMON, his Ambassader at the English Court, to confer upon SIR RODERICK MURCHISON the Most Noble Order of the Black Beetle.

How agreeable it is, and more especially if you are late, and are dressing against time to dine with ultra-punctual people-how agreeable it is, on getting into your clean shirt, to find the laundress has been careful to fasten all the buttons for you!

at the thing, and consider the impudence of 84 great black spiders claiming to suck £90,000 a-year out of the public. This petition has settled the business. Be it also mentioned that LORD DUNGANNON, on the part of the very High Church, objected to the Bishops and others preaching in Exeter Hall, to thousands who have no other Church-accommodation. The BISHOP OF LONDON, however, made this Puseyite prig an eloquent and admirable reply, endorsed by the ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY. The Lords took holiday from Thursday to Thursday.

A small knot in the Commons, 14 in all, endeavoured to reduce the PRINCESS ROYAL's dowry by £2,000, but 328 members confirmed the original proposition. An attempt was also made to deprive the young lady of the £40,000 voted to her, but 361 were found for giving it, and only 18 the other way. The clap-trap-setters in the minority will easily be guessed at, but Mr. Punch will not assist the snobs in their object by publishing their names.

The veteran PALMERSTON then came out as Secretary at War and moved the Army estimates. He was doing the same thing in 1809, when, as MR. JOHN TIMBS informs us, he also gave orders for the repair and improvement of the Horse Guards Clock. PAM and the clock have gone on capitally ever since, both receiving such additional enlightenment as the age suggested, but always showing a good face to the world, and being looked up to as favourite authorities. As regards the Army, he explained that there was an increase in our cavalry and artillery, but none in our infantry, and that he wanted about eleven millions of money, a good deal of which was voted. The reason LORD PAM assigned for making the speech was, that the new young rich Under Secretary, SIR JOHN RAMSDEN, had not been long enough in office to learn more than details. He has already learned enough, however, to get rebuked for discourtesy to Members asking questions, so there are hopes that he will in time rival FRED. PEEL.

Tuesday. QUEEN VICTORIA kept her birthday.

Wednesday. BLINK BONNY won the Derby, as prophesied by Mr. Punch on page 122 of this volume, and by no other prophet whatsoever. Thursday. MR. HENRY HERBERT, Member for Kerry, who owns that lovely place by Killarney, where Mr. Punch, lentus in umbra, and looking love to eyes that answered love again, did, some summers since- -but pshaw, this is trifling-up, HERCULES from the feet of OMPHALE. So, so, Mr. Punch is himself again. MR. HERBERT, then, the amiable proprietor of charming property in Ireland, has accepted the office of Irish Secretary, vacant by the resignation of the atrabilious HORSMAN. MR. KEATING, the barrister, and Member for Reading, is the new Solicitor-General.

Prussia has signed with Switzerland; so that storm in a teacup is hushed. MR. ROEBUCK brought on a debate upon our relations with Brazil, and LORD PALMERSTON explained that we keep a rod hanging over the Brazilians' heads, to be administered elsewhere only in the NAPIER (failing, as usual) moved for a committee to inquire into the event of their not actively discouraging the slave trade. SIR CHARLES constitution of the Board of Admiralty, and among other pleasant things, à la Cassandra, said that in the event of a sudden war with months' purchase. He must have forgotten that he himself is not in France and Russia, QUEEN VICTORIA's throne would not be worth six command of the fleet. BERNAL OSBORNE peppered the old humbug with some severity, but more effectual notice should be taken of either that SIR CHARLES NAPIER ought to be expelled the House and statements involving such charges against the Executive. It is clear, the Service, or that SIR CHARLES WOOD ought to be hanged.

May 25, Monday. The QUEEN's Birthday, the Isthmian games, and the approach of Whitsuntide, combined to furnish Parliament with excuses for lightening its labours this week. The Lords applied themselves to one subject only, namely the Divorce Bill, which they discussed in Committee on Monday and Thursday. The result of their labours has to be edited by the Commons, and therefore it is necessary only to say that the Roman Catholic DUKE OF NORFOLK was defeated by 123 to 26 in his attempt to get rid of the Bill on the ground that marriage was indissoluble-that LORD ST. LEONARDS carried, against Government, a clause for depriving husbands, who have separated from their wives, of the power of seizing the property of those unfortunate women-that LORD LYNDHURST was unsuccessful LORD RAYNHAM, who is acquiring an honourable notoriety by in an attempt to have it declared that five years' abandonment should trying to help the helpless, endeavoured to obtain a committee for amount to dissolution of marriage, and that the BISHOP OF OXFORD inquiring into the working of the Act for punishing aggravated assaults carried by 53 to 47 a clause preventing the re-marriage of divorced believe that the Act was doing much good, refused to consent to on women and children; but SIR GEORGE GREY, though professing to persons. Flushed with his victory, the haughty SOAPEY made another professional demonstration, and sought to leave it to an individual the production of proof; and the motion, for which 84 voted, was clergyman to say whether he would or would not read the marriage service over any one who happened to have been divorced, and desired to wed a new consort. But this was a little too priestly for the Lords, and SAMUEL was beaten by 78 to 26. Finally, an excessively strong amendment was concocted and agreed to, namely, that henceforth, where the wife has erred, there shall be no action for damages, but that any man violating the Seventh Commandment shall be guilty of a misdemeanor and punishable by fine or imprisonment. In this form the Bill stands at present, and all that Mr. Punch intends to say upon a subject of more importance than nineteen-twentieths of the topics that come before Parliament, is, that the House of Lords is treating the measure with the grave and earnest consideration it demands, and that he trusts the Commons will show equal good taste and good feeling.

A noticeable point was one raised on the report of the Wills Bill. It was urged by 84 out of 104 proctors, that the Bill would reduce their profits from £90,000 to £15,000 a-year. We wonder that the announcement of such a boon to the public did not induce the Lords instantly to suspend the standing orders, and pass the Bill in five minutes. Assuredly, here are 75,000 reasons in favour of the measure. Just look

rejected.

Friday. BLINK BONNY won the Oaks. The CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER Ventured upon one of those pieces of official hypocrisy which, thanks to Mr. Punch, are now seldom risked. He boldly declared that Members of Parliament had no right to nominate candidates for public situations. Literally taken, his assertion was truethey have no such right. But in practice we should like to know what MR. HAYTER would say to a regulation forbidding him to mark his sense of the exemplary conduct of a Member of Parliament, by handing him a bit of patronage for a meritorious constituent. What is the use of talking such folly? If Mr. Punch's lofty virtue and leaded baton did not make it dangerous to approach him with unworthy suggestions, he has but to hint, any night, that he intends to divide against Ministers, and there would be a sudden recollection that a place in the Treasury was ready for his son, one in the Post Office for his nephew, and one in the Custom-House for any member of the Blacking Brigade who last polished Mr. P.'s button-boots.

MR. BOWYER is the organ of the Romish priests, and they, hating Prussia as a Protestant power, have set this amiable but silly man to endeavour to fix an insult upon the Prussian Court. He moved, and

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the Wiscount seconded him, that the PRINCESS ROYAL'S income should and I conquered India, he had his APELLES, but do you pretend to be ccase as soon as she became Queen of Prussia. The feeling of the one? Hang and burn your insolence. House compelled the Papist and the Snob to withdraw the motion. "Yours, F. NAPIER, Provost-Marshal-General." The attention of the House was called to the state of the Scotch Pauper Lunatic Asylums, in which it appears that all the horrors of NAPIER, in answer to a proposal to make him a Peer of the Realm. which we read with a shudder as having been permitted, in other "MY LORD,-Without inquiring whether terror rather than appreyears, in England, are in rampant existence. Scotland is too drunken a country not to have much lunacy in it, but is so religious a country ciation has produced your offer to make me a peer, I beg to say, that that it ought to see that the unhappy victims of whiskey and Calvinism if I accept a beggarly Barony, I perfectly comprehend the desire are duly cared for. that exists on the part of the Court and the Government to muzzle me The rest of the Army Estimates were taken, and the Commons with a coronet, and I acknowledge the compliment. I only consent to followed the example of the Lords in separating for the Whitsuntide be a mere Baron at a time of life when WELLINGTON was an Earl, on

י.

not feel himself comforted as a Christian with so much money, won THIRTY THOUSAND POUNDS' WORTH OF SORROW. from the wicked turf-the turf that is only a verdant covering to the bottomless pit-and therefore, we are inwardly convinced, he is at this Ar the late Chester races, certain persons, self-elected preachers, moment casting about him for the best means of dispensing the appeared upon the ground, inwardly moved to discourse to a turf £30,000 that, otherwise, must be to him no less than thirty-thousand congregation on the sinfulness of the world in general and on the tons of burning coals. Yes, at this moment, the remorseful mind of atrocious wickedness of races in particular. Why not? Ginger beer GILL bethinks itself of Chester Hospitals; of Chester Schools; of is allowed its stall; gingerbread nuts are permitted free vent. Why, Chester Reformatories; and if he pauses a moment in casting from his then, should not the field preacher be permitted to froth with indigna- soul that £30,000 weight, it is only that he cannot at a moment make tion, and to become red hot with zeal in the cause of sinners ? If his election of the object. Let us, then, give the man of sorrow a these turf apostles did not interfere with the running-if they little time to consider and choose. obediently cleared the course of themselves and their doctrines at the The naughty LORD BYRON had a skull mounted as a drinking-cup. proper warning, we see no reason why their sermons should be a whit A much more terrible vessel must be the Chester Cup to the eye of more interdicted than ginger-pop or ginger-nuts. However, the the remorseful man who has won it; filled, we may say, with 30,000 authorities of Chester thought otherwise; and, by means of their con- sovereigns! What a sea of guilt is there! What a draught for a stables, conveyed away to safe keeping certain divine orators, taken in SATAN'S Sabbath to be tasted by the whole court of BEELZEBUB! the fact of expounding their doctrines of woe and desolation. The It is not given to the human heart, especially when touched by preachers were for a time held in custody; and then discharged to be remorse, softened by sorrow, to make a household thing of that Cup. embraced with fraternal love and refreshed with sympathetic tears: The repentant sinner cannot continue to behold it on his sideboard, for a meeting was straightway convoked at Chester in admiration and the vessel to his imaginative eye so "bubbles and boils with the honour of the turf-preaching oppressed. aconite froth" that rises from the source of all cant and all hypocrisy. We shall give the earliest notice of the manner in which MR. GILL bestows the hated, festering £30,000. In token of the worthy gentleman's grief upon his winnings, it is understood that his commercial house will in future be known as "TITHERINGTON, GILL, GRIEF, AND CO."

The chair was taken by MR. WILLIAM TITHERINGTON, of the firm of TITHERINGTON and-and pray let the reader mark the fact, and GILL, and, we may add, SOMES & CO: for the grief, sorrow, and compunction that have fallen upon partner GILL must, if the reader be not of stone, melt him like butter. However, let us first note two or three lovely bits of humility emanating from the preachers themselves, from the men who had been in bonds. MR. REGINALD RADCLIFFE, a sufferer, said, "his poor hands had been steeped in vice," but he had washed them, and had used them in prayer at Chester races: for in race week "Chester was drunkenness; Chester was fornication; Chester was gambling." Even so.

"The business transacted between men during the race week in front of the Royal Hotel, was very different to that transacted between tradesmen. When a man bet another £5 to £100, the intention of the one was to gain the £100 and retain the £5;-to gain the £100 for nothing. A tradesman would send an order for £50 worth of things, and in return would receive goods to that amount, but on the gambler's principle, in lieu of £50 worth of goods, the trader would receive a quantity of empty boxes."

Now, MR. GILL, of the respected firm of TITHERINGTON AND GILL is a Liverpool cotton broker; and is reputed to have won no less than £30,000 on the last Chester-cup. What a blow, then, is dealt by preacher RADCLIFFE at cotton-broker GILL! What a draught of bitterness is he made to drink from that Cup of Death, the Cup of the Chester Turf. Let us, however, not forget the humility of the preacher. It is quite touching to learn the very humble conditions upon which he is willing to enter heaven.

"He would again repeat what he had before stated, that he had not one il thought against MAJOR FRENCH (the magistrate), but would rejoice-if he were able and the Major would allow him-to go to heaven with him arm-in-arm, and with the high constable, and with the policeman who took him to gaol."

What a sublime, what an affecting, picture! How tender, how lowly, too, the Christian spirit that would not refuse to go arm-in-arm to heaven, even with-a policeman! This very fact will prove the earnest humility that moved the preacher to the race-course; for after much suffering in a cell, he is quite prepared to forgive the constable who took him by the collar, and conveyed him to the dungeon, and, slipping his arm under the policeman's, is quite ready and willing to enter Paradise with A1. What a subject for a chapel window, if chapels permitted such flaunting vanities.

We now come to MR. GILL, of the firm of TITHERINGTON and GILL: to the forlorn and unfortunate MR. GILL, who received such a sidekick at the heels of RADCLIFFE. TITHERINGTON, a man of gushing piety, is in the chair; and at once answers a sneering attack, headed Saints and Sinners," that had appeared in the Chester Chronicle. What is MR. TITHERINGTON'S withering reply? Why, Tartuffe must hang his head, ashamed; Cantwell is extinguished; Mawworm is dumfounded.

"The paragraph in question (says TITHERINGTON) was headed Saints and Sinners, and was intended to offer congratulations to him on the success of his partner, MR. GILL, in winning a large sum of money at Chester Races. He spoke of the subject with deep humility and self abasement; his partner had been guilty of winning a large sum of money at the races, BUT HE WAS HAPPY TO SAY THAT HE (MR. GILL) WAS AS SORRY AS HIMSELF, AND MR. GILL HAD RESOLVED NEVER TO BE SEEN ON THE

COURSE AGAIN."

It is almost too sublime a height for us to hope to reach, to sympathise with the sorrow of a man-that man, too, a partner of TITHERINGTON; day-book of his day-book and ledger of his ledger,-who has won £30,000 by a sinful horse-race! But there is consolation to the sufferer, even in the very depths of his grief-consolation arising to him from the sweet resolve "never to be seen on the course again." This reminds us of the pathetic, the lovely line in the ballad of Will Watch, the Bold Smuggler

"When his pockets were lined, why his life should be mended." And the repentant GILL, with £30,000 at his banker's, turf-profits, may cease to "make a book." But we are certain that MR. GILL will

VOL. XXXII.-1857.

ORDNANCE ESTIMATES

with a seat in Parliament, he intends to move for an amendment of the MR. PUNCH hereby gives notice that, as soon as ever he is honoured Ordnance Estimates, which with annual incompleteness, are furnished by the Government. Instead of their embracing only the requirements of the Naval and the Military service, Mr. Punch would suggest their extension to the Clerical. Mr. Punch cannot see why the great guns of the Church should not as well be included in the list, and the public be made accurately acquainted with the cost of keeping them in working order. Without being thought too inquiring an economist, Mr. Punch would like to see an estimate as to what the nation now expends upon such ordnance-from its minor canons up to its sixthousand pounders; and Mr. Punch would like to know why, when a great gun has become unfit for service, it should not forthwith be discharged without the nation having quite so heavily to pay the shot.

Unnatural Subjects.

Ir is with indescribable pain that we call the attention of our loyal readers to the fact that certain persons, assumed to wear the human form, belonging to the Financial Reform Association of Liverpool, have addressed the QUEEN and F. M. PRINCE ALBERT on the subject of the PRINCESS ROYAL's dowry. These petitioners absolutely ask of the Royal parents to provide for their own child! But these petitioners cannot be men. No; they must be pelicans.

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