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but finding me resolute, they were wise enough to take their heels; I believe I scratch'd some of 'em.
[Laying ber bund to ber sword, Sbarp. His vanity has sav'd my credit. I have a thought come into my head may prove to our advantage, provided monsieur's ignorance bears any proportion to his impudence.
[Aside. Gad. Now my fright's over, let me introduce you, my dear, to Mr Gayless; Sir, this is my nephew.
Gayl. [Saluting ber.] Sir, I shall be proud of your friendship
Mel I don't doubt but we shall be better acquainted in a little iime.
Gut. Pray, Sir, what news in France ?
Mel. Faith, Sir, very little that I know of in the political way; I had no time to spend among the politicians. I
Gayl. Among the ladies, I suppose.
Mél. Too much indeed. Faith, I have not philosophy enough to resist their solicitations; you take
[To Gayless aside. Gayl. Yes, to be a most incorrigible fop; s’death, this puppy's impertinence is an addition, to my misery.
[Aside to Sharp. Mel. Poor Gayless! to what shifts is he reduced ? I cannot bear to see him much longer in this condition, I shall discover myself.
[ Aside to Gad-about Gad. Not before the end of the play; besides, the more his pain now, the greater his pleasure when relieved from it.
Trip. Shall we return to our cards? I have a sans prendre here, and must insist you to play it out,
Lad. With all my heart.
Mel. Allons donc. [As the company goes out, Sharp pulls Melissa by the sleeve. J
Sbarp. Sir, Sir, shall I beg leave to speak with you? Pray
you find a bank note in your way hither? Mel. What, between here and Dover do
Sbarp. No, Sir, within twenty or thirty yards of this house,
Mel. You are drunk, fellow.
What is all this?
Sbarp. I'll tell you, Sir: a little while ago my master sent me out to change a note of twenty pounds; but I unfortunately hearing á noise in the street of damn-me, Sir, and clashing of swords, and rascal, and murder; I runs up to the place, and saw four men upon one; and having heard you was a mettlesome young gentleman, I immediately concluded it must be you ; so run back to call my master, and when I went to look for the note to change it, I found it gone, either stole or lost; and if I don't get the money immediately, I shall certainly be turned out of my place, and lose my character
Mel. I shall laugh in his face, [Aside.] Oh, I'll speak to your master about it, and he will forgive you at my intercession. $barp. Ah, Sir! you
my master. Mel. I'm very little acquainted with him; but I have heard he's a very good-natur'd man.
Sbarp. I have heard so too, but I have felt it otherwise ; he has so much good-mature, that, if I could compound for one broken-head a day, I should think myself very well off.
Mel. Are you serious, friend?
Sbarp. Look'e Sir, I take you for a man of honour; there is something in your face that is generous, open, and masculine; you don't look like a foppish, effemi:iate tell-tale; so I'll venture to trust you. See here, Sir [sbews bis bead.] these are the effects of my master's goodnature.
Mel. Matchless impudence ! [Aside.] Why do you live with him then after such usage ?
Sbarp. He's worth a great deal of money, and when he's drunk, which is commonly once a day, he's very free, and will give me any thing; but I design to leave him when he's married for all that.
Mel. Is he going to be married then?
Sbarp. To-morrow, Sir; and between you and I, he'll meet with his match, both for humour and something else too.
Mel. What, she drinks too?
Sbarp. Damnably, Sir; but mum-You must know this entertainment was design'd for madam to-night; but she got so very gay after dinner, that she could not walk out of her own house; so her maid, who was half gone too,
came here with an excuse, that Mis Melissa had got the vapours; and so she had indecd violentiy; here, here, Sir.
[Pointing to bis bead. Mel. This is scarcely to be borne. [ Aside.] Melissa! I have heard of her; they say she's very
whimsical. Sbarp. A very woman, and please your honour; and between you and I, none of the mildest of her sex-But to return, Sir, to the twenty pounds.
Mel. I am surprised, you, who have got so much money in his service, should be at a loss for twenty pounds, to save your bones at this juncture.
Sbarp. I have put all my money out at interest; I never keep above five pounds by me; and if your honour would lend me the other fifteen and take my note for it.
[Knocking Mel. Somebody at the door. Sbarp. I can give very good security. [Knocking Mel. Don't let the people wait MrSbarp. Ten pounds will do.
[Knocking Mel. Allez vous en. Sbarp. Five, Sir,
[Knocking Mel. Je ne puis pas.
Sbarp. Je ne puis pas.--I find we shan't understand one another, I do but lose time; and if I had any thought, I might have known these young fops return from their travels generally with as little money as improvement.
[Exit Sharp. Mel. Ha, ha, ha, what lies does this fellow invent, and what rogueries does he commit for his master's service ? There never sure was a more faithful servant to his master, or a greater rogue to the rest of mankind. But here he comes again, the plot thickens, I'll in and observe Gayless.
[Exit Melissa. Enter SHARP before several persons with disbes in their
bands, and a cook drunk. Sbarp. Fortune, I thank thee, the most lucky accident! [ Aside. This way, Gentlemen, this way.
Cook. I am afraid I have mistook the house. Is this Mr Treatwell's ?
Sbarp. The same, the same: what, don't you know me? Cook. Know you!
-Are you sure there was a supper bespoke here?
Sbarp. Yes: upon my honour, Mr Cook, the company is in the next room, and must have gone withont, had not you brought it. I'll draw a table. I see you have brought a cloth with you; but you need not have done that, for we have a pretty good stock of linen-at the pawnbrokers.
[Aside. [Exit, and returns immediately, drawing a table.] Come, come, my boys, be quick, the company began to be very uneasy; but I knew my old friend, Lick-spit here would not fail us.
Cook. Lick-spit! I am no friend of yours; so I desire Jess familiarity ; lick-spit too!
Enter GAYLESS, and stares. Gayl. What is all this?
Sbarp. Sir, if the sight of the supper is offensive, I can easily have it removed.
[Aside to Gayless. Gayl. Prithee explain thyself, Sharp.
Sharp. Some of our neighbours, I suppose have bespoke this supper; but the cook has drank away his memory, forgot the house, and brought it here; however, Sir, if you dislike it, I'll tell him of his mistake, and send him about his business.
Gayl. Hold, hold, necessity obliges me against my inclination to favour the cheat, and feast at my neighbour's expence. Cook. Hark
you, friend, is that your master ? Sbarp. Ay, and the best master in the world.
Cook. I'll speak to him then-Sir, I have according to your commands, dress’d as genteel a supper as my art andi your price would admit of.
Sburp. Good again, Sir, 'tis paid for. [ Aside te Gayless.
Gayi. I don't in the least question your abilities, Mr Cook, and I am obliged to you for your care.
Cook. Sir, you are a gentleman ;--and if vou would look over the bill and approve it (pulls out a bill) you will over and above return the obligation.
Sbarp. Oh the devil!
Gayl. (looking on a bill.) Very well, I'll send my maa to pay you to-morrow.
Cook. I'll spare him that trouble, and tale it with me, Sir-I never work but for ready money. Gayl. Hah ? C3
Sbarp. Then you won't have our custom. (Aside.] My master is busy now, friend; do you think he won't pay you?
Cook. No matter what I think; either my meat or my money.
Sbarp. 'Twill be very ill-convenient for him to pay you to-night.
Cook. Then I'm afraid it will be ill-convenient to pay me to-morrow; so d'ye hear
Enter MELISSA. Gayl. Prithee be advis’d, s’death I shall be discover'd.
[Takes the cook aside. Mel. (to Sharp.) What's the matter?
Sharp. The cook has not quite answer'd my master's expectations about the supper, Sir, and he's a little angry at hiin, that's all.
Mel. Come, coine, Mr Gayless, don't be uneasy, a batchelor cannot be supposed to have things in the utmost re-. gularity; we don't expect it.
Cook. But I do expect, and will have it.
Cook. That I will hare my money, and I won't stay till to-morrow and, and
Sbar). ( ruins and steps b's moutb.) Hold, hold, what are you loing? Are you ma:!?
Mil. What do you stop the man's breath for?
Sbarp. Sir, he was going to call you names... -Don't be abusive, Cock; the gentleman is a man of honour, and said nothing to you; pray be pacify’d, you are in liquor.
Cook. I shall have my.
Sbarp. ( holding still.) Why, I tell you, fool, you mistake the gentleman, he is a friend of my master's, and has n:ot said a word to you. -Pray, good Sir, go i::to the nextricm; the fellow's drunk, and takes you for another,
You'll repent this when you are sober, friend-Pray, Sir, don't stay to hear his imperiinence.
Gayl. Pray, Sir, walk in-he's below your anger.
Mel. Damn the rasca!! what does he mean by affronting me!-Let the scoundrol go, I'll polish his brutality, I warrant you; here's the best reformers of manners in the u nivese. [Draws his sword.}. let him go, I say. Sbarp. So, so you have done finely, now-Get away as