15th. I rode near forty miles to Munson and met N. Snethen, with whom I travelled through his appointments a few days, when he likewise constrained me to part with him, after giving me the following hints:"You are but eighteen years of age; you are too important, and you must be more humble, and hear and not be heard so much; keep your own station, for by the time that you arrive at the age of twenty-one years, you will see wherein you have missed it—you had better, as my advice, to learn some easy trade, and be still for two or three years yet; for your bodily health will not admit of your becoming a travelling preacher at present; although, considering your advantages, your gifts are better than mine when I first set out to preach, but it is my opinion that you will not be received at the next conference." 19. I feel gloomy and dejected, but the worth of souls lies near my heart: O Lord! increase my faith, and prepare my way. After travelling several days and holding a few meetings, I attended the quarterly meeting at Wilbraham : C. Spry hinted that there were many scruples in his mind with regard to my travelling; as many thought my health and behaviour were not adequate to it. February 5th, I set out for home, and in the town of Somers, I missed my road and got lost in a great wilderness, and the snow being about two feet deep, on which was a sharp icy crust; after some time, as the path divided into branches, so that I could not distinguish one plainer than another, and those extending over the woods in all directions for the purpose of getting ship timber, I went round and round about, till I was chilled with cold, and saw nothing but death before me-at a distance I could see a village, but could discern no way to get to it, neither could I find the passage out, by which I entered; and night drawing on, no person can tell my feelings, except one who has been in a similar situation. I at last heard a sound, and by following it perhaps about half a mile or more, found a man driving a team, who gave me a direction so that I could find a foot-path made by some school-boys, by which I might happen to get through: towards this I proceeded, and by means of leaping my horse over logs, frequently stamping a path for the horse through the snow banks, with much difficulty made my way, and late at night got to my brother-in-law's, in Tolland, and the next day went home, and my soul was happy in God. I am glad that I went, although there was great opposition against me on every side; I am every where spoken evil of, &c. I feel the worth of souls to lie near my heart, and my duty still to be to preach the gospel, with a determination to do so, God being my helper. 20th, I dreamed, that in a strange house as I sat by the fire, a messenger came in and said, there are three ministers come from England, and in a few minutes will pass by this way. I followed him out, and he disappeared. I ran over a woodpile and jumped upon a log, to have a fair view of them; presently three men came over a hill from the west towards me; the foremost dismounted: the other two, one of whom was on a white horse, the other on a reddish one; both with the three horses disappeared. I said to the first, who are you? He replied, John Wesley, and walked towards the EAST; he turned round and looking me in the face, said, God has called you to preach the gospel; you have been a long time between hope and fear, but there is a dispensation of the gospel committed to you. Woe unto you, if you preach not the gospel. I was struck with horror and amazement, to think how he should know the exercise of my mind, when I knew he had never heard of me before? I still followed him to the eastward, and expressed an observation for which he with his countenance reproved me, for the better improvement of my time. At length we came to a loghouse where negroes lived, the door being open, he attempted twice to go in, but the smoke prevented him, he said, you may go in, if you have a mind, and if not, follow me. I followed him a few rods, where was an old house two stories high, in one corner of which, my parents looked out at a window; and said they to him, "Who are you?" He replied, John Wesley; Well, said they, what becomes of doubting christians? He replied, there are many serious christians who are afraid of death. They dare not believe they are converted, for fear of being deceived; and they are afraid to disbe lieve it, lest they should grieve the Spirit of God, so they live and die and go into the other world, and their souls to heaven with a guard of angels. I then said, will the day of judgment come as we read, and the sun and moon fall from heaven, and the earth and works be burnt? To which he answered: "It is not for you to know the times and seasons, which God hath put in his own power, but read the word of God with attention and let that be your guide." I said, Are you more than fifty-five? He replied, do you not remember reading an account of my death, in the history of my life? I turned partly round, in order to consider, and after I had recollected it, I was about to answer him, yes; when I looked, and behold he was gone, and I saw him no more. It set me to shaking and quaking to such a degree, that it waked me up. N. B. The appearance of his person was the very same as him who appeared to me three times in the dream when I was about thirteen years of age, and who said that he would come to me again, &c. March 14th, about this time, my uncle made me the offer of a horse, to wait a year for the payment, provided I would get bondsmen: four of the society willingly offered. O! from what an unexpected quarter was this door opened! My parents seeing my way thus beginning to open, and my resolution to go forward; with loving intreaties and strong arguments strove to prevail against it. But as they promised sometime before not `to restrain me by their authority, in case a door should open from another quarter, (they not expecting it would) and seeing they could not prevail upon me to tarry, they gave up the point-and gave me some articles of clothing and some money for my journey. Not having as yet attempted to preach from a text, but only exercised my gifts in the way of exhortation, I obtained a letter of recommendation concerning my moral conduct; this was all the credentials I had. About the 10th of last month, I dreamed that C. Spry received a letter from JESSE LEE, that he wanted help in the province of Maine, and that the said C. S. and L. Macombs concluded to send me. N. B. These were the two preachers who afterwards signed the abovementioned letter of recommendation. 1796. March 30th. This morning early, I set out for Rhode-Island, in quest of J. Lee, who was to attend a quarterly meeting there-as I was coming away we joined in prayer, taking leave of each other, and as I got on my road I looked about and espied my mother looking after me until I got out of sight; this caused me some tender feelings afterwards. Until this time, I have enjoyed the comforts of a kind father's house; and oh! must, I now become a wanderer and stranger upon earth until I get to my long home! During this day's journey, these words of our Lord came into my mind; "the foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head." The language of my heart is; what is past I know; what is to come I know not. Lord! bless me in the business I am set out upon. I feel more than ever that God has called me to this work. April 1st. Upon my arrival at Cranston in RhodeIsland, I found that J. Lee was gone to Boston; I accordingly set out after him and found the preachers' boarding house at Boston, and they told me that Lee had gone to the east, and that I could not overtake him short of two or three hundred miles, and their advice was to go to Warren in Rhode-Island with Thomas Coope, a native of Manchester, who was going to set out that afternoon-accordingly I joined him in company thirty-six miles, to East-Town. Sunday 3d. This day, for the first time, I gave out a text before a Methodist preacher, and I being young both in years and ministry, the expectations of many were raised, who did not bear with my weakness and strong doctrine, but judged me very hard, and would not consent that I should preach there any more for some time. Having travelled a few days with T. C. we came to Reynham, where attempting to preach I was seized with sudden illness, such as affected me at Warehousepoint, with the loss of sight and strength, so that I was constrained to give over, and T. C. finished the meeting -after which, lots were cast to see whether I should pass the Sabbath here, or go to East-town-it turned up for me to tarry here, which I accordingly did, and held three meetings, which were solemn. I met T. C. who said, if I was so minded I might return home; which I declining, he said, "I do not believe God has called you to preach." I asked him, why? He replied, 1st, your health-2nd, your gifts-3rd, your grace-4th, your learning-5th, sobriety-in these you are not equivalent to the task. I replied, enough!Lord! what am I but a poor worm of the dust, struggling for life and happiness.* The time now drawing near when I expected to leave these parts, the society where I first attempted to give out a text, desired to hear me again; and contrary to my intreaties, T. C. appointed and constrained me to go, threatening me if I refused. According I went and gave out these words, "Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth." Gal. iv. 16. June 30th. I rode twenty-four miles and preached once, and saw J. Lee, the presiding elder, who had just returned from the east-I gave him my recommenda tion. July 3rd. This evening, our quarterly meeting being over, from the representation that was given of me by T. C. I received a dismission from the circuit, with orders to go home, which was as follows: "We have had brother Lorenzo Dow, the bearer hereof, travelling on Warren circuit, these three months last past. In several places, he was liked by a great many people; at other places, he was not liked so well, and at a few places they were not willing he should preach at all, we have therefore thought it necessary to advise him to return home for a season, until a further recommendation can be obtained from the society and preachers of that circuit. Jesse Lee, Elder. Rhode-Island, July 3d, 1796, JOHN VANIMAN, To C. Spry, and the methodists in Coventry." * He since is expelled the Connexion! |