AN empty head and an empty stomach, when found united, as they of ten are, in one and the same individual, incapacitate their owner for any great mental or corporeal exertion. But take your man, and cram him - with turtle soup, roast-beef, and cran berry-tarts, and however Nature may abhor the vacuum in his unfurnished upper story, she is so pleased with the repletion of his victualling-office, that she makes the belly perform the work of the brain, and shews what is in a man after three finished and regular courses of education. Look along a large public dinner, eaten either in the cause of Freedom or the Fine Arts, and you will observe how ideas seem to be rising up from the very pits of their stomachs, into the countenances of the friends of the human race. In all probability, every gentleman present has a ninny at either elbow; but that is of no earthly consequence; the dinner does its duty; the cook makes every cub a Canning; and the speaker on spare diet, what is he when brought into rivalry with some glutton of the Gormandizing School, inspired by a peck of green peas, and ballasted with beef 8s. per stone, sinking offals?

We intend giving a monthly report of such dinners; and without farther preamble, begin with that of the Scot tish Club, Liverpool, devoured upon the 18th of June, A. D. 1823. The Members of the Club, (so we are informed by our friend Mr Merrit's excellent paper, the Advertiser,) met in the Castle Inn, Lord-Street, many of them in "splendid Highland dresses." "The sonsy face of Scotland's favourite dish, the haggis, graced the festive board," &c. Of this most hi deous and indecent dish, Burns, who did not stick at trifles, said, " Thy hurdies like twa distant hills;" and when people sit down to dine with their own hurdies bare, nothing better can be expected from them, than to place a pair upon the table, and to aver that they" grace the festive board." But we solemnly protest against the doctrine that holds haggis to be the national and characteristic diet of Scotland. What may have

been the case long ago, that is to say, mid-way between the Flood and the Union of the two kingdoms, we cannot tell, never having been addicted to archaiological researches. But this we will say, that no Highlander ever ate a haggis in a kilt upon a hill of heather, and that if such a thing were to be found lying in a glen, no untravelled Highlander would be able to swear conscientiously upon the Bible, whe ther it belonged to the vegetable kingdom, was a pair of bellows, or a newly-imported bag-pipe. In all likelihood he would, with that curiosity natural to all savages, stick his dirk into its hurdies; and being generally in a state of hunger, he would begin with tasting, and finish with devouring the contents thereof. But still he would not believe it to be indigenous; nor, in after life, during his sojourn in Liverpool, or any other remote town, would he devoutly bow down to it, and worship it as the idol of one of his country's gods. Into the history of the haggis, we have not time this month to inquire, nor do we know at present whether it originally was the dish of a free people or a nation of slaves. But, however like its "hurdies" may be to " distant hills," the Highlanders have had no opportunity in their own country of making the comparison; and once more we enter our protest against this attempt to attribute a Celtic origin to the great chieftain of the pudding race," whose name and lineage, smell and sound, are exceedingly Gothic.

However, be the history of the haggis what it may, there can be no doubt that Mr D. Abercromby must have lubricated the coats of his stomach with it most assiduously, before he could discharge the following oration. "The Bulwark of Liberty, and the Foe of Despotism, a Free Press," having been drunk, the Gormandizer, No. I., arose, and thus vivavoced the Chair:

"MR CHAIRMAN,

"Having been connected with the press from my earliest years, and emboldened by the toast which you have just now drunk, I am induced to obtrude myself upon your

attention for a few moments; not, indeed, for the purpose of shewing the astonishing effects which have been produced upon the moral, the religious, and the political world, by that most powerful engine, the press; nor to point out the benefits which

mankind have derived from the use of it,

or the evils of which it has been productive, (all of which would be quite foreign to the occasion of our present meeting) but to advert very briefly to the objects which

the members of the Scottish Club had in view at its establishment.-Before doing so, however, permit me to mention, en passant, that this day, on which we cele brate, for the first time, the establishment of the Scottish Club in this town, is the

anniversary of an event which will ever be memorable in the annals of this country, a period on which history will long dwell with delight, and the anniversary of which will furnish to ages yet unborn the theme of many a noble story. Need I state, that I allude to the glorious battle of Waterloo ? That event is of so very recent date, and the particulars are so very familiar to all of you, that I should unnecessarily occupy your time by entering into any detail of the gallant feats performed by the heroes of Britain on that glorious day. Suffice it to say, that never on any former field of glory, distinguished as they have been for deeds of arms, did the bravery of the sons of St George shine forth with greater lustre ; never did the lads of Erin display more of their native heroism, than they that day shewed in supporting the reputation of their General, himself the child of their own dear isle of the ocean;' and never were more noble deeds of daring performed by any than were that day displayed by our gallant countrymen, the bold and hardy

sons of the North

Lads who cry onward, but never cry parleyBold Scottish lads, with their bannocks of barley.""

What a glorious exordium !-and how redolent of haggis and heather, duckling and sage stuffing. Why did the godlike man decline shewing the astonishing effects which have been produced upon the moral, political, and religious world, by that most powerful engine, the Press? Why should he have thought it foreign to the purpose of the meeting, not a whit more surely than the battle of Waterloo? Not a soul ate haggis that day, who had any thing to do with the great battle, and they might just as appropriately have swallowed haggis and strutted in kilts upon the 1st of April, as on the 18th of June. But we observe, that no sooner does a Highlander put on a kilt, than he begins with scratching him

self into a belief that he dethroned Napoleon. Nothing will satisfy him but to celebrate the anniversary of the Battle of Waterloo, where, however great the itch of fighting, there was less butter than brimstone, and where the few hundred Highlanders that were not killed at Quatre Bras, were despatched like so many haggises, and left with their hurdies to fatten the soil of the ungrateful Netherlands. What better is all this vapouring about a day of blood, than the imitative cock-a-doodle-dooing of schoolboys, who have chanced to see two gamecocks slaying each other, and who keep flapping their arms as if they were themselves the combatants, and all so many bloody-heeled Ginger-Piles?

But Mr D. Abercromby now leaves the ensanguined field of Waterloo, and tells the Scottish Club why they are all met together, which, we presume, but for his well-timed information, would have remained a secret even from themselves.

"The objects for which the Scottish Club was instituted, are such as to commend themselves to the judgment of every man acquainted with them, and to do equal credit to the head and the heart of him who proposed its establishment, and to you who have matured and brought it to its present high state of respectability and usefulness. These objects, I believe, I will be correct in saying, are three in number, viz.-First, and chiefly, the support of the infirm, the sick, and the aged amongst you. Secondly, The promotion of that amor patriæ which is inherent in every man, but which is peculiarly characteristic of Scotchmen. And, lastly, To preserve from extinction, amidst the ever-varying and fantastical fashions of every-day invention, the peculiar and national dress of Scotland. Let me trespass upon your patience for a few moments, whilst I briefly make a few hastilyconcocted observations on each of these in their order."

Here the excellence of his remarks proves the fulness of his stomach. Having, in his skilful exordium, declined any historical exposition of the power of the Press over the destinies of man, which he felt inwardly would have been a needless condiment to that highly-savoured dish, a haggis-with similar judgment, he remarks, "It would be a waste of time, an insult to your good sense, to shew, by any lengthened remarks, the necessity of making provision for infirmity, sickness, and old age." He then slides on, with an alacrity only possible in a

well-dined orator, into the proof of this very difficult proposition, and shews, as we think, to the satisfaction of fat and lean, the man of strong digestion, and the martyr to constipated bowels, "that it is the incumbent duty of every man, while in the possession of health and strength, to provide, as far as human capacity enables him, against the ills of life." Having gained vantage-ground, he then launches forth into one of the noblest strains to be found in the whole range of our gormandizing eloquence.

ge.

"Highly conducive to the attainment of these heart-delighted purposes, are annual dinners similar to the present. Their effects are to enliven and invigorate the nerous and patriotic sentiments with which we are animated. Engaged in the righteous cause of benevolence, in fulfilling the new commandment given by the Divine Author of Christianity, That you love one another,' the pleasures of the festiveboard are refined and consecrated; it sheds an almost sanctifying influence over the joy-inspiring bowl, and imparts to our convivial intercourse a charm more than human."

This is the ne plus ultra-the Land'send-the John-o'-Groat's House-the Ultima Thule the Back-o'-Beyond -of the oratory of the Haggis-Bag To Mr D. Abercromby, indeed, belongs the "Os magna sonaturum." If he eats as he spouts, (and it should be so,) his jawbones must be more destructive than any recorded in history, sacred or profane; and, to use his own words, with a slight and pardonable alteration, he must "exhibit in convivial intercourse a power more than human."

Mr D. Abercromby proceeds to the second head of his address, and holds forth on the amor patria of Scotchmen. The promotion of this principle is the second great object of the Liverpool Scottish Club, although it seems to us that is somewhat like carrying coals to Newcastle. "It is," says our Gormandizer," inherent in every man, but peculiarly characteristic of Scotchmen." If so, why club to promote it? Hear the Haggis!

"Never can a Scotchman cease to love the land of his fathers. Wandering on the desert sands of Africa, immersed in the wilds of Canada, or trudging beneath the burning sun of India, his imagination lingers on the hills of his native land, where blooms the red heather and thistle sae green; and, musing on the scenery and friendships of youth, he thinks of the time VOL. XIV.

when, weary with the toils and the journey of life, he shall yet return, and lay his bones with those of his kindred. But we

love, and are proud of our country, because it is the land of patriotism, learning, and piety. Can a Caledonian hear the names of glow with the love of liberty, or thrill with Wallace and Bruce, and his breast not hatred of tyranny? Can he cease to be proud that he is a descendant of those brave Caledonians who for ages hurled defiance from their hills upon the legions of Rome, and the armies of mighty monarchs, and preserved their liberty and independence in the midst of an enslaved world? The learned men which our country has produced, is also another source of the love which we bear to the land of our nativity. A host of historians, poets, philosophers, legislators, &c., might here be mentioned, but with the names of these, every gentleman present is familiar. Above all, the piety and good conduct of our countrymen is calculated, in an eminent degree, to ren der us proud of the land of our birth, and to make us in love with the place where the establishment of parochial teachers, and the zealous and faithful labours of our ministers, have, under God, produced such happy and pleasant effects."

Mr D. Abercromby has now been hard at it, tooth and nail, snuff and snifter, bubble and squeak, for about a quarter of an hour, or twenty minutes, and yet he is fresh as a twoyear-old, and without a symptom of closing his potato-trap. It is now, we shall suppose, about ten o'clock in the evening, and each member has finished his mutchkin of barley-broo. Symptoms of yawning are exhibited, and an occasional snore calls from the chairman the mandate of "Silence! Silence!" when our Gormandizer exclaims

"Pardon me, gentlemen, for occupying so much of your time, and allow me for a moment to glance at the third object which the Scottish Club may be said to have had in view at its establishment, namely, To preserve from extinction, amidst the evervarying and fantastical fashions of everyday invention, the peculiar and national dress of Scotland, the bonnet blue, the belted plaid, and kilt and trews o' tartan bonnie. A considerable period has elapsed since the government of the time thought it necessary to treat the Highland character with peculiar harshness. A law was passed, and rigidly enforced, to deprive the Highlanders of their arms; and not content with extracting the lion's fangs, they must also take his skin. It was declared penal for the Highlander to appear in his native dress. Gentlemen, what would an Englishman think if a law were promulgaK

ted, and put in force at the point of the bayonet, that he should not presume to appear, except in the stays and petticoats of a woman? Would he not feel degraded and insulted? And so did our fathers. Is it not then astonishing, that, thus debased and despised, their fine spirit should flag? It was reserved for the illustrious Chatham to convert, as it were by magic, these very men, who scarce dared to own themselves the subjects of their sovereign, into the loyal and intrepid defenders of their king and country. And how did he accomplish this? How did he rouse the slumbering spirit of the Gael? By associating them in kindred bands; by arming them with their national weapons; by clothing them in their native garb, and by giving them a name to be proud of and to fight for. And well was he rewarded for this liberality in the loyalty and patriotism of a body of men who valued life only as conducive to their country's fame. Cold is the heart that does not warm at the sight of the Highland tartan. It is your desire to preserve this dress indeed; but it is to preserve also along with it the sentiments and recollections of a generous patriotism-to cherish the love of country, and to perpetuate to future ages a remembrance of the glories of the Scottish name."

Never was the case of Kilt versus

Breeches so powerfully pleaded before. But, pray, sir, do you call breeches the dress of a woman, as well as stays and

petticoats? The Highlanders were forbid wearing kilts, and forced to put on breeches. Why the devil should that be likened to forcing Englishmen, at the point of the bayonet, to wear stays and petticoats? Mr Abercromby must have been getting into a state of civilation. But hear the finale.

"If it had not been for the distinction of the Highland dress, the name of Scotland would not have been heard of as the nurse of warriors who fought and triumphed at Maida, and Egypt, and Waterloo; and it is the wish of the Scottish Club to fan those sacred fires which shall hereafter glow in the hearts of the brave, and the free, and the loyal sons of the North, at the recollection of Scotland's heroic deeds, and Scotland's domestic virtues. Such, gentlemen, is an imperfect sketch of the objects which the Scottish Club have in view."

If it had not been for the distinction of the Highland dress! —O Paddy from Cork, with your coat buttoned behind, what do you think of that?

When Mr D. Abercromby comes to Edinburgh, he must favour us with his company at Ambrose's. We, too, belong to the Gormandizing School of Eloquence, and will speak or eat him for a trifle, giving him five minutes start, and seven to four.

THE name of Tory was once obnoxious, from its connexion with the dangerous and exploded doctrines of the Stuarts. But time changes the spirit of titles as well as of men. Toryism, in 1823, is the representative of Whiggism in 1688. The tremendous lesson of the French Revolution, has perhaps impressed it with a deeper fear of popular licentiousness, and a more solemn deference for the wisdom of our ancient institutions; it may feel an inferior jealousy of the throne, from a fuller experience of the checks on its power; and a keener alarm at innovation in politics and religion, from the knowledge that it is only preparative to the betrayal of both. But in all that made the great national service of Whiggism in 1688, its manly adherence to the national privileges, its honest love of liberty, its homage to the supremacy of the laws, its vigilance over the con

duct of ministers, its sincere reverence for the Constitution in Church and State, Toryism now stands on the same lofty ground with the spirit of our glorious Revolution.

It will be the purpose of this, and succeeding letters, to place those truths in a clear point of view. The evidence shall be taken, not from surmises, nor from the suspicious statements of party, but from the lips of the individuals themselves, on those most important questions which compel a declaration of opinion. The Peninsular war of 1808 has been the principal test of our day.

In some previous observations under another head, I have detailed the language of the Leader of Opposition, Lord Grey, and proved him, out of his own mouth, to have been altogether incompetent to guide the public mind on that momentous question. I have shewn this chief of Whiggism to