5 the title of Grecian; foreign and domestic news, you will have from Saint James's Coffee-house; and what else I have to offer on any other subject shall be dated from my own apartment. I once more desire my reader to consider that, as I cannot keep an ingenious man to go daily to Will's under twopence each day, merely for his charges; to White's under sixpence; nor to the Grecian, without allowing him some plain Spanish, to be as able as others at the learned Io table; and that a good observer cannot speak with even Kidney at Saint James's without clean linen; I say, these considerations will, I hope, make all persons willing to comply with my humble request (when my gratis stock is exhausted) of a penny a piece; especially since they are 15 sure of some proper amusement, and that it is impossible for me to want means to entertain them, having, besides the force of my own parts, the power of divination, and that I can, by casting a figure, tell you all that will happen before it comes to pass. 20 But this last faculty I shall use very sparingly, and speak but of few things until they are passed, for fear of divulging matters which may offend our superiors. FROM MY OWN APARTMENT. I am sorry I am obliged to trouble the public with so 25 much discourse upon a matter which I at the very first mentioned as a trifle, viz., the death of Mr. Partridge, under whose name there is an almanack come out for the year 1709, in one page of which it is asserted by the said John Partridge that he is still living, and not only so, but 30 that he was also living some time before, and even at the instant when I writ of his death. I have in another place, and in a paper by itself, sufficiently convinced this man 5 that he is dead, and if he has any shame, I don't doubt but that by this time he owns it to all his acquaintance : for though the legs and arms and whole body of that man may still appear and perform their animal functions, yet since, as I have elsewhere observed, his art is gone, the man is gone. I am, as I said, concerned that this little matter should make so much noise; but since I am engaged, I take myself obliged in honour to go on in my lucubrations, and, by the help of these arts of which I am master, as well as my skill in astrological speculations, I 10 shall, as I see occasion, proceed to confute other dead men, who pretend to be in being, that they are actually deceased. I therefore give all men fair warning to mend their manners; for I shall from time to time print bills of mortality, and I beg the pardon of all such who shall be 15 named therein, if they who are good for nothing shall find themselves in the number of the deceased. [No. 25.] WHITE'S CHOCOLATE HOUSE, As the matter at present stands, it is not to do 20 handsome actions denominates a man of honour; it is enough if he dares to defend ill ones. Thus you often see a common sharper in competition with a gentleman of the first rank, though all mankind is convinced that a fighting gamester is only a pickpocket with the courage 25 of an highwayman. One cannot with any patience reflect on the unaccountable jumble of persons and things in this town and nation, which occasions very frequently that a brave man falls by a hand below that of a common hangman, and yet his executioner escapes the clutches of the 30 hangman for doing it. I shall therefore hereafter consider how the bravest men in other ages and nations have behaved themselves upon such incidents as we decide by combat; and show, from their practice, that this resentment neither has its foundation from true reason or solid fame, but is an imposture made up of cowardice, falsehood, and want of understanding. For this work, a good 5 history of quarrels would be very edifying to the public, and I apply myself to the town for particulars and circumstances within their knowledge, which may serve to embellish the dissertation with proper cuts. Most of the quarrels I have ever known have proceeded from some Io valiant coxcomb's persisting in the wrong, to defend some prevailing folly, and preserve himself from the ingenuity of owning a mistake. By this means it is called "giving a man satisfaction " to urge your offence against him with your sword, which 15 puts me in mind of Peter's order to the keeper, in The Tale of a Tub: "If you neglect to do all this, damn you and your generation forever; and so we bid you heartily farewell." If the contradiction in the very terms of one of our challenges were as well explained, and turned 20 into downright English, would it not run after this manner? Sir, Your extraordinary behaviour last night, and the liberty you were pleased to take with me, makes me this morning 25 give you this, to tell you, because you are an ill-bred puppy, I will meet you in Hyde Park an hour hence; and because you want both breeding and humanity, I desire you would come with a pistol in your hand, on horseback, and endeavor to shoot me through the head, to teach 30 you more manners. If you fail of doing me this pleasure, I shall say you are a rascal on every post in town; and so, sir, if you will not injure me more, I shall never forgive what you have done already.. Pray, sir, do not fail of getting everything ready, and you will infinitely oblige, sir, your most obedient, humble servant, etc. [No. 27.] WHITE'S CHOCOLATE HOUSE, As a Rake among men is a man who lives in 5 the constant abuse of his reason, so a Coquette among women is one who lives in continual misapplication of her beauty. The chief of all, whom I have the honour to be acquainted with, is pretty Mrs. Toss; she is ever in practice of something which disfigures her and takes 10 from her charms, though all she does tends to a contrary effect. She has naturally a very agreeable voice and utterance, which she has changed for the prettiest lisp imaginable. She sees what she has a mind to see at half a mile distance; but poring with her eyes half shut at 15 every one she passes by she believes much more becoming. The Cupid on her fan and she have their eyes full on each other, all the time in which they are not both in motion. Whenever her eye is turned from that dear object, you may have a glance, and your bow, if she is in 20 humour, returned as civilly as you make it; but that must not be in the presence of a man of greater quality, for Mrs. Toss is so thoroughly well-bred that the chief person present has all her regards. And she who giggles at divine service and laughs at her very mother can compose 25 herself at the approach of a man of a good estate. [No. 30.] FROM MY OWN APARTMENT, The vigilance, the anxiety, the tenderness, which I have for the good people of England, I am persuaded 30 will in time be much commended; but I doubt whether they will be ever rewarded. However, I must go on cheerfully in my work of reformation: that being my great design, I am studious to prevent my labour's increasing upon me; therefore am particularly observant of the temper and inclinations of childhood and youth, that we 5 may not give vice and folly supplies from the growing generation. It is hardly to be imagined how useful this. study is, and what great evils or benefits arise from putting us in our tender years to what we are fit or unfit: therefore, on Tuesday last (with a design to sound their 10 inclinations) I took three lads who are under my guardianship a-rambling, in a hackney-coach, to show them the town, as the lions, the tombs, Bedlam, and the other places which are entertainments to raw minds, because they strike forcibly on the fancy. The boys are brothers, 15 one of sixteen, the other of fourteen, the other of twelve. The first was his father's darling, the second his mother's, and the third is mine, who am their uncle. Mr. William is a lad of true genius; but, being at the upper end of a great school, and having all the boys below him, his 20 arrogance is unsupportable. If I begin to show a little of my Latin, he immediately interrupts : " Uncle, under favour, that which you say is not understood in that manner." "Brother," says my boy Jack, "you do not show your manners much in contradicting my uncle Isaac !" do you You queer cur," says Mr. William, think my uncle takes any notice of such a dull rogue as you are?" Mr. William goes on, "He is the most stupid of all my mother's children: he knows nothing of his book; when he should mind that, he is hiding or hoarding 30 his taws and marbles, or laying up farthings. His way of thinking is, four-and-twenty farthings make sixpence, and two sixpences a shilling, two shillings and sixpence half-a-crown, and two half-crowns five shillings. So within these two months the close hunks has scraped up 25 |