ALL FOOLS'.

C

ACTUS I. SCENA I.

Enter Rynaldo, Fortunio, Valerio.
Rynaldo.

A N one felf cause, in fubjects fo alike
As you two are, produce effect fo unlike?
One like the turtle, all in mournful strains,
Wailing his fortunes; th' other like the lark
Mounting the fky in thrill and chearful notes,
Chanting his joys afpir'd; and both for love:
In one, love raifeth by his violent heat,
Moist vapours from the heart into the eyes,
From whence they drown his breaft in daily showers;
In th' other, his divided power infufeth

Only a temperate and moft kindly warmth,
That gives life to those fruits of wit and virtue,
Which the unkind hand of an uncivil father
Had almost nipt in the delightfome bloffom.

Fortunio.

O brother, love 'rewards our fervices
With a moft partial and injurious hand,
If you confider well our different fortunes:
Valerio loves, and joys the dame he loves:
I love, and never can enjoy the fight
Of her I love; fo far from conquering

In

my defires affault, that I can come

7 Langbaine fays, this play was in its days accounted an excellent comedy. It feems built in part upon the fame fabrick with Terence's Heautontimorumenos, as thofe who will compare the characters of the two fathers Gostanzo and Marco Antonio, with Chremes and Menedemus, and their fons Valerio, Fortunio, and Rynaldo, with Clinja, Antipho, and Syrus, may easily perceive.

To lay no battery to the fort I seek
All paffages to it, fo strongly kept,
By ftrait guard of her father.

I dare fwear,

Rynaldo.

;

If juft defert in love meafur'd reward,
Your fortune fhould exceed Valerio's far:
For I am witness (being your bedfellow)
Both to the daily and the nightly fervice
You do unto the deity of love,

In vows, fighs, tears, and folitary watches :
He never ferves him with fuch facrifice,
Yet hath his bow and fhafts at his command:
Love's fervice is much like our humorous lords:
Where minions carry more than fervitors:
The bold and careless fervant still obtains:
The modeft and refpective, nothing gains.
You never fee your love, unless in dreams;
He, Hymen puts in whole poffeffion.

What different ftars reign'd when your loves were born;
He forc'd to wear the willow, you the horn!

But, brother, are you not asham'd to make
Yourself a flave to the bafe lord of love,
Begot of fancy, and of beauty born?
And what is beauty? a mere quinteffence,
Whofe life is not in being, but in feeming;
And therefore is not to all eyes the fame,
But like a couzening picture, which one way
Shews like a crow, another like a swan :
And upon what ground is this beauty drawn?
Upon a woman, a most brittle creature,
And would to God (for my part) that were all !
Fortunio.

But tell me, brother, did you never love?

Rynaldo.

You know I did, and was belov'd again,

And that of fuch a dame, as all men deem'd

bumorous] See Note 74 to The Spanish Tragedy, vol. III. p. 137refpective,] See Note 42 to Ram-Alley, vol. V. p. 480.

Honour'd,

Honour'd, and made me happy in her favours:
Exceeding fair fhe was not; and yet fair
In that the never studied to be fairer

Than nature made her; beauty coft her nothing,
Her virtues were fo rare, they would have made
An Ethiop beautiful: at least, fo thought

By
fuch as stood aloof, and did observe her
With credulous eyes: but what they were indeed
I'll fpare to blaze, because I lov'd her once,
Only 1 found her fuch, as for her fake

I vow eternal wars against their whole sex,
Inconftant fhuttle-cocks, loving fools, and jefters;
Men rich in dirt, and titles fooner won

With the most vile, than the most virtuous:
Found true to none: if one amongst whole hundreds
Chance to be chafte, she is fo proud withall,
Wayward and rude, that one of unchafte lite
Is oftentimes approv'd a worthier wife:
Undreffed, fluttish, nafty, to their husbands,
Spung'd up, adorn'd, and painted to their lovers;
All day in ceafelefs uproar with their housholds,
If all the night their husbands have not pleas'd them:
Like hounds, most kind, being beaten and abus'd;
Like wolves, moft cruel, being kindliest us'd.

Fortunio.

Fie, thou prophan'ft the deity of their fex.
Rynaldo.

Brother, I read, that Egypt heretofore
Had temples of the richest frame on earth:
Much like this goodly edifice of women,
With alabafter pillars were those temples
Upheld and beautified, and fo are women:
Moft curioufly glaz'd, and fo are women;
Cunningly painted too, and fo are women;
1n out-fide wondrous heavenly, fo are women:
But when a ftranger view'd those fanes within,
Inftead of gods and goddeffes, he fhould find
A painted fowl, a fury, or a ferpent,
And fuch celestial inner parts have women.

Valerio.

Valerio.

Rynaldo, the poor fox that loft his tail,
Perfuaded others alfo to lofe theirs:
Thyfelf, for one perhaps that for defert
Or fome defect in thy attempts refus'd thee,
Revil' the whole fex, beauty, love and all :
I tell thee, love is nature's fecond fon,
Caufing a fpring of virtues where he shines,
And as without the fun, the world's great eye,
All colours, beauties, both of art and nature,
Are given in vain to men, fo without love
All beauties bred in women are in vain ;
All virtues born in men lie buried,

For love informs them as the fun doth colours
And as the fun, reflecting his warm beams
Again ft the earth, begets all fruits and flowers,
So love, fair fhining in the inward man,
Brings forth in him the honourable fruits
Of valour, wit, virtue, and haughty thoughts,
Brave refolution, and divine difcourfe:
O'tis the paradife, the heaven of earth;
And didit thou know the comfort of two hearts
In one delicious harmony united,

As to joy one joy, and think both one thought,
Live both one life, and therein double life;
To fee their fouls met at an interview
In their bright eyes, at parley in their lips,
Their language kifles; and tobferve the reit,
Touches, embraces, and each circumstance
Of all love's most unmatched ceremonies;
Thou would'it abhor thy tongue for blafphemy,
O, who can comprehend how sweet love taftes,
But he that hath been prefent at his feafts?
Rynaldo.

Are you in that vein too, Valerio ?

'Twere fitter you should be about your charge,
How plough and cart goes forward: I have known
Your joys were all employ'd in husbandry,
Your study was how many loads of hay

A meadow of fo many acres yielded;

How

How many oxen fuch a clofe would fat?
And is your rural fervice now converted
From Pan to Cupid; and from beasts to women?
O, if your father knew this, what a lecture

Of bitter caftigation he would read you!

Valerio.

My father! why my father? does he think
To rob me of myself? I hope I know

I am a gentleman; though his covetous humour
And education hath transform'd me bailiff,
And made me overfeer of his pastures,

I'll be myself, in fpight of husbandry.

Enter Gratianą.

And fee bright heaven here comes my husbandry;

[Embraces ber

Here fhall my cattle graze; here nectar drink;
Here will I hedge and ditch; here hide my treasure,
O poor Fortunio; how wouldst thou triumph,
If thou enjoy'dit this happinefs with my fitter!
Fortunio.

I were in heaven if once 'twere come to that

Rynaldo.

And methinks 'tis my heaven that I am past it;
And should the wretched Machevilian,

The covetous knight your father, fee this fight,
Lufty Valerio

S'foot, fir, if he should,

Valerio.

He shall perceive ere long my fkill extends
To fomething more than fweaty husbandry.
Rynaldo.

I'll bear thee witnefs, thou canft skill of dice,
Cards, tennis, wenching, dancing, and what not;
And this is fomething more than husbandry:
Th'art known in ordinaries and tobacco-shops,
Trusted in taverns and in vaulting-houses,
And this is fomething more than husbandry:
Yet all this while, thy father apprehends thee
For the moft tame and thrifty groom in Europe.

Fortunio,