We must present merely its essentials. Only in that way may a play, a condensed presentation of life, hope to give a total effect for a scene equal to that of the original. The re-ordered dialogue of the right-hand column seeks merely to bring together ideas really closely related, and to move, in a way in keeping with the characters, from lesser to stronger emotion. With the disappearance of the scrappy effect, is not the result clearer? Even now, the dialogue might well be condensed and made emotionally more significant. If we let the dialogue of a play merely state necessary facts, what is the result? At the worst, something like the left-hand column. Two young women, one the married hostess and the other the friend of her girlhood, are opening their morning mail on the piazza. Serena, the hostess, has known nothing of the engagement of Elise to Teddy. ORIGINAL Elise. (Looking up from her letters.) Is he coming? Serena. I don't know yet, but I wish he were still in South Africa. If he does come, I don't know what will happen. There's a letter from Aunt Deborah. Elise. Yes? What does she want? Serena. Did you know she had a terrible quarrel with Teddy just before he went to South Africa? Elise. I had a vague idea of it. It must all be made up now and they'll be delighted to meet here. Serena. No, she won't. She says she's sure she'll have a shock if she sees him and very gladly accepts our kind invitation because so she can avoid meeting him. REVISION" Serena. I don't know yet, but I wish he were still in South Africa. Look at this: (Showing letter.) A letter from Aunt Deborah. Elise. Yes? Serena. Aunt Deborah had a terrible quarrel with Teddy just before he went! Elise. Oh, that must be all made up now. Serena. Listen! (Reading from letter.) "If I see that man I'll have a shock," and (with a despairing gesture) she very gladly accepts our invitation! From the left-hand column we surely do learn that a before-mentioned Teddy has been in South Africa; that he and a certain Aunt Deborah have quarreled; and that though she particularly does not wish to meet Teddy, she is coming, as he is, to visit at this house- three important points. Like everyday speech, the quoted dialogue lacks compactness. Let us first, therefore, cut out all that is not absolutely necessary. We do not need, in the first speech of Elise, anything more than the query, "Yes?" The inflection will give the rest. In the second speech of Serena we can cut "to South Africa," for we have already mentioned where Teddy has been. In the second speech of Elise, it is the words "It must be all made up now" that are important. What precedes and what follows may be omitted. Similarly, in the first and second speeches of Serena, it is the first and the third sentences which are important. The second, if given, really anticipates an effect which will be stronger later. If we change the second speech from a query to an assertion or an exclamation, we shall gain and slightly condense. It will then read, "Aunt Deborah had a terrible quarrel with Teddy just before he went!" Because we have cut the last speech of Elise, the first sentence of the next speech of Serena becomes unnecessary. It will be necessary, however, to re-phrase what remains of this final speech, so hard is it to deliver. The revised dialogue may still be poor enough, but it says all the original did in less that is condensation. The effect is better because we have cut out some parts, and have slightly changed others. That is selection. The slight changes have been made in order to make the sequence of ideas clearer, to suggest emotion more clearly, or to make the dialogue natural and all that means the beginning of characterization. The final word on this dialogue is, however, that even now either speaker could utter the words of the other, space and that is all wrong. Clearly, then, even in stating facts, dialogue may be bad, indifferent, and good. The following opening of a Japanese No drama shows that even more trained writers may write dialogue with no virtue except its clearness: TWO HEARTS A drama by J. Mushakoji SCENE: A forest glade on the nobleman's estate. A cross for crucifixion in the foreground. Two men A and B standing on either side of the cross holding spears. A. That fellow has behaved foolishly! B. Yes, and the girl also. A. It was certain that they would be killed when found out. B. And nothing could prevent the discovery. A. Our master is extremely indignant. B. There has not been one person crucified since the present lord succeeded. A. Although the stewards have assured him that it is the established law of the land, the present master has never given permission for the punishment of criminals by crucifixion and fire. But now he has announced that he will kill them in this manner, and we are commissioned to carry out the disagreeable duty. B. Even though we refused to obey the command at first and requested him to excuse us he would not listen to our petition. A. The master must have been very fond of this young girl. B. Yes. Rumour has it that he became attached to her while the late mistress was still living. A. He did not care very much for his wife. Anyway, she was too inferior to be his companion. B. It was said that he did not grieve over her death. A. And I have heard that the girl fainted when her mistress died. B. She must have been a favourite among the other attendants who accompanied the lady when she became the wife of the lord. A. She was clever and pretty and had a strong character. B. Why did the girl fall in love with that fellow, I wonder? A. He is the kind of a man a woman admires. B. And because the girl loved him he now receives such severe punishment. A. We can never tell. What seems good luck may mean unexpected misfortune. B. She would have been happier if she had obeyed the master's will instead of rejecting him. A. Probably she did not like him. B. But he seemed to care a great deal for her. A. It may not be right to say so, but his decision seems to have been taken because of his jealousy. B. Yes, that is true. I wonder why he has commanded us to prepare only one cross. A. Perhaps it is his plan to save one of them. B. I don't think that could be done very well. A. But some one said the master told the girl that he would save her life if she would only desert the young man for him. B. That may be so. Perhaps he intends to crucify the young man first in the presence of the girl so as to break her obstinate spirit and thus gain her love. A. That may be so. B. It is said that the young man has already repented of his love for the girl. But she was not at all frightened when the punishment was announced and she was informed that she was to be crucified. The man, on the contrary, at once turned white and almost fainted when he heard the judgment passed upon him. A. But a woman is much braver in love affairs than a man. B. You speak as though you had had experience! A. Ha! Ha! Ha! B. Perhaps the master wishes to kill the young man in as cruel a manner as possible. A. Hush! The lord is here! We are now obliged to remain silent and witness a living drama. B. And we have a dreadful task to perform.1 Though this omits nothing in the way of necessary information, how colorless it is! When we note how perfectly either A or B could speak the lines of the other, we see where the difficulty lies. The lines lack all characterization. The history of the drama shows that while the facts of a 1 The Far East, June 6, 1914, p. 295. play may be interesting in themselves, they are much more interesting to an audience which hears them as they present themselves to well-defined characters of the story. It is axiomatic that sympathy quickens interest. Take a much better known illustration of the same point. The left-hand column gives the opening lines of the first quarto, Hamlet. The right-hand column shows the opening of the second quarto. Enter two Centinels 1. Stand: who is that? 2. Tis I. 1. O you come most carefully upon your watch. 2. And if you meete Marcellus and Horatio, The partners of my watch, bid them make haste. 1. I will: See who goes there. Enter Horatio and Marcellus Horatio. Friends to this ground. Enter Barnardo and Francisco, Barnardo. Whose there? Bar. Hee. Fran. You come most carefully upon your houre. Bar. Tis now strooke twelfe, get thee to bed Francisco. Fran. For this relief much thanks, [tis bitter cold,] And I am sick at heart. Bar. Have you had quiet guard? Fran. [Not a mouse stirring.] Enter Horatio and Marcellus Fran. I think I heare them, stand ho, who is there? Horatio. Friends to this ground. |